It happened (again) in a progressive Facebook group that I am in. Someone posted a picture of a fat woman wearing a pro-donald shirt with William Barr’s face photoshopped over hers.  The ensuing thread was a pile of fat-shaming hot garbage.

When I pointed it out, I was met with a couple attempted justifications. The first being that it was just a photoshop gag. Pro-tip, if a “photoshop gag” involves a fat person being fat-shamed, then it’s not just a photoshop gag, it’s also a fat joke. See also: fat suits.

The other attempt at an excuse was the one that I hear most often, that people are “angry and frustrated” and “need to vent” blah blah blah.

This is bullshit. You are either against fat-shaming, or you support it. If you claim to be against it but then you participate in it, then guess what – you support it. You don’t get to say that it’s ok if you do it because you are angry, or frustrated, or because the person you are fat-shaming is objectively terrible, or for any reason.

The idea that something fatphobic (or racist, or transphobic etc.) that is said in anger somehow doesn’t count as fatphobic (or racist, or transphobic etc.) is complete, total, utter nonsense.  If you fat-shame when you’re angry, you’re fatphobic and you need to fix it. (Similarly, if you hurl racial epithets when you’re angry, you need to fix your racism, and if you deadname trans people you don’t like, you need to fix your transphobia, etc.)

Fat-shaming is wrong. There is never any excuse or justification that makes it ok. Nope, not even that one. Or that. There’s none. Seriously.

It’s really not complicated – if you say that you don’t believe in fat-shaming, then you have to take a pass on fat-shaming. If you’re not willing to do that, then congratulations, you’ve just identified an area for some self-work around your own fatphobia. Please get on that as soon as possible for all of our sakes. Thanks in advance.

Was this helpful? If you appreciate the work that I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time tip or by becoming a member. (Members get special deals on fat-positive stuff, a monthly e-mail keeping them up to date on the work their membership supports, and the ability to ask me questions that I answer in a members-only monthly Q&A Video!)

Sick of diet talk? Want to tell fatphobes to take a hike? Want to explain how important fat-friendly seating is? There are songs for that. Jeanette DePatie and I have collaborated on some revamped holiday songs that we are releasing between now and the new year! Below is a playlist of the songs we’ve released so far. If you want to make sure not to miss future videos, you can subscribe to my YouTube channel!

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Wellness for All Bodies Program: A simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight-neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Body Love Obstacle Course

This e-course that includes coaching videos, a study guide, and an ebook with the tools you need to create a rock-solid relationship with your body. Our relationships with our bodies don’t happen in a vacuum, so just learning to see our beauty isn’t going to cut it. The world throws obstacles in our way – obstacles that aren’t our fault, but become our problem. Over the course of this program, Ragen Chastain, Jeanette DePatie, and six incredible guest coaches will teach you practical, realistic, proven strategies to go above, around, and through the obstacles that the world puts in front of you when it comes to living an amazing life in the body you have now.
Price: $99.00
($79.00 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Love It! 234 Inspirations And Activities to Help You Love Your Body
This is filled with thoughtful advice from the authors Jeanette DePatie, Ragen Chastain, and Pia Sciavo-Campo as well as dozens of other notable names from the body love movement, the book is lovingly illustrated with diverse drawings from size-positive artist Toni Tails.
Price: $9.99 softcover, $7.99 Kindle, ($6.95 + free shipping for DancesWithFat Members)

Non-Members click here for all the details and to register!

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRON-distance triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!  (DancesWithFat Members get an even better deal, make sure to make your purchases from the Members Page!)

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m (still!) training for an Iron-distance triathlon! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com .

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

Last year I wrote a piece about failed New Year’s Resolutions. Now, another Resolution season is almost upon us, and, in this DWF annual tradition, I find myself reflecting on one of the most commonly failed New Year’s Resolutions — weight loss. Even for those who manage to lose weight, almost everyone will gain it all back, with the majority gaining back more than they lost.

Trying to make major life changes at the end of a holiday season that can leave us broke and physically and mentally exhausted is difficult enough and sets us up for failure.

But what’s the alternative?

Every year people make the life-changing, life-affirming decision to stop waging a losing war with their bodies and get off the diet roller coaster. However, when it’s time to make their resolutions, they often get stuck with a pretty basic question — if not weight loss, then what?

The good news is when we decide to stop spending our time, money, and energy trying to manipulate our body size, a whole world of possibilities opens up.

Here are some ideas to kick off the New Year by ditching dieting and creating a revolution in your own life.

One of the best places to start your revolution is to resolve to stop participating in negative body talk, starting with your mouth. When you have a negative thought or utterance, replace it with something (anything!) positive.

Decide to start and end every day by appreciating your body. Maybe put a note on your bathroom mirror or the ceiling above your bed that reminds you to bookend your day thinking or saying something like, “You’re a great body and I appreciate you” or “Thanks for everything you did for me today!”

While you’ve become wise to the ways of the diet industry, they are still out there duping people. And they’re good at it — to the tune of over $60 billion a year. They use plenty of that money to pummel us with a ceaseless barrage of marketing.

To avoid being tempted back into the weight loss equivalent of three-card Monty, you can resolve to create a quick phrase and say it to yourself (or out loud if you want to) every time you hear a message meant to make you feel bad about yourself or sell you a diet. My mantra is “Hey, that’s bullshit!” I have heard from other people who use phrases like “Never again, diet scum” and “Nope! Nope! Nope!” It can be anything that helps remind you to appreciate and support your body in a way that dieting won’t allow.

If you are choosing goals that support your health, first remember that health is not a barometer of worthiness entirely within our control or guaranteed under any circumstance. So, focus on setting goals around behaviors you can control rather than outcomes you can’t.

While you’re at it, consider making them additive (start getting body work, work on creating stronger social connections, drink an extra glass of water, eat a serving of vegetables, or get an extra hour of sleep at night etc.) rather than restrictive (like saying that you’ll never do/eat/be [whatever] again). If you’re looking for support in weight neutral-discussions of fitness, you can check out the Fit Fatties community on Facebook.

Also, remember to cut yourself some slack – making resolutions that don’t have any flexibility for the realities of life is just setting ourselves up to fail.

Was this helpful? If you appreciate the work that I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time tip or by becoming a member. (Members get special deals on fat-positive stuff, a monthly e-mail keeping them up to date on the work their membership supports, and the ability to ask me questions that I answer in a members-only monthly Q&A Video!)

Sick of diet talk? Want to tell fatphobes to take a hike? Want to explain how important fat-friendly seating is? There are songs for that. Jeanette DePatie and I have collaborated on some revamped holiday songs that we are releasing between now and the new year! Below is a playlist of the songs we’ve released so far. If you want to make sure not to miss future videos, you can subscribe to my YouTube channel!

 

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Wellness for All Bodies Program: A simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight-neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Body Love Obstacle Course

This e-course that includes coaching videos, a study guide, and an ebook with the tools you need to create a rock-solid relationship with your body. Our relationships with our bodies don’t happen in a vacuum, so just learning to see our beauty isn’t going to cut it. The world throws obstacles in our way – obstacles that aren’t our fault, but become our problem. Over the course of this program, Ragen Chastain, Jeanette DePatie, and six incredible guest coaches will teach you practical, realistic, proven strategies to go above, around, and through the obstacles that the world puts in front of you when it comes to living an amazing life in the body you have now.
Price: $99.00
($79.00 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Love It! 234 Inspirations And Activities to Help You Love Your Body
This is filled with thoughtful advice from the authors Jeanette DePatie, Ragen Chastain, and Pia Sciavo-Campo as well as dozens of other notable names from the body love movement, the book is lovingly illustrated with diverse drawings from size-positive artist Toni Tails.
Price: $9.99 softcover, $7.99 Kindle, ($6.95 + free shipping for DancesWithFat Members)

Non-Members click here for all the details and to register!

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRON-distance triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!  (DancesWithFat Members get an even better deal, make sure to make your purchases from the Members Page!)

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m (still!) training for an Iron-distance triathlon! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com .

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

It’s New Years, which means that people close to you – family, friends, co-workers etc. – will very likely be going on diets.

For those of us who have managed to get ourselves off the diet roller coaster, this can be an especially tough time. Not only are we being bombarded with ads to try to convince us to try (again!) at something that we know doesn’t work,  but also (because we live in a fatphobic society,) people who are attempting to manipulate their body size can often expect – and feel entitled to – our support. Even though, for those of us who are fat, this amounts to someone telling us all about why they don’t want to look like us and how excited they are about the things they are going to do to try to make that happen.

How you choose to deal with someone who wants to talk about their diet with you is entirely up to you (and may include factors like how much energy you want to put into this, the power structure of the relationship, your personal beliefs around familial relationships etc.)

What I think is important to understand is that, while people who want to attempt to diet are allowed to make choices for their own bodies (as we are allowed to choose not to diet,) that does not mean that we have to be there to listen to and support their attempt.

I say this because, if we’re not careful,  fatphobia will convince us not only that we are somehow obligated to support people in their body manipulation attempts, but also that they don’t have to support us, or respect our boundaries around our choice not to attempt to manipulate our body size. That’s bullshit. Our choice not to diet, and our desire not to hear diet talk are valid and should be respected.

Here are some options – you can do them individually or combine them:

Fair is Fair

If they get to talk about their diets, you get to talk about your choice not to diet – whether that takes the form of Size Acceptance and/or Health at Every Size and/or something else. They talk about their diet, you talk about not dieting. They claim a supposed health benefit of dieting, you talk about how that benefit is achievable without the risks of dieting. etc.

If they push back, let them know that you expect that you will respect and support each other equally, and if they can’t get onboard with the idea that your choice is equally valid, then this isn’t something that you can talk to each other about. Good news though, there’s plenty of other stuff to talk about!

Make Your Own Resolution

When someone starts in about their diet, say something like “My New Years Resolution is to stop being involved in diet talk – it’s harmful to me and others, so let’s talk about something else.” If they push back you can say something like “You are welcome to do whatever you want with your body, you’re just not welcome to talk to me about it. Let’s talk about something else.” You can certainly provide more explanation if you’d like but, again, you are not obligated. Your choice is valid and your boundary should be respected. The only reason that people think that they should be allowed to talk about weight loss anytime they want regardless of other people’s desired (or a group’s clearly stated rules!) is because our culture is built on fatphobia. You don’t have to buy into that.

So Many Reasons

You can let them know why you can’t support them. It could sound something like “Of course you are allowed to do whatever you want with your body, but I can’t support you in this because I know that dieting is based on and perpetuates fatphobia, fuels an industry that makes billions with a product that almost never works and often does harm, and can lead to disordered eating and eating disorders.”

No, With a Side of Support

The research tells us that, while almost everyone loses weight in the short-term, almost everyone gains it back long-term, with the majority gaining back more than they lost. Which means that everyone who encourages those who are losing weight in the short-term – including and especially by telling them how much better they look etc. – is actually going to be just one more voice making it worse when they are right back where they started, or heavier, before they know it. So you can let them know that you aren’t interested in hearing about their diet, but then add something like – “I think you are amazing and beautiful at any size.”

Just Snarky AF

I’m not saying that I recommend these necessarily, just that they are…options:

Oh jeez, please tell me that not-eating isn’t the most interesting thing you have to talk about.

Losing weight, huh? Well, my New Year’s Resolution is to learn to levitate, so we’ve got basically the same chance of long-term success!

If I have to hear about your diet, I’m going to tell you about my bowel movements, in vivid detail, with pictures. Or, we could talk about something else, totally your call.

Was this helpful? If you appreciate the work that I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time tip or by becoming a member. (Members get special deals on fat-positive stuff, a monthly e-mail keeping them up to date on the work their membership supports, and the ability to ask me questions that I answer in a members-only monthly Q&A Video!)

Sick of diet talk? Want to tell fatphobes to take a hike? Want to explain how important fat-friendly seating is? There are songs for that. Jeanette DePatie and I have collaborated on some revamped holiday songs that we are releasing between now and the new year! Below is a playlist of the songs we’ve released so far. If you want to make sure not to miss future videos, you can subscribe to my YouTube channel!

 

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Wellness for All Bodies Program: A simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight-neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Body Love Obstacle Course

This e-course that includes coaching videos, a study guide, and an ebook with the tools you need to create a rock-solid relationship with your body. Our relationships with our bodies don’t happen in a vacuum, so just learning to see our beauty isn’t going to cut it. The world throws obstacles in our way – obstacles that aren’t our fault, but become our problem. Over the course of this program, Ragen Chastain, Jeanette DePatie, and six incredible guest coaches will teach you practical, realistic, proven strategies to go above, around, and through the obstacles that the world puts in front of you when it comes to living an amazing life in the body you have now.
Price: $99.00
($79.00 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Wellness for All Bodies Program: A simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight-neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Love It! 234 Inspirations And Activities to Help You Love Your Body
This is filled with thoughtful advice from the authors Jeanette DePatie, Ragen Chastain, and Pia Sciavo-Campo as well as dozens of other notable names from the body love movement, the book is lovingly illustrated with diverse drawings from size-positive artist Toni Tails.
Price: $9.99 softcover, $7.99 Kindle, ($6.95 + free shipping for DancesWithFat Members)

Non-Members click here for all the details and to register!

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRON-distance triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!  (DancesWithFat Members get an even better deal, make sure to make your purchases from the Members Page!)

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m (still!) training for an Iron-distance triathlon! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com .

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

The truth is that fatphobia should never happen, and we should never have to deal with it. If and when we do, we might have to take into account how much energy we have to fight, how much power the person engaged in bigotry has over us, or other factors – including and especially for people who are part of more than one marginalized community. So these what-ifs aren’t about deciding what we will do every time, but rather thinking about the possibilities

What if we didn’t put up with body shaming?

What if we interrupted body shaming whenever we heard it – not just about our own bodies, but about any body? You could say something like “My new year’s resolution is to stop participating in negative body talk.” (If this is happening before the new year, just add “and I’m starting early!”)

What if we didn’t allow a running commentary on our body/food choices/weight/etc.

People can think whatever they want about my body, but they can’t say it out loud if they want me to stick around. One of my favorite phrases for this is “I’m going to stop you there.” You can just leave it at that and change the subject, or you can add something like “I’m not interested in people’s opinions about my body/food/weight/etc. let’s talk about something else.”

What if we didn’t buy into the thinner=better/healthier/prettier paradigm

This is a place where I think all of us can probably use some self-work. Our culture is utterly saturated with this myth and it can create fatphobia that is directed at others and/or internalized. (Often we can identify areas for work by our “buts” and our “as long as’s” for example, if we think “it’s ok to be fat but…she shouldn’t be wearing that” or “it’s ok to be fat as long as you’re healthy”) Bodies come in lots of sizes for lots of reasons and thinner bodies are not inherently better in any way, and adding healthism to fatphobia does not improve the situation.

What if we loudly defended our bodies, fixed a plate, then flipped a table and walked out?

This may not be your style and that’s completely ok. But know that it’s ok to defend your body (maybe like you would defend someone you love.) We each get to choose what we are going to allow and sometimes those choices are out of your hands, but it’s worth brainstorming the solutions that are the most “out there” including table-flipping, and leaving (with a plate, of course!)

If we want to dismantle fatphobia we need to keep asking “what if…”

Was this helpful? If you appreciate the work that I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time tip or by becoming a member. (Members get special deals on fat-positive stuff, a monthly e-mail keeping them up to date on the work their membership supports, and the ability to ask me questions that I answer in a members-only monthly Q&A Video!)

Sick of diet talk? Want to tell fatphobes to take a hike? Want to explain how important fat-friendly seating is? There are songs for that. Jeanette DePatie and I have collaborated on some revamped holiday songs that we are releasing between now and the new year! Below is a playlist of the songs we’ve released so far. If you want to make sure not to miss future videos, you can subscribe to my YouTube channel!

 

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Wellness for All Bodies Program: A simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight-neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Body Love Obstacle Course

This e-course that includes coaching videos, a study guide, and an ebook with the tools you need to create a rock-solid relationship with your body. Our relationships with our bodies don’t happen in a vacuum, so just learning to see our beauty isn’t going to cut it. The world throws obstacles in our way – obstacles that aren’t our fault, but become our problem. Over the course of this program, Ragen Chastain, Jeanette DePatie, and six incredible guest coaches will teach you practical, realistic, proven strategies to go above, around, and through the obstacles that the world puts in front of you when it comes to living an amazing life in the body you have now.
Price: $99.00
($79.00 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Wellness for All Bodies Program: A simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight-neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Love It! 234 Inspirations And Activities to Help You Love Your Body
This is filled with thoughtful advice from the authors Jeanette DePatie, Ragen Chastain, and Pia Sciavo-Campo as well as dozens of other notable names from the body love movement, the book is lovingly illustrated with diverse drawings from size-positive artist Toni Tails.
Price: $9.99 softcover, $7.99 Kindle, ($6.95 + free shipping for DancesWithFat Members)

Non-Members click here for all the details and to register!

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRON-distance triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!  (DancesWithFat Members get an even better deal, make sure to make your purchases from the Members Page!)

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m (still!) training for an Iron-distance triathlon! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com .

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

 

 

 

When a doctor chooses to brag about that particular certification, there are three assumptions I need to make  in order to keep myself safe as a fat patient:

1. From the moment I walk into their office as a fat person, they are trained (and certified!) to see my body as a problem to be solved.

The word “obesity” was literally created to pathologize a body size. It’s very possible that they won’t be able to see past their weight bigotry (including their tendency to blame nearly anything on my size) to give me care for any health issue I may actually be having. By extension they may, without notifying me, suggest treatment options not because they have the greatest efficacy in dealing with my actual health issue, but rather because they believe that they might result in weight loss, or prevent weight gain. Similarly, they might withhold viable treatment options because they have a possible side effect of weight gain.

2. They are willing to risk my life and quality of life to make me thin.

They have willingly joined a branch of medicine which centers around the idea that it is completely acceptable to risk a fat patient’s life and quality of life for the smallest chance that we might get a bit thinner, and there is no guarantee that they will feel obligated to be clear about the risks because of the paternalistic nature of their specialty.

3. They either don’t understand, or don’t care about, research.

They are willing to base their career on embarrassingly poor,  shockingly shoddy research – so they either aren’t capable of understanding the issues with the research upon which their certification is based, or they don’t care. Either way it doesn’t bode well for their ability to practice ethical, evidence-based medicine. Not a good look.

So when a doctor tells me that they are board-certified in “obesity medicine” I have every reason to believe that I am sitting across from someone who doesn’t understand the basics of research, and who truly believes that it’s worth risking my life to make me thin (and who might choose their fatphobia over accessibility.) I have to continuously remind myself that everything they say to me is said through their filter, which includes the belief that my life is less valuable and more risk-able than a thin person’s life.

Sadly, since “obesity medicine” also tends toward corruption (see, for cample, the “Obesity Action Coalition“)  I also have to wonder (and try to research) if this doctor is in the pocket of a company like Allergan or a pharmaceutical company that manufactures dangerous weightloss drugs, giving them a financial incentive to harm me.

Depending on where I live and what doctors are available to me, I may still need this doctor’s help. If that’s the case, then I’m going to have to be hypervigilant – researching everything they say and recommends – are they prescribing that medication because it’s actually the best thing for my condition? Or is it because weight loss (however small and temporary) may be a side-effect? Is that medication they suggested going to risk my health and life? Are they going to push me toamputate a perfectly healthy organ in a dangerous surgery that, if it doesn’t kill me, could leave me with horrific lifelong side effects? Are they going to withhold needed care until I comply with their desire for me to look different? I may have to lie to get the care I need.

The bottom line is that as a fat patient I have to worry about medical fatphobia with almost every healthcare provider (though, happily, the number of weight-neutral, Health at Every Size based practitioners is growing!) but I know that I can never trust a doctor who brags about being certified in “obesity medicine” to look out for my actual best interests. That sucks, but at least their certification gives me some warning.

Was this post helpful? If you appreciate the work that I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time tip or by becoming a member. (Members get special deals on fat-positive stuff, a monthly e-mail keeping them up to date on the work their membership supports, and the ability to ask me questions that I answer in a members-only monthly Q&A Video!)

Need some fat-positive end-of-year cheer? Here’s a playlist of re-vamped holiday songs that highlight things like the importance of fat-friendly seating, singing the praises of our amazing bodies, and just saying no to giving unsolicited weight-loss gifts. Enjoy!

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Body Love Obstacle Course

This e-course that includes coaching videos, a study guide, and an ebook with the tools you need to create a rock-solid relationship with your body. Our relationships with our bodies don’t happen in a vacuum, so just learning to see our beauty isn’t going to cut it. The world throws obstacles in our way – obstacles that aren’t our fault, but become our problem. Over the course of this program, Ragen Chastain, Jeanette DePatie, and six incredible guest coaches will teach you practical, realistic, proven strategies to go above, around, and through the obstacles that the world puts in front of you when it comes to living an amazing life in the body you have now.
Price: $99.00
($79.00 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Wellness for All Bodies Program: A simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight-neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Love It! 234 Inspirations And Activities to Help You Love Your Body
This is filled with thoughtful advice from the authors Jeanette DePatie, Ragen Chastain, and Pia Sciavo-Campo as well as dozens of other notable names from the body love movement, the book is lovingly illustrated with diverse drawings from size-positive artist Toni Tails.
Price: $9.99 softcover, $7.99 Kindle, ($6.95 + free shipping for DancesWithFat Members)

Non-Members click here for all the details and to register!

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRON-distance triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!  (DancesWithFat Members get an even better deal, make sure to make your purchases from the Members Page!)

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m (still!) training for an Iron-distance triathlon! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com .

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

Today’s post is going to be about fitness. I know that can be triggering for some so feel free to just close this out and I’ll be back tomorrow to talk about something not fitness related.

Before I get into any of this I want to be clear that fitness for fat people is made trickier by the “Good Fatty/Bad Fatty” dichotomy which privileges fat people who participate in fitness and therefore – so the incorrect belief goes – should be treated better.

I often benefit from that privilege, so I always want to make it clear that fitness (like “health” or “healthy behaviors”) by whatever definition you might be using, is not an obligation, a barometer of worthiness, or entirely within our control. Participating in movement/fitness/sports/exercise does not make someone better than those who do not participate. As someone who has done both, I can tell you that completing a marathon and having a Netflix marathon are morally equivalent activities. My activism at the intersections of fat and fitness focuses on the fact that nobody is obligated to participate in fitness, but every body should be welcome.

So, about today’s video. I’m honored to be an official ambassador for NEDA (the National Eating Disorders Association) and I was doubly honored to be asked to participate in the first of a series of round tables hosted by NEDA and the Yoga and Body Image Coalition with Melanie Klein (co-founder of YBIC,) Dianne Bondy, Jivana Heyman, and Thalia González .

We discussed the issues of inclusivity, diversity, and body confidence in fitness spaces. Enjoy!

You can view it below, or at [https://www.facebook.com/NationalEatingDisordersAssociation/videos/364971534442003/]

Was this helpful? If you appreciate the work that I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time tip or by becoming a member. (Members get special deals on fat-positive stuff, a monthly e-mail keeping them up to date on the work their membership supports, and the ability to ask me questions that I answer in a members-only monthly Q&A Video!)

Sick of diet talk? Want to tell fatphobes to take a hike? Want to explain how important fat-friendly seating is? There are songs for that. Jeanette DePatie and I have collaborated on some revamped holiday songs that we are releasing between now and the new year! Below is a playlist of the songs we’ve released so far. If you want to make sure not to miss future videos, you can subscribe to my YouTube channel!

 

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Wellness for All Bodies Program: A simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight-neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Body Love Obstacle Course

This e-course that includes coaching videos, a study guide, and an ebook with the tools you need to create a rock-solid relationship with your body. Our relationships with our bodies don’t happen in a vacuum, so just learning to see our beauty isn’t going to cut it. The world throws obstacles in our way – obstacles that aren’t our fault, but become our problem. Over the course of this program, Ragen Chastain, Jeanette DePatie, and six incredible guest coaches will teach you practical, realistic, proven strategies to go above, around, and through the obstacles that the world puts in front of you when it comes to living an amazing life in the body you have now.
Price: $99.00
($79.00 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Wellness for All Bodies Program: A simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight-neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Love It! 234 Inspirations And Activities to Help You Love Your Body
This is filled with thoughtful advice from the authors Jeanette DePatie, Ragen Chastain, and Pia Sciavo-Campo as well as dozens of other notable names from the body love movement, the book is lovingly illustrated with diverse drawings from size-positive artist Toni Tails.
Price: $9.99 softcover, $7.99 Kindle, ($6.95 + free shipping for DancesWithFat Members)

Non-Members click here for all the details and to register!

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRON-distance triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!  (DancesWithFat Members get an even better deal, make sure to make your purchases from the Members Page!)

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m (still!) training for an Iron-distance triathlon! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com .

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

 

 

 

Yesterday in response to my post about boundary setting for family and friends food police, I suggested that one option for creating a boundary with a consequence attached was to say “It is not ok to talk about my weight or eating. If anyone says one more thing about my weight or eating I’m going to leave” and then, if they fail to respect your boundaries, it’s time to go. I got the following comment in response, I think it’s a question that lots of people have and I want to address it:

But, if you just get up and leave, they will likely say that you are doing so because you “can’t handle the truth”, are “lying to yourself”, etc. If they don’t say it, they may at least THINK it. How would you and/or your readers deal with a possibility such as this?

They may well think or say those things.  If there’s anything that I’ve learned from my trolls, it’s that people will go to any length to justify their prejudice to themselves and anyone who will listen.  I cannot control what people think of me, nor can I control their behavior.  I don’t care what people think, I’m confident in my choices, so I only care how they treat me in my presence.

So when I say “It is not ok to talk about my weight or eating. If anyone says one more thing about my weight or eating I’m going to leave.”  I’m not trying to control what people think – they can think whatever the hell they want, I am stating clearly what behavior I will and will not tolerate, and what I will do if they continue the behavior that I find offensive.

If they continue discussing my weight or eating and I leave, it’s not to control what they think – it’s to remove myself from a situation that I find intolerable.

If people want to spend time with me they have to treat me with respect, which includes not body shaming or food policing me.  So while they are allowed to think whatever they want about me, my body, and my food choices, they are 100% responsible for keeping those thoughts to themselves if they want to spend time with me (and they are under no obligation to want to spend time with me, of course.)

Most of the people in my life with whom I’ve had to set this boundary have been able to pull it together and behave appropriately.  There are a few who haven’t, and they don’t get to spend time with me anymore.  I don’t know or care what they think about me, as long as I don’t have to put up with it. Of course your mileage may vary, but I’ve found that – when it comes to family and friends food police – if I stop focusing on what people think and start focusing on what I want, things start improving right away.

Was this post helpful? If you appreciate the work that I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time tip or by becoming a member. (Members get special deals on fat-positive stuff, a monthly e-mail keeping them up to date on the work their membership supports, and the ability to ask me questions that I answer in a members-only monthly Q&A Video!)

Need some fat-positive end-of-year cheer? Here’s a playlist of re-vamped holiday songs that highlight things like the importance of fat-friendly seating, singing the praises of our amazing bodies, and just saying no to giving unsolicited weight-loss gifts. Enjoy!

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Body Love Obstacle Course

This e-course that includes coaching videos, a study guide, and an ebook with the tools you need to create a rock-solid relationship with your body. Our relationships with our bodies don’t happen in a vacuum, so just learning to see our beauty isn’t going to cut it. The world throws obstacles in our way – obstacles that aren’t our fault, but become our problem. Over the course of this program, Ragen Chastain, Jeanette DePatie, and six incredible guest coaches will teach you practical, realistic, proven strategies to go above, around, and through the obstacles that the world puts in front of you when it comes to living an amazing life in the body you have now.
Price: $99.00
($79.00 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Wellness for All Bodies Program: A simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight-neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Love It! 234 Inspirations And Activities to Help You Love Your Body
This is filled with thoughtful advice from the authors Jeanette DePatie, Ragen Chastain, and Pia Sciavo-Campo as well as dozens of other notable names from the body love movement, the book is lovingly illustrated with diverse drawings from size-positive artist Toni Tails.
Price: $9.99 softcover, $7.99 Kindle, ($6.95 + free shipping for DancesWithFat Members)

Non-Members click here for all the details and to register!

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRON-distance triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!  (DancesWithFat Members get an even better deal, make sure to make your purchases from the Members Page!)

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m (still!) training for an Iron-distance triathlon! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com .

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

Below you’ll find options from  practical, to discussion prompts, to cathartic, this post is for anyone who may want some options to deal with inappropriate friend and/or family  and/or coworker behavior during this “holiday season” (whether they are celebrating any holidays or not) or any season.

(I also have a video workshop about this called “Talking Back To Fatphobia”  it includes a pay-what-you-can option and you can find it by clicking here!)

Ah, is there anything more fun than being under surveillance by the Friends and Family Food Police?  There are a few of things that come to mind immediately – root canal, shaving my head with a cheese grater, a fish hook in the eye…

This happens to almost all of my fat friends, but to be clear it happens to thin people too – food judgment and shaming happens to people of all sizes and it’s never ok.

First, I always suggest that you be prepared for boundary setting when you go into this type of situation.  Think about what your boundaries are, and what consequences you are willing to enforce.   So think about what you would be willing to do – Leave the event?  Stay at a hotel?  Cease conversation until the person can treat you appropriately?  Be sure that you know what you want and that you can follow through. Then follow three steps:

State the Boundary 

“It’s not ok to talk about what I eat.” or “It’s not ok to comment on my body” etc.

State the consequence you can follow through with

“I’ll head home” or “I’ll take my dinner into another room” or whatever makes sense for you.

Follow-through

Someone starts talking about your food choices? You get up, pack up and say, “Looks like you’ve chosen not to respect my boundaries so, like I said, I’m going to head home. We’ll try again next year.”

You can also choose to engage in conversation. As an example, I’ll use that age-old shaming question “Do you need to eat that?”

This is such a loaded question. What do they mean by “need”? Are they asking if my glycogen stores are depleted? If I am near starvation?  If my body at this moment requires the precise nutrients that are delivered by cornbread stuffing and gravy? Or do they feel that fostering a relationship with food that is based on guilt and shame is in my best interest?

This question is custom-made to make someone feel ashamed.  I think it’s asked for one of about three reasons:

Judgment

The person asking the question has decided that it is their job to pass judgment on your activities.  Being too cowardly to directly state their opinion, they use this question as a mode of passive aggression to “make you admit it to yourself”.  This is one of those situations where they would probably claim to be mistreating you for your own good, also known around this blog as “Pulling a Jillian“.

If the person asking this question truly cared about you and your health (however misguided they might be), they would talk to you about it in person, alone, at an appropriate time, and they would ask a question that invited dialog, not try to embarrass you in front of people while you’re eating what is supposed to be a celebratory meal. That right there is some bullshit.

Power/Superiority

Remember that some people’s bodies left junior high but their mentality was, tragically, left behind. For those who never psychologically got past Junior High, nothing makes them feel so powerful as judging someone else and then making them feel like crap. Maybe because they are drowning in…

Insecurity

The person asking the question perhaps struggles with weight stigma, their guilt about eating etc. and since they feel guilty for enjoying the food, they think that you should feel guilty about it too, or they want to deflect attention from their behavior to yours.

The degree of difficulty on discerning someone’s intent in this sort of thing can range from “of course” to “who the hell knows”. Here’s the thing though, from my perspective it doesn’t matter why they are asking it:  I am not ok with being asked, and I get to make that decision.

So you’re at a holiday meal, you take seconds on mashed potatoes and someone asks the dreaded question:  “Do you need to eat that?” It seems like the table falls silent, waiting for your reply.  What do you say?

If it’s me, first I quell my rage and resist the urge to put them down (Yes, I do need these mashed potatoes.  Did you need to be a total freaking jerk?)

Second, as with so many situations where people lash out at you, remember that this is about their issues and has nothing to do with you.   If emotions well up, consider that you may be feeling embarrassed and/or sorry for them, and not ashamed of your own actions.

Finally, I suggest you find your happy (or at least your non-homicidal) place, and try one of these:

Quick and Simple (said with finality)

• Yes (and then eat it)
• No (and then eat it)

Answer with a Question (I find it really effective to ask these without malice, with a tone of pure curiosity.  If you’re not in the mood to have a dialog about this, maybe skip these.)

• Why do you think that’s your business?
• What led you to believe that I want you to police my food intake?
• I thought that you were an accountant, are you also a dietitian?

Pointed Response (be ready with a consequence if the behavior continues)

• I find that inappropriate and offensive, please don’t comment on my food choices
• What I eat is none of your business, and your commenting on it is not ok
• I have absolutely no interest in discussing my food intake with you
• I’m not soliciting opinions about my food choices.

Cathartic (but probably not that useful if you want to create an opportunity for honest dialog. On the other hand, you are under no obligation to center the feelings of people who are doing you harm, nor is there any requirement that you open yourself up to more possible harm by creating a dialog. If you’re just fucking over it and want that to be clear, these can be a good choice.)

• Yes, because dealing with your rudeness is depleting my glycogen stores at an alarming rate
• If I want to talk to the food police, I’ll call Pie-1-1
• I’m sure you’re not proud of the completely inappropriate behavior you just exhibited, I’m willing to forget this ever happened
• Thanks for trying to give me your insecurities, but I was really hoping to get an InstantPot this year
• No, but using my fork to eat helps to keep me from stabbing you with it

I don’t believe that guilt is good for my health and I’m definitely resisting arrest by the Family and Friends Food Police.

Was this post helpful? If you appreciate the work that I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time tip or by becoming a member. (Members get special deals on fat-positive stuff, a monthly e-mail keeping them up to date on the work their membership supports, and the ability to ask me questions that I answer in a members-only monthly Q&A Video!)

Need some fat-positive end-of-year cheer? Here’s a playlist of re-vamped holiday songs that highlight things like the importance of fat-friendly seating, singing the praises of our amazing bodies, and just saying no to giving unsolicited weight-loss gifts. Enjoy!

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Body Love Obstacle Course

This e-course that includes coaching videos, a study guide, and an ebook with the tools you need to create a rock-solid relationship with your body. Our relationships with our bodies don’t happen in a vacuum, so just learning to see our beauty isn’t going to cut it. The world throws obstacles in our way – obstacles that aren’t our fault, but become our problem. Over the course of this program, Ragen Chastain, Jeanette DePatie, and six incredible guest coaches will teach you practical, realistic, proven strategies to go above, around, and through the obstacles that the world puts in front of you when it comes to living an amazing life in the body you have now.
Price: $99.00
($79.00 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Wellness for All Bodies Program: A simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight-neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Love It! 234 Inspirations And Activities to Help You Love Your Body
This is filled with thoughtful advice from the authors Jeanette DePatie, Ragen Chastain, and Pia Sciavo-Campo as well as dozens of other notable names from the body love movement, the book is lovingly illustrated with diverse drawings from size-positive artist Toni Tails.
Price: $9.99 softcover, $7.99 Kindle, ($6.95 + free shipping for DancesWithFat Members)

Non-Members click here for all the details and to register!

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRON-distance triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!  (DancesWithFat Members get an even better deal, make sure to make your purchases from the Members Page!)

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m (still!) training for an Iron-distance triathlon! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com .

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.