Jenna went to church to sing and celebrate as a worship leader in the contemporary band at her Methodist Church. But then Sister Bonnie-Better-Than-You of the Church of Fatphobia went to work.

Bonnie somehow believed that being a “Church Leader” involved following a 19 year old into the bathroom (where the girl had gone to see if there were any updates on a hospitalized family member,) to wag a fatphobic finger at her and tell her things like “Don’t come back on that stage with those shorts. I’m warning you.”

People are going to want to see the shorts and I’ll leave a picture, secure in the knowledge that we all understand that any argument that contains “she’s not even that fat” is harmful and fatphobic.

Here is the outfit I was wearing that she attacked me… also please read my shirt because what she did was not aga… twitter.com/i/web/status/1…—
Jenna 🦊 (@roo_jenna) June 30, 2019

Bonnie’s behavior would never, ever be ok, but is even more inappropriate in this situation because, as another church member pointed out, this is a “contemporary service” that is youth-focused and “guests are encouraged to come as they are.”

But this story takes a turn for the better – quick-thinking Jenna turned on her cellphone video to capture the abuse, and gave herself and her body a full-throated defense. It was emotional, and profanity-laced, and absolutely beautiful (if you’re thinking about tone-policing, rethink, and then don’t.) Despite the power and age differential that Bonnie Busy Body was trying to exploit, through tears and sobs, in a situation that should NEVER have happened to her, Jenna defended herself fiercely and fearlessly. The video can be found here, trigger warnings for fatphobia and abuse of a position of power.

For a horrible story that should never have happened, it has the happiest possible ending. The church issued a letter of apology that was crystal clear that Bonnie was wrong and did “great harm,” Jenna said that her pastor promised her that Bonnie “will never be able to be on any sort of committee/any leadership role in our church ever again. (Jenna has asked that people not attack her church, as they are working to fix the problem.)

Remember that no matter what size someone is, and no matter what they are wearing (looking at you, People of Walmart apologists), fat-shaming is never ok, and being fat is always ok.

Was this post helpful? If you appreciate the work that I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time tip or by becoming a member. (Members get special deals on fat-positive stuff, a monthly e-mail keeping them up to date on the work their membership supports, and the ability to ask me questions that I answer in a members-only monthly Q&A Video!)

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Wellness for All Bodies Program: A simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight-neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Love It! 234 Inspirations And Activities to Help You Love Your Body
This is filled with thoughtful advice from the authors Jeanette DePatie, Ragen Chastain, and Pia Sciavo-Campo as well as dozens of other notable names from the body love movement, the book is lovingly illustrated with diverse drawings from size-positive artist Toni Tails.
Price: $9.99 softcover, $7.99 Kindle, ($6.95 + free shipping for DancesWithFat Members)

Non-Members click here for all the details and to register!

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!  (DancesWithFat Members get an even better deal, make sure to make your purchases from the Members Page!)

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m (still!) training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com or on Instagram.

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

 

 

I was recently in a Facebook conversation with someone who posted this picture of  Barbie Fierra, just to tear her down:

The person on Facebook started by assuring us that she, herself, was a size 22, then went on at some length about why she did not like the way the dress looked, including the claim that Ms. Fierra “needed shapewear.”

Through the course of the conversation, as she had done with her statement about shapewear, my conversation companion consistently gave her opinions as if they were fact (“she just doesn’t look her best”, “the outfit doesn’t do her justice” etc.) citing her job (or hobby, I’m not certain) as a “stylist” as justification for her claims. I repeatedly said that she is entitled to her opinions (and that if someone wants to pay her for her opinions then that’s great for both of them) but they are just that – opinions, not facts. I got blocked, so here we are.

Let’s start here. This woman chose to wear this outfit. Unless and until I hear that she was forced to wear it and didn’t like it, I support her right to choose what she wants to wear.

Fat women and femmes (and women and femmes in general) get enough criticism for our personal choices, so there’s no good reason to bash each other for what we choose to wear. Not to mention that the mainstream concept of fashion is rooted in thin, white, cis, hetero, classist, able-bodiedness and often ends up being just another method to enforce these oppressions.

And for the record, I don’t buy that whole “I was criticizing the fashion, not the person” thing. If the fashion is on a person, then you are criticizing that person’s choices (yes, even if they were working with a stylist.) Unless they were literally forced to wear the clothing – in which case we have bigger things to criticize than the outfit – then what they are wearing is still about their choice.

Besides which, what precisely is the goal here? Are we hoping the person in the picture will see the commentary and feel bad about themselves? Hoping to give others the message that criticizing women and femmes for their (clothing) choices is completely ok? Trying to make ourselves feel better by putting down someone else down?

It doesn’t really matter because the truth remains, this is a shitty thing to do.

I personally like the outfit because it flies in the face of all the rules that fat women and femmes are supposed to follow in order for clothes to be “flattering”  – use tight undergarments to push our boobs up and in and smush our fat around to get as close as we can to an hourglass shape, smash our belly as flat as we can, don’t let our belly outline show, blah blah. (People can wear whatever they want, but nobody needs to wear shapewear – our bodies are just fine in their natural, non-underwear-manipulated shapes.)

That’s what I personally like about the garment but, again, it absolutely doesn’t matter if I like it or not because SHE likes it, and SHE’s wearing it, and I support that 100%.

If you don’t like this look, one option is to keep it to yourself. Either way, you’ll have to talk about it elsewhere because I’m not here for fashion bashing.

Was this post helpful? If you appreciate the work that I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time tip or by becoming a member. (Members get special deals on fat-positive stuff, a monthly e-mail keeping them up to date on the work their membership supports, and the ability to ask me questions that I answer in a members-only monthly Q&A Video!)

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Wellness for All Bodies Program: A simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight-neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Love It! 234 Inspirations And Activities to Help You Love Your Body
This is filled with thoughtful advice from the authors Jeanette DePatie, Ragen Chastain, and Pia Sciavo-Campo as well as dozens of other notable names from the body love movement, the book is lovingly illustrated with diverse drawings from size-positive artist Toni Tails.
Price: $9.99 softcover, $7.99 Kindle, ($6.95 + free shipping for DancesWithFat Members)

Non-Members click here for all the details and to register!

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!  (DancesWithFat Members get an even better deal, make sure to make your purchases from the Members Page!)

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m (still!) training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com or on Instagram.

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.