If you’re tired of hearing diet talk, then this song (to the tune of “Let It Snow”) is for you! Turn it up and sing along (or hum it under your breath at parties, totally your call.)

 

The truly fabulous Jeanette DePatie and I have collaborated on a series of revamped holiday songs. This is the first one and we’ll be releasing more throughout the holiday season. Of course I’ll be posting them here, and you can also subscribe to my YouTube channel! Feel free to leave a comment (the comments are moderated, so it might take a little while to be published, but in good news it will be part of a troll-free comment section!)

Did you like it?

If you appreciate the work that I do (of the funny song-parody and serious activism varieties!) you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time tip or by becoming a member. (Members get special deals on fat-positive stuff, a monthly e-mail keeping them up to date on the work their membership supports, and the ability to ask me questions that I answer in a members-only monthly Q&A Video!)

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Body Love Obstacle Course

This e-course that includes coaching videos, a study guide, and an ebook with the tools you need to create a rock-solid relationship with your body. Our relationships with our bodies don’t happen in a vacuum, so just learning to see our beauty isn’t going to cut it. The world throws obstacles in our way – obstacles that aren’t our fault, but become our problem. Over the course of this program, Ragen Chastain, Jeanette DePatie, and six incredible guest coaches will teach you practical, realistic, proven strategies to go above, around, and through the obstacles that the world puts in front of you when it comes to living an amazing life in the body you have now.
Price: $99.00
($79.00 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Wellness for All Bodies Program: A simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight-neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Love It! 234 Inspirations And Activities to Help You Love Your Body
This is filled with thoughtful advice from the authors Jeanette DePatie, Ragen Chastain, and Pia Sciavo-Campo as well as dozens of other notable names from the body love movement, the book is lovingly illustrated with diverse drawings from size-positive artist Toni Tails.
Price: $9.99 softcover, $7.99 Kindle, ($6.95 + free shipping for DancesWithFat Members)

Non-Members click here for all the details and to register!

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRON-distance triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!  (DancesWithFat Members get an even better deal, make sure to make your purchases from the Members Page!)

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m (still!) training for an Iron-distance triathlon! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com .

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

I spend a lot of time helping fat people deal with the bullshit fat-shaming that comes our way daily, and that often escalates at the holidays (whether we celebrate them or not.)  I try to be clear that these things are not our fault, even though they become our problem and that the problem isn’t fat people, it’s fat-shaming. So today I wanted to take a second to talk directly to fat-shamers of the on-purpose, accidental, and potential variety – however well-meaning they may be – about how they can stop the problem before it even starts at the holidays, and all year long!

Don’t give a weight loss or “health” gift

Don’t give a gym membership, diet club membership, “healthy meal” delivery etc. unless the person has very specifically asked for it.  Including and especially if you’re only assuming that they don’t already do or have these things because of your stereotypes about fat people, or as a passive-aggressive hint that you think they may “need” the gift. Instead, if you want to give a gift, consider choosing something based on the person’s actual likes and interests rather than stereotypes and fat-shaming. Or maybe a nice gift certificate.

Don’t be the food police

Don’t monitor, comment on, or concern yourself in any way with fat people’s (or any sized people’s) food choices at parties, holiday dinners or, hey, ever.  If we need the food police, we’ll call Pie-1-1. If you feel like you might have to deal with the Family and Friends Food Police, here are some tips.  If you want some ideas to help when you witness this kind of food shaming, check here.

Don’t give a fat-shaming card

Way too many fat people get cards with some version of  “We love you and we want you to lose weight because we want you to be around a long time.” If you honestly can’t figure out why “Happy Holidays! Please don’t die of fat because mourning you would be a major bummer for us” isn’t an appropriate message for a holiday card, then please just take my word for it this is a bad idea. And also, consider that giving cards may not be for you. The person to whom you deliver this little Hallmark moment may be able to defend themselves in court successfully with “Your Honor, they needed a killin”

This happened to my partner a few years ago and she chose to cut ties with the relatives completely, about which it seems they are upset. Bad behavior can have undesired consequences for everyone, don’t put your fat friends and family in this position.

Don’t engage in diet talk or negative body talk

This suggestion isn’t just to help fat guests, but also for guests of any size who may be dealing with eating disorders, or guests who are interested in conversations that aren’t boring as hell. Find something else to talk about than why you are or are not eating what you are or are not eating.  Skip the 5-minute soliloquy on what you feel you have to do to punish yourself for eating pie, and ask somebody at the party to tell you about themselves instead, or go watch TV, or play on your phone, whatever.

Don’t comment on body size changes

Nothing says “Happy Holidays” like knowing that your relatives are monitoring your body. You might think it’s a compliment to ask if someone has lost weight but that question is super loaded – perhaps they’ve lost weight because of illness, grief, medication, an eating disorder, or something else unwanted or unintentional. Perhaps they are uncomfortable with having their body size made into a topic for discussion (maybe because it’s hella inappropriate…) Perhaps they haven’t lost weight and, however well-intentioned you may be, they take it as backhanded or passive-aggressive. (Or perhaps you intended it to be backhanded or passive-aggressive in which case you’re being an ass,  won’t you please be a dear, and knock that shit off.)  If you want some suggestions for wading through the tricky world of weight loss compliments (like what to do when someone tells you’ve they’ve lost weight and then looks at you expectantly), you’ll find that here.

Don’t stage some kind of weight loss intervention

This should be a big pile of obvious in an obvious box with an obvious bow, but every year some asshat who wants to be thought of as “brave” writes an article about how the holidays are the perfect time to fat shame your relatives “for their own good.” First of all, people’s weight and health (two different things) aren’t your business unless they ask you to make them your business. Even if you don’t believe that, the holidays are definitely not the time to do this.  And if you feel that you have to do this at the holidays because it’s the only time you see that person, then consider how relevant you really are in their lives and whether you have any business doing this at all.  Then don’t. Just don’t. Do Not. Don’t. Trust me when I tell you, you are not The Fat Person Whisperer.

Was this post helpful? If you appreciate the work that I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time tip or by becoming a member. (Members get special deals on fat-positive stuff, a monthly e-mail keeping them up to date on the work their membership supports, and the ability to ask me questions that I answer in a members-only monthly Q&A Video!)

Sick of diet talk? There’s a song for that! 

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Body Love Obstacle Course

This e-course that includes coaching videos, a study guide, and an ebook with the tools you need to create a rock-solid relationship with your body. Our relationships with our bodies don’t happen in a vacuum, so just learning to see our beauty isn’t going to cut it. The world throws obstacles in our way – obstacles that aren’t our fault, but become our problem. Over the course of this program, Ragen Chastain, Jeanette DePatie, and six incredible guest coaches will teach you practical, realistic, proven strategies to go above, around, and through the obstacles that the world puts in front of you when it comes to living an amazing life in the body you have now.
Price: $99.00
($79.00 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Wellness for All Bodies Program: A simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight-neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Love It! 234 Inspirations And Activities to Help You Love Your Body
This is filled with thoughtful advice from the authors Jeanette DePatie, Ragen Chastain, and Pia Sciavo-Campo as well as dozens of other notable names from the body love movement, the book is lovingly illustrated with diverse drawings from size-positive artist Toni Tails.
Price: $9.99 softcover, $7.99 Kindle, ($6.95 + free shipping for DancesWithFat Members)

Non-Members click here for all the details and to register!

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRON-distance triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!  (DancesWithFat Members get an even better deal, make sure to make your purchases from the Members Page!)

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m (still!) training for an Iron-distance triathlon! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com .

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

For many people the holidays are coming, which can mean lots of gathering with family, friends, co-workers, people you don’t know that well but who invite you and put out a good spread etc. If you’re helping to plan an event at the holidays (or, you know, anytime) here are some tips and tricks to help make sure it’s welcoming to fat people.

Seating

I really can’t say this enough, but I’m going to try. Seating. Seating. Seating. Seating. Seating. Seriously. Sturdy armless chairs, benches, and loveseats. Try to avoid seats that are super low (using a footstool as a seat seems like a good idea until you have to get up,) or super high (climbing up into a stool like a spider monkey and then trying to balance once you’re up there is also the worst.) For more on fat people and chairs, check out this post.

If you’re planning an event, make sure that they provide sturdy seating – armless chairs, bench seating (in restaurants you’ll want to make sure that the tables in the booths can be moved to accommodate larger bodies,) etc. For outside events (if, like me, you live in a freaking place that stays freaking warm all the freaking time) make sure to double and triple check because outdoor chairs tend to be some of the least accommodating.

It’s best to call or e-mail the venue, but you can do some preliminary research by checking out the venue website and/or a site like yelp (beware though, seating can change and many venues get new or different chairs before the holiday rush, so definitely confirm with the venue!)

Need to buy some fat-friendly seating? The Fat Lip has you covered!

Space

Space is to seating like mac is to cheese – you’ve got to have both for it to work. All the armless chairs in the world won’t make a difference if fat people don’t have room to actually move around (and while this piece focuses on fat inclusion, it’s important to also think about having space for those of all sizes who use wheelchairs, walkers, crutches, and other mobility aids.)

If you’re setting up a buffet that people will be moving through, make sure that there is enough room to move without – I want to decide between shrimp puffs and crab puffs not if I’d rather have my stomach or my ass knock the mashed potatoes off the table.(Also, obviously I’m getting both the shrimp and the crab puffs, that question was only for the example.)

If you’re setting up chairs for a concert or other viewing event, understand that butts may be wider than seats and leave some space between the chairs. If you have several tables set up, make sure there’s plenty of room to move between them. 

Everybody Poops

If you have a small bathroom, do your best to create as much space as possible. If the toilet paper holder sits right beside the toilet (so that someone with wide hips might run into it,) consider moving the toilet paper temporarily to a shelf in front of the toilet or to the vanity. If you have a garbage can taking up real estate next to the toilet, consider moving that as well. Just create as much space as you can.

Skip the Diet Talk and Body Shaming

We have every right to make the rules in the spaces we create. So we can throw a body positive event (in the true, original, radically fat-accepting meaning of body positive,) an event where the expectation is that guests will not engage in negative body talk, diet talk, or food policing.

The invitation could say something like “This is going to be a party where we can all be comfortable, and part of that is stepping away from all the harmful culture pressure around food and body size. So there won’t be any negative body talk (including about ourselves!) and everyone is free to eat or not eat whatever they choose – and we’ll skip the explanation for why (unless it’s about a food allergy, of course!)”

Get the Word Out

My Best Friend is the inspiration for this post. I talked to him earlier tonight about because I’ll be visiting him soon and he is planning some get-togethers. I wasn’t worried about anything because I know that he wouldn’t put me in a situation that isn’t fat-friendly, but even so, after he told me the names of the restaurants he made sure to let me know that he had called ahead and that they all have armless chairs and lots of space to move around.

And that’s the final step. If you’ve done the right thing and made these arrangements, make sure that people know that. Fat people get put into a lot of shitty situations by people who should know better, including professionals (hostess who tried to sit my fat ass in a tiny booth with an immoveable table, I’m looking at you,) so sadly we can’t just assume that someone has thought of these things.

This can be subtle – a flyer for your work party that includes the line “comfortable seating for people of all sizes,” or “plenty of space and comfortable seating to accommodate everyone” etc.  Trust me when I tell you, fat people will clock this immediately.

It’s also helpful to note anything that might be an issue, like “there are two stairs into the house” or “parking is hit or miss and can be pretty far away.”

Was this post helpful? If you appreciate the work that I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time tip or by becoming a member. (Members get special deals on fat-positive stuff, a monthly e-mail keeping them up to date on the work their membership supports, and the ability to ask me questions that I answer in a members-only monthly Q&A Video!)

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Body Love Obstacle Course

This e-course that includes coaching videos, a study guide, and an ebook with the tools you need to create a rock-solid relationship with your body. Our relationships with our bodies don’t happen in a vacuum, so just learning to see our beauty isn’t going to cut it. The world throws obstacles in our way – obstacles that aren’t our fault, but become our problem. Over the course of this program, Ragen Chastain, Jeanette DePatie, and six incredible guest coaches will teach you practical, realistic, proven strategies to go above, around, and through the obstacles that the world puts in front of you when it comes to living an amazing life in the body you have now.
Price: $99.00
($79.00 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Wellness for All Bodies Program: A simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight-neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Love It! 234 Inspirations And Activities to Help You Love Your Body
This is filled with thoughtful advice from the authors Jeanette DePatie, Ragen Chastain, and Pia Sciavo-Campo as well as dozens of other notable names from the body love movement, the book is lovingly illustrated with diverse drawings from size-positive artist Toni Tails.
Price: $9.99 softcover, $7.99 Kindle, ($6.95 + free shipping for DancesWithFat Members)

Non-Members click here for all the details and to register!

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRON-distance triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!  (DancesWithFat Members get an even better deal, make sure to make your purchases from the Members Page!)

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m (still!) training for an Iron-distance triathlon! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com .

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.