My blog about ending body bashing got re-posted by one of my Facebook friends. One of her friends, Diane, responded “I’m sorry..that woman on that blog pisses me the hell off. I know she’s trying to bolster the self-esteem of fat people/women, but to say that if you are fat, you are also healthy is LUDICROUS! I just want to slap her.”

This is not an uncommon reaction to my work, though sometimes people replace “I just want to slap her” with “punch her in her fat stomach” or “I’m going to be at your talk at the Reitz Union at 6:30pm and I’m going to shoot you in the head.”  Diane is but a small example of what you can find it all over the internet – people talking about how the very idea that fat people could like themselves or claim health makes them want to commit physical violence against fat people – especially involved in Size Acceptance or Health at Every Size, and it often comes with a gross mischaracterization of the work.  If you do activism around Size Acceptance and/or HAES it’s possible that you’ll deal with it, so let’s look a little deeper.

When it comes to people who claim to want to hurt me in some way (credible or not) I’m generally equally upset at the threats as I am at the fact that people don’t understand my work despite my best efforts to explain things clearly.   Obviously I never said that if you are fat you are also healthy, just like I would never say that if you are thin you are also healthy. I have said many, many times that weight and health are two different things, that there are healthy and unhealthy people of all sizes. Of course there are those who truly disagree, those who truly misunderstand, and those who misunderstand for profit, but that’s not all that is at work here.

I think there are people who are so absolutely steeped in our culture of “everybody knows that being fat is the same as being unhealthy, that they simply cannot look at the situation objectively.  I imagine this is how lots of people felt when they first came across the idea that the Earth revolves around the sun – they were so certain of what they believed that they just couldn’t conceptualize any other option.  There are some people who can be upset enough about that to become angry.

In my experience, though, the greatest anger reaction comes from those who have put all their self-esteem eggs in the thin-is-better basket.  People whose identity is based on the idea that they are healthier/more attractive/better than those who are larger than they are.  So when fat people refuse to be complicit in our own stigmatization, stereotyping and bullying – when we stand up for ourselves – these people’s self-esteem hangs in a precarious balance.  So they lash out.

While I think it’s important to realize that these things drive part of the conversation around weight and health, I am in no way suggesting that they apply to everyone, or that any of us can guess someone else’s reasons for the way they act or react.  It’s not our fault but it becomes our problem, so I think it’s worth it to have some strategies to deal with it.

When I’m dealing with this it helps me to remember that the rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are inalienable, not contingent.  They are not based on size, health, habits, or the approval of others.  I don’t need to prove anything to anybody in order to claim these rights for myself.  They are absolutely mine and nobody has the right to take them away. Those rights include the right to live in the body I have now without shame, stigma, bullying, oppression or people threatening to do violence against me because I claim them.  The fight for fat civil rights is not about asking someone to confer them upon us – they aren’t anyone else’s to confer –  it’s about demanding that people stop trying to keep these rights from us through an inappropriate use of power.

It also helps that when it comes to the science, health, and medicine aspects I’m basing my case on evidence, which doesn’t automatically make me right, but does allow me to shrug off ALL CAPS FREAKING OUT EVERYBODY KNOWS arguments, whether or not the person making them wants to slap me.

To listen to this blog as a podcast, click here!

Holiday Sale – January or Bust!

I do Size Acceptance activism full time, and at this time of year I get the most requests for help and support, and the least paid talks, book signings, business consulting etc.  So I’m having a January or Bust Sale.  You’ll get 20% off whatever you buy plus an upgrade from media mail to priority shipping in the US.  Support my work, get cool stuff, win-win.

Click here to check it out.

Become a Member (not on sale, but still pretty cool!)

I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  Members are the first to know about new projects, get to see things before they are released, get “Member Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.  Join Now!

I got over 300 e-mails/Facebook messages etc. about a project called “I’m learning to apologize for my metabolism” It exists on Kickstarter and the gist is that a woman is trying to raise $20,000 to fund a book that will be a “Collection of images of women standing up against a society that protects fat culture while bastardizing thin and athletic women.”  Many of the messages I received asked if it was a joke.  I looked into it and from what I can find it’s not a joke, and it’s not funny as far as I’m concerned.

My first thought was that maybe she lives in another country where the standard of beauty is different.  Nope, she lives in Las Vegas and she believes that “Its undeniable that when we stand a skinny, athletic or even average sized female next to a larger (even if less healthy, overweight or obese) female, that unless we live outside of this stigma, we as Americans will assume that the heavier person is funnier, smarter, nicer, and less sexually promiscuous, all because she is not as thin or physically fit than the girl next to her.”

I think that she has a right to feel this way and I’m not going to try to say that I know better than her what her personal experience is, but I do think “undeniable” is the wrong word to use.  I know that thin bashing does exist and I have written several times about why thin bashing is unjustifiable.

I do have problems with this project, not the least of which include the use of the following euphemisms for thin:

• Athletic
• Fit
• Likes to run
• Eats healthy
• Take care of your body
• Be in better shape

We just discussed why that’s wrong, wrong, wrongity, wrong, wrong.

She says “The premise of the book is not to bash or assault any single body type, quite the opposite.”

This I’m having trouble believing.  See, I think that if you’re not trying to bash or assault a body type you scrupulously avoid using phrases like “I’m sorry if the butt I work for isn’t as good as the one you ate for.”  I think you avoid making sweeping assumptions like, for example, that only people with one body type are athletic, fit, like to run, eat healthy, take care of themselves etc.   But that’s just my opinion.

I can’t say enough that a culture of body hate hurts people of every size.  I also can’t say enough that I seriously doubt that the road to high self-esteem and size acceptance is paved with blatant hypocrisy.  So even if it’s absolutely true that “Americans will assume that the heavier person is funnier, smarter, nicer, and less sexually promiscuous”  the solution to that is probably not to encourage people to assume that the heavier person is less fit, doesn’t eat healthy, and doesn’t take care of themselves.  If assumptions based on body size are bad, and I agree that they are, then they are bad for people of all sizes.  We can end body bashing and size discrimination, but we can’t do it by doing exactly to other bodies what we don’t want done to ours.

We can simply stop body bashing, body snarking, and making assumptions based on body size.  No more “she needs to eat a sandwich” no more “fat pig”, no more “Real women have curves,”  no more “Lazy fatty”, no more “she can’t be healthy at that weight, ” no more “she looks anorexic,”  no more making ourselves feel better by saying something negative about someone else’s body.  No more.  If we truly want to end body bashing, we have to stop body bashing.

If you are reading this, then you can make the choice, right now, to stop participating in all body bashing. But will you?  The choice is yours.

To listen to this blog as a podcast, click here!

Holiday Sale – January or Bust!

I do Size Acceptance activism full time, and at this time of year I get the most requests for help and support, and the least paid talks, book signings, business consulting etc.  So I’m having a January or Bust Sale.  You’ll get 20% off whatever you buy plus an upgrade from media mail to priority shipping in the US.  Support my work, get cool stuff, win-win.

Click here to check it out.

Become a Member (not on sale, but still pretty cool!)

I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  Members are the first to know about new projects, get to see things before they are released, get “Member Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.  Join Now!

My first activist project was in kindergarten when I had had enough of coloring and playing house and I organized my class to boycott our naptime and chant “We Wanna Learn, We Wanna Learn” while rhythmically pounding our little fists on our desks.  Since then I’ve been involved in all kinds of activism and one common threads I find is that whenever anyone points out an inequality, bigotry, or issue to work on, there’s always someone who wants to tell them that they shouldn’t do anything about it because there is a “good reason” for how things are now.

I talked about asking Barney’s and Disney not to make Minnie Mouse into a 5’11 size 0 to walk an imaginary runway and I got all kinds of e-mail telling me that the fashion world is all about tall and thin and there’s not point trying to change it.

I talked about fat phobia in the dance world and I got tons of e-mails telling me that I needed to understand that a thin body is what works professionally, and that’s just how it is.

I talked about asking stores to carry larger sizes and I got all kinds of e-mails telling me that it isn’t easy for designers to make bigger sizes and that there are expenses involved, so I shouldn’t expect any change.

Reader Holly mentioned in a comment that it’s important to understand why things are the way they are and I agree with that – I’m not trying to suggest that we not understand the things that we are trying to change.  What I am suggesting is that activism is often, if not almost always, about asking people and organizations to change behaviors and practices for which they currently have what they consider to be a “good reason” that justifies the status quo.

Yes the fashion world is about tall and thin.  Yes, the professional dance world is almost entirely about one body type.  Yes, stores are currently set up to do a specific size range.  Yes, anything that we take on as activists will have reasons for being the way they are, acting the way they do,  and having the policies they have. Those are the reasons FOR the activism, not the reason not to do the activism.

It’s about declaring that that we deserve the same things that other people have, even if that means that things and people and policies have to change.  Try chanting: “What do we want?  Equality!  When do we want it? Only when it doesn’t require anything or anyone to change!” It just doesn’t have that ring to it, you know? For example, if thin people can walk into a mall and find clothes in a multitude of stores, styles, colors and price points, but fat people have to go to specialty stores where they find a small selection in limited styles, colors and price points then there’s an inequality there that we can work to fix even though there are all kinds of reasons given to us as to why the current situation is what it is.  We can try to change the status quo, replace it and make what used to exist irrelevant, or all kinds of other options as activists.

Whether or not you choose to engage in activism is completely your decision,  but if you see an inequality or bigotry that you want to change, let me suggest that you not be dissuaded by the argument that there is a “good reason” that it works that way. Let’s suggest that equality is worth some ingenuity.

To listen to this as a podcast, click here.

Like the blog?  Check this stuff out:

The Book:  Fat:  The Owner’s Manual The E-Book is Name Your Own Price! Click here to order

The Dance Class DVDs:  Fun classes for all levels! Click here to order

Become a Member, Support My Work,  and Get Special Deals from Size Positive Businesses

I do size acceptance activism full time.  A lot what I do, like answering over 4,000 e-mails from readers each month, giving talks to groups who can’t afford to pay, and running projects like the Georgia Billboard Campaign etc. is unpaid, so I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  To make that even cooler, I’ve now added a component called “DancesWithFat Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.

Speaking Schedule 2013 – I am now working on my speaking schedule for next year.  If you would like me to give a talk at your university, job/company, or organization just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org and we’ll talk about the options to make it work for your situation and budget.

I blogged on Tuesday about my experience dealing with Lane Bryant Customer Service over my anger that their new high-end runway-inspired line was only going to size 24 – especially when LB typically goes to 26/28.  You can read the entire blog here.  The gist is that they thank me for taking the time to contact them repeatedly and also say:

• “I do apologize, at the current time the size availability for the Lane Collection are not intended to change” Sheri A.

• “Please know that we received word that, at this time, there are no plans to offer the 26/28 option for this particular line, I sincerely apologize.”  Shawn C

When I repeatedly asked for an explanation I was told that “Unfortunately, the reasoning was not included in the response we received and are unable to determine why this merchandise is not offered.”

Finally I was told “Please know that the decision is subject the change at any time and that your comments have been forwarded to our Merchandising department.”

So I sent this message:

Hi Shawn,

It’s unfortunate that you can’t get your own company to answer your questions on behalf of your customers.  Just wanted to let you know that I blogged about this today to my 5,680 subscribers.  In less than 24 hours there are over 106 comments, most of which are offering suggestions for how to avoid shopping at Lane Bryant.  I could not be more disappointed in Lane Bryant as a company or more happy to have so many options to avoid spending money with you.

https://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/2012/11/27/lane-bryant-letdown/

~Ragen

Today I received an e-mail from Lou-Ann Bett, Chief Merchandising Officer at Lane Bryant. It said

Hi  Ragen,

Your blog dated November 27, 2012 regarding the sizing of the new Lane Collection was brought to my attention today and I would like to share with you some exciting news.  Starting in Spring 2013, the Lane Collection will be offered in size 26/28!

In our excitement to deliver the collection before Christmas, we were unable to perfect the fit of all of our traditional sizes and thus could not execute the 26/28 in time.  Perhaps we should have waited, but I assure you we remain committed to serving all of our customers and look forward to showcasing our spring and summer Collections for 2013 up to sizes 26 and 28.

I sincerely apologize for any miscommunication we may have provided and hope that you will take the opportunity to try the exciting new pieces we’ll be offering and sharing this news with your blogging community and readers.  And, if you are ever in Columbus, we invite you to contact us, so we could meet you in person and show you some of our new collections.

Sincerely,

Lou Ann Bett

SVP, Chief Merchandising Officer

Victory!  Butt shaking happy victory dance!

Was this really the plan all along?  Who knows.  It’s the plan now and that’s what is important to me.  I know that a lot of you sent e-mails to Lane Bryant and left the comments that I was able to forward to them and this victory is yours – thank you so much for rocking so hard.  Now, I know as soon as I publish this, someone will point out that there are still problems with LB – that they aren’t perfect.  There are, and they aren’t – but “never enough” activism is just not my style.  One thing that helps me is to celebrate the victories big and small.  This work can be difficult and unforgiving and sometimes it can feel like we’re Sisyphus pushing the rock up the hill.  But our hard work is paying off.  We are gaining ground.  We deserve to celebrate the battles that we win even as we keep fighting the war.  Activism works, and butt shaking happy dances are sometimes their own reward.

To listen to this blog as a podcast, click here.

Like the blog?  Check this stuff out:

The Book:  Fat:  The Owner’s Manual The E-Book is Name Your Own Price! Click here to order

The Dance Class DVDs:  Fun classes for all levels! Click here to order

Become a Member and Get Special Deals from Size Positive Businesses

I do size acceptance activism full time.  A lot what I do, like answering over 4,000 e-mails from readers each month, giving talks to groups who can’t afford to pay, and running projects like the Georgia Billboard Campaign etc. is unpaid, so I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  To make that even cooler, I’ve now added a component called “DancesWithFat Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.

Speaking Schedule 2013 – I am now working on my speaking schedule for next year.  If you would like me to give a talk at your university, job/company, or organization just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org and we’ll talk about the options to make it work for your situation and budget.

Today I was on HuffPo Live to talk about childhood obesity.  I was on the panel with Autumn Whitefield-Madrano from The Beheld which is a blog that I like, two self-identified “childhood obesity experts” both of whom were fat children, are now thin adults and claim to help children lose weight professionally, and the guy who runs the weight loss camp that was featured on MTV’s “Fat Camp.”  You can see the full segment online.  It was frustrating because it was 3 against 1, so I wasn’t able to correct all of the misinformation – confusing correlation with causation, substituting anecdata for actual data etc. without inappropriately dominating the conversation, but I did the best that I could.

What I want to talk about is what happened when the cameras went off.  We continued to talk in the online chat room.  I suggested that they look at evidence  – Wei et. al, Matheson et. al, the Cooper Institute Longitudinal Studies that show that habits are a much better indicator of future health then body size.

I pointed out that University of Minnesota researchers found that “None of the behaviors being used by adolescents (in 1999) for weight-control purposes predicted weight loss (in 2006).  Of greater concern were the negative outcomes associated with dieting and the use of unhealthful weight-control behaviors, including significant weight gain.”

I mentioned that a study that tracked 15,000 participants and was published in the Journal of Paediatrics,  found that adolescents who were put on diets were significantly more likely to gain weight than those who were not.

Autumn was respectful and helped support me in getting space to talk when others were trying to steamroll me. None of the three self-identified childhood obesity experts  named a single study to refute what I was saying or support their position. One claimed to know the research (though never citing any) but said that they didn’t need all these scientific studies  and evidence because they have common sense. Ah the cult of “everybody knows.”

This is not limited to the person who said it – I hear it all the time. “Studies change but I know in my gut…” or “I don’t have research but just do a Google search on Obesity and read some of the news stories….” So our kids’ health is at stake and we are dealing with a whole profession of people who call themselves childhood obesity experts, and make money with promises of weight loss for kids, who not only don’t have evidence to support their methods, nor refute evidence that suggests that their work does more harm than good; but who, terrifyingly, don’t seem to think that matters.

I’m pretty sure “I don’t need evidence, I have common sense” is what they said to Galileo.

To provide clarity, let’s do a quick exercise inspired by reader Ericka:

A child needs their arm amputated.

Their first option is someone who amputated their own arm during a climbing accident and succeeded despite near impossible odds, and plans to do the amputation guided by common sense and his own experience.

Their second option is a doctor who went to medical school and studied the research and evidence that have come from hundreds of thousands of arm amputations,  has performed many such amputations using this information, and plans to use that same information to perform this kids’s surgery.

Who do you want treating this child?

One person’s experience is not extrapolatable to others.  The fact that someone was a fat kid and became a thin adult does NOT prove that everyone else can do it – or that anyone else can do it.  Just like the fact that I’m a 300 pound National Champion Dancer doesn’t prove that every 300 pound person can be a National Champion Dancer – that’s why we have studies. Every scientist knows that they could be wrong, but to suggest that common sense and personal experience are a substitute for information gleaned from a statistically significant sample size through a properly designed study is ludicrous, dangerous and, unfortunately, really profitable in the adolescent weight loss industry.

It would be bad enough if people who claim that they can help kids lose weight were just making fat kids into lab rats by testing out their unproven hypotheses on them, but what they are doing actually flies in the face of the evidence that does exist. Again, there are no studies that show that any weight loss interventions are successful in the long run.  There are studies that show that weight control attempts in kids leads to weight gain and eating disorders (in fact, hospitalizations for eating disorders in kids under 12 are up 119% in the last decade.  Kids.  Under.  Twelve.)

If we’re going to have a discussion about our experiences, then that is a valid discussion and is worth having and each of us is the best witness to our own experience – but let’s not confuse it with a discussion of how to approach kid’s healthcare.  If we are having a discussion about children’s health interventions then it has to be based on evidence – our kids deserve better than anecdata and somebody’s so-called common sense.

Listen to this blog as a podcast here!

Like the blog?  Check this stuff out:

The Book:  Fat:  The Owner’s Manual The E-Book is Name Your Own Price! Click here to order

The Dance Class DVDs:  Fun classes for all levels! Click here for the details

Become a Member and Get Special Deals from Size Positive Businesses

I do size acceptance activism full time.  A lot what I do, like answering over 4,000 e-mails from readers each month, giving talks to groups who can’t afford to pay, and running projects like the Georgia Billboard Campaign etc. is unpaid, so I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  To make that even cooler, I’ve now added a component called “DancesWithFat Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.

Speaking Schedule 2013 – I am now working on my speaking schedule for next year.  If you would like me to give a talk at your university, job/company, or organization just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org and we’ll talk about the options to make it work for your situation and budget.

Reader Deborah alerted me to new regulations released by the Obama administration under the Affordable Care Act increase the maximum reward for participating in employer wellness weight loss programs.  Employees who participate in these programs will be “rewarded” up to 30% of the cost of health coverage.

Said another way, people will be penalized for refusing to participate in programs which, though called weight loss program, have absolutely no record of successfully creating long term weight loss.  I’ll say it again – these programs have absolutely no evidence that they can achieve long term weight loss or improved health. In fact, many of these so-called “wellness programs” partner with diet companies that have been successfully sued by the Federal Trade Commission for deceptive trade practices (you didn’t think that they voluntarily put those “results not typical” disclaimers on their ads, did you?)

I think that there should be an incentive for those people who have enough common sense NOT to sign up for a program with no track record of success, lead by companies that have lost so many lawsuits for deceptive trade practices that they are legally required to say that their product doesn’t work every time they advertise it.

This is discrimination based on how people look, straight up.  It has nothing to do with health because it’s not based on health – it’s based on body size.  Body size is not a measure of health and we know that because there are healthy fat people and unhealthy thin people and a K-2 sized mountain of evidence that says that habits are a better determinant for health than body size. Tall people have more health problems – maybe they should have to enter Height Watchers and work hard to get shorter or pay more for health insurance. Height Watchers’s success rate is only 5% less than Weight Watchers after all, let’s get cracking tall people. This is extra ridiculous since the Congressional Budget Office itself has said that fat people are not the reason for rising healthcare costs.  To be clear, if they were discriminating on health rather than body size, that would be no better.

Anytime we round up a group of people based on how they look and suggest that they need to change how they look or we’re going to charge them more money for something, we can be assured that we are headed down a bad road.  In this case it’s even completely contrary to the evidence that exists:

So the Federal Trade Commission has made it abundantly clear that dieting doesn’t work.  The Congressional Budget Office has made it clear that fat people are not the cause for rising healthcare costs.  Knowing this, the Obama administration is encouraging people to diet to lower health care costs.  Stop the logic train, we had a passenger fall off.

At the beginning of the year I was asked to write an article about why these so called “Carrot and Stick” benefit plans are a bad idea.  You can read the full article here but the gist is that dieting doesn’t work and organizations including the American Heart Association, American Cancer Society, and National Women’s Law Association have come out against these programs because of legal issues. So if employers want a healthy workplace they should focus on providing a workplace free from discrimination and options for health like optional workplace walking clubs, discounts on gym memberships, fitness based workplace challenges (instead of weight loss challenges).  Now we can add to that not participating in government-encouraged discrimination.

To listen to this blog as a podcast, click here.

Like the blog?  Check this stuff out:

The Book:  Fat:  The Owner’s Manual The E-Book is Name Your Own Price! Click here to order

The Dance Class DVDs:  Fun classes for all levels! Click here for the details

Become a Member and Get Special Deals from Size Positive Businesses

I do size acceptance activism full time.  A lot what I do, like answering over 4,000 e-mails from readers each month, giving talks to groups who can’t afford to pay, and running projects like the Georgia Billboard Campaign etc. is unpaid, so I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  To make that even cooler, I’ve now added a component called “DancesWithFat Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.

Speaking Schedule 2013 – I am now working on my speaking schedule for next year.  If you would like me to give a talk at your university, job/company, or organization just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org and we’ll talk about the options to make it work for your situation and budget.

I recently received an e-mail about the new Lane Collection by Lane Bryant.  The e-mail effused about “Premium fabrics with fine details and trim, the runway-inspired Lane Collection is exclusively designed to fit and flatter you and your lifestyle.”  Which would be great, except that it’s exclusively designed NOT to fit me or my lifestyle because it only goes to a size 24 and I’m a 26/28.  I know that Lane Bryant knows women my size exist because they already carry clothes for us in the store.  I couldn’t imagine why they would design a collection and purposefully exclude women they already know shop for their clothes, so I sent an e-mail to customer service asking why they had stopped at 24.  Here is the conversation that followed:

Dear Ragen Chastain,

Thank you for taking the time to contact us.

I do apologize, at the current time the size availability for the Lane Collection are not intended to change.  If you would like to send me your physical mailing address I would be happy to send you a gesture of goodwill.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sheri A

Sheri,

While I appreciate the goodwill, I would also really appreciate it if you could answer my original question. Let me try to clarify, please let me know if I’m misunderstanding any of this: It seems to me that this is a line designed or at least commissioned by the Lane Bryant itself (since it bears your name). It seems that would allow you to choose the size range, especially since the clothes that you carry already go to at least a 26/28.  You say on the website it is “runway-inspired and designed to fit and flatter you and your life style,” and yet you’ve chosen to make that line available only to your customers up to size 24 which makes me, as a 26/28 customer, feel like you aren’t interested in dressing me in runway-inspired fashion.  Knowing, as you must, the dearth of fashionable clothing for plus-sized women – especially those in the larger sizes –  I’m curious why you’ve chosen to create a high fashion line of clothing that intentionally excludes your customers (and those who are not yet your customers) who are so very under-served to begin with?

Thanks for your help.

~Ragen

Dear Ragen Chastain,

Thank you for taking the time to contact us.

Your thoughts and comments are essential if we are to provide the best possible service and merchandise to our customers. It’s always helpful when a valued customer provides us with feedback or suggestions.

Please know I am sending your comments to our merchandise team so they can take your feedback into consideration when making decisions about future product lines.

Sincerely,

Sheri A

Hi Sheri,

I’m extremely disappointed in this answer.  I requested an explanation and what I got was a copy and paste platitude.  Let me try one more time.  Why are you excluding size 26/28 customers from your runway-inspired Lane Bryant branded clothing line?  It seems to me that if you are comfortable excluding size 26/28 customers, you should also be comfortable explaining why.  I look forward to receiving an answer to my question.

Thank you,

~Ragen

Dear Ragen Chastain,

Thank you for taking the time to contact us.

I sincerely apologize that you are not satisfied with the explanation provided.  Please know that we received word that, at this time, there are no plans to offer the 26/28 option for this particular line, I sincerely apologize.  Unfortunately, the reasoning was not included in the response we received and are unable to determine why this merchandise is not offered.  Please know that the decision is subject the change at any time and that your comments have been forwarded to our Merchandising department.

If there is anything else I can help you with, please let me know.

Sincerely,

Shawn C

I’ve already been really struggling with Lane Bryant’s modeling fiasco, and their crappy reasoning for their modeling fiasco. Then there’s “tighter tummy technology” and the fact that I can’t seem to get any leggings from them that aren’t control top – which is a problem since my top is not out of control.  I also noticed that there were less size 26/28 clothing options in the store.  I asked the store clerk about it and was told that they were getting less large sizes in stores and that they go the fastest, but that I could shop online.  LB isn’t the only store doing this and let’s be clear that they are saying:  We want your money, but we would prefer that people not see you in our stores.  Now LB is  saying that their top of the line runway-inspired fashion isn’t for those customers at all, which doesn’t even cover the issue that there are women over size 26/28 who LB could cater to if they chose.

More frustrating is the fact that many of the major fat girl brands – Lane Bryant, Cacique, Catherine’s, and Sonsi, are all owned by the same company – Charming Shoppes – so often I feel trapped.  I don’t particularly want to give Lane Bryant my money so that they can use it designing more lines of clothing that ignore me, but what else do you do?

I am fully aware that they are a business and they’re allowed to sell what they want.  I’m interested in exercising my rights as a consumer.  You all always have the best ideas, so my question to you is this:  what are your favorite alternatives to these stores? Please feel free to leave suggestions in the comments.

To listen to this blog as a podcast, click here.

Like the blog?  Check this stuff out:

The Book:  Fat:  The Owner’s Manual The E-Book is Name Your Own Price! Click here to order

The Dance Class DVDs:  Fun classes for all levels! Click here for the details

Become a Member and Get Special Deals from Size Positive Businesses

I do size acceptance activism full time.  A lot what I do, like answering over 4,000 e-mails from readers each month, giving talks to groups who can’t afford to pay, and running projects like the Georgia Billboard Campaign etc. is unpaid, so I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  To make that even cooler, I’ve now added a component called “DancesWithFat Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.

Speaking Schedule 2013 – I am now working on my speaking schedule for next year.  If you would like me to give a talk at your university, job/company, or organization just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org and we’ll talk about the options to make it work for your situation and budget.

Before I get started, I’m trying something new – at the bottom of each post I’ll give you the option to listen to this blog as a podcast. Let me know if you’re excited about this.

Reader Angela sent me a great picture today of a fat man running in a race and someone had commented “at least he’s trying.” I can’t count the number of times that I’ve heard this – when someone fat eats a salad, or goes to the gym, or walks around the block.  The sentence is actually truncated – what the person is really saying is “at least they’re trying to lose weight.”

This is deeply problematic.  First the words “at least”.  Since we’re fat, whatever thing we’re doing that they’ve interpreted as a weight loss attempt is clearly the least we can do to get that body that matches the cultural stereotype of beauty.  It’s pejorative in a less than subtle way, and also suggests that we have some obligation to try to change our bodies.

Now, let’s talk about “trying.”  Of course since we’re fat we’re just trying – we’re not allowed to “succeed” until we’re thin.  We’re not succeeding at running a marathon, we’re failing at being thin. We’re not succeeding at eating a salad, we’re failing at being thin.  We’re not succeeding at curing cancer, we’re failing at being thin. This is reinforced by “But, But, But Syndrome.”  But at least, you know, we’re trying.  As if the only thing any fat person should ever focus on is losing weight. People want us to believe that there is no such thing as a fat person who is a success.

That’s just not true.

It’s ok for fat people not to care at all about being thin.  We can eat salads because we like salad and it’s none of anyone’s business.  We can eat a burger and fries because we like burgers and fries and that’s also none of anyone else’s business.  We can succeed at running a marathon if we don’t lose a pound.  We can succeed at any number of things in the bodies we have now without ever making those bodies any smaller. And we do.

So maybe the body bigots can retire this phrase, then we’d know that at least they’re trying.

Listen to the podcast of this blog.

Like the blog?  Check this stuff out (purchasing these also helps support my activism work, which I really appreciate):

The Book:  Fat:  The Owner’s Manual The E-Book is Name Your Own Price! Click here to order

The Dance Class DVDs:  Fun classes for all levels! Click here for the details

Become a Member and Get Special Deals from Size Positive Businesses

I do size acceptance activism full time.  A lot what I do, like answering over 4,000 e-mails from readers each month, giving talks to groups who can’t afford to pay, and running projects like the Georgia Billboard Campaign etc. is unpaid, so I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  To make that even cooler, I’ve now added a component called “DancesWithFat Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.

Speaking Schedule 2013 – I am now working on my speaking schedule for next year.  If you would like me to give a talk at your university, job/company, or organization just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org and we’ll talk about the options to make it work for your situation and budget.

Fat people who want to engage in movement – whether they want to walk around the block, or run a marathon – face some specific challenges because of the way our society views and treats fat people. Reader Elizabeth let me know that the Miami City Ballet provided us with an example of a lot of those issues when they posted the following picture on their Facebook page with the text “Happy Thanksgiving! Don’t eat too much turkey ;)”

The obvious problem is that dance is for every body and the Miami City Ballet chose to perpetuate the idea that dancers who don’t look like the people in the Miami City Ballet should be held up for ridicule, as well as doing some quick fat bashing.  But if you look closer I think you’ll see more issues that this brings to light.

For fat athletes, it’s not just fighting stigma, oppression and stereotyping, sometimes it’s almost impossible just to get dressed. The person in the picture is wearing a Mawashi, which is lucky for him because finding actual dance clothes in large sizes is actually often more difficult than finding Bigfoot.

Hell, it’s a massive challenge just to find some decent affordable gym clothes in larger sizes.  If a fat person needs specialized clothes (triathlete, cyclist, dancer etc.) it can be next to impossible, and if we do find them we can often expect to pay WAY more than our straight-sized friends.  So not only do we face shame and stigma because people can’t get over themselves and let go of their narrow idea of what an athlete looks like, we often show up in clothes that don’t offer the performance or professional look of our competitor’s clothes.

Whoever posted this may not have even thought twice about it and that may be, at least partially, attributable to the social construct that says that fat bodies engaged in movement look “wrong” or are somehow funny just by existing. Because we’re often kept from view under the ridiculous guise of “not promoting obesity” people only see athletic thin bodies and so they get the idea that those bodies are “right” and fat bodies doing the same activities are “wrong”.  Once, in a forum that was doing a fat hate day focused on me (seriously, this is how some people spend their time), someone had a picture of my standing heel stretch next to a woman with a traditional ballet body doing a similar move.  They had diagrammed it to point out the differences, foolishly thinking that the additional flesh and fat of my heel stretch makes it “wrong” rather than realizing that the issue is with their narrow view of what a body should look like.

To me one of the saddest problems with what the Miami City Ballet has done here is that they are actively discouraging fat people from dancing by letting us know that, rather than having the respect and support of the dance community, they are more than happy to use us for the cheap, bigoted, laugh. When a little fat girl who wants to dance  seeks out the Miami City Ballet on Facebook they have the opportunity to encourage her to join the dance community or at least to not discourage her. Instead they’ve chosen stereotypes, shaming, and stigma and so maybe that little girl gives up on dance.  I know it happens because I get e-mails from girls who this is happening to and women who experienced it in their youth.

Movement and athleticism aren’t just for thin bodies and nobody who puts themselves out their should be ridiculed as this Miami City Ballet did here.  I hope that they’ll apologize and consider looking actively for ways that they can be inclusive and encouraging of dancers of all sizes and abilities.  I’m not complaining without offering to help – e-mail me:  ragen at danceswithfat dot org. I can help.

If you want to give the Miami City Ballet some feedback you can find them on facebook or you can e-mail the Executive Director at dhagerty@miamicityballet.org

Feel free to check out (and maybe even join) the Fit Fatties Forum – a free forum with over 1,100 athletes of all shapes and sizes talking about fitness from a weight neutral perspective – it also includes a photo and video gallery to help people expand their view of what an athlete looks like.

Like the blog?  Check this stuff out (purchasing these also helps support my activism work, which I really appreciate):

The Book:  Fat:  The Owner’s Manual The E-Book is Name Your Own Price! Click here to order

The Dance Class DVDs:  Fun classes for all levels! Click here for the details

Become a Member and Get Special Deals from Size Positive Businesses

I do size acceptance activism full time.  A lot what I do, like answering over 4,000 e-mails from readers each month, giving talks to groups who can’t afford to pay, and running projects like the Georgia Billboard Campaign etc. is unpaid, so I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  To make that even cooler, I’ve now added a component called “DancesWithFat Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.

Speaking Schedule 2013 – I am now working on my speaking schedule for next year.  If you would like me to give a talk at your university, job/company, or organization just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org and we’ll talk about the options to make it work for your situation and budget.

Many of my friends are celebrating Thanksgiving today, many are having a “Screw Colonialism Turkey and Stuffing feast day”, many of my friends are just having Thursday.  For those of you who are having a feast holiday today, or have one coming up in the next few months, or ever deal with people pushing your boundaries about your health and weight, here are some ideas to help get you through:

The holidays in the US seem to bring with them a much higher chance of having to deal with unsolicited health advice, weight bullying, diet talk, diet encouragement, negative body talk etc.  There are some things that you can do to prepare and deal with it.

Consider the idea that your body is amazing – it breathes for you, pumps blood around all the time and does all kinds of cool things.  It deserves respect and admiration. If people don’t recognize that, it’s 100% their problem and a big flaming sack of not yours.

Things that people say to you are almost always a reflection of where they are in their life – if they are engaging in body shaming, food policing or other inappropriate behavior, remember that it’s about them, not about you. You do not have to take it personally or internalize it.

That doesn’t mean that you have to allow it to happen either.  You decide how people treat you and then you teach them how to treat you that way.  Don’t be afraid to set boundaries and consequences and then follow through. It’s ok to stand up for yourself, it’s ok to leave the room, it’s ok to leave the State.  It’s also ok to just get through it, but if you take that path may I suggest that you spend a lot of energy making sure that you aren’t internalizing those messages.

Good intentions do not negate bad behavior unless you decide that they do.

It’s a feast holiday, so it’s possible that feeling guilty about eating defeats the point.

People are allowed to be on diets, but if they feel the need to be incredibly vocal about it consider that they may have some issues that they are dealing with.  Again, this is a big flaming sack of not your problem.  Other people’s choices do not invalidate your choices, and vice versa.  Some dieters have a hard time with this – they need everyone to buy into dieting so that they can feel comfortable about their decision.  That doesn’t obligate you to buy in.

Once more with feeling:  Consider that your body is amazing – it breathes for you, pumps blood around all the time and does all kinds of cool things.  It deserves respect and admiration. If people don’t recognize that, it’s 100% their problem and a big flaming sack of not yours.

Looking for your input:

I’ve decided to write another book.  I’m an unwilling combatant in a war against me because of how I look. So is every other fat person.  The other side of the war has a battle plan, and I think it’s time that I had one too.  So the working title for my next book is “The War on Obesity:  A Battle Guide for the Fat Side.”   It will include sections about armor (studies that we can reference, facts and statistics etc.) as well as situational scenarios (both offensive and defensive) with real situations (at the doctor’s, at the gym etc.) and options and suggested scripting for handling them.  I’m in the proces of outlining the book now and I wanted to ask for some input:

The first chance for participation if you are interested is to let me know what scenarios you would like me to cover in the book, or what information would help you feel prepared to fight back against the war on obesity.  It would be awesome if you would e-mail your ideas to me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

Like the blog?  Check this stuff out (purchasing these also helps support my activism work, which I really appreciate):

The Book:  Fat:  The Owner’s Manual The E-Book is Name Your Own Price! Click here to order

The Dance Class DVDs:  Fun classes for all levels! Click here for the details

Become a Member and Get Special Deals from Size Positive Businesses

I do size acceptance activism full time.  A lot what I do, like answering over 4,000 e-mails from readers each month, giving talks to groups who can’t afford to pay, and running projects like the Georgia Billboard Campaign etc. is unpaid, so I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  To make that even cooler, I’ve now added a component called “DancesWithFat Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.

Speaking Schedule 2013 – I am now working on my speaking schedule for next year.  If you would like me to give a talk at your university, job/company, or organization just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org and we’ll talk about the options to make it work for your situation and budget.