With all this talk of the world ending, all day I’ve had the lyrics to an REM song running through my head “It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine…” I wasn’t actually worried about the world ending today (especially since I got early information from my readers overseas in different timezones telling me that we’re good.)  But I have been reflecting on the idea I hear so often that being fat is somehow the end of the world.

I recently went to the doctor with my girlfriend for a follow up visit and she was furious to find that at the top of her chart in addition to the actual medical diagnosis the doctor had written “morbid obesity” – a diagnosis that the doctor made by sight since they never took her weight or height.  I was extra furious because that’s not even correct.  Morbid obesity is also known as Class 2 Obesity.  Both both my girlfriend and I are class 3 – Super Obese (which I think should come with a cape and a secret identity, but that’s another blog.)  I was irritated because if the doctor is going to make a bullshit diagnosis based entirely on looking at someone fully clothed, at least it could be a factually correct bullshit diagnosis.

Everywhere I look I get messages that being fat is just the end of the world.  From people who spend tons of their time, money, and energy desperately trying not to look like me, to fear mongerers who try to sell me their weight loss crap by suggesting that I’m one McNugget away from dying of OMGDEATHFAT, to those who insist that no matter what I say about my life, they know better than I that being fat means an end to everything – no love, no happiness blah blah blah.  I’m as fat as you can get on the BMI Chart, and I feel fine. I’ve never suffered from obesity, I have suffered mightily from the shame, stigma, and oppression that I deal with in our society.  It has to stop – I am ready for the end of the world as we know it as far as public health goes.

Let’s create a world where public health no longer means that fat people’s health is the public’s business.   Let’s create a world where public health means giving all people options for foods they want to eat that are available and affordable,  movement options they enjoy (that are both physically and psychologically safe with absolutely no bullying, teasing, etc.), and healthcare that is accessible and affordable. Let’s create a world where we acknowledge that shame, stigma and oppression are awful for people’s health and so a major public health initiative, maybe run by the First Lady, is ending all shame, stigma and oppression – including that based on body size.  A world where people’s choices about their health are treated as personal and not up for public comment. Where we realize that people of all sizes get sick and, when they do, we don’t waste a second trying to figure out if they can be somehow blamed for being sick but rather get them the care that they desire.

I’m very ready for an end to the world as we know it, but in the meantime, I’m fat and I feel fine.

To listen to this blog as a podcast, click here!

We’re over 1,200 signatures and picking up steam, please consider signing the petition to keep kids off The Biggest Loser and reposting it around the web.

Like the blog?  Check this stuff out:

Holiday Sale – Book and DVDs

I’m having a Holiday Sale.  You’ll get 20% off whatever you buy plus an upgrade from media mail to priority shipping in the US.  Support my work, get cool stuff, win-win.  Click here to check it out.

The e-book is still name your own price

Become a Member (not on sale, but still pretty cool!)

I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  Members are the first to know about new projects, get to see things before they are released, get “Member Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.  Join Now!

(If you’re here to listen to the recordings of the song, scroll down to the bottom!)  One of the most frequent questions I get during the holidays is about how to deal with family who are behaving badly.  For me the secret is boundaries.  I think it’s best to start by deciding what constitutes appropriate behavior.  If it’s anything other than “anything goes”  then I would consider setting some boundaries with consequences that you can follow through with.   So, for example “It is not ok to talk about my weight or eating.  If anyone says one more thing about my weight or eating I’m going to leave.”  and then, if your they fail to respect your boundaries, it’s time to go.  I’ve heard from a number of people who have done this and the common thread seems to be that they only had to do it one time and then their families started respecting their boundaries.  Of course your mileage may vary.

To serve as a reminder I’ve re-written the lyrics to “Oh Christmas Tree” to be an ode to boundary setting.

Note 1:  In order for this to work, you have to pronounce boundaries as a three syllable word (BOUND-ah-rees) If this is an affront to your sense of poetic license I completely understand, I’ll be back tomorrow with a blog sans song.

Note 2:  You’ll notice that there is no podcast of this blog.  That’s is because I cannot sing.  What I would love is for some of you to record the song (maybe on YouTube?)  and send it to me for me to put up here. Please also feel free to add your own verses in the comments…

Without further ado (and with special thanks to the members of More Cabaret for their input between full-speed run-throughs at rehearsal today)  here is my fat holiday song:

Oh Boundaries!  Oh Boundaries!

You help me deal with family.

Don’t talk about my weight or food.

Why can’t you see it’s hella rude

Oh Boundaries!  Oh Boundaries!

You help me deal with family.

You know I love my family

But I will leave if you fat-shame me.

Oh Boundaries!  Oh Boundaries!

You help me deal with family.

My body’s fine, I don’t need your rants

You’re not the boss of my underpants

Oh Boundaries!  Oh Boundaries!

You help me deal with family.

Don’t say a word to my fat kid

Or I’ll leave so fast, my tires will skid

Oh Boundaries!  Oh Boundaries!

You help me deal with family.

Yes I do “need” that second plate

It’s not your business what I ate

Oh Boundaries!  Oh Boundaries!

You help me deal with family.

Quit saying someday I’ll get sick

Last time I checked you were not psychic

Oh Boundaries!  Oh Boundaries!

You help me deal with family.

The holidays are great family time

If you don’t shame, food-police or whine

Oh Boundaries!  Oh Boundaries!

You help me deal with family.

Two Readers (so far – hint, hint) have taken up the challenge of recording this piece, enjoy!

Jeanette DePatie (aka The Fat Chick) gave us an amazing opera/jazz rendition:

and Nadja killed it a capella in the middle of the night in her PJs:

We’re over 1,000 signatures and picking up steam, please consider signing the petition to keep kids off The Biggest Loser and reposting it around the web.

Like the blog?  Check this stuff out:

Holiday Sale – Book and DVDs

I’m having a Holiday Sale.  You’ll get 20% off whatever you buy plus an upgrade from media mail to priority shipping in the US.  Support my work, get cool stuff, win-win.  Click here to check it out.

The e-book is still name your own price

Become a Member (not on sale, but still pretty cool!)

I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  Members are the first to know about new projects, get to see things before they are released, get “Member Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.  Join Now!

On her interview of New Jersey Governor Chris Christie as one of 2012 Most Fascinating People, Barbara Walters admitted that she was uncomfortable but went ahead and asked Chris Christie why he is fat.

Perhaps the reason that she was uncomfortable is that it’s a totally bullshit question.  Why does it matter?  What she implies by asking is that he better have a damn good justification for the body he lives in.  I don’t think that’s how it works – I don’t think any of us owe anyone else any kind of explanation for our bodies and it doesn’t matter what we do for a living.

Christie said he didn’t know but if he could figure it out he would “fix it.”

Of course that’s his prerogative but I wonder if, given a choice, he would choose to “fix” his body or would he choose to fix a society that shames and stigmatizes him for his body size.  I think it’s a shame when we encourage people to solve social stigma by changing themselves, rather than changing society.

Barbara followed that up with  “There are people who say that you couldn’t be President because you’re so heavy. What do you say to that?”  Christie dismissed the idea as “ridiculous.”

Thank you Governor Christie. What the hell?  Do those “people” Barbara alludes to also think that during the next election cycle we should replace one of the debates with a talent and swimsuit competition?  Apparently it’s not enough to find a President they want to have a beer with, now they’re  looking for a candidate who can rock a marimba and a bikini.  Our country doesn’t have enough problems, we want to turn the Presidency into the new Mr/Ms America competition?

Barbara then said “I think they’re worried about your health.”

Ah the last bastion of fat bigotry.  When someone alludes to, or flat points out, that someone else is being a fat bigot,  they can always pivot to this gem.  Then we’re supposed to thank them for their concern.  Here is what my friend Stan calls a “blinding flash of the obvious”:  If they were concerned about his health they would be talking about his health, not his body size.  Making assumptions about health that are based on size is still bigotry, plain and simple.

Christie answered “Well, I’ve done this job pretty well and I think people watched me for the last couple weeks and during Hurricane Sandy doing 18-hour days and getting right back up the next day and still being just as effective so I don’t really think that would be a problem.”

I understand that as a Presidential hopeful has to answer any number of questions that are inappropriate and I appreciate that he didn’t back down.  If I were Underpants Overlord he would have mentioned that there are healthy and unhealthy people of all sizes and that making health assumptions based on sizes is just bigotry, but that’s just me. I was happy that he stuck up for himself.

While Chris Christie and I do not agree politically on many things, I can feel his pain for having to answer these questions.  The idea that it’s ok to call fat people’s ability to do anything and everything into question because of our body size is a massive problem.  Studies have already shown that hiring discrimination based on size is a serious issue. Parents ability to raise children has been called into question.  I actually saw a Facebook post suggesting that Santa couldn’t possibly be fat and get around the world in one night- seriously? Someone took time to make a graphic about this?  So let me say Thank you, Governor Christie, for taking this opportunity to stand up for your abilities in the body that you have now.

We’re over 1,000 signatures and picking up steam, please consider signing the petition to keep kids off The Biggest Loser and reposting it around the web.

If you would like to listen to this post as a podcast, click here!

Like the blog?  Check this stuff out:

Holiday Sale – Book and DVDs

I’m having a Holiday Sale.  You’ll get 20% off whatever you buy plus an upgrade from media mail to priority shipping in the US.  Support my work, get cool stuff, win-win.  Click here to check it out.

The e-book is still name your own price

Become a Member (not on sale, but still pretty cool!)

I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  Members are the first to know about new projects, get to see things before they are released, get “Member Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.  Join Now!

There is a quote by Anna Lappe that says “Every time you spend money, you’re casting a vote for the kind of world you want.”  As an activist, that rings really true for me – the way that I spend my money is a form of activism.  I can spend money in a way that supports companies that support me, or I can fund companies that do something between ignoring and outright oppressing me.

First, to be clear I’m not talking about a boycott –  boycotts have absolutely proven to be effective tools in the right circumstances, but this is something different than that.  This is about making choices for how I  spend my money regardless of how anyone else spends theirs.  These decisions aren’t easy,  they are rarely cut and dried, and they typically involve sacrifices. They are also personal decisions for each of us, and it’s not anybody’s job to tell us what to spend money on and our choices don’t make us better or worse than anyone else.  I’m not trying to tell anyone else how to live, it’s just something I think is worth talking about, so I’ll confine the discussion to me.

A few years ago I made the decision to stop buying or consuming anything with a weight loss message.  It occurred to me that I spend a great deal of time trying to counteract weight loss messages and that when I give them money they use that money to put our even more weight loss messages that I then have to try to counteract.    It eliminated a lot of drink options, a lot of food options, there are stores where I don’t shop, and items that I don’t buy, but when I make the oatmeal from the brand that took me 10 minutes to find and cost $0.50 more, I feel good that I’m not paying for more labels trying to terrify people into eating oatmeal so they don’t look like me.

Of course this leads to all kinds of judgement calls – I don’t want this to become a thing that overtakes my life but I do want to feel that my purchases are in integrity with my beliefs.  Sometimes it is cut and dried for me –  I simply refuse to fly Southwest Airlines – I’ll either pay more or not travel if I can’ t afford it, because their treatment of fat people has been so abhorrent (Trigger Warning – fat shaming, and many bad things) that I simply will not give them money. Then there are some others that are much more judgment calls – does Sweet and Low count? It is sweet and low calorie but is just saying “low calorie” the same as a weight loss message? For me it’s easy to overthink, and worry about being perfect but, just like the rest of civil rights, for me it’s important to take, and celebrate, small steps.

If you haven’t yet, please consider signing the petition to keep kids off The Biggest Loser.

To listen to this post as a podcast, click here.

Like the blog?  Check this stuff out:

Holiday Sale – Book and DVDs

I’m having a Holiday Sale.  You’ll get 20% off whatever you buy plus an upgrade from media mail to priority shipping in the US.  Support my work, get cool stuff, win-win.  Click here to check it out.

The e-book is still name your own price

Become a Member (not on sale, but still pretty cool!)

I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  Members are the first to know about new projects, get to see things before they are released, get “Member Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.  Join Now!

 

 

I’ve noticed a lot of mixed messages that are given to fat people when it comes to movement and athletics, most of which shouldn’t be messages at all.  It came to mind today because of some of the responses to the petition to keep The Biggest Loser from having kids on the show – responses that we got specifically because Jeanette and I created the petition on behalf of the Fit Fatties Forum

To give you some background, the forum’s stated purpose is “to be a space where people who are interested in fitness from a Health at Every Size perspective can connect, get support, and make friends.” Apparently some people just can’t get behind this idea.

Nobody is under any obligation to exercise.  Whether or not, or how much, we exercise is nobody’s business.  While fathletes, and those of all sizes who enjoy movement, have every right to talk about our experiences, of course they don’t make us better or worse than anyone else.  As a fat person, I find that I’m constantly barraged with the message that I need to exercise – typically based on the assumption that I don’t exercise at all.  I can’t even count how many times I’ve been told, by everyone from friends, to doctors, to strangers,  to “eat less and exercise more” by people who have no idea what I eat or how much I exercise in the first place.

So people can’t stop yammering about how fat people need to exercise, but when we do then they moo at us, they tell us that we obviously aren’t doing it enough, or we’re not doing it right, they continue to suggest that we need to start, they assume we’re beginners etc. Then today I received e-mails like this:

“I looked at your fat people forum – I think you people need to stop running marathons and start focusing on losing weight.”

“Who cares what you can do if you’re still fat?”

“There’s no such thing as a fat athlete, take down your forum and join a real forum when you’ve lost enough weight to actually be an athlete.  I don’t say this to be mean, I just want you to be healthy.”

Obviously many of these people are trying to fill the moat around their tower of fat bigotry.  Also, has anyone else noticed that “I just want you to be healthy” is the “bless your heart” of fat bigots?  (If you’re not familiar, in the Southern US, the phrase “bless your heart” is often used immediately before or after saying something rude, as a way to suggest that what you just said is actually ok.)  Someone can want me to be healthy all they want, they can even want to help. But I don’t have to care about that and I don’t have to accept their help, nor the premise that I need help to begin with.

These mixed messages and the idea that the only “successful” outcome of movement is thinness not only go against the evidence (which tell us that movement is great at helping people be healthier and horrible at making people thinner), but they also create an environment that is custom made to create resentment of hatred of exercise and movement.  One of the reasons I typically use the word “movement’ on this blog instead of exercise is that I know people who are triggered just by the “E” word.

I wish that instead of spreading mixed messages heavily influenced by fat bigotry, we could focus our attention on making sure that people of all sizes have safe, affordable movement options.  Safe means both physically and psychologically safe – so every person should be able to show up at a swimming pool without even a chance of being shamed or bullied or teased.  Every person should be able to confidently walk into a class appropriate for their level knowing for sure that they will be welcomed and that they will be not experience weight stigma, shaming or bullying. Then each of us can make our own choices or our own reasons and leave everybody else the hell alone.

If you are looking for shame free support for your movement practice at any level, you can check out the Fit Fatties Forum here!  It’s a free forum for people of all sizes and abilities, there are discussions, a photo and video gallery and absolutely no diet or weight loss talk.

also, please consider signing the petition to keep kids off The Biggest Loser!

Like the blog?  Check this stuff out:

Holiday Sale – Book and DVDs

I’m having a Holiday Sale.  You’ll get 20% off whatever you buy plus an upgrade from media mail to priority shipping in the US.  Support my work, get cool stuff, win-win.  Click here to check it out.

Become a Member (not on sale, but still pretty cool!)

I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  Members are the first to know about new projects, get to see things before they are released, get “Member Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.  Join Now!

 

 

Golda Poretsky wrote an amazing post about something truly terrible that’s happening on The Biggest Loser.  This season they are planning to bring kids on the show to be “mentored.”  Apparently they won’t be eligible to win money.  They also won’t participate in weight ins.

That will probably be of little comfort when they are put on a show that former contestants have described as a “dehumanization process…where they start teaching you that because you are overweight you are sub-human.” And where trainers get in your face and yell charmingly motivational things like “I’M BORED WITH YOUR PATHETIC STORY!”  Where trainers insist that contestants ignore the advice of dieticians and doctors so that they can make their bodies as small as possible as fast as possible in order to win money.  Explain to me again what kind of mentoring we’re providing to these kids?

Golda has started a twitter campaign #stopbiggestloser, and she encouraged people to do other things such as start petitions.  Jeanette DePatie suggested that we start a petition as the co-founders of the Fit Fatties Forum and so we did.

You can sign it here and please feel free to pass it on.

Somebody has to stand up for these kids – I can’t imagine the damage that will be done, not just to the three on the show, but to all the other kids who are encouraged to become involved in unhealthy behaviors to become thin by any means necessary.  A rapid weight loss reality show is no place for children.  It’s time to take a stand – please consider signing the petition and passing it on.

Like the blog?  Check this stuff out:

Holiday Sale – Book and DVDs

I’m having a Holiday Sale.  You’ll get 20% off whatever you buy plus an upgrade from media mail to priority shipping in the US.  Support my work, get cool stuff, win-win.  Click here to check it out.

Become a Member (not on sale, but still pretty cool!)

I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  Members are the first to know about new projects, get to see things before they are released, get “Member Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.  Join Now!

 

EDIT:  It has been pointed out by several commenters that my post here could be taken as an attack at the original commenter. That was not my intention.  While I tried to use the comments to frame a general discussion, leaving room for the commenter to be correct while also demonstrating another option, and speaking to a general audience rather than the commenter herself, it seems that I have failed by some readings and for that I deeply apologize.  I’ve sent the commenter an e-mail apologizing.

In a comment on a recent post a reader expressed some thoughts about self-esteem and arrogance in Size Acceptance that I wanted to address here.  While I don’t think it’s intentional, her quotes may be triggering to some so they are in italics, you can skip the italic parts and still understand the blog:

I find a lot of what you say upsetting because I can’t say I’m intelligent, amazing, beautiful, or that I have a great personality, because if I did that I would be shot down for being arrogant… I think in many ways it’s become acceptable for people who aren’t ‘typically’ accepted by society to proclaim that they’re awesome and beautiful all the time, but as a kind of standard person I’d just sound like a t*** if I said that.

First, I have not found that it’s acceptable for me to claim that I’m awesome and beautiful.  I’ve found that when I do so people suggest that I am everything from arrogant, to in denial, to literally mentally ill.  I think the difference is that I refuse to  choose my thoughts based on what other people think of me or say about me.  I believe that my body is amazing and that I’m beautiful and I do not care if other people agree, or what they think of me thinking that. Size Acceptance is about my acceptance, affirmation and love of my body, not about whether or not someone else accepts it – that’s not anybody else’s job.

I also have a sense that the kind of self-esteem your promoting is stupid, since it seems totally unconditional.

Yes!!!!  It is totally unconditional.  I choose to love myself and my body unconditionally.  Even when I make mistakes, even when I get sick, even if I can never do the side splits, no matter what.  It’s self-esteem, it’s not what-other-people-think-of-me-esteem.  We are each the only person who can choose how we feel about ourselves.  We can choose to take the opinions of others into account but that’s still our choice. Thanks to the Underpants Rule, some people can choose to love themselves unconditionally, and others are perfectly within their rights to make their self-esteem conditional and that’s ok.  People can make different choices and in no way invalidate each other – so if someone thinks that loving yourself unconditionally is stupid, they don’t have to do it, but nobody else has to care that they think that, or take that into account while making decisions about their own self-esteem.

Beauty generally is something reserved for the people who are the most attractive to the most people. Not everyone can be beautiful. I think it’s because ‘beautiful’ has come to mean ‘a worthwhile person’ in so many contexts that it’s the natural way for people to affirm their worth as a person, but it lessens the term if you’re going to say everyone is beautiful.

I think that definition of beauty is constructed by society to make us buy expensive wrinkle creams and weight loss pills and any number of things that create billion dollar profits for the beauty and diet industries.  I also think that it’s highly problematic since what “most people” find attractive is often deeply rooted in a society’s bigotry, oppression and injustice.  I think that the ability to perceive beauty is something that we develop, and some people never develop past looking for a superficial, arbitrary social construct either because they don’t think it’s possible, don’t know it’s possible, or simply don’t want to.  That doesn’t make anyone else not beautiful, it just means that most people haven’t developed a strong ability to perceive beauty in different forms.   I believe everyone is beautiful, and I think that the only way that “lessens” the term is if someone is trying to use the idea of beauty to make them feel better than, or superior to, others.

What are the legitimate sources of self esteem?… What gives all of you the confidence to say you’re amazing and beautiful… Half of me feels like it’s a really hollow chant, since it just isn’t really the case that everyone is equally awesome, or that everyone is awesome at all, but the other half of me is just really jealous that everyone on here gets to talk about how great they are all the time while most people don’t get that kind of self esteem despite having a ton of real, objective things they can say are great about themselves….Though I also think this is slightly skewed by the fact that I’m in England, where saying out loud that you have self-esteem is taboo in a lot of circles.

All sources of self-esteem are legitimate if we decide they are – again, it’s called self-esteem –  and I give me the confidence to say that I’m amazing and beautiful, and it’s totally ok if someone else feels that it’s a hollow chant or if they disagree because that has nothing to do with me – that’s their deal.  I won’t speak for everyone here but, for me, it’s not that I “get” to talk positively about myself and my body – as if I’ve received permission…it’s that I choose to celebrate my body despite that fact that I often don’t have the permission or approval of others to do so.

There seems to be a belief that there is only so much self-esteem to go around, and that in order for some people to love themselves, others have to hate themselves.  As if some people should be pushed down to prop up others who can’t develop their self-esteem independently.  I absolutely reject the premise – we can choose to stop competing and we can stop trying to develop love for ourselves by hating others and putting them down.  We  can encourage each other to see how beautiful and amazing and awesome we are, rather than trying to tear down anyone who dares to love themselves without the permission of society.

I spent years self-loathing and self-deprecating and it sucked – I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t healthy.  I spent years hating my body because no matter how much I abused it, including being hospitalized with an eating disorder, it just wouldn’t became what “most people” in my culture find beautiful.  I spent years looking to others to tell me that I was worthy or beautiful.  Then it hit me: For me, all of that self-hatred and self-deprecating was cowardice – I was choosing what to think about myself based on what I thought everybody else wanted to hear. I was miserable just so I wouldn’t upset or offend anyone because the fact that I loved myself might upset them in some way.

No more. In a country where the government encourages the eradication of people who look like me, where little girls say that they would rather lose a parent that look like me, where people spend billions of dollars and millions of hours trying not to look like me,  I stand for my beauty and my inherent amazingness. And anyone who feels that I should give up that painstakingly hard won ground because it upsets them should prepare themselves to learn to live with disappointment. My body, my self-esteem, my life, my rules

To listen to this blog as a podcast, click here! 

Like my blog?  Here’s more of my stuff!

Become a member: For just ten bucks a month you can keep this blog ad-free, support the activism work I do, and get deals from cool businesses Click here for details

Interviews with Amazing Activists!!  Help Activists tell our movement’s history in their own words.  Support In Our Own Words:  A Fat Activist History Project!

The Book:  Fat:  The Owner’s Manual  The E-Book is Name Your Own Price! Click here for details

Dance Classes:  Buy the Dance Class DVDs or download individual classes – Every Body Dance Now! Click here for details 

If my selling things on the blog makes you uncomfortable, you might want to check out this post.  Thanks for reading! ~Ragen

 

I talk about a lot on this blog about Size Acceptance (a civil rights movement), and Health at Every Size (an optional health practice where the focus is put on healthy habits and not body size).  How these things are or aren’t interrelated can get really confusing sometimes, especially for people new to the concepts.  I’ve had a couple of e-mails and a comment recently asking for clarification.  I replied to the comment and I thought I would go ahead and make it a post for future reference, of course this is just my perspective- there are certainly others.  Here we go:

I believe that Health at Every Size and Size Acceptance are two different things.  I wrote a blog post explaining my perspective on the difference between the two here: https://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/2012/09/28/are-health-at-every-size-and-size-acceptance-the-same/

It includes the passage “I don’t think that we should use HAES as a platform to do size acceptance activism because I think that we should avoid even the intimation that some level of health or healthy habits is required for access to basic human respect and the rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. There is absolutely NO health requirement to demand your civil rights. You don’t owe anybody “health” or “healthy habits” (especially not by their definition, and not by any definition at all.) You do deserve, and have the right to demand, respect and the rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness in the body you have right this minute – whatever your size, health and dis/ability.”

This is a sentiment that I express so frequently  that I often get complaints that I say it too much. I get the same complaints about how often I say that health is multi-dimensional, not entirely within our control and not a barometer for worthiness etc.. If you’re wondering why I say them almost every day, it’s because of people’s tendency to become confused about this, and the fact that someone reading my blog may very well be reading it for the first time and it’s important to me to avoid this confusion.

Now, the fact that civil rights are not contingent on anything does not mean that I think we shouldn’t discuss health, healthcare, science etc at all. I explain my views on that in this blog https://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/2012/10/30/why-talk-about-health-at-all/ which includes the passage

“Health is multi-dimensional and includes things within and outside of our control including genetics, environment, access, and behaviors. Health is not an obligation, nor is it a barometer of worthiness. Nobody owes anybody else “health” or “healthy behavior,” and those who aren’t interested in health are not better or worse people than those who are interested in health. Prioritization of health and the path that someone chooses to get there are intensely personal and not anybody else’s business. The rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness are not health or healthy habit dependent. People who have health issues should be given options for care and accommodation as they wish, not judged or asked to prove that their health issues are not their fault.”

While I do often point out the lack of evidence showing the long-term efficacy of weight loss methods, I try to be very clear that I don’t believe you need anything but a pulse to claim your civil rights.

I talk about the evidence around health, weight, and dieting because it’s not getting covered in the media (in fact the media is telling us the opposite,) people believe that the evidence supporting dieting does exist, and doctors prescribe weight loss despite the fact that it does not meet the requirements of evidence-based medicine. I also discuss it because diet companies make a ton of money taking credit for the short term weight loss that almost everyone experiences and blaming clients for the long term weight regain that almost everyone experiences and therefore many, many people who have failed to lose weight long term blame themselves which is affecting their self-esteem and causing them to go on diet after diet not understanding the likelihood of success based on evidence.

Just to clarify – my discussion of Size Acceptance is a demand for my civil rights which are inalienable – not contingent. My discussion of Health at Every Size is articulation of an option that people can choose for their path to health and wellness including discussions of the evidence on which it is based.

To listen to this blog as a podcast, click here!

Some other posts about this if you’re interested:

https://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/2012/06/06/the-underpants-rule-and-you/

https://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/2012/05/14/yes-its-okay-to-be-fat/

https://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/2012/08/11/the-size-im-supposed-to-be/

https://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/2012/08/08/with-us-or-against-us/

I’ve had a couple interesting interactions with people who are fans of the blog and believe in size acceptance and who are also thin.  In the first instance the person had an opportunity to see first hand how I am treated by dissenters.  In the second the person related to me their realization that “When I read horrible internet comments about fat people on the internet I can just think ‘wow, these commenters are out of control’ but fat people might think ‘oh my god this is about me.’  That must be awful.”

I think it’s important to remember that we aren’t speaking in theory about fat stigma, shame, bullying and oppression – they are ubiquitous and they are happening now, in real time, to fat people.

The way to learn about this is to ask fat people about their experiences, and then believe them – consider fat people the best witnesses to their own experiences.  We can each only speak from our own experiences and they are definitely varied, but I do believe that, though it may be enlightening to the individual doing it, we don’t need anyone to dress up in a fat suit to explain what it’s like to be fat. We just need to listen to fat people. Too often people, especially those who profit from selling “weight loss,” succeed at replacing fat people’s witness to our own experience with their completely fabricated ideas of everything from what it’s like to be fat, to how we feel, what we do, and how we think.   The idea seems to be that our body size is proof that we are somehow not competent to speak about our experiences.

For example, when I point out that I am a combatant in a war waged upon me by the government because I don’t look the way they think I should, people try to tell me that the war isn’t against me -it’s against my fat. The problem, I’m told,  isn’t that the government has a stated goal of eradicating everyone who looks like me, the problem is that I won’t join the party.  I should not consider myself fat, they tell me, I’m should consider myself a thin woman covered in fat and go to war against the body I live in everyday.

In what I consider to be a horrifying example, the America Psychological Association recently put together a panel to discuss the guidelines for the treatment of obesity.  The many, and massive issues with treating a body size as a psychological issue are the subject for another blog – for today’s purposes I’d like to point out that this panel doesn’t have a single person from the fat community.

There is a phrase I first heard used by members of the disability community: “Nothing about us without us.” I absolutely think that should become a battle cry for the fat side in the war on obesity.

Podcast:  So sorry, the service that I use for podcasts is doing a big change-over.  I’ll be back with the podcasts as soon as I can.

Holiday Sale – January or Bust!

I do Size Acceptance activism full time, and part of how I support myself is book and DVD sales. So I’m having a January or Bust Sale.  You’ll get 20% off whatever you buy plus an upgrade from media mail to priority shipping in the US.  Support my work, get cool stuff, win-win.  Click here to check it out.

Become a Member (not on sale, but still pretty cool!)

I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  Members are the first to know about new projects, get to see things before they are released, get “Member Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.  Join Now!

This morning we had a three hour rehearsal for More Cabaret. We rehearsed, of course, but we also chatted about various things going on in our lives, size acceptance etc.  I went from that to an action meeting of the Size Diversity Task Force.  We had dinner, hung out, and then discussed our committees and the work that we are doing and want to do.  Then I met with my friend Jeanette about some new stuff the Fit Fatties Forum is going to be offering in January.

After a very full day of size acceptance community of various kinds, it occurred to me how important these “In Real Life” interactions are to me.  I read a lot of blogs and spending a lot of time talking about these things on the internet but SA community in real life is a precious thing to me. Even with the Size Diversity Task Force we have people who live in other cities and states who Skype in – but for me there’s still something really cool about face to face interactions.

I think part of the difference for me is that Size Acceptance is about my body, and on the internet I’m not as embodied – I exist in avatars and pictures but it’s very difficult to do my amazing body justice on the internet, and I think there is a different connection when it’s in person.

For one, you get to commit all kinds of PDFs (Public Displays of Fatness)  Also,  I often find myself with people of all sizes who are actively engaged in weight loss, do a lot of negative body talk, are steeped in a culture of “fat bad, thin good”.  There is nothing wrong with any of these people but in my experience there is something really cool about spending time with people where there isn’t negative body talk, diet talk, weight loss talk etc.

So if you’re looking for something more in your SA practice, you might consider finding ways to hang out in size acceptance community in real life – search for meet-ups and organizations in your area.  If there isn’t anything near you, you might consider throwing up your own meet-up and seeing what cool people you can meet.

Holiday Sale – January or Bust!

I do Size Acceptance activism full time, and part of how I support myself is book and DVD sales. So I’m having a January or Bust Sale.  You’ll get 20% off whatever you buy plus an upgrade from media mail to priority shipping in the US.  Support my work, get cool stuff, win-win.  Click here to check it out.

Become a Member (not on sale, but still pretty cool!)

I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  Members are the first to know about new projects, get to see things before they are released, get “Member Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.  Join Now!