The phrase “You are too much!” is usually used when someone goes out of their way to help you, or says something really funny, or does something out of the ordinary.  “You are too much!” is typically a good thing, a compliment.

In our culture fat people hear that we’re too much all the time, but absent the complimentary nature. It’s not just those who describe our bodies as fleshy castles or whatever ridiculous fat bashing BS they’re saying.  It’s ingrained in the language – overweight, extra space, plus size.  The (massively mistaken) idea being that there are people who deserve to live in a world in which they fit, but at some point (a point which is pretty arbitrarily assigned and different based on who you talk to, or what plane you’re on) we lose that right.

I’ve talked about this phenomenon, including the fact that it’s acceptable for hospitals – which were built and stocked by people who knew full well that fat people exist – are allowed to simply shrug and tell me that they don’t have beds, or blood pressure cuffs, or equipment, or chairs, or crutches, or wheelchairs, or whatever, that fit me. In a fat hate forum someone said that my saying that fat people should have beds that fit us in hospitals shows that we want the world to “bend over backwards for us.”

I’m here to suggest that we do not have to buy into, or feel bad about, this bullshit argument.  The question shouldn’t be “why does that fatty have the audacity to suggest that those who provide medical care to the community should have equipment to treat her?”  The question should be “How come I can go into any hospital and expect that they’ll have equipment to treat me, but fat people can’t?”  A nice follow up question would be “How can I help correct that?”

We are not too much.  The world is not yet enough.

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Debbie Johnson is a City Council member in Port Wentworth, Georgia.  She is also a Black, plus size, woman – in fact, she is the first Black woman in the council of all white men. In 2015, during a closed session meeting Ernie Stanhope, another member of the city council, took an upskirt picture of her and shared it around with men including the city attorney and the mayor (who is aptly nicknamed “Pig.”) Then Eric Steely, a political opponent of Ms. Johnson, upped the ante by posting it to Facebook complete with lies and derogatory statements about her. None of the men told her that the picture was being circulated.

The picture went viral and ended up on the front page of the local paper, and on the evening news. That led to a police investigation in which the mayor (who, seriously y’all, goes by “Pig”) chose to obstruct the investigation by refusing to reveal who took the picture. He finally gave up Ernie Stanhope in a follow-up interview. He said “If this does get out, I ain’t gonna be the one that’s gonna be held responsible for it.” Well said, Pig.

Ernie Stanhope sat with his legs wide open and tried to suggest that it was her fault that he took the picture because she was sitting with her legs wide open.

City Attorney Eric Gotwalt brought his own attorney to the proceedings and when asked about the picture requested to take a break. Then it appears he tried to claim that his looking at the picture was an act protected by attorney client privilege.  When asked if we was representing the mayor or the city he responded “I think we represent both.”  He thinks…I’m sure that’s confidence inspiring for both the mayor and the city.

Eric Steely lied about the picture’s origin and then tried to suggest that it was Ms. Johnson’s fault that the picture existed saying: “I could constitute that as a deliberate attempt at public indecency.” Though it’s not clear by what authority he might “constitute” that.

The investigator then asked “What purpose would it serve for her to do that?”

Eric went with the “she was asking for it” defense, claiming “I could sit here and say she has some kind of perverted sexual fantasy and that satisfied it.” Of course that means that Eric’s response to finding out about what he considers to be a sexual predator out there exposing herself is to post an upskirt picture of her to Facebook, captioned with lies and derogatory statements. What a fine upstanding citizen he is.

Ms. Johnson wants to pursue the matter but District Attorney Meg Heap refused to press charges. Ms. Johnson describes it as being repeatedly violated, at every Council meeting. In discussing Meg’s refusal to press charges Ms. Johnson points out:

I’m a black woman that was violated by all white men. What if it had happened to her and it was Black men?  If Black men were violating her? They would be underneath the jail.

I appreciate her pointing out how systemic racism and privilege are at work here. As a Fat Activist I wonder, too, how this might have played out had she not been plus size?

Mayor Pig said ““When I started thinking, I said well again, Miss Johnson being a big woman can’t cross her legs and the picture says it all. ”

This is an example of what we talk about when we talk about intersectionality as coined by Kimberlé Williams Crenshaw. Ms. Johnson is being violated and oppressed by white men at the intersections of being Black, plus-size, and a woman.

She is being represented by The Claiborne Firm, which takes on civil rights cases including, according to their website “cases under the federal civil rights statute after excessive use of force by law enforcement officers and denial of medical care by corrections officers and private contractors.”

Her attorneys are asking for our help:

Call City Hall: 912-964-4379

• Demand the removal of City Attorney Eric Gotwalt and his firm
• Demand the resignation of  (seriously can’t believe I’m typing this) Mayor Pig Jones

Contact District Attorney Meg Heap: 912-652-7328 mdheap@chathamcounty.org 

Share this information with your community.

You can find more information about the case here and in this video:

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One of the reasons that I’m no longer interested in attempting weight loss is that my review of the literature informs me that it simply has no basis in evidence as being an effective way to either lose weight or become more healthy (which are two separate things).  When I say that, people often object insisting that there are studies where people have lost weight.

The problem is that any old research where a couple of people lost weight won’t do (go ahead, review the literature.  I think you’ll be shocked to find how often the average participant lost a few pounds, gained back half of it before they stopped tracking, and then the authors declare the study a success.)

The research we would need for weight loss to meet the criteria of an evidence-based medical intervention is twofold.  First, we would need a study where the majority of the participants lost the amount of weight that we are told we need to lose to change our health and maintain that weight loss long term (over 5 years).  If we had those studies – and we don’t –  we would then need some proof that weight loss actually caused health improvements – and this study already brings that into question.

This rules out the National Weight Control Registry because they’ve chosen to study 10,000 people who experienced weight loss while completely ignoring the up to 800,000,000 failed attempts that happened in the same time frame.  Then they just look for things that the 10,000 have in common. So when they say things like “eating breakfast contributes to weight loss” what they actually mean is that they asked the 10,000 people who succeeded what they did, and a majority of them said that they ate breakfast.  Note that they didn’t ask how many of the up to 800,000,000 people who did not lose weight also ate breakfast – that would be important information to have since if a majority of the people who didn’t lose weight also ate breakfast then breakfast may have absolutely nothing to do with it.

Imagine if I got together everyone who had survived a skydiving accident when their parachute didn’t open and started looking for things they have in common.  Even if every single one of them wore a green shirt and had oatmeal for breakfast, I cannot say that wearing a green shirt and eating oatmeal will allow you to survive a skydiving accident, nor can I ethically start Ragen’s School of No Parachute Skydiving “free green shirt and oatmeal with every jump!”  When your entire sample is a statistical anomaly, your research is useless. When all you’re looking for is random coincidence among a select group of outliers, you’d be better off using your research money on lottery tickets.

Other times, people bring up studies where phase 1 was weight loss and phase 2 was maintenance, the study lost between 40% and 70%  of participants during or after phase one, and then the researchers continued on as if the remaining people were the complete study group.  Not ok. Why did all of those people quit?  How will their experience be accounted for? Often the remaining subjects start gaining back the weight they lost so that at the end of phase 2 the average participant has gained back half of their weight with a net loss of less than 10 pounds.  Or they only follow up for a year or two when we know that most people gain their weight back by year 5.

People list study after study and all of them have one or more of the above problems, which I or someone else in the discussion points out.  At that point, the person listing the studies often gets frustrated and says something like “Why don’t you like my studies?” or “You just don’t want to believe.”   If they examined it, I think they’d find that their frustration isn’t with me, it’s with the fact that they’ve been sold a lie and they bought it at full retail price.

I certainly know that frustration, when I did my first literature review of weight loss research I expected to find that all diets worked – I was just looking for the “best” one, the one that had the most solid success.  I was so shocked at what I found that I read through all of the literature again.  I simply couldn’t believe that this thing – weight loss – that had been marketed to me more aggressively than anything else in my life had no basis in evidence.  I couldn’t believe that doctors had been giving me an intervention which had been shown repeatedly to almost always end in failure, and the majority of time had the exact opposite of the intended result.  When I found out that there weren’t even any studies that showed that weight loss caused changes in health I was just stunned.

It took me a lot of time and a lot of work to accept the truth.  It was hard to find out that I’d been lied to (on purpose and inadvertently), it was hard to find out that the thing that I’d been promised would solve all of my problems was never going to happen.  In many ways, at least for me, Health at Every Size was about giving up, but that’s what I do when I find out that I’ve been harboring a mistaken belief.  That’s what scientists (well, good scientists) do when their research does not support their hypothesis (however strongly held or widely believed it might be.)  They don’t suspend the rules or research and logic and argue for a belief that they can’t support with evidence.

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Today I’m taking a break from my usual Size Acceptance and Health at Every Size writing to say goodbye and give my respect to President Obama.  I’ll be back tomorrow with my usual fare.

I’ve certainly publicly disagreed with the way that his administration has talked about and treated fat people. He wasn’t perfect, nobody is. But for eight years I’ve had the opportunity to live in a country with a leader I could respect, who worked to move us forward, make progress in civil rights, and be a mature, level-headed leader in the face of horrific racism and obstructionism. Thank you President Obama, I’ll miss you.

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I saw a cooking show recently at a hotel and I made a note to blog about it.  It seems familiar so I looked back and, indeed, it turns out that it was a re-run and I had blogged about it before, so I’m re-posting it. There was a chef whose passion was “healthy cooking.”  She started out by talking about how many people in her family “struggle with their weight”, she teared up as she talked about how sad it was for her to watch.

Then, when she went in front of the judges with a soup that was, to me,  a horrific looking combination of black eyed peas and cabbage – pureed –   she suddenly got angry and went on a rant about how she was “fed up” how there is “no excuse for it.” Happily the judges were not into the attitude which neatly  summed up two reactions that people have to fat people that I find utterly inappropriate and unwelcome.

First – Pity.  Don’t want it, don’t need it, won’t listen to it.  There is nothing pitiable about my body.  As I’ve mentioned before I do not “suffer” from obesity, I do suffer from people’s attitudes about my body.  That’s a suffering that will end as soon as people acknowledge that bodies come in different sizes for different reasons, that there is no wrong way to have a body, and that it’s nobody else’s business at all.  When someone says that they pity me because of my body it indicates that they think there is something superior about their bodies. My body is amazing and I won’t allow it to be treated that way without sticking up for it.  People can keep their pity, and their opinions and assumptions of my body, to themselves.

Preaching is the second issue.  It seems like every time I turn around someone’s trying to score points by giving “tough talk” to us fatties.  Telling us that they are just fed up with us and our big, fleshy bodies like we should care how they feel.  Saying that the world needs to stop “coddling” us, asserting that the world would be better if we didn’t exist,  waging war on us for power, politics and profit.  Suggesting that the problem with fat people is that we’re just not bullied and oppressed enough.  Somehow certain that the reason we’re not thin is that 386,170 negative messages a year about our body are just not enough. That somebody needs to tell us we’re fat. If shaming fat people made us thin, we’d all be thin.

I reflect sometimes on how the achievements of fat people are made more impressive because we accomplish things under the crushing weight of near constant stigma and bullying. Despite the pitying, the preaching, and the constant drumbeat of “your body is wrong”, we keep rising above, keep fighting back.  Just getting out of bed when you know the work water cooler conversation is going to be about weight loss resolutions, or going to the gym when you know the junior high level fatphobia you might face, are gold medal sports some days and we just keep doing it.

So go fatties go! Everyone else can keep their pitying and preaching to themselves, we’re fine.

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It was recently reported that MasterCard filed a patent for  “a system, method, and computer-readable storage medium configured to analyse the physical size of payment accountholders based on payment transactions, and allowing a transportation provider to apply the physical size of payment accountholders to seating.”

They are suggesting that they can guess your size, and the size of all of your family members, based on what you buy, and then report that information to transportation companies.  Their patent application states that this information might be used thusly: “for the comfort of their passengers, transportation providers should avoid seating physically large strangers next to each other”.

Riiiiiiight.  Also, in lieu of drink service, airlines will start handing out bags of magic beans courtesy of MasterCard. I seriously doubt that Mastercard is going to the time and expense of patenting this so they can give it away, so if this goes into effect (and they may not act on it, even if the patent is approved) we can assume that travel companies will be paying them for it, and passing that cost on to us – and by us, I mean fat people.

Let’s get real here. Travel companies decided to start a business that moves people from place to place. Then, despite the fact that people come in many sizes, they built their planes, trains, and buses to only accommodate people up to a certain size.  Now they try to charge people larger than that size up to twice as much for the exact same service (travel from place to place) in ways that are indefensible unless you think “we hate fat people” is a reasonable defense.  And now Mastercard is saying “Hey, let us help you out with that.”

Again, this is a patent that MasterCard has applied for –  they may not be granted the patent, and if they are they might not choose to use it.  But I’m not excited about doing business with a credit card company that is excited about helping transportation companies engage in sizeism.

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Many fat people have been minding their own business, going about their lives, only to be jolted from their thoughts by someone asking “So, when are you due?”

As has been often said, if you can’t see the baby crowning, don’t assume someone is pregnant. This isn’t just because you have no idea if they are pregnant or fat (and of course there is no shame in being either or both) it’s also because it may be a person who is struggling with fertility, or has just lost a child, or doesn’t want to talk about their pregnancy status with some busybody at the grocery store, or any of dozens of other reasons.  One person’s desire – however well meaning- to make an out loud guess about someone else’s state of pregnancy isn’t more important than the harm they might do.

Reader Rachel asked if I would blog about what to do when you are dealing with someone who doesn’t get those things.   I asked this question on Facebook and, wow, did people respond.  The amazing answers that folks came up with are below (apologies in advance if I missed any.)

I want to point out that not all of the answers will appeal to everybody and that’s fine. Some people might think it’s awesome to say “Yup – twins…Hag and Daz…” while other people might be uncomfortable with the idea of possibly reinforcing stereotypes about fat people and food.

As with everything, your mileage may vary so feel free to pick, choose, and edit for what works for you. Remember that each person gets to choose how to deal with the oppression that comes at them,  so sarcasm, quick wit, and killing them with kindness are all equally valid choices, and you might choose different comebacks for different situations.

If you have other ideas for comebacks to this situation (or if there’s a situation that you would like to see me blog about) by all means leave them in the comments!

My personal favorite response is one that I heard from the always amazing Marilyn Wann “Not yet, but the night is young…”  Marilyn tells me that it was contributed to the FAT!SO? book by Betsy “Boo” Mitchell Henning, a brilliant spirit. According to the FB thread, it is also Hanne and Jasmine’s go to response.

By far the most popular response was saying “Nope, I’m just fat.” This was often delivered with a big smile and/or a belly pat. Suggested by Sarah, Rachel, Jen, Beth Ann, Beth, Jess, Liz, Courtney, Autumn, Chelsea, Dayna, Gisela, Holly, Samantha, Kay, Wendee, Amy, Denise, Lana, Sheila, Stephanie, Catherine, Karen, Theresa, Leslie, Rachel, Kit, Autumn, Holly, and Heather.

A fun variation on that theme: Diana: “Nah, just fat. Got an IUD to keep from getting pregnant, in fact, wanna see, I can just pull it out for ya?” *makes motion to reach into pants*  This usually freaks people the hell out and they ask why I’d say such a thing, then I respond with “oh, I thought you were totally cool with having intimate medical discussions with strangers since you asked such an invasive question to begin with”

Melia:  When they ask when I am due, I’ve told them “5 years ago.”

Tamara:  “Yep! I gave birth in 2005!”

Kim, Kat, Toni: “Twins. Ben, and Jerry.”

Tessa: “Yeah I’m pregnant…with 3 slices of pizza. Due to drop them in, like, 30 minutes.”

Robin: I tell them my baby is due when theirs is.
Always “I’m not pregnant”
… Ditto

Myrna: A friend of mine had a woman come up and touch her belly and ask when she was due and my friend looked her in the eye and said “stop fucking touching my fat.”

Jami: “Maybe in a couple years” is my go to. The confused look followed by the horror when they realize what I mean & frantic apologies is absolutely priceless.

Margo: “Wow. That was rude. You must be so embarrassed. ”

Grace:  Sometimes they escalate the intrusiveness and ask if I want to lose weight. That’s when I say “Honey, I’m not even done getting fat yet!” Shuts them down quickly.”

Heather:  “it’s a burrito baby!”

Melissa: “I’m fat, and you’re an ass.” I will often ask them in which universe, exactly, they thought asking that was ok or a good idea.

Linda: “It’s all me in there”

Friday:  When are you due? “20 years ago.”

Dorothy, Carly: I tell the truth and say “I can’t have kids.”

Lisa: “No, I just ate a bagel.” Then stare them in the eyes.

Rene: If the question is “when are you due?” I like to start rattling off the due dates of my library books, or when I’m due for my next pap smear.

Tzenah: My response: “For what?” *allow awkward silence to develop*

Elizabeth: “Well, I’m due at work in *checks watch* about 20 minutes.”

Mindy:  “No, but I had an abortion once.”

Deborah: “I’m due to watch you get super embarrassed in about 20 seconds from now.”

KeriAynn: “The 12th…of never…”

Meghan: I like to ask a question back such as, “When was your last pap or colonoscopy or recital exam? Oh sorry I thought this was inappropriate question time!”

Rene: “Oh thank you kind stranger, I was completely unaware of the joyous occasion. Were you present at the conception? Cuz I sure as hell wasn’t.”

Angie: Set scene: I am holding two screaming babies, both about the same size while pushing a grocery cart with my foot. Woman in checkout line in front of me points at my protruding stomach.
Her: “when are you due?”
Me, “about 13 months ago. I hope today is not the day.”

Roux-Toria: “Nope! Just gas!”

Thea: I drum on my stomach and say, “Nah, just a fatty.”

Brenda:  “Well, I’m not pregnant with a baby, but I always am pregnant with new possibilities in my own life – Life can be so surprising!” I was going for the Zen answer

Deidra:  Depends on how much of an ass they are being and how much of a smartass i’m feeling. “Nope, just fat” is usually the answer. sometimes, “Three hours and i hope to drop that food baby in the toilet later so my pants fit better!” or if they are nasty “I just had a miscarriage at eight months but thanks for asking!”

Caiti:  The only time I had this happen I was really young, but had started developing boobs early. They asked, I very calmly informed her that I was only in pre-puberty and hadn’t even gotten my period yet. She was all shocked and shaken and I informed her that she shouldn’t ask loaded questions if she didn’t expect a response. I walked away after that, but she apparently tried to tell my mom about weight loss strategies.

Michelle: “No. Are you?”

Meredith: I tell them “I’m due February 30th.”

Monica: “I’m in my 126th trimester.” (I’m 31 1/2 years old)

Liz: 18-year gestation. My “baby” is almost done with high school.

Andrea: I once feigned stupidity, like I didn’t know what the person was talking about and I kept saying “What?” as if I was confused until they shut up.

Shanna: “No, that is a cupcake and several seitan wings.”

Amy: “This is the size of my stomach; I’m not pregnant.”

Jan: “Yes, I DID just have a baby! Fifteen years ago.”

Janelle: I rub my belly, cackle like a witch and say, “Not pregnant but I do enjoy small children when they’re covered in barbecue sauce!”

Pia: “Oh I wish!”

Ashley: I want do a whole thing where I act like they’re informing me that I’m pregnant. “What!? I’m pregnant?? Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! My mom is going to be sooooo happy!! But what about my career? I’ll have to quit my job so I don’t work 18 hour days anymore. But my job is my life. I would be miserable. Maybe I should get an abortion. Kids are super expensive so it would be cheaper to pay for an abortion. But what will my husband say??” etc.

Amysue: I’m 55 and just say “no”. It’s not my job to disarm, humor or make someone less uncomfortable for voicing out loud a very personal assumption. That said, when I was younger it was so painful to hear because I wanted to be able to be pregnant and couldn’t. After I became a mom through adoption I’d sometimes agree if it was a stranger because I felt being in the pregnant camp was less “bad” than the fat camp. Now I have no patience with people who are uncomfortable around my body.

Gael: “Yes… and your bastard of a husband hasn’t called me back since I told him.” (contribution from my hubby

Elizabeth: Well if it meant they were offering me a seat on the subway I’d take it and THEN let them know I’m just fat. And not get up.

Sarah: “I’m pregnant with ice cream’s baby!”

Amber: It’s usually small children (I’m an elementary school teacher) and I say “nope, I just have a big belly.”

Macie: Response 1: “I usually poo around seven.”
Response 2: “September, 2010” ( last kids birthday)
Response 3: “My period is usually here by the fifth.”

Shaye: “I sure hope not.”

Rain: <utterly delighted tone, rather loudly, a bit wild-eyed> “No, I’m fat as fuck, and I’m so delighted you noticed! <stroking belly curve> Isn’t it gorgeous??”

Alannah:  “I’m not pregnant.”

Beda: Last time it happened a lady, I’ve never seen before in my life, places hand on my belly “you’re having baby?” “Nah, just a lot of pizza”.

LeeAnn: “You know, not everyone with a big tummy is pregnant. People have different kinds of bodies. Why didn’t your parents tell you that?”

Emily: If someone straight out asks whether I’m pregnant, I rub my belly and say with a smile, “Nope that’s all fat”.

One time my fiance’s great niece put her ear to my belly and asked if I had a baby in there. Her mom had just had her baby brother and looked like she was about to scold the little girl for asking such a question. I said “No baby there, sometimes people just have big tummies.” The niece was like “oh, OK” and went on her merry way.

Donna: “Oh am I? Thank you for letting me know”

Mia: As someone who works hard to ensure there will be no babies coming out of me, I respond, “Oh thank god no, I’m fat

Brenda: “This is just leftovers from the last 2 pregnancies…”

Laurel: Raucous laughter. I’m 57. That ship sailed long ago..

Phoebe:  “I’m not, but thank you for the compliment. I must be glowing. Pregnant women are so beautiful.”

Gretchen: “Do you really think so? We keep trying but there have been so many miscarriages!” Then burst into tears. Makes them feel really shitty.

Athena: “Actually I can’t have children, so I’m pretty sure I’m not, I’m just really fucking fat.”

Silva:  “If I’m pregnant, the child will absolutely for sure be the Messiah”

E-K: “My only babies have fur and four legs.”

Amanda: “Only until Thursday, it was the earliest the clinic could get me in.” This wasn’t weird until you made it weird, Sparky.

Katrina: “No. I’m fat. Shit, isn’t THIS embarrassing for you.” Or I (very sincerely) say “Nope. But you obviously are, hey?! So exciting! Wait-let me guess- yooooou’re 6 months? Have you picked any names yet?” And then I go in for a belly rub.

That’s if for now! Again, if you have comebacks for this situation, and/or a situation that you’d like me to blog about, please leave them in the comments!

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