There’s something that I see happen a lot when fat people are defending ourselves or become angry about the way we are treated.  I see it on this blog in the comments and on other blogs, on Facebook, I’ve done it myself.  Someone will get upset, rant a little, perhaps swear a little then they’ll write “I’m sorry that I’m ranting” or “I’m sorry that I got angry.”

As always you are the boss of your underpants and if you say this or feel this way then that is totally cool.  I also think that it can happen because anger/ranting/profanity are sometimes not well received, they can make people uncomfortable: [Trigger Warning – there’s about to be a lot of swearing.]

For example, today I saw a  post whose author, responding to the fact that The Biggest Loser is trying to include kids this season, wrote  “WTF”.  People immediately attacked the use the acronym –  saying that they were going to stop reading the blog, un-friend the person on Facebook etc.  Several claimed that it was over-dramatizing to even use the term.

Ok look, they are putting kids on a show that contestants have described as a “dehumanization process.”  They are suggesting that kids should have role models who dehydrate themselves to the point of urinating blood in order to lose weight to win money.  They are suggesting that kids should look up to trainers who tell their clients to put their health at risk by ignoring the advice of doctors and dieticians because that advice might make them lose a game show and not win money.  The First Lady of the United States  thinks this is a dandy idea and many people, for reasons passing my understanding, think that is a good enough reason to do it.

As far as I’m concerned, “WTF” doesn’t even begin to cover it.  What the fuck?  What the fuckity fuck? What the ACTUAL FUCKING FUCK!  This is so severely messed up that there is not language strong enough to discuss it.  What will happen, not just to the three kids on the show, but to all the kids whose parents, teachers, authority figures etc. decide that this is the best way to treat fat kids? There’s an Ani DiFranco lyric that says “if you’re not angry, then you’re just stupid or you don’t care.”  I won’t go that far, but I do think that if ever there was a time for a little WTF, this is it.

Fat people face an absolute torrent of shame, stigma, bullying and oppression almost everywhere we turn.  We face it at home from friends and family who have been taught by society that we should be shamed “for our own good” in some kind of logic-defying effort to make us hate ourselves healthy. We face it at work when our company has a point of view about our body size rather than focusing on our work performance.  We face it at the doctor’s office when our actual symptoms are ignored and our health put a risk by doctors who diagnose us as fat and prescribe weight loss the minute they see us, never hearing a word we say.  We face it from well-meaning strangers who have been taught by society that a fat body is an indication that we need outside advice, especially that of strangers with no particular health training who think that being thin makes them an expert on how to become thin – like being a brunette makes them an expert on willing your hair to turn brown. We face it from not-so-well-meaning strangers who try to beat us down to make themselves feel better in a society that beats everyone down. We are certainly not the only group who faces this, but we face it nonetheless, and – like the trainers on The Biggest Loser – we are told by society that we should be thankful for the massive war being waged against us because their plan of eradicating the world of everyone who looks like us is a kindness, and we should say thank you and get on the treadmill.

I’m a very outcome-based activist and so I often find myself politely asking people to please stop oppressing me, and I don’t regret or apologize for that.  I also try to keep my cool during media appearances, talks etc. because I find it to be more effective in reaching my goals to calmly state my case,  and I don’t regret or apologize for that.  I use humor because I find that effective in getting my point across and I don’t regret or apologize for that.  And I definitely get angry sometimes,  and I certainly rant sometimes (as my regular readers can attest), and I certainly swear sometimes . Now when I find myself about to apologize for that, I rethink things.  It’s ok to get angry.  It’s ok to rant.  It’s ok to swear.  I’m not fucking sorry.

Listen to this post as a podcast

Our petition to keep kids off The Biggest Loser is over 2,200 signatures – please consider signing it and passing it along.

The project to create the Guinness World Record paper mache sculpture – made out of pages from diet books – is on!  Thee tons of ways to help (even if you don’t have diet books to donate)  Check it out here!

Like the blog?  Check this stuff out:

The Book:  Fat:  The Owner’s Manual  The E-Book is Name Your Own Price! Click here for details

The Dance Class DVDs:  Buy the Dance Class DVDs (hint:  Free shipping was supposed to end on Monday but I haven’t had a chance to make the changes to the pricing so there’s still free shipping until I get it done)!  Click here for the details

Become a Member and Get Special Deals from Size Positive Businesses

I do size acceptance activism full time.  A lot what I do, like answering over 4,000 e-mails from readers each month, giving talks to groups who can’t afford to pay, and running projects like the Georgia Billboard Campaign etc. is unpaid, so I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  To make that even cooler, I’ve now added a component called “DancesWithFat Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.

A lot of my friends are bemoaning their return to work today. Not because they dislike their jobs, necessarily, but because of what their work is likely to put them through because it’s the beginning of a new year.

Many companies start New Years Weight Loss initiatives. If your work is doing this, you have some options.  You can simply choose not to participate quietly.  You can not participate loudly (every time someone brings up their diet, bring up your HAES practice for example).  You can start your own HAES-based initiative – perhaps offer to help HR create this kind of initiative. You could also e-mail HR and say one or more of the following:

• As someone who practices Health at Every Size I am uncomfortable with my superiors at work suggesting something that goes against the health plan that I’ve created with my health professionals. I don’t want to be torn between my health practice and looking like I’m not a team player at work
• This could be triggering and dangerous for people suffering from, recovering from, or who have a propensity for developing eating disorders, (for me I could talk about this in the first person but even if I hadn’t recovered from an ED I would want to point this out.)
• As a fat employee I’m very uncomfortable that my employer has a point of view at all about my body size as less suitable than other body sizes, rather than being focused on work performance
• Suggesting that all of the employees who work here should be actively trying not to look like me makes this environment feel hostile to me.
• Perhaps remind them that all of these pitfalls could be avoided if the employer focused on providing options  for health rather than focusing on weight or telling employees
• Consider providing lots of evidence for a HAES intervention
• Consider offering to help start a voluntary employee walk and roll plan with a weight-neutral, all abilities invited, shame free message
• Consider asking for a meeting to talk about this further

Even if your company doesn’t do an official weight loss initiative, it’s certainly a subject that can dominate conversation at the water cooler. In this case you can walk away.  You can also answer diet talk with HAES talk. though I would not suggest doing this in an attempt to convert anyone, I have found it effective to talk about HAES in the same way that others talk about their diets.

Some people are forced to undergo tests of everything from BMI, to blood pressure, to cholesterol to see what their heredity might cost them in health insurance premiums. This is highly problematic and unlikely to succeed at any rate which may be something that you can delicately communicate to your HR department.

As a result of these tests many will have to choose between entering a program with absolutely no track record of success and a long record of failure – like Weight Watchers – or taking a stand and spending money they can’t afford (or could find better uses for) on higher health care premiums.  This is massively not ok.  Employe benefits programs built on healthism and ableism need to be stopped immediately.  Unfortunately the government seems to be jumping in with both feet.  Where are we going?  And why are we in this handbasket? Consider telling your employer something like:  It is my understanding that studies show that the vast majority of people who attempt weight loss gain their weight back and many gain back more, so could you please provide me with the evidence basis for the efficacy for your weight loss recommendation?

Size Acceptance activism at work can be really tricky and only you can decide what level of activism (if any) you want to be involved in at work. You don’t have to do any at all.  Whatever you decide, and whatever situation you are in, know that you deserve to be treated with respect, given what you need to do your job (everything from a chair that fits you to reasonable accommodations for any health issues or disabilities etc.)  Whether or not you actually do, you absolutely deserve to work in an environment that is free from fat-phobia, weight stigma, shame, or bullying.

Our Petition to Keep Kids Off The Biggest Loser is now over 2,000 signatures and I have a call with the doctor in charge of the kids on Friday afternoon. Let’s keep pushing on this – a reality show where people dehydrate themselves to the point of urinating blood to win money for losing weight  is not a place where we should be placing kids.

The project to create the Guinness World Record paper mache sculpture – made out of pages from diet books – is on!  Thee tons of ways to help (even if you don’t have diet books to donate)  Check it out here!

Like the blog?  Check this stuff out:

The Book:  Fat:  The Owner’s Manual  The E-Book is Name Your Own Price! Click here for details

The Dance Class DVDs:  Buy the Dance Class DVDs (hint:  Free shipping was supposed to end on Monday but I haven’t had a chance to make the changes to the pricing so there’s still free shipping until I get it done)!  Click here for the details

Become a Member and Get Special Deals from Size Positive Businesses

I do size acceptance activism full time.  A lot what I do, like answering over 4,000 e-mails from readers each month, giving talks to groups who can’t afford to pay, and running projects like the Georgia Billboard Campaign etc. is unpaid, so I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  To make that even cooler, I’ve now added a component called “DancesWithFat Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.

A lot of people make a New Years Resolution to join a gym or to go to a gym more.. This is a, well, let’s call it a unique time of year to join because, at the moment gyms are  packed to the gills with people. It does die down however so hang in there.  By mid-February you won’t be waiting in lines for equipment, there won’t be a line at the front desk to check in, and you will be able to get a bike in spin class without showing up 2 hours early and tying people to poles in the locker room.

For many people the gym is a big scary place.  I’m a gym rat from way back so for me it’s really more like home.  All the sights, sounds, yes even the smells of the gym make me feel comfortable.  If you read this blog regularly then you know that I don’t think that going to the gym, or any kind of movement or exercise, is any kind of obligation – whether or not someone chooses to move their body within their ability is absolutely their choice and all choices are valid.  I just don’t want someone who wants to go to the gym to skip it because the gym seems so unfriendly.  Here is some stuff that might help:

Choosing a Gym

This is a matter of money, vibe and what you need in a gym. Typically more money means more amenities so decide what you want.  I once toured a gym that had a $10/month membership fee but didn’t have locker rooms.  Um, no.   There are gyms that are snotty, gyms that are laid back, gyms that are more based on group exercise and gyms that don’t even have a cardio room.  Some have a pool, some have a pilates center etc.   It’s worth it to take the time to check out the gyms in your area and see what’s available.  Some of them will have incredibly pushy salespeople who say that you can only get this special if you sign up Right.  This.  Second.  Ask to speak to a manager and ask what’s wrong with their gym that they don’t think it will stand up to a little comparison shopping.  Then ask for the deal in writing and two weeks to make a decision.  Be prepared to negotiate down to a week or so but this has always worked for me.

Being a Newbie:

First, try to have some old timer empathy.  Imagine if you shopped at a store 5 times a week every week for 9 months.  Then all of a sudden the store was filled with new people who don’t know where anything is, they start moving things aroundetc.  Suddenly your 30 minute shopping trip takes 2 hours and the things that you buy 5 times a week are all sold out.  Of course it’s nobody’s fault, but it is at least a little understandable.  I for one am glad that the newbies are there, as long as you follow some basic etiquette:

Take a deep breath, everyone around you was once a Newbie too – none of us was born knowing how to adjust machines that look complicated enough to require launch codes.  If your gym offers classes to help you learn to use the equipment, it may behoove you to take them.  If you aren’t sure how to adjust a machine:  Do ask a friendly looking person.  Do ask someone at the front desk for help.  Don’t ask a personal trainer who is in session – remember that someone is paying that person for their undivided attention.

Look around before you just start grabbing things and moving them around. Think of it as a new job, you learn the office etiquette before you start playing your radio, trying to make coffee, taking breaks etc. It’s the same at the gym–figure out what’s appropriate before you re-arrange furniture like it’s “Trading Spaces–the Weight Room Addition”.

When you go into a group class for the first time, it may behoove you to stand back around the edges for a little while to get the lay of the land, let the regulars get their spots etc.  (Some people get very possessive of their spots – trust me when I tell you, you don’t may not want any of that action).  Pay attention to things like how far apart people tend to stand – unless you want to tell your grandkids about that time you got kicked in the head in step class.

People might say stoopid things to you.  While it’s pretty rare that someone says or behaves in a way that is mean, plenty of people may behave in a way that is annoying.  Some people may congratulate you for starting an exercise program (even if you’ve had an exercise plan for the last 10 years)  or encourage you on your weight loss.  (This happens to me all the time)  While this is a very real concern, I personally think that if I stay home because people might be idiots, I’m the one who loses out in the end, so I strategize.

Of course it’s your choice how you deal with this: thank them, use it as a teachable moment for Health at Every Size/Size Acceptance, put Bengay on their sweat towel (that was a joke, please don’t go telling people I told you to do that).  I typically prefer teachable moments, but whatever you choose I would recommend deciding beforehand and practicing.  It’s harder than you might think to say what you intended to say when you are sweaty, exhausted, and surprised by a perfect stranger weighing in on your life choices.

Bring a water bottle and a towel.  If you are going to use the weight are and you’re going to forget something, forget the water.  The water is for you, the towel is for everyone who uses a machines after you.

Crap Old-Timers Try to Get Away With

Most old-timers are going be on a spectrum from awesome to at-least-they-leave-you-alone.  Sometimes old-timers will try to get away with the following behaviors.  Here’s what you might do:

Time limit?  What time limit?

This one is usually accompanied by a look of wide-eyed innocence.  Especially during this time of year many gyms put time limits on their cardio machines.  People who’ve been around awhile tend to try to get around this by:  putting their towel over the clock, restarting the timer every 10 minutes, just ignoring it thinking nobody will say anything.

You can handle this directly with them (excuse me, but can I take a look at the timer on your machine to see what kind of wait I’m looking at?  I’m sorry, you may not have noticed but you’re over the time limit).  Or you can tell the good people at the front desk.*

Opposing Muscle Musical Chairs

A lot of resistance training programs are based around working opposing muscle groups.  Some people like to alternate between the two (one set of biceps/one set of triceps, lather rinse repeat) so they will work on one machine and leave their water bottle and towel on the other.  This is not cool.

You can deal with it directly (Normally I ask “may I set in” (in other regions they say “may I work in”) but if someone is pulling this you can just say “I’m going to set in on this machine” or don’t say anything, just move their stuff and start working out, or ask the nice people at the front desk to deal with it.*

Mine. Mine.  All Mine.  My Precious.

Some theories of  weight lifting (pyramid sets for example) require the person lifting to use a number of different weights.  While that’s fine, it is NOT FINE to get 12 sets of weights and put them under your bench at  peak times at the gym.

Again, I typically come by and ask “Mind if I use this” indicating the weights that I need.  You can also talk to the people at the front desk.*

*A note on talking to the front desk people about your issues.  I don’t particularly recommend it unless someone’s behavior is egregious or they don’t respond to polite inquiry.  Most people will start to act like they’ve had some home training if they are gently confronted.

A last note:  I’ve noticed at my gym, it’s as if every year there’s a “newbie class” who meet each other and then wave and say hi at the gym forever.  It’s not that they all hang out or even chat very much, it’s just that in 2008 they all survived being gym newbies who work out around 6pm, and now they are bonded.  It’s pretty cool.  I’m an early morning or late night worker outer.  We seem to have a camaraderie all our own.  While we basically communicate only through grunting and pointing,  when you lift weights with someone at 3 in the morning a few times a week for a while, you’ve bonded.

A last, last note about the gym and Health At Every Size.  The gym is NOT the only path to fitness.  So if you think it would be fun to take water aerobics or spin class, if you love the elliptical or  the idea of getting strong through weight lifting then I highly encourage you to try the gym.  If you want to move more but you’d rather have a root canal than come to the gym then it’s completely cool for you to find a movement option that makes you happy!

If you want some help, the Fit Fatties Forum has created virtual training and support groups.  You’ll be part of a group furn by a fat fitness professional who can help you with everything from creating a program to injury prevention to support as things come up.  There are groups for those who plan to train for an event, for those who want to get 150 minutes in each week, for those who just want to have fun, and there’s even Team Zombie.  Check it out here.

Activism Opportunities:

If you want to get involved in an activism project around movement, the Fit Fatties Forum is inviting you to get involved with Fit Fatties Across America, this is a project where people of all sizes from all around the world will pool their time, their distance, from whatever movement they do to see how long it takes us to travel from NYC to LA.  Check it out here. 

Like the blog?  Check this stuff out:

The Book:  Fat:  The Owner’s Manual  The E-Book is Name Your Own Price! Click here for details

The Dance Class DVDs:  Buy the Dance Class DVDs (hint:  Free shipping was supposed to end on Monday but I haven’t had a chance to make the changes to the pricing so there’s still free shipping until I get it done)!  Click here for the details

Become a Member and Get Special Deals from Size Positive Businesses

I do size acceptance activism full time.  A lot what I do, like answering over 4,000 e-mails from readers each month, giving talks to groups who can’t afford to pay, and running projects like the Georgia Billboard Campaign etc. is unpaid, so I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  To make that even cooler, I’ve now added a component called “DancesWithFat Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.

Happy New Year to those celebrating!  In a minute I’ll review some of the awesomeness achieved by readers of this blog this year, but first I want to tell you about the first blog project of 2013 because it involves size-diversity activism, paper mâché, and a Guinness World Record so you know I’m excited about it.

After hearing about Angela Meadows’ fantastic idea to destroy our old diet books as part of a Size Acceptance revolution, I got the idea of  involving the Size Diversity Task Force.  This is an organization based in Los Angeles created this year by people, including me, who wanted to be part of a Size Acceptance Organization that is member funded, member run, and who celebrate the fact that all participants have something vital to offer and something of value to share.

I got the idea of destroying  not just any books that the group might have lying around, but also liberating diet books from resale shops (local businesses are supported, diet companies don’t make money.) I talked to another SDTF member, Jeanette DePatie, and, as she is wont to do,  she turned it into a genius idea:  to use the books to make a paper mâché sculpture. And not just any sculpture, but a size-positive sculpture that breaks the Guinness World Record for paper mâché!

Our goal is to collect 20,000 pages worth of diet books and use them to create a  Size Positive paper mâché sculpture that breaks the Guinness Book of World Records for paper mâché sculpture.  There are lots of ways for you to get involved, all of which are listed here!

And now a review of this year on the blog and the awesomeness that the readers of this blog were involved in:

I got my blog’s Annual Report from WordPress, I love how their stats people word things: “About 55,000 tourists visit Liechtenstein every year. This blog was viewed about 1,000,000 times in 2012. If it were Liechtenstein, it would take about 18 years for that many people to see it. Your blog had more visits than a small country in Europe!” According to my stats page,  I’m just over 1.7 million hits for the lifetime of this blog.  I truly appreciate my readers – not just for reading the blog, though that’s exceptionally cool and very humbling, I appreciate the fact that the comments on this blog, especially those by regular readers, are intelligent and respectful.  I appreciate immensely how much activism my readers engage in.  Here are some of the ways we changed the world this year:

• Facebook and letter writing campaign that resulted in Citizen’s Medical Center has ended their policy of not hiring people with a BMI over 35.

• Petition and letter writing campaign that resulted in NEDA removing the STOP obesity Alliance from its list of partners

• Responding to The Biggest Loser’s marketing that people can’t be loved until they are thin with our own kick ass video,

• The Rolls Not Trolls Facebook group has 713 members and is very active.

•  The Fit Fatties Forum now has nearly 1300 members, and amazing photo and video galleries, and is expanding with the Fit Fatties Across America project, and virtual training and support groups for people who want Health at Every Size-based support for their fitness practice.

• Letter writing campaign that got Disney to shut down the Habit Heroes ride.

• Raising $21,000 in 8 days and putting up 6 billboards and 10 bus shelter signs in Atlanta to answer Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta’s child shaming, fat shaming,  billboard campaign and show kids of all sizes that they are valued and supported.

• Letter writing campaign that got Planned Parenthood Northwest to remove obesity from a list of “health issues”

• Minnie Mouse Petition, which was cut short due to Hurricane Sandy, but even so got over 145,000 signatures and resulted in Disney and Barney’s making significant changes to the plans that they had announced originally including a larger model version of Minnie  Mouse, less screen time for Skinny Minnie, and ending the film with Minnie in her regular form in the dress they had originally said she couldn’t wear because she “didn’t look good” in it.  We got press in almost every major National market and many of the regional markets, and even Internationally, and created alliances with reporters all over the world.

• Lane Bryant changed their tune about whether they were offering their high-fashion line to women size 26/28

• Letter writing campaign that resulted in NAAFA apologizing for newsletter language that many found offensive, and considering changes in the future

• Our Biggest Loser petition now has over 1,600 signatures and has gotten enough attention that I was approached by the doctor in charge of the kids for a phone conversation later this week.  If you haven’t signed it now would be a dandy time.  If you are moved to pass it along through your internet channels, now would be a super-duper dandy time.

In 2012 we changed the world, and we’re going to keep changing and we’re going to succeed. I hope to give my readers as many options as possible to get involved in activism this year.  When it comes to 2013, paper mâché is awesome, and it’s just the beginning.

Like the blog?  Check this stuff out:

Holiday Sale – Book and DVDs

Last day of the holiday sale!  You’ll get 20% off whatever you buy (Book and/or the DVDs) plus an upgrade from media mail to priority shipping in the US.  Support my work, get cool stuff, win-win.  Click here to check it out.

The e-book is still name your own price

Become a Member (not on sale, but still pretty cool!)

I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  Members are the first to know about new projects, get to see things before they are released, get “Member Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.  Join Now!

First a couple of  quick updates then we’ll get to today’s blog:

NAAFA has responded to the widespread concern about their most recent newsletter.  I’ve added my e-mail exchange with Peggy Howell to the original post. There is still time to send them your thoughts.

The Biggest Loser petition is getting more attention and I was approached by the doctor who is in charge of the kids on the show to have a phone call later this week, I’ll keep you updated.

Now for today’s blog:

I received a comment today that I wanted to answer here.  Though I have no idea the intention of the commenter, the comment itself could be extremely triggering – it includes concern trolling, and food policing, etc.  I you want to avoid the triggering language (and nobody would blame you!), you can skip the block quote and items in italics and still understand the blog.   Here is the original comment:

I agree that it seems that dieting (in a weight loss sense- but not in an eating to manage a health condition sense) serves no purpose in the newsletter. These would be better circulated via a group for the appropriate condition/situation involved of the individuals’ choosing.

I think there’s a problem with saying that its okay to eat whatever you like because you have, or should have, the freedom to choose.
Firstly, for some people, their food choices will cause weight loss for them. This could be because of health issues but it could be to move more easily or just because their previous eating pattern was so exaggerated. I sometimes feel that with HAES that this is seen as a less valid or taboo outcome and its okay to eat anything so long as it DOESN’T actively contribute to weight loss.

Secondly, what about the extremes of those ‘feeder’ women who are eating with, or without, the encouragement of others to eat so much food, regardless of their nutritional needs, to weight gain at both alarming speed and to alarming weights where they are deliberately self harming and making themselves physically dependant upon others for emotional reasons. Does standing by and going ‘its your choice’ make us accepting or implicate us in not questioning a toxic lifestyle which could be averted?

Can it truly be said that everyone’s entitled to eat whatever they want to eat? Even if the outcome is harmful to themselves or others?

I’m playing devil’s advocate but at the moment the statement on choice seems a bit too broad. But maybe I’m wrong? I don’t know.

I’ll answer all the questions here but let me start with this:

Yes, it is absolutely, positively, definitely, without a doubt, is the Pope Catholic, really ok to eat whatever we want.  Period.  Ok, let’s dive in to the comment.

Firstly, for some people, their food choices will cause weight loss for them. This could be because of health issues but it could be to move more easily or just because their previous eating pattern was so exaggerated. I sometimes feel that with HAES that this is seen as a less valid or taboo outcome and its okay to eat anything so long as it DOESN’T actively contribute to weight loss.

I can’t speak for anyone but me, but my understanding of HAES is that I make choices based on my health goals and my personal situation and allow my body weight to settle where it will.  So while people may gain weight, lose weight, or stay the same following changes in food choices, body size is not a focus or a goal.  Also, weight loss is no guarantee of moving more easily – I would request that you take great care not to confuse body size with things like fitness, mobility etc.  People of all sizes have various levels of fitness, mobilities etc. for lots of reasons, and that’s all ok.

Secondly, what about the extremes of those ‘feeder’ women who are eating with, or without, the encouragement of others to eat so much food, regardless of their nutritional needs, to weight gain at both alarming speed and to alarming weights where they are deliberately self harming and making themselves physically dependant upon others for emotional reasons. Does standing by and going ‘its your choice’ make us accepting or implicate us in not questioning a toxic lifestyle which could be averted?

It sounds like you are mixing up a bunch of different situations here.  In general I would say that it’s not our job to police the personal behavior of consenting adults, and that in the circumstance where someone becomes dependent, that is between them and their caregiver unless one or both of them asks for assistance.  I don’t generally think it’s for us to decide if someone’s lifestyle is “toxic”. (In specific you’ll have to make the decision whether you think it’s your place to intervene in any given situation.) I’m not venturing a guess as to this specific commenter’s intention but I think that this type of statement is often used to hide fat bigotry, since so often the person asking the question is only worried about fat people eating, as if people of all sizes don’t engage in behaviors that the person thinks are “unhealthy” or “toxic.”   That’s not to say that people of all sizes don’t have to deal with concern trolls, they certainly do.  I’m just pointing out that, as in the above comment,  often the person isn’t concerned with us intervening in the lives of people who, for example, don’t get enough sleep.  Their concern seems to be triggered by a specific body size and fed by stereotypes, myths and an over-exaggerated idea of their role in the lives of others.

Can it truly be said that everyone’s entitled to eat whatever they want to eat? Even if the outcome is harmful to themselves or others?

Yes.  Yes, yes, yes, yes, hell yes, fuck yes, damn skippy yes.  What other people eat and whether or not it is “harmful” is not our business. People should have access to true, unbiased, non-politicized information about food, they should have access to the foods that they choose to eat.  Then they get to make whatever choices they want within their personal situation. For many people their food choices are out of reach financially, but that’s a whole other blog.  As far as “harming others” goes,  unless a person is simultaneously eating a turkey leg and beating someone else with it, then the effect of their eating on others would be pretty difficult for us to judge even if it was our business – which I would argue is is not. The “they are costing me tax dollars” argument doesn’t hold up, and making determinations about someone’s situation is, as previous mentioned, a very difficult thing to do. I feel strongly that, since I don’t want someone else telling me what to eat and how to live, I should take a pass on telling other people what to eat and how to live.

My policy is to let people make their own decisions, and don’t cry for me well-meaning concern troll.

Our Biggest Loser campaign is picking up steam!  Please consider signing the petition to keep kids off The Biggest Loser and re-posting it, remember this is a show whose contestants admit to dehydrating themselves to the point of urinating blood, participating in disordered eating, and admit that their trainers insist they ignore the advice of dieticians and doctors so that they can lose weight to win money.  Are these seriously the role models we want for kids?  The readers of this blog have accomplished a lot of things this year.  Let’s keep pushing on this and see what we can get done.

Like the blog?  Check this stuff out:

Holiday Sale – Book and DVDs

These are the final days of the holiday sale!  You’ll get 20% off whatever you buy (Book and/or the DVDs) plus an upgrade from media mail to priority shipping in the US.  Support my work, get cool stuff, win-win.  Click here to check it out.

The e-book is still name your own price

Become a Member (not on sale, but still pretty cool!)

I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  Members are the first to know about new projects, get to see things before they are released, get “Member Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.  Join Now!

I’m going to talk about fitness and movement, and some cool things that are happening with the Fit Fatties Forum, so I want to preface this by saying that movement/fitness/whatever you prefer to call it is an option – it’s not a moral decision, it’s not a social or personal obligation. Choosing to be physically active, or to not be physically active as someone is able doesn’t make someone better or worse than anyone else. People choose lots of levels of physical activity, or lack thereof, for lots of reasons, including various abilities and disabilities, and all of those are completely valid.  [Edit: a blog reader let me know that my use of the term “choice” may be feel excluding for those who are disabled.  I apologize if it felt like that for anyone.  She suggested that I dd the phrase “as they are able”  which I have done.  It wasn’t my intention to be excluding but it seems that was the the result – I apologize.)  It’s not for anyone to judge anyone else’s  movement/fitness/exercise etc.

While I am adamantly against suggesting, in any way, that fat people (or any people)  have any sort of obligation to participate in fitness,  I think it’s important that fat people who are interested in fitness have the opportunity to speak about it, because we face everything from being ignored to being shamed and stigmatized, to being completely shut out just because we want to participate in movement while living in a big body.

This can be such a difficult and complex issue.  For example, I typically use the word “movement” because “exercise” is just too triggering for too many people.  In fact many fat people tell me that they resent the very idea of movement or fitness because it gets shoved down our throats as something that we “should” or “have to” or “need to” do to be a “good fatty,”  or because movement was used when they were kids and even as adults by authority figures as a punishment for being fat (because that’s the way to develop a lifelong love of learning? Wankers.) Gyms, diet companies, and the media can’t stop telling us that we aren’t “doing movement right” unless it makes us thinner. Meanwhile fat athletes are told that, like so many rainbow pooping unicorns, we don’t exist, or that our accomplishments mean nothing if we aren’t thin.

And while it’s totally cool if people know their options and opt out of movement for whatever reason, I get e-mails almost daily from people saying that they wanted to dance, or hula hoop, or take walks or whatever, but didn’t think it was an option for fat people at all until they heard about or saw other fat people doing it.  Meanwhile if you are fat and involved in movement and want support for anything from training programs to injury prevention it’s almost impossible without also getting weight loss talk and advice which can do everything from massively annoying you to making you want to quit altogether.

It’s one of the main reasons that I co-founded the Fit Fatties Forum.  I wanted a place where all kinds of people, of all abilities and movement types can talk, and get support without weight loss or diet talk.  Last year my forum co-founder, and super awesome fatty Jeanette DePatie (aka The Fat Chick), had an idea that we launched today: Fit Fatties Across America!  The idea is that forum members who opt to participate can send in their time or distance each week for whatever movement they are involved in, and then we’ll pool it and see how long it takes us, as a group, to travel across the US with fun graphics on the page to track our progress.

I’m excited about it for a bunch of reasons – it’s an opportunity for Health at Every Size activism,  it’s free, people of all sizes and abilities and movement types can get involved whether they are taking a 2 minute walk or running marathons, it creates a bunch of role models for people who may want to try out movement but think it’s not for them because of the constant drumbeat that fat people people don’t have a place in the fitness world, and did I mention we get to do fun graphics around it.

If this interests you, I hope that you will consider becoming involved  (if you aren’t a member you’ll be prompted to join at the link – it’s free and doesn’t commit you to anything)  Fit Fatties Across America  launches officially on January 1.

Also launching on January 1 are, by member request, training and support groups.  There are groups lead by fat certified fitness professionals for people of all sizes, abilities, and goals.  There is a group for those with a goal of 150 minutes of activity a week,  a group for those planning to participate in a fitness event this year, one for those who want to enjoy movement without tracking or structure, and then there’s Team Zombie.  People can join as many groups as they would like.  There is a small fee to be involved but it’s pretty cheap and it will be awesome.  You can find out more info here. (if you aren’t a member you’ll be prompted to join at the link – it’s free and doesn’t commit you to anything)

If these don’t appeal to you, of course that’s totally cool, just know that whatever movement you are doing or not doing is completely valid, and if you find that you are interested in movement from a weight-neutral perspective then you can  find support on the Fit Fatties Forum for free anytime.

Last thing about the forum, – More of Me to Love, an awesome company that sells fatty-focused products from the useful to the whimsical, and who you may remember because they were the $5,000 sponsor of the Georgia Billboard Project, has come on as the title sponsor to the forum.  We’ll be adding other sponsors as well throughout the year. This is awesome because we’ve been paying for the forum and development costs ourselves so far and this allows us to keep it free to all the members, to spend more of our time working on the forum, and to keep expanding to do more things. If you’re interested in being a sponsor, you can e-mail me.  If you’re interested in supporting the people who are supporting the forum, you can check out More of Me to Love.

Finally,  I do sometimes get questions and push back about things that I charge money for so I wanted to address it up front.  I blogged about that here if you are interested.

Now, speaking of wankers who are ruining fitness for kids,  we’re over 1,500 signatures and going strong on our petition to keep kids off The Biggest Loser!  Please consider signing the petition to keep kids off The Biggest Loser and re-posting it.

Like the blog?  Check this stuff out:

Holiday Sale – Book and DVDs

These are the final days of the holiday sale!  You’ll get 20% off whatever you buy (Book and/or the DVDs) plus an upgrade from media mail to priority shipping in the US.  Support my work, get cool stuff, win-win.  Click here to check it out.

The e-book is still name your own price

Become a Member (not on sale, but still pretty cool!)

I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  Members are the first to know about new projects, get to see things before they are released, get “Member Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.  Join Now!

Scroll to bottom for updates:

In the past few days I’ve received a number of e-mails from readers concerned that “NAAFA has a diet in their newsletter.”  If you’re not familiar, NAAFA is the National Association for the Advancement of Fat Acceptance.  I found it odd that they would include a diet since my understanding was that they were against promoting weight loss.  The newsletter was forwarded to me and then I understood the issue.  The article is called “Fabulous Fakes”  and the text is below, there is an e-mail at the end of this post to share your thoughts if you would like [Trigger warning – possible diet talk]:

Due to a doctor’s visit about three years ago, my husband and I realized we needed to make a change in our eating habits. We decided that in an era where everything is synthesized, including food, we needed to “eat smart”. Our goal was to limit sugar and starch (carbs) as much as possible. It is NOT about losing weight. It IS about eating great tasting food and, in the spirit of HAES precepts, promoting healthy eating as part of a healthy lifestyle.

I thought I would share some of the Fabulous Fakes we have come up with and invite you to share your Fabulous Fakes. Try the recipes and tell us what you think. Send your Fakes to share to [author’s e-mail address]; each month a Fake will be selected to publish in the newsletter. [Followed by a recipe for “Fake Pumpkin Pie” that uses artificial sweetener in place of sugar and other low carb ideas]

I wanted to go directly to the source with my concerns and get clarification so I e-mailed the NAAFA board the following e-mail:

Dear NAAFA Board,

I often receive e-mails from readers asking me to address something in my blog (www.danceswithfat.org) In the past couple of days I’ve received a number of e-mails from my blog readers who are concerned with the “Fabulous Fakes” section of your newsletter and are asking me to take some action.  I don’t receive the newsletter but it was forwarded to me and I share the concerns.   I’m certain that you meant well and that you didn’t intend to post something that is triggering or was perceived by so many to be diet talk, so I wanted to contact you directly with the concerns before I blog about it tonight:

I won’t attempt to speak for anyone else, but my concerns are:

• Despite what I believe must have been good intentions, it sounds jarringly like diet talk – it is very common to hear “it’s not about weight loss, it’s about health” when someone is trying to suggest a weight loss diet, to have “fake foods” suggested as replacements for standard recipes as part of a weight loss diet, or have low carb diets and artificial sweeteners suggested as weight loss diet tools (Atkins etc.)

• While these recommendations may absolutely make sense for the HAES practice of some individuals, especially in concert with healthcare providers, HAES principles as I understand them do not include the general recommendation to restrict a food group, substitute artificial sweetener for sugar, or eat “fake” versions of food.

• NAAFA’s stated purpose is to be “a non-profit civil rights organization dedicated to ending size discrimination in all of its forms.” I am concerned, especially based on my reader feedback, that many of the people who receive the newsletter are recovered and recovering dieters, recovered and recovering from eating disorders, and may not be prepared to be triggered by this kind of diet talk in the newsletter of an organization that they are expecting to focus on their civil rights.  I also think that it is extremely important to be vigilant in avoiding the creation of this kind of triggering diet talk within a community so many are recovering from being hurt by it.

• I read the phrase “It is NOT about losing weight. It IS about eating great tasting food and, in the spirit of HAES precepts, promoting healthy eating as part of a healthy lifestyle”  as a broad recommendation/promotion that healthy eating is achievable for everyone through food restriction and artificial sweeteners, rather than a statement of what the writer and her healthcare providers have decided is best for her specific situation, which I find problematic for the reasons stated above and because it makes it sound like these recommendations are one-size-fits-all.

• I find it problematic that she is encouraging newsletter readers to submit exclusively “fake” recipes, but not to submit delicious recipes of all kinds – normalizing the idea that everyone is/should engage in eating “fake foods” as part of a healthy lifestyle, which I don’t believe to be part of the tenets of HAES.

Again, I’m sure that you had the best of intentions but due to the issues stated above, I am respectfully requesting that you please consider removing the section from the current newsletter and canceling plans to include it in future newsletters.  I absolutely think that there is a place to talk about healthy eating and how specific behaviors apply to specific situations.  I think it’s very important to do that in context, and to do our best to avoid doing it in a way that is triggering or sounds like diet talk (or at least include trigger warnings),  and avoid one-size-fits-all promotions of behaviors, as well as avoiding the conflation of eating to manage a health issue with healthy eating in general.  Finally, I would encourage you to consider getting the perspective of some of the many amazing health and wellness professionals with a HAES focus, I’m happy to connect you to those who I know.  If there is anything that I can do to help please just let me know.

Thank you for your consideration.

~Ragen

I received the following response:

Ragen,

Thank you for writing with your concerns about the article in the newsletter.  You are correct in your assumption that the writer had good intentions.  It was her desire to share a sugar free, gluten free recipe for those people who can’t normally eat desserts on holidays because of diabetes and other health concerns.  Maybe that should have been clearer in her message

I am curious why people would write to you about this issue and not to the NAAFA board or the newsletter editor.  At any rate, we will discuss this in our next board meeting.  Hope you have a happy new year.

Looking forward,
Peggy Howell

Public Relations Director, NAAFA

I do believe that this was well-intentioned, and I also personally think it was a mistake.  I’ve certainly made my share of well-intentioned mistakes, this blog is full of things that say some version of “Edit: [I screwed up]”.  In my opinion what’s important at this point is how they handle it.   I certainly hope that NAAFA will make the decision to change this section of the newsletter – even if it seems innocuous to some – since some of those who don’t find it innocuous find it harmful.

I think that it is crucially important that organizations working with fat populations keep it top of mind that those populations are coming from a society that systematically shames and stigmatizes them and pummels them with diet advice; and so I think it is critical that we be hyper-vigilant in avoiding anything that even seems like diet talk, or seems like a recommendation of what all people in a specific situation “should” be doing, or mirrors in any way the food policing and concern trolling that many fat people experience so often.  (For example people who are diabetic are allowed to take whatever path they choose and I think it’s important to avoid even the appearance of  suggesting that there is a “right way” to live with diabetes, or a “right” definition of healthy behaviors.) I also think it’s important to completely avoid perpetuating the falsehood that body size is a diagnosis by conflating behaviors that are one option for managing disease with behaviors that are for general health.

I definitely believe that there is a place for all types of discussions – I just think that discussions that include food restriction and substitution as health advice, or anything that could be perceived as diet talk etc. should take place in spaces where people have specifically opted in for that type of discussion, or at least behind a trigger warning, rather than on the general newsletter of a national fat civil rights organization.

As always I love to get your comments and your e-mails, and at Peggy’s request I encourage you to also e-mail her directly with your thoughts at naafa_pr@yahoo.com so they can have consider those thoughts at the next Board Meeting when they discuss this.  I’ll keep you posted as to their decision.

UPDATE

I received the following e-mail from Peggy Howell, NAAFA’s PR person:

In our most recent newsletter, one of our members presented an article with a recipe that was intended to be inclusive for people who can’t typically enjoy desserts during the holidays because of health reasons, (i.e. diabetes, allergies, etc.) to enjoy a pumpkin pie without sugar or gluten.  Because the recipe was presented as a “fabulous fake” and recommended the use of artificial sweeteners, some people have expressed that the framing of this article triggered a negative response for them.

It was never anyone’s intention to cause problems for people who are triggered by talk of limiting or excluding any foods.  We apologize if the article caused any one difficulties or created misunderstandings.  We appreciate the constructive feedback.

For those who may not be familiar with NAAFA, we encourage a visit to the website to read information about the organization and the many resources to support, educate and advocate for the rights of fat people. NAAFA does not support any method designed for the purpose of weight loss.  For over 40 years, NAAFA has been on the front lines on a daily basis fighting for Equality At Every Size©.

I responded:

Thanks for sending this, I’m really proud of you and the NAAFA Board for responding to the feedback and apologizing.  So that I can update my readers fully let me ask a couple of follow up questions if I may: Was this e-mail sent to the same list as the newsletter?  And have you decided to make any changes to the current newsletter or the plans to feature  a monthly “Fabulous Fakes” recipe, or is that still pending discussion at the next board meeting?

Peggy responded:

Thanks for getting back to me.  The email has been sent to people who wrote directly to NAAFA about the article, posted on the NAAFA NewsGroup and will be included in the next newsletter.  We will discuss in our next board meeting whether or not to continue with a recipe exchange article.  If we do, it will appear under a different title.

So it sounds like they are leaving the current newsletter as it is, and still planning to discuss this at the next meeting.  if you are so moved, you can send your feedback to her at naafa_pr@yahoo.com.  I’ll keep you updated.

As the year comes to a close, NAAFA wishes everyone a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year!

If you’re in a writing mood, we’re over 1,500 signatures and trucking along on our petition! Please consider signing the petition to keep kids off The Biggest Loser and reposting it.

Like the blog?  Check this stuff out:

Holiday Sale – Book and DVDs

These are the final days of the holiday sale!  You’ll get 20% off whatever you buy plus an upgrade from media mail to priority shipping in the US.  Support my work, get cool stuff, win-win.  Click here to check it out.

The e-book is still name your own price

Become a Member (not on sale, but still pretty cool!)

I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  Members are the first to know about new projects, get to see things before they are released, get “Member Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.  Join Now!

At least once a week someone contacts me to  tell me that the National Weight Control Registry Proves that long term weight loss is possible for those who “try hard enough”. Let’s take a closer look at the NWCR and these claims of success.

First of all, who started it?  Rena Wring, Ph.D who is the Director fo the Weight Control and Diabetes Research Center at the Miriam Hospital and James Hill, Ph.D. who is the Director of the Center for Human Nutrition, and has his own diet program and diet book.  To sum up, it was started by people who make their money researching, discussing, and selling weight loss.

What are they?  They call themselves “the largest prospective investigation of long-term successful weight loss maintenance.”  Let’s look at that:

In order to be a “success” on the registry one must lose 30 pounds – which they consider a “significant amount of weight” regardless of the starting weight of the participant, and keep it off for one year – which they consider a “long period of time.”  It’s worth noting that most people gain their weight back in years 2-5, so – following in the footsteps of most studies funded by the diet industry –  the NWCR has given themselves a four year efficacy cushion.

How many “successes” do they have?  There seems to be some confusion about that. Not only don’t they give an exact figure, but the “Success” page currently says “more than 5,000” while the home page says “over 10,000.”  Remember that this is a site that wants us to count on it for research accuracy.

Now let’s get some perspective.  Let’s take the high number and round up – we’ll say that they have 11,000 “successes” since 1994 when they started.  In order to get a sense of proportion, how many diets have there been since 1994?  I found estimates from 45 million to 80 million.  Let’s take the lowest number and go with 45 million.  So since 1994 that would be 810,000,000 diets.  And 11,000 of them have succeeded.  A .001% success rate. Now, even if the estimate is off by half and there were only 405,000,000 diets, that is still a .002% success rate.

But wait, you say… That’s not fair since many of those 810 million diets were undertaken by the same people (since dieting hardly ever works long-term.) Fair enough.  Let’s say that the exact same 45,000,000 people went on diets every year – so we’ll assume that there have only been 45 million total dieters since 1994.  And 11,000 successes. Now we’re up to a whopping  .02% success rate. Stop the presses.

So they are studying, at best, .02% of dieters with a four year efficacy cushion to find out how to diet successfully, and then we’re supposed to put our health on the line to mimic them.  That’s like studying people who survived skydiving accidents where the parachutes didn’t open and then, armed with that information, jumping out of an airplane with no parachute.  Or, statistically, studying powerball winners to see how to become a mulit-millionaire and then, armed with that information, quitting your job to play powerball full time.

Still, for the record let’s look at what they find are the “secrets” to “successful, long-term” weight loss:

• 98% of Registry participants report that they modified their food intake in some way to lose weight.
• 94% increased their physical activity, with the most frequently reported form of activity being walking.

Those who maintain weight loss:

• 78% eat breakfast every day.
• 75% weigh themselves at least once a week.
• 62% watch less than 10 hours of TV per week.
• 90% exercise, on average, about 1 hour per day

My question is this – how many of the between 44,989,000 and 809,989,000 failed dieters did these things as well?  How many of those who regained the weight were doing these things? How many fat people do these things? Unless we know that, this information is completely useless. If all powerball players eat breakfast, would eating breakfast make your odds of winning powerball better?

Imagine if I got together everyone who had survived a skydiving accident when their parachute didn’t open and started looking for things they have in common.  Even if every single one of them wore a green shirt and had oatmeal for breakfast, it’s ridiculous to suggest that wearing a green shirt and eating oatmeal will allow you to survive a skydiving accident. If it were true, would you sign up for Ragen’s school of skydiving without a parachute, free green shirt and oatmeal with every jump.  When your sample is the statistical anomaly your research is useless, and when all you’re looking for is random coincidence among a select group of participants you probably shouldn’t call what you do research at all.

I don’t want to just point out a problem without offering a solutions so I would like to suggest an alternative. First, as always, nobody is required to care about health and health is intensely personal, but for those who are interested in pursuing health:  According to a study by the Albert Einstein School of Medicine “51.3% of overweight adults and 31.7% of obese adults were metabolically healthy.’   So I propose we study the 51.3% and 31.7% of metabolically healthy fat people to see if we can find some information about being healthy and fat, rather than study .001% – .02% of “successful dieters” to see if we can figure out how to jump out of a plane without a parachute make everyone thin  (especially since there are no statistically significant studies that show that people who maintain weight loss are healthier.)

Wait – we already have a number of studies that show that healthy habits lead to similar outcomes regardless of weight, remind me why the NWCR has any kind of relevancy at all?

I know that the often repeated 95% failure rate of dieting is controversial and maybe this is why:  The National Weight Control Registry would need 2,239,000 (if we go with 45,000,000) or 40,486,600 (if we go with 810,000,000) more success stories just to get to a 5% success rate, and let’s not forget that it is the “LARGEST prospective investigation of long-term successful weight loss maintenance.” and only has, at best, 11,000 successes.

Finally, many of  the people in the NWCR who have discussed their lives participate in eating and exercise behavior that qualifies as disordered. So again, this isn’t a train I’m excited about jumping on.

People survive falling from a plane without a parachute, people win powerball, and people succeed at long-term weight loss.  But I’m going to wear a parachute, continue working, and not diet – because I’m a fan of math and logic.  Of course everyone gets to choose for themselves.

EDIT:  I wrote this piece originally on 12/27/12.  As of 3/26/14 the WCR is still only claiming to have found 10,000 successes, there have been an estimated 90,000,000+ additional attempts.

Like the blog?  Check this stuff out:

Holiday Sale – Book and DVDs

It’s the final days of the holiday sale!  You’ll get 20% off whatever you buy plus an upgrade from media mail to priority shipping in the US.  Support my work, get cool stuff, win-win.  Click here to check it out.

The e-book is still name your own price

Become a Member (not on sale, but still pretty cool!)

I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  Members are the first to know about new projects, get to see things before they are released, get “Member Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.  Join Now!

Reader Kathryn sent me an article called, and I am not kidding,  “Tell Loved Ones They are Overweight This Christmas”. Should my loved ones take this advice the follow up article will be “I Told my Loved one She Is Overweight and She Told Me to Sit Down, Shut Up and Mind My Own Damn Business.”

The article says that in a poll of more than 2,000 people, 42% of 18 to 24-year-olds would not tell a loved one they should lose weight because of a fear they would hurt the other person’s feelings.

According to the article, this suggests that ” too many people shy away from the issue”.  According to me this proves that 42% of 18-24 year olds have common decency and/or realize that it is impossible for a fat person in our culture to not know that society has a negative opinion about our size.  Stated another way, 58% of 18-24 year olds did not eat their bowl of No Shit Sherlock Flakes on the day that the poll was taken.

According to their so-called expert (who works for an organization that appears to make money pretending that they successfully treat obesity), “if someone close to you has a large waistline then as long as you do it sensitively, discussing it with them now could help them avoid critical health risks later down the line and could even save their life.”

No, it won’t.  Discussing it with them will do nothing for their health but may very well ruin their holiday and your relationship, so there’s no need to put on your “Concern Troll Man” tights and cape and self-righteously pretend that you are the super hero who saves fat people from ourselves.

We decide how other people treat us, either by setting boundaries or by not setting them.  I respect however you decide to allow people to treat you.  You are, as always, the boss of your underpants.

But let me suggest that you don’t have to put up with holiday weight shame. You don’t have to put up with body snarking, body stigma, or concern trolling. You don’t have to allow a running commentary on your body, health, or food choices from anyone.   You don’t have to accept treatment you don’t like because people are your family, friends, or because they “mean well”.  And you don’t have to internalize other people’s bullshit, you don’t have to buy into the thin=better paradigm or be preached to by people who do.

We are not the first group of people who have been treated like second class citizens in a wave of public hysteria.  But no group of people has ever risen above this by buying into the mistaken belief that they are inferior.  Loving your body is an act of sheer courage and revolution in this culture. Instead of another article about how to avoid holiday weight gain, here’s what I would like to see all over Facebook, and hear on the radio, television and at gatherings all over the world this holiday season:

My body is not a representation of my failures, sins, or mistakes. My body is not a sign that I am in poor health, or that I am not physically fit. My body is not up for public discussion, debate or judgment. My body is not a signal that I need your help or input to make decisions about my health or life.  My body is the constant companion that helps me do every single thing that I do every second of every day and it deserves respect and admiration. If you are incapable of appreciating my body that is your deficiency, not mine, and I do not care. Nor am I interested in hearing your thoughts on the matter so, if you want to be around me, you are 100% responsible for doing whatever it takes to keep those thoughts to yourself. If you are incapable of doing that I will leave and spend my time with people who can treat me appropriately.  Please pass the green beans.

As always I think that preparation is the best friend of the fatty. If you suspect that you may be the victim of holiday weight shame then be prepared.  Here are some suggestions:

Know what your boundaries are and decide on consequences that you can live with.  Don’t threaten things that you won’t follow through on.  So try something like “My body is fine, your behavior is inappropriate. If there is one more comment about my weight, I am leaving.”  The common thread among my friends who have done this is that they’ve only had to do it once and then their bodies were respected, and they all report feeling incredibly empowered.  Contrast that with saying “if you say one more thing I’m never speaking to you again” but then not following through.  Now you feel like a failure, and you’ve taught people that your boundaries aren’t real and that your consequences are idle.

Consider talking with members of your family who have been repeat offenders prior to the holiday.  Or send out a holiday newsletter e-mail explaining your commitment to Health at Every Size and that comments about your weight are not welcome.  Remind yourself (as often as necessary) that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you – their concern trolling behavior is inappropriate.  Have a HAES buddy you can call for sanity checks. Be brave, be strong, and  teach people how to treat you appropriately.

To listen to this post as a podcast, click here.

To listen to the two readers who did amazing recordings of my holiday song re-writing the lyrics of O Christmas Tree to be an Ode to Boundary Setting, click here!

We’re over 1,400 signatures and picking up steam, please consider signing the petition to keep kids off The Biggest Loser and reposting it around the web.

Like the blog?  Check this stuff out:

Holiday Sale – Book and DVDs

I’m having a Holiday Sale.  You’ll get 20% off whatever you buy plus an upgrade from media mail to priority shipping in the US.  Support my work, get cool stuff, win-win.  Click here to check it out.

The e-book is still name your own price

Become a Member (not on sale, but still pretty cool!)

I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  Members are the first to know about new projects, get to see things before they are released, get “Member Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.  Join Now!

Ok, I know I’m late to the party on the Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle song (also known as “Sexy and I Know It” by LMFAO.)  I was told by a friend in fat acceptance a couple of days ago that I HAD to see the video.  I checked it out.  The song it not without its problems but there are people with a variety of body types shown in various states of undress, all being super confident about their bodies which is awesome.

With the way that a single stereotype of beauty is shoved down our throat 24/7, I think it’s so important to put other bodies out there.  I think a really important part of my own journey of Size Acceptance has been actively seeking out positive representations of fat bodies.  I won’t speak for anyone else but no matter how clearly I understand that bodies of all sizes are amazing and worthy and, in my opinion, beautiful, being constantly barraged with a single image of what is beautiful, wears on me.

Early in my journey I heard somewhere that you should look at yourself naked in a full length mirror at least 5 minutes per day and look for positive things you could stay about your body . Cheesy though it may sound I did it.  And it really did help.  But it’s hard to overcome the all the images of women who look like me shown without heads spilling over the edges of a chair that is too small for them. Rising above this kind of stereotyping when it occurs constantly everywhere you look can be really difficult (and, as an aside, I strongly believe that it is damaging to public health.)

Finding places where I could look at positive images of bodies that looked like mine – even just bodies that look like mine that have heads, really helped me, and continues to help me.   One of my proudest moments as a Size Acceptance Activist was when I got to be part of the Adipositivity Project and that is because, for me, one of the most revolutionary things that I can do is put my body out there without shame, and as a way to “pay it forward” for all the beautiful fat bodies who helped me along the way.  It’s also why having a photo and video gallery were so important to Jeanette and I when we created the fit fatties forum.  So here are some examples of sites that I look at to this day to see positive representations of bodies of all sizes. If you know of others I hope you’ll add them to the comments, though I would ask the you avoid anything that includes thin shaming/suggesting that fat bodies are better than thin bodies etc.  (For the record, I don’t get payment of any kind from any of these, I just think they are awesome!.)

The Adipositivity Project (possibly NSFW) by Substantia Jones (I’ve been an Adiposer a couple of times!) She even has an awesome Calendar (I’m Miss May!)

The Fit Fatties Forum has photo and video galleries

More of Me to Love has cool things  in their fun stuff section (and they do a monthly deal for my members)

VoluptuArt has amazing pieces to look at and buy.

Jodee Rose’s artwork (NSFW) is phenomenal (and she has a regular deal for my members) Her pinup work and Her portrait work are both amazing and she did the logo for More Cabaret!

Uppity Fatty on Tumblr (NSFW)

Pink by Aerosmith is a really cool video of lots of different bodies and ages.  Possibly NSFW.

We’re over 1,400 signatures and picking up steam, please consider signing the petition to keep kids off The Biggest Loser and re-posting it.

Like the blog?  Check this stuff out:

Holiday Sale – Book and DVDs

I’m having a Holiday Sale.  You’ll get 20% off whatever you buy plus an upgrade from media mail to priority shipping in the US.  Support my work, get cool stuff, win-win.  Click here to check it out.

The e-book is still name your own price

Become a Member (not on sale, but still pretty cool!)

I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  Members are the first to know about new projects, get to see things before they are released, get “Member Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.  Join Now!