This is a question I get a lot, and I got it five times yesterday so it seems like it’s time to blog about it. It goes something like this: “We love our fat [loved one], but we’re concerned about their health. We think they need to lose [insert number of pounds.]  How do we tell them that we love them as they are but we are afraid for their health and we want them to be around for a long time?”

I know that most of these people have the best of intentions, and I know that they are living in a society that encourages them to do this. Still, I think it’s something to think over very, very carefully.

First, consider that there is not a single study of any weight loss method where more than a tiny fraction of people actually lose weight, and the weight they lose is typically a few pounds. The odds of actually losing a lot of weight and maintaining that are basically lottery odds, gaining back the weight is a near certainty, and a majority of people gain back more than they lost, so even if you buy into the idea that thinner is healthier, suggesting that they attempt weight loss would actually the worst possible advice that you could give.

To take that a step farther, I would suggest that everyone who wants to be involved in this intervention ask themselves the following: why do I think that this adult isn’t capable of making decisions for their own health?  Have they asked that folks comment on their body size/health/choices? Do I think they haven’t heard the (highly questionable) messages that thinner is better? Do I feel that I have some accurate expert information that they haven’t heard before? (Hint:  The answer to this last question is almost certainly “no.” If you’re planning to quote Dr. Oz, you’re making a horrible mistake.)

How are you going to bring this up?  Say your intended script out loud – have someone say it to you. I think you’ll find that there is really no way to say “We think you’re going to die if you don’t do something that nobody has proven is possible for a reason that nobody has proven is valid,and that would really be a bummer for us” that isn’t offensive or hurtful.

If you are still thinking about speaking with with this person, I would think long and hard about what information/options you think you can actually offer that they haven’t already heard, and if  your unsolicited advice in this matter is really likely to do anything other than rack them with guilt and shame that may be with them for the rest of their lives, or lead them to do something truly dangerous (and possibly deadly) like drugs, stomach amputation surgery, or medical contraptions, or worse. If your discussion drives this person to dangerous or self-harming behaviors, how will you feel about that?

Are you really prepared to accept the consequences, and your responsibility for them? Remember that you can’t take this conversation back. Once you tell someone that you have a problem with their size (even if it’s “just about their health”) you’ve let them know that you are judging them for the body they live in 100% of the time and for what you perceive their habits, behaviors, and health to be. It’s possible that, no matter how good your intentions, this may drive a wedge between you as they now assume that every time they see you,  you are judging their body/health/behaviors, and it may create a situation where they are no longer comfortable being around you. That’s a completely valid response on their part to you choosing to share your judgment, unsolicited opinions, and inexpert advice with them.

Be aware that you may ruin your relationship with this person, and if that happens it’s on you for busting out the unsolicited, unwanted judgment and advice.  From a personal perspective, I am “Type 3 – Super Obese” It’s as fat as you can get on the BMI chart, a category above “Morbidly Obese” and if my family members came at me to tell me that they had made up a number of pounds they thought I needed to lose to be healthy so I didn’t bum them out by dying, suggesting the same things that I’ve heard and tried already, I would be pissed off, and it might ruin those relationships completely.

I know that there is nothing wrong with being fat, but even if I was still buying into the sizeism and healthism that our culture encourages, I would still assume that if someone actually wants my opinion about their size, health, habits, or anything else, I will be among the very first people to know. Until then, I don’t make it my business.

No amount of time is ever guaranteed with any loved one, I would recommend enjoying the time you have with someone, and not jeopardizing your relationship for a conversation that’s not likely to have any benefit, and could do some serious harm.

RUSH REGISTRATION IS OPEN FOR THE FAT ACTIVISM CONFERENCE!

This year we have a truly kick ass line up of speakers, and there’s only one day left to take advantage of our Rush Registration – if you register before 12:01am on June 24th you’ll get the best rate for a Platinum Pass, and special bonuses. (If you’re a Dances With Fat member, check your e-mail for your member deal.)

Click Here to Register!

This is a virtual conference so you can listen by phone or computer, and you’ll receive recordings and transcripts of each talk so that you can listen/read on your own schedule. The Conference will be held September 23-25, 2016

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Like my work?  Want to help me keep doing it? Become a Member! For ten bucks a month you can support size diversity activism, help keep the blog ad free, and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

One of the ways that size-based oppression is created is by sizeists setting up an endless series of hoops for fat people to jump through in order to feel worthy.  This typically takes the form of vague things we “need” to do, with ever-changing definitions, and at the end of this rainbow they tell us we’ll find a pot of decent treatment.

Do we “take care of ourselves,” are we “living our healthiest life,” are we trying to manipulate our body size, are we self-deprecating, are we cruel to other fat people, are we at least eating salads in public, are we buying into and perpetuating the good fatty/bad fatty dichotomy, are we willing to risk our lives on dangerous drugs, stomach amputation surgeries, and contraptions to not be fat?  They add intersectional oppression – ableism, ageism, healthism, racism, homophobia, transphobia and more, but always with the promise that if we just do all the “right” things, we’ll finally get to be treated with basic human respect.

Except that it’s a set-up, a no-win situation. Because the true goal isn’t to create a process by which fat people can “prove” our worthiness (which would still be total crap, the only qualification to be treated with basic human respect should be a pulse.)  No, the goal is to create a system where fat people can never be thought of as worthy – and are never supposed to be allowed to think of ourselves as worthy, as good, as good enough.  And that’s total bullshit.

I’m here to tell you: no matter what you eat, no matter what you wear, no matter how you look, no matter if you work out, no matter your current health, no matter your current dis/ability, no matter what size you are, no matter why you think you are that size, no matter if you can or can’t change your size, no matter if you do or don’t want to change your size…

You Are Worthy.

You Are Worthy Right Now.

You Are Worthy No Matter What.

Anyone who is trying to tell you anything else is peddling hateful bigoted BS.  They can sell all they want, but we don’t have to buy.  You are worthy, right now, no matter what.

RUSH REGISTRATION IS OPEN FOR THE FAT ACTIVISM CONFERENCE!

Y’all I am so excited about this year’s speakers and topics!  And, if you register before 12:01am on June 24th you’ll get the best rate for a Platinum Pass, and special bonuses. (If you’re a Dances With Fat member, check your e-mail for your member deal.)

Click Here to Register!

This is a virtual conference so you can listen by phone or computer, and you’ll receive recordings and transcripts of each talk so that you can listen/read on your own schedule. The Conference will be held September 23-25, 2016

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Like my work?  Want to help me keep doing it? Become a Member! For ten bucks a month you can support size diversity activism, help keep the blog ad free, and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

 

Mzznaki Tetteh, who lives in Accra, Ghana, recently got engaged to her boyfriend Kojo Amoah. She posted fabulous engagement photos, as many brides do, to her Instagram account.  But unlike many brides, she had to deal with strangers who showed up to fat-shame her, claiming reasons from being concerned about how she’ll look in her wedding dress, to being concerned about her partner, to the ubiquitous “just concerned about her health.”

We’ll talk about how these things are bullshit in a second, but right now I want to be clear that even if these people aren’t just pathetic internet trolls (though obviously they probably are,) and even if they actually have strongly held personal beliefs that the things they are typing are true, and even if they think that despite the fact that she is a nurse she needs health advice from strangers on the internet with no qualifications, how on earth would they think that it would be appropriate to bring these things up IN RESPONSE TO HER ENGAGEMENT PICTURES. Seriously, what the fuck?

That said, let’s be clear that this is totally bullshit. Not allowing fat people a moment’s happiness or peace is not, and never will be, a path to supporting our “health” and well being. These people seem to think that the fact that they view fat people as nothing but a “before” picture justifies their abhorrent behavior. But they are wrong.  We aren’t under any obligation to think of ourselves as “before” pictures.  And we don’t owe anyone their idea of an “after picture,” and they have no right to demand it of us, it is not their place. We may not be able to immediately stop pathetic trolls from trolling, but we can all be clear that their actions lack any legitimacy.

This also sheds light on another issue that I want to bring up, which is the misinformation that gets repeated quite bit that suggests that Black women, either in the US or in other cultures, have some cultural protection from sizeism and fat phobia. As Sesali B.point out in her excellent piece “STOP EXCLUDING BLACK WOMEN FROM FAT ACCEPTANCE MOVEMENTS” which I highly recommend you read in its entirety:

It is oft cited and mentioned that studies show that Black women have higher self-esteem and body image. However, high self esteem does not equal less fat-shaming, fatphobia, or other violence against fat Black women. For one, even if it were true that Black communities were more accepting of their fat women (which it isn’t), Black women don’t live in a cultural vacuum where they only engage and are affected by other Black people!

Her response was just as perfect as her pictures:

Still confident…your rubbish comments ain’t ruining my happiness…thanks to all for the compliments and best wishes…am honored

Just in case it’s not crystal clear: When a fat woman posts her engagement pictures, your options for response should be to say “congratulations” or to keep quiet – including and especially if you are nothing but a stranger on the internet.

Congratulations to Mzznaki Tetteh and Kojo Amoah!

 

RUSH REGISTRATION IS OPEN FOR THE FAT ACTIVISM CONFERENCE!

This year we have a truly kick ass line up of speakers, and there’s only one day left to take advantage of our Rush Registration – if you register before 12:01am on June 24th you’ll get the best rate for a Platinum Pass, and special bonuses. (If you’re a Dances With Fat member, check your e-mail for your member deal.)

Click Here to Register!

This is a virtual conference so you can listen by phone or computer, and you’ll receive recordings and transcripts of each talk so that you can listen/read on your own schedule. The Conference will be held September 23-25, 2016

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Like my work?  Want to help me keep doing it? Become a Member! For ten bucks a month you can support size diversity activism, help keep the blog ad free, and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Like my work?  Want to help me keep doing it? Become a Member! For ten bucks a month you can support size diversity activism, help keep the blog ad free, and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

The FDA has approved a device called the AspireAssist, in which a thin tube is placed in the patient’s stomach that connects to a button on the outside of their stomach.  After each meal the patient uses the tube and a handheld device to pump up to 30% of the meal out of their stomach and into the toilet. I’m going to address the claims on their website, but first I want to talk about a misconception

[Trigger Warning – Eating Disorder talk for the next two paragraphs] The company that makes it claims that it isn’t an “assisted bulimia” device because they say in their fine print that it shouldn’t be used by people with bulimia.  That is, of course, ridiculous and it’s certainly possible that this device my be used by people dealing with bulimia and/or might perpetuate the development of bulimia.  But it should be clear this isn’t actually medically induced bulimia.  Bulimia, like all eating disorders, is a complex bio/psych/social illness.  Purging is one of the behaviors associated with bulimia as well as other eating disorders, but it shouldn’t be confused with the illness itself and purging in this way, rather than through the use of vomiting, creates different possible issues/side effects.

This is another example of, as Deb Burgard says, prescribing to fat people what we diagnose in thin people. If someone says that they are forcibly evacuating food after every meal we shouldn’t treat it like a red flag for thin people, but a good idea for fat people – it should be considered a red flag behavior for someone of any size. Eating disorders are often confused for simply behaviors, or people become more “fascinated” with the behaviors/symptoms than they are compassionate to the person with the ED, so I think it’s important not to reinforce those misconceptions and issues because it leads to difficulties for people with EDs being taken seriously, getting treatment, and getting that treatment paid for.

I also want to be clear that I’m not against the people who individually choose to use it – their body, their choice.  I’m against the fact that a for-profit company is misleading people about what this device can do, and will be making money off the backs of anti-fat panic, not concerned with the fact that one of the side effects of their contraption is death.

Now, let’s talk about what the company who created these devices says, and what is actually true:

The AspireAssist has been studied in hundreds of patients in both the US and in Europe. In a large U.S. clinical trial with 171 participants, people using the AspireAssist lost 3 times as much weight as people who received only lifestyle counseling. The most successful patients – those who aspirate regularly and learn to make healthier choices – have lost 100% of their excess weight with the AspireAssist and have maintained that weight loss for more than four years so far. Compared to other approaches, the AspireAssist has similar results without requiring invasive alterations to the anatomy or digestive process

_{Sources: US PATHWAY Study (n=171): Data presented at Digestive Disease Week, May 2016 by C. Thompson; Pending publication; Completers only. European data collected from Sweden, Spain, Czech Republic, Germany, Austria, Italy. N=80 at year 1 and n=25 at year 2 (ongoing studies, completers only included).}

Here they use two of the most common tricks weight loss companies use to mislead us about outcomes. The first is to only study patients for a short time (from a few months to a couple of years) but define that as “long term” when, in fact,  most people are able to temporarily change their weight during a year, and then they gain the weight back between years 2 and 5, often regaining more than they lost. That US Clinical trial they talk about only studied the first year.

The second trick is to only include those who completed the trial so there is no follow up with those who dropped out (and possibly didn’t lose weight, or began to regain, or had side affects so horrible that they didn’t think any outcome was worth it.)  They cite a two year study that included 80 people in the first year, but was down to 25 people at year two, that means that almost 70% of the group dropped out, but they want us to be convinced by the average of what happened with 31.25% of the participants and ignore what happened to 68.15%.  As to their claim of people who have lost 100% of their “excess weight” and maintained it for four years, I can find absolutely no research anywhere on their site or anywhere else to back up that claim. I left to wonder if they are holding up a couple anomalies as the norm, or just completely making stuff up.

The AspireAssist allows patients to remove about 30% of the food from the stomach before the calories are absorbed into the body, causing weight loss. You’ll also need to chew carefully and eat mindfully, which helps give time for the fullness signals from your stomach to reach your brain.

Because aspiration only removes a third of the food, the body still receives the calories it needs to function.

First let’s realize that they are just assuming that fat people don’t need the nutrition from 30% of what we eat, regardless of what we eat, how much, our physical activity level etc. Well, either that or they just think it’s fine for us to be malnourished as long as we’re becoming thinner.  Second, when they say you need to “chew carefully” it’s because the tube is only 6mm  and larger chunks of food can get stuck in the tube which, if the patient can’t clear it with water, requires another trip to the doctor.

In addition to the machine, people also get “lifestyle counseling”

This therapy is used in conjunction with lifestyle counseling. This program combines one-on-one counseling and group support meetings to encourage healthier food choices, smaller portion sizes, and increased physical activity.

There is not a single study that suggests that this type of counseling leads to long term weight loss or better health, but that doesn’t matter since they can just blame the fat people when it doesn’t work. In the US a panel that recommended this type of therapy also acknowledged that “One problem with its recommendation was that no studies have shown such intensive programs provide long-term health benefits.” and yet the Federal Task Force still recommended it.(One wonders, if one of the problems is that there is no reason to believe this will work, does it really matter what the other problems are?) But none of that is getting in the way of Aspire charging $8,000 to $13,000 for it according to Aspire spokeswoman Christy Kaupinen.

Consider your schedule at work, at home, on weekends, and with your family or friends. Although missing an aspiration occasionally is OK, the most successful patients aspirate three times per day, almost every day.

You have to wait 20-30 minutes after each meal, and it then takes 5-10 minutes to drain the food into the toilet (after people gain competency, it takes longer in the beginning,) which they recommend patients do three times a day.  That’s 7.5 to 15 HOURS A MONTH that a patient will spend in the bathroom. I don’t know about you, but I haven’t been sitting around thinking “Man, I have 7.5-15 hours a month that I would love to spend in the restroom.” Plus there’s the time and expense of having to go back to the doctor every 5-6 weeks because the device is created to stop working until you replace a part that is designed to wear out for this purpose.

Let’s talk about side effects:

Here’s what the FDA press release said:

Side effects related to use of the AspireAssist include occasional indigestion, nausea, vomiting, constipation and diarrhea.

The endoscopic surgical placement of the gastric tube is associated with risks, including sore throat, pain, abdominal bloating, indigestion, bleeding, infection, nausea, vomiting, sedation-related breathing problems, inflammation of the lining of the abdomen, sores on the inside of the stomach, pneumonia, unintended puncture of the stomach or intestinal wall and death.

Risks related to the abdominal opening for the port valve include abdominal discomfort or pain, irritation, hardening or inflammation of the skin around the site where the tube is placed, leakage, bleeding and/or infection around the site where the tube is placed and device migration into the stomach wall. All have the potential to necessitate removal of the device. After device removal, there may be a risk of persistent fistula, an abnormal passageway between the stomach and the abdominal wall.

…and death.  …and death.  …and death. Once again it seems that in the “War on Obesity” they want us thin or they want us dead and they don’t seem to much care which it is, as long as they can make a tidy profit along the way.  And since the approval came on the basis of a study that only included 111 people using the device and 60 in a control group, who knows what side effects we’ll find if, heaven forbid, this thing gets into wide use.

It doesn’t have to be this way.  We can stop buying into the idea that”thin by any means necessary” is the same thing as healthy.  We could refuse to participate in so-called “health interventions” that are extremely profitable for others, and potentially deadly for us.  We could insist that the discussion be about actual health – with all of its facets and complications – instead of about risking our actual health and even our lives in an attempt to manipulate our body size. We could say enough if enough and that, as long as they want a “war on obesity” we will give them one.

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff

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Check out my newsletter, specifically about the intersections of weight science, weight stigma, and healthcare
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Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

As a Queer woman, I’ve been spending a lot of the last couple of days trying to come to terms with what happened in Orlando (and what might have happened at Pride in Los Angeles – an event I almost attended and that many of my friends did attend.)  My heart goes out to the victims and their loved ones, and to my community which is once again reminded that despite the civil rights gains that have been made, we are still not safe.

I’m struck and saddened at how quick people are to respond to this with the same stigma and erasure that perpetuates this kind of violence in the first place –  Ignoring (and suggesting that everyone ignore) the fact that his target was, in fact, Queer and Trans people, ignoring the fact that he didn’t just attack a Queer and Trans gathering place, he attacked a Queer and Trans gathering place on a night specifically dedicated to celebrating Latinx culture, and how many of the victims were Queer and Trans People of Color, who experience violence at higher rates. I’m frustrated and angry with people trying to use this to stoke the fires of dangerous Islamophobia including an attempt to pit two oppressed groups against each other, completely erasing the existence of Queer and Trans Muslims in the process. This is why it’s so important to do our activism from an intersectional perspective.

I’m also  frustrated and angered at politicians and others who, today, tweet their sorrow about the victims, while they spend their time, energy, money every other day working to keep Queer and Trans people as second class citizens, trying to convince people that our mere existence is a threat to society, to “traditional” families, and to people in restrooms. As if that message doesn’t perpetuate this kind of violence. Do me a favor – keep your sorrow, change your behavior.

As a fat queer woman I see parallels between my treatment as a queer person and my treatment as a fat person, and one of those is in the ways that, as both a queer and fat activist I’ve often been told that a problem I’m bringing up is not worth talking about – that it’s too small to worry about, that the activism isn’t worth doing.  And that’s crap. First of all, I don’t think that discouraging activism is a helpful ever, but we need to remember that the small things are what creates an environment that allows the big things to happen.

We can no longer afford to bury our heads in the sand and pretend that the “big things” – being hired less and paid less, receiving sub-par medical treatment,  being the victims violence and more – aren’t the naturally occurring consequences of living in a society, including a government, that suggests in so many subtle and not-so-subtle ways that some of us should be treated as second class citizens, that calls us threats to the “traditional” family, and “epidemics,” that wages war (encouraging everyone to join in) against citizens because of our size, that suggests that some of us are deserving of shame, stigma, bullying, and harassment, that it’s actually for our own good, and the good of society.

When we tolerate these messages, when we tolerate the cyberbullying that is absolutely rampant, when we tolerate any small bits of bigotry,  we are helping to create an environment that breeds ever larger, more dangerous demonstrations of that same bigotry. Nobody can do everything, nobody is obligated to do activism of any kind, but every bit of activism is valuable and important, and doing that activism intersectionally is critical.

If you want more support and information, I recommend the Queer Body Love Series that is kicking off on June 16th. It’s free to listen and  I’m honored to be one of the speakers and so grateful to Elizabeth for putting it together. Click here for more information!

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Like my work?  Want to help me keep doing it? Become a Member! For ten bucks a month you can support size diversity activism, help keep the blog ad free, and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

 

 

 

Thanks to all the readers who pointed this out to me (currently 107 of you.)  Rainbeau Curves is a company that sells plus size active wear.  On Monday they decided to try to sell that using diet language and very questionable science – in what I’m sure was a well-meaning piece, written by a well-meaning blogger – called “Ditch the Yo-Yo- How to Maintain a Healthy Weight.”

The piece is heavily influenced by diet propaganda, starting with a picture that includes a scale, a tape-measure, three pieces of fruit and some pills.  It includes food moralizing, it includes confusing “taking care” of your body with attempting to manipulate its size, it trots out tired tropes about “emotional eating” and it actually includes the phrase “Eat to live, don’t live to eat” which made me roll my eyes so hard that I think I saw my brain.

Let’s be super clear about this – health is not an obligation, a barometer of worthiness, entirely within our control, or guaranteed under any circumstances – including at any weight.  There is actually no such thing as a “healthy weight.”  Regardless of how one is defining “healthy,” there are healthy and unhealthy people of every size. There is no weight or height/weight ratio you can achieve at which you will remain immortal unless and until you get hit by a bus.

It’s common for people to suggest that a “healthy weight” is the weight you’ll reach when you’re engaged in healthy behaviors (by whatever definition they are using for healthy behaviors,) but this is just another example of our cultural tendency (created by the diet industry) to involve weight in every discussion of health. There are actual health issues that involve weight (ie – people with certain heart issues need to weigh themselves to be aware of levels of water retention, and those who experience unexplained changes in weight may want to seek out a health care practitioner – hopefully one who won’t diagnose them as “fat” and prescribe “weight loss.) But the idea that there is some weight at which attempting weight loss becomes a good idea is a fallacy. This idea that the path to health is through body size manipulation has made a lot of money for a lot of people and industries, and is part of the “everybody knows” culture around weight and health, but is not backed by science.

In a piece for Huffington Post, researchers Mann, Tomiyama, and Ahlstrom explain that the suggestion that a certain percentage of weight loss will improve health is based on a series of failures leading to another “everybody knows” statistic that isn’t supported by evidence:

Eventually, the medical community settled on the current standard of losing just 5 percent of one’s starting weight, despite having no scientifically-supported medical reason for doing so.

If Rainbeau Curves bloggers want to talk about health there are so many topics they could choose from – getting enough sleep, the research about how enjoying food may help people absorb more nutrients from it, how to protect ourselves from dangerous diet messages, the health implications of stigma and what we can do about it, Health at Every Size and more. There is a world of health discussion that doesn’t parrot the messages that make the diet industry billions (mostly from repeat business.) So, I’m not about to give my money to a company that tries to sell me clothes with a side of diet talk and body shame.

Activism Opportunity:

Since it’s Say Something Sunday, you probably saw this coming.  You can contact them here.

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Like my work?  Want to help me keep doing it? Become a Member! For ten bucks a month you can support size diversity activism, help keep the blog ad free, and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

Daniel Engber is a Slate columnist.  He has a friend who decided to run the New York Marathon.  In response to this, Daniel had the journalistic equivalent of a full-toddler-tantrum-meltdown (or an ingenious idea for clickbait) which he then published under the title “Don’t Run a Marathon, You have better things to do.” Let’s take a look, shall we:

Have we devised any greater waste of time and energy than the running of the marathon? I’m asking for a friend. This friend will soon be training for the New York City Marathon, and he’ll be going at it for a span of 20 weeks. When he’s finished all his workouts, iced his injuries and prepped his body for the brutal course, he’ll be ready to achieve a goal that has no meaning in itself and offers benefits to no one.

Bitter, party of one…your table is ready.

So my first question is  – why are you asking for this friend? This friend has made up his mind to take on this challenge and, one might assume, decided that it has meaning and benefit to him. Daniel doesn’t even mention that his friend asked him if he wanted to train with him, or that he suggested that people who do marathons are better than those who don’t (which is total, unadulterated bullshit and would be deserving of scorn.) So basically from what I’m reading, his friend told him “I’m excited about this personal goal I’ve set for myself!” and Daniel responded “Let me use my platform as a journalist to demean you, and everyone else who chooses this goal, in front of as many people as possible.”

Some will read this as a #slatepitch, and say it’s just a way for me to troll for clicks, as if calling runners foolish were like saying pie is overrated or that constellations suck. But the logic goes the other way: It’s the runners who have gone against the grain; it’s the runners who have tried to make a virtue of their quirky point of view; it’s the runners who demand attention for all the time they spend on worthless locomotion; it’s the runners who are trolling all the rest of us. The marathon must be the biggest #slatepitch of all time.

Ah, the old “I’m not a bully for bullying you about your personal choices, you’re a bully for making personal choices” argument. The only people who buy this argument are internet trolls. Honestly, I hope that this is #slatepitch because otherwise it’s just super shitty.

Here Daniel takes a break from ranting in order to make up things about other people’s self-concept based on the fact that they talk about their accomplishments on social media.  Here again, I’m wondering if Daniel would be ok with them posting to their social media if they were learning a new language, computer programming, fortifying dikes, or memorizing sonnets?

Should we all be writing letters to Daniel to ask permission to choose our hobbies and post about them to our social media? Now, healthism is an actual thing and so if people aren’t clear that running is their hobby and that it doesn’t make them better than anybody else, then that’s a problem.  “I ran a marathon this weekend” is fine.  “I have kids and I still found time to run a marathon, what’s your excuse?”  is healthist bullshit because nobody needs an excuse not to do a marathon, or any type of movement.

For them, the pursuit of running 26 miles may have less to do with any functional reward than merely having gone through training in the first place. It’s an exercise of will, not one of purpose; the marathoner views achievement as a virtue of its own—like climbing Everest because it’s there.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but so the hell what? People are allowed to view their achievement as a virtue – whether they ran a marathon, or knit their first tea cozy (I don’t even know what a tea cozy is, but I want one.) The problem happens when society views it as a better thing than what other people do. If we think it’s more virtuous, or makes people deserving of better treatment, if they train for and complete a marathon than if they are involved in other hobbies, then that’s a problem. Working towards athletic goals is an option (though not an option for everyone for lots of reasons including everything from illness and disability to income and more,) but it is never an obligation or a barometer of worthiness.

It’s telling that this monomania gets rewarded—every single time, with cheering crowds and Facebook likes—despite its lack of substance. (At least Everest has a view!) I guess the form itself excites us: We’re so starved for ways to show self-discipline, and to regiment our time, that any goal will do, even one so imbecilic as the marathon. This only calls attention to the wasted opportunity: If we want to celebrate the act of building up to something hard—if we’re ready to devote ourselves, for at least 100 hours, to regimented training—then we should strive for something better. Instead of spending all that time purely for the sake of having spent it, let’s pursue a goal that has some meaning in itself.

Last call for bitter, party of one – last call – your table is ready, go sit down now Danny. When did Daniel become the judge of what is a worthy pursuit for everyone? Was there a ceremony? Was it nice? Does it involve a cape? A gavel?  Where can I buy my “Daniel Engber is the boss of me” commemorative t-shirt and mug? Nobody is forcing Daniel to do a marathon, or to follow the social media of his friends who are doing marathons, so why in the world is he whipped up into such a  frenzy about the people who are? How is this affecting his life in any way?

That’s the spirit of the Anti-Marathon, introduced this week at Slate. We’re hoping to reclaim the idea of working hard, so the energy that goes into running marathons can be put to better and more lasting use.

The original article (which you can read in its entirely here) has a link to the ‘Anti-Marathon” program which includes an invitation to pay to join Slate Plus for extra content.  I will say that the notion that you can master swing dancing in 22 weeks gave me a much needed laugh after all this mess.  I will also point out that it’s not an “anti-marathon” as much as it is a “parallel marathon” doing the same things that marathoners do, but for hobbies other than running (and, ostensibly, more acceptable to Daniel.)  Let’s also be clear that knowing how to swing dance (as I do) is no better than completing a marathon (which I have.)

At this point you may be asking “Why is this woman, who was so slow at her marathon that she and her Best Friend finished in a dark alley, so concerned about defending the marathon?”  Clearly, it’s not like marathoners are an oppressed group of people, indeed we are privileged by a healthist society.

This concerns me because as a fat person who has completed a marathon, is now training for an IRONMAN, and hears all kinds of opinions about my choices, I experience Daniel’s type of argument as just another part of the “We’ll Tell You What To Do With Your Body, And Why To Do It” Police. The argument that insists that I have some moral obligation to exercise (which is total bullshit), that the only “good” outcome of exercise is a thin body (also total bullshit,) also insists that I have some moral obligation not move my body “too much” or in the “wrong ways” (again I say, bullshit.)

Obviously there are lots of different types of privilege at work here and doing athletic things as a fat person both offers me “good fatty” privilege, and opens me up to types of harassment and oppression that I wouldn’t experience if I wasn’t involved. I want to keep reminding people that we get to do whatever we want with our bodies, for whatever our reasons are, and that participating in athletics doesn’t make someone better than anyone else – completing a marathon and watching a Netflix marathon are morally equivalent and both totally valid uses of a Sunday.

I wish that people, like Daniel, who want to focus on the physical activity choices of others would confine themselves to trying to dismantle the healthism that’s rampant in our society, and helping to create accessible, inclusive options for the types of physical activity that people might  want to do, instead of judging people for doing, or not doing, it.

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Like my work?  Want to help me keep doing it? Become a Member! For ten bucks a month you can support size diversity activism, help keep the blog ad free, and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

I talk a lot on this blog about the overt sizeism that we deal with – whether it’s online bullies, in person egg-throwers they can be the easiest to see.  Even for those at the beginning of their Size Acceptance journey these people can be the low-hanging fruit in the “this person is fucked up and I’m fine” category.

But there is a type of sizeism that is more insidious and often more difficult to deal with – that’s when people who are well meaning, well-intentioned, and even fully believe that they are being body positive are, in fact, spouting absolute sizeist nonsense. Here are some options for dealing with this:

Get your mantra on 

As regular readers know, my mantra is “Hey, that’s bullshit!” other people use “nope, nope, nope” and “lies!” You use what works for you, but having a mantra that you use when you encounter sizeist, diet, and other bullshit can really help you from even starting to internalize this. Bonus – the more you use it, the more of a reflex it can become.

Put the problem where it belongs 

Remember that even though you may be forced to listen to this  (depending on where you are and how possible it is for you to get the hell away) and thus it becomes your problem, it is not your fault. The person yammering on is the problem, you are not.

Find a friend

If you are in a group, making eye-contact with someone you know will understand what’s going on can help reinforce that nonsense is afoot and that you do not have to buy into it.

Remind yourself that they are on a journey

Often (but not always) there was a time in my life when I believed the same things that this person was saying- there was a time when I did think that my body would be better if it was smaller, there was a time when I did confuse size and health.  There was a time before I did my own research when I bought the diet industry message hook, line, and points calculator. I will say that I find that this option is easier if the person isn’t trying to pass themselves off as body positive.

Say Something

There are lots of options here and they’ll depend on the situation, what the person is saying, and what you feel like doing:

Direct

• I absolutely disagree with what you are saying [for these reasons]
• I need to interrupt – what you are saying is offensive and sizeist, please stop

Educational

• I’m sure you’re well meaning, but the evidence doesn’t back up what you are saying, I’d be happy to send you some information about it
• I used to think that to, I’ve since learned that it’s not actually body positive/fat positive/appropriate in this space to say [whatever nonsense they said]

Indirect

• I’m excited about a world where we can celebrate bodies of all sizes
• I wish we lived in a world where people didn’t confuse size with health

Snarky (not necessarily recommended, but fun to think about)

• I thought this was a body positive space – is today opposite day
• I’m sorry, I must have misheard, surely you didn’t say [whatever nonsense they said] in a fat positive space?

Regardless, remember that just because someone has good intentions, that doesn’t mean that you have to  buy into what they are saying, or let it go by without response.

Like my work?  Want to help me keep doing it? Become a Member! For ten bucks a month you can support size diversity activism, help keep the blog ad free, and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

 

 

Golda Poretsky (of Body Love Wellness) tweeted;  “Rec’d a link to “How Not To Look Fat In A Swimsuit”. Wld ♥ to see “How Not To Obsess Abt Looking Fat In A Swimsuit & F-ing Enjoy Yourself” several years ago.  The result is this post, which is a Danceswithfat annual tradition.

Seriously, let’s talk about this.  It seems that a lot of the women I know, of any size, start to panic the first time they see swimsuits out on the floor of their favorite store;  their pesky cheerfulness belying what seems like their true purpose of prodding us into paying the diet industry for products that don’t work, and considering a move to Alaska.

I’m doing more open water swimming these days (which involves a wetsuit) but when I am in the gym at the pool, I  wear my bathing suit with no worries.  Here are a few reasons why:

1.  It’s my BODY.  I live with it 100% of the time.  It does awesome things for me like breathing, and heartbeat, and swimming and I decided long ago that I am not going to allow anyone to convince me to hate or be ashamed of  something that I am with 100% of the time for the rest of my life.  I get to choose how I feel about my body and I choose to

2.  Because it’s a pool and when I go to the pool, I wear a swimsuit. It’s not for vanity – it’s practical.

3.  I do not care if people are offended by my body.  People are allowed to be offended by whatever they want and it’s really none of my business.  I’m offended by people who are offended by my body, but it turns out nobody gives a damn which is as it should be.  It is my BODY, if we all treated each other with basic human respect it would be impossible to be offended by the mere existence of people because of their body size.  The very idea is ludicrous to me. Regardless, it is not my job to protect people’s delicate sensibilities – if they don’t want to look at me they are welcome to follow any of these options.

4.  Hypocrisy is an ugly thing.  It always seems like the same group of people who are telling me that because I’m fat I have some obligation to exercise (which is bullshit by the way) are subsequently offended by my body in a swimsuit.  The message apparently being that they want me to exercise, but in my house with the shades drawn and wearing an outfit fashioned from a bed sheet.  Screw that.  Don’t like it?  Your problem.

5. It is maddening to me that the diet industry makes over 60 BILLION dollars a year convincing women to hate themselves.  They create fear and uncertainty by saying things like “Swimsuit season is just around the corner, are you ready to wear a swimsuit?”  Well, let’s see here…  Swimsuit?  Check.  Body to put it on?  Check.  Yup, I’m all set thanks.  Plus I think I’ll keep my money you bloodsucking leeches.

6.  People can see me.  So they know how big I am whether I’m in a swimsuit, or jeans and a t-shirt.  If they are shocked at my size in a swimsuit, they should have been paying better attention.  That’s just a big flaming sack of not-my-problem.

I realize that my swimsuit preferences are not everyone’s which is awesome.  Not everyone, regardless of size, is comfortable with how much skin a swimsuit shows.  There is no obligation to rock a bikini or a swimsuit of any kind in order to love your body.  Here are some more ideas to help you stop obsessing and start having fun in the sun (or the oh-so-lovely incandescent glow of the overhead lights at the gym).

1. Alternative Swimsuits.  These are often created for women who want to keep to specific religious clothing guidelines or who just want a more modest look.  I did a quick Google search and found http://www.modestkini.com/.  I’m not affiliated with them at all so I make no guarantees, but it will give you an idea of what’s out there (and some of their plus size swimwear is actually modeled by plus-sized women.  Woot!)

2.  Fabulous Cover ups:  If there’s a particular part of your body that you prefer to keep covered for whatever reason, an (aptly-named) cover-up might be just the thing.  Here are some examples (again, no affiliation, check out the vendors before you buy!)

3.  Safety in numbers.  Go with a group of people who make you feel good about yourself and focus on the fun and not on any body insecurities you might have.  Think about how fantastic your body feels when you are swimming, or going down a water slide, or splashing in the waves.

4.  Reality check.  One of my favorite quotes is by Mark Twain “I’ve had thousands of problems in my life, most of which never actually happened”  When I’m worrying about something I try to remember that I am wasting energy on something that is not actually part of reality.  So instead I…

5.  …Expect the best, plan for the worst.  Think about what your true fears are about going out in a swimsuit.  Write them down and then create a plan to deal with each of them.  Are you afraid people will say something mean to you?  Create some scripting and practice it until you feel comfortable. Afraid of chaffing?  Hie thee to Google and read up on the various lotions, powders etc. that can help with that, or look into swimsuits that can help. Worried people will talk about you behind your back? Maybe that’s the best possible outcome since you don’t have to hear it!

In the end of course it’s your choice.  For my part,  I’m not willing to allow my options for fun, activity, movement etc. to be controlled by what other people might think or say.  If my own fears or insecurities are getting in the way I try to find a way over (modest swimsuit), under (cover up), or through (F this, I’m wearing a thong) the fear and insecurity because I’ve found that very often the pure joy lies just on the other side.

Like my work?  Want to help me keep doing it? Become a Member! For ten bucks a month you can support size diversity activism, help keep the blog ad free, and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

I couldn’t help but notice that there are people who don’t like to look at fat people – maybe it’s fat people in swimsuits, or in short shorts, or spandex, or revealing dresses, or at all, whatever.

I’ve also noticed that these people seem to think that the right way to deal with this is to make sure they tell people about their preferences as often as possible, and to suggest that the solution is for fat people to dress the way that they want fat people to dress, or to simply not be seen at all. Obviously, this is ridiculous but since these folks clearly have a skills gap where this is concerned, I wanted to help.  If you are part of this group, I offer the following appropriate options for dealing with your desire not to look at fat people:

First, regardless of which option you choose make sure to acknowledge that this is your problem to solve, not fat people’s problem to solve.  Nobody owes you aesthetically pleasing by any definition. Understanding that, let me help you out with some options:

Option 1:  The Simple Solution 

Stay home alone and read books with no pictures. There, problem solved.

Option 2:  Take Some Advice From The Band Chicago

Look away, baby. Look away. Seriously.  This is perhaps the easiest path, it doesn’t require any self-examination or personal growth, and you get to leave your house. If there’s someone you don’t want to look at – for whatever reason – there are always at least three other cardinal directions in which you could look.  Choose one, look that way. Boom! Problem solved.

Option 3: Don’t Hand Me No Lines And Keep Your Thoughts To Yourself (With apologies to the Georgia Satellites…)

If you don’t like looking at fat people and you don’t want to work on it, that’s your right. But there’s no reason to say anything about it out loud or online since what you want to see should never have any bearing on what fat people do, and the suggestion that there is something wrong with fat people because you can’t see their beauty is just contributing to the shame, stigma, bullying, and harassment  that fat people face. And, of course, you wouldn’t want to do that, because you’re not a bigoted asshole.

Option 4:  Think It Through

Maybe take a second to ask yourself why you’ve chosen to buy into the idea that only certain bodies are worthy of being looked at. Consider that the ability to appreciate the beauty that exists in everyone is actually a skill set.  Perhaps right now your skill set is pretty limited – you can only see the beauty in the stereotype that has been spoon-fed to you all of your life.  That’s not surprising, it’s by the design of industries that make billions of dollars from the idea that we should all do our best to look like a photoshopped picture of someone else. But you can opt out of that.

You can decide that you don’t want to be part of a world that perpetuates size-based bigotry.  You can decide that you want to expand your skill set for perceiving beauty. Once you’ve spent some time really looking at your own prejudices and preconceived notions, I’ll bet looking at fat people will be a whole new experience.

Finally, For The Fatties

If you’re a fat person who has to deal with someone like this is your life, I just want to remind you that you are not the problem, there is nothing wrong with you, there is nothing wrong with your body, there is nothing wrong with your choice of clothing. Fat phobia is the problem, size-based bigotry is the problem, the people who perpetuate them are the problem.  You? You’re fine.

Like my work?  Want to help me keep doing it? Become a Member! For ten bucks a month you can support size diversity activism, help keep the blog ad free, and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.