Ok, let me start by apologizing for that title, I just couldn’t help myself. Now on to the good news.

A fatphobe found herself seated in the middle seat on a plane between two plus-size people, and decided that her best choice was to verbally abuse her row-mates. She started on the phone to someone, complaining loudly that they were “squishing her” (though a video taken by Norma Rodgers, one of her row-mates does not substantiate that claim) Fatphobe then turned her ire to the flight attendant saying ““Get me out of here. I can’t do this. I can’t breathe, I’m so squished,” she said, before adding, “I eat salads, okay?”

Throughout the interaction we see the cruelty of fatphobia, but here we see the ridiculousness. Seriously, Fatphobe? “I eat salad.”? That’s what you went with?  Plenty of fat people eat salad, plenty of thin people don’t. Airlines have tons of promotions but “Eat a salad, choose your seatmates” is not one of them.

What isn’t funny at all is that she is white and her two row-mates are Black, so we have to ask ourselves to what extent racism was also at the root of, and driving her behavior.

At that point, in a bit of video that makes me want to stand up and cheer in my living room, Norma Rodgers – the hero we need – had e-fucking-nough and asked the flight attendant to find Fatphobe another seat because “I will not be abused by this bitch, or anybody else, I will not be verbally abused by anybody. I’m not tolerating it.” Tell her Ms. Rodgers.

The flight attendant asks Fatphobe to move to the back of the plane while they look for another seat and as she is leaving the row she says again “I eat salad.” That’s where it gets good.

While Ms. Rodgers asks the flight attendant how to report Fatphobe, repeating that she is not going to be treated this way, and the flight attendant empathizes and assists, the rest of the plane lets Fatphobe know that her behavior is not ok. In a glorious finish to this story, Fatphobe got kicked off the plane. I can only hope that her seat remained empty so that her abused row-mates could stretch out and enjoy their Fatphobe-free flight.

A few final points:

Much has been made in online discussions that I’ve seen about the fact that Fatphobe isn’t particularly thin. I don’t care about that, since there’s no weight at which her behavior would have been appropriate.

If you’re thinking something like “Making fat people buy two seats for one flight isn’t fat shaming, it’s just economics” then head over to this post.

If you’re thinking something like “But fat people on planes taking up space aren’t fair to thin people!” then head over to this post.

If you know what’s up, then just take this time to enjoy the fact that two fat people flew to their destinations while Fatphobe watched them take off from the airport, where flight attendants booted her ass after being shamed by fellow passengers of all sizes. Progress, far too slow and far too painful, but progress.

Did you like this post? If you appreciate the work that I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time tip or by becoming a member. (Members get special deals on fat-positive stuff, a monthly e-mail keeping them up to date on the work their membership supports, and the ability to ask me questions that I answer in a members-only monthly Q&A Video!)

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Wellness for All Bodies Program: A simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight-neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Non-Members click here for all the details and to register!

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!  (Members get an even better deal, make sure to make your purchases from the Members Page!)

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m (still!) training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com or on Instagram.

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

One of the reasons most commonly given for refusing to treat fat people with basic human respect, or to represent fat people in the media as happy, or successful at anything other than weight loss, is that fat people aren’t “prioritizing our health” and thus deserve to be treated poorly and denied positive media representation.

For today I’m setting aside the fact that this is both completely untrue and that it even if it was true it would still be extremely messed up, to discuss the almost unbelievable hypocrisy that is committed anytime this argument is made and, specifically, on Super Bowl Sunday, in this annual DWF post.

Today Super Bowl LIII will be played (for those not into sportsball, it’s the annual championship game of United States Football.) It has an anticipated audience of over 100 million people. Advertisers paid $5.25 Millon for a 3o second spot.

The dudes who will play in the game – many of them meeting the (totally bullshit) definition of “obese” – will be putting their short and long term health in jeopardy in the hopes of scoring more points than some other dudes, and winning jewelry.

If we really believe that people who don’t prioritize their health should be treated poorly and denied positive media representation, then I’m pretty confused here:

First is this incredibly long list of injuries.

And what about the massive impact of concussions on players future lives (and the NFL cover-up thereof.)

Or the fact that the rate of bankruptcy means that taxpayers will likely pick up the cost of most of the future healthcare they’ll need.

Football players are given massive media exposure despite the fact that they are clearly not prioritizing their own health.

So if we think that people who don’t “prioritize their health” are poor role models and shouldn’t be represented positively in the media, what is this whole Superbowl thing about?  Where is the insistence that football players aren’t good role models because they aren’t prioritizing their health? Where are the calculations about how expensive football players (from Pop Warner to Pro) will be – not just with sports injuries while they play, but with the fallout from concussions, and the constant pounding their joints take? Where is the WON’T SOMEBODY THINK OF THEIR KNEES hand-wringing?

Where are the calculations of how much money could be saved if instead of playing football those who participate just walked 30 minutes a day 5 days a week?  Where’s the government-sponsored “War on Football Playing”? And all of that despite the fact that body size is complicated and not entirely within our control and we don’t have a single study where more than a tiny fraction of people were able to change their body size, but playing (or not quitting) football is absolutely a choice.

To be clear, people are allowed to play football. My point here is that this whole “It’s because of fat people’s health that we treat them badly” thing is just a crappy justification for size-based discrimination, and it’s long past time to stop using healthism and ableism to justify sizeism, and to end all of them instead.

Did you like this post? If you appreciate the work that I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time tip or by becoming a member. (Members get special deals on fat-positive stuff from myself and other cool businesses, a monthly e-mail keeping them up to date on the work their membership supports, and the ability to ask me questions that I answer in a members-only monthly Q&A Video!)

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Wellness for All Bodies Program: A simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight-neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Non-Members click here for all the details and to register!

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!  (Members get an even better deal, make sure to make your purchases from the Members Page!)

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m (still!) training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com or on Instagram.

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

There is a concept in Fat Activism called the “Good Fatty Bad Fatty Dichotomy.” coined by Kate Harding. Basically, it’s the idea that fat people should be treated differently based on health status or performance of “health” (foods eaten, exercise undertaken etc.)

There is a more complete discussion here. The end result of this is to create hoops that fat people have to jump through in order to be treated with basic human respect by the person who is creating the hoops and judging how well fat people are jumping through them.  It’s bullshit, of course, but it’s ingrained in our culture and it comes out often in memes that are well meaning, but messed up.  Here are some that I’ve corrected:

And while we’re on the subject –  fat people’s bodies are not “problems” to be “fixed.” Extra shame on the person who created this for besmirching the good named of Captain Picard.

Another version of this compares fat people in the gym to sick people at the hospital, which is ridiculous since it pathologizes fat bodies and suggests that they have some special need to go to the gym to “fix” themselves that thinner people don’t. Super extra shame on the person who created this for using homeless people as a tool in their bullshit good fatty argument.

This person took the popular meme “confession bear” and turned him into “stereotyping, patronizing bear.” As Fat Activists and Health at Every Size practitioners who have been asked intrusive and clueless questions by perfect strangers at the gym (like “how much weight have you lost?”) can attest, this is crap. Don’t make assumptions about people based on their size – not at the gym, not anywhere else.

Ugh.  People who are running are not morally better than people who are sitting on the couch. People who run faster are not morally better than people who run more slowly. We do not have to be “better” than someone else in order to be happy with ourselves.  I blogged more about this one here.

Or maybe you’ve seen the letter written to a fat person who was, one might assume, just trying to run around a track and not trying to be a muse for someone who wants a medal for not being as shitty and fatphobic as they possibly could.

As always, think before you meme and when you see memes that put some people down as a way to prop other people up you can remind the people who post it that it’s not necessary and, in fact, it’s extremely harmful. No more good fatty bad fatty BS please.

Did you like this post? If you appreciate the work I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time contribution or by becoming a member.

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

The New Year Sale is on! – Give the gift of body love and/or get your own year off to a Size Acceptance and Health at Every Size start with discounts on books, online programs, and DVDs to get your year (or the year of the people you’re gifting them to) off to a great start, and save you some money! (Dances With Fat Members get even bigger discounts, so make sure to use your link on the member page.)

Wellness for All Bodies Program: A simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight-neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Non-Members click here for all the details and to register!

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m (still!) training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com or on Instagram.

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

One of the most frustrating things about weight loss (so-called) research, is that the media often covers any weight loss study as if the conclusions they claim have been proven beyond a shadow of a doubt when, in fact, much of the research is embarrassingly poor – often for profit by the weight loss industry. I get a lot of questions about how to evaluate studies, and it’s a topic that can get complicated fast, but here are some easy ways to evaluate a study about a purported weight loss technique

1. Did they take their time?

This is covered in greater detail here, but basically almost everyone can lose weight short term, but almost everyone gains it back within five years. So if a study doesn’t follow subjects for at least 5 years then it’s not a valid look at whether a weight loss method works for anything more than the short term.  (This is especially important with diet companies like Noom which both claims to be a “brand new” way to diet, and simultaneously claims that they offer “permanent” weight loss. Where are they getting their long-term data? If they are “brand new,” how many people who lost weight on their program could have died having kept it off?

2. Are these people?

When it comes to the study subjects, you might think that you should start with questions like “were the study participants diverse?” But you actually need to start with the question “were the study participants human?”

I can’t even count how many times that I’ve read an article about a study and asked myself “Wait – were  this rats?” and then looked it up to find that it was, in fact, done with rats as subjects. And the reporter didn’t bother to mention that while droning on about how effective this new diet is. (pro-tip – if they only talk about them as “study subjects” and they only talk about weight lost as a percentage of overall body weight and they never mention “pounds” they might be rats.)

3. Who are these people?

If the researchers did study humans, we then have to ask how representative the sample  (the group of people who participated in the study) is. Which is to say that who they study determines to whom the study results can be appropriately extrapolated. So if they only studied white cisgender dudes, that’s the only group we can expect the results to apply to (and that’s only if they had a large enough sample – included enough white cisgender dudes – to rule out individual differences.)

A number of assumptions in medicine that have been proven false (like the idea that heart attacks have the same symptoms regardless of gender) were based on researchers’ habit of studying 150-pound cisgender white men and then extrapolating those results to literally everyone. Many studies (not just weight loss, but all studies) under-represent People of Color and completely fail to represent Trans and Non-Binary people at all. Representative samples are a huge issue, and that’s not even getting into the variables they don’t control for. So you are looking for a study with a large, diverse sample.

To date, there is not a single study where more than a tiny fraction of people were able to maintain significant weight loss long-term, so don’t be suprised if you find the weight loss studies you are analyzing are lacking in study methodology, and subject success.

If you are interested in checking out an exhaustively researched paper supporting a departure from diet culture, I recommend you head over here.

Did you like this post? If you appreciate the work I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time contribution or by becoming a member.

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

The New Year Sale is on! – Give the gift of body love and/or get your own year off to a Size Acceptance and Health at Every Size start with discounts on books, online programs, and DVDs to get your year (or the year of the people you’re gifting them to) off to a great start, and save you some money! (Dances With Fat Members get even bigger discounts, so make sure to use your link on the member page.)

Wellness for All Bodies Program: A simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight-neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Non-Members click here for all the details and to register!

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m (still!) training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com or on Instagram.

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

We have reached another of the Dieting Axis of Evil days – New Year’s. Where we are inundated with messages insisting that it’s in our best interest to resolve to diet, again. The Underpants Rule is very clear on this – people are allowed to do whatever they want with their bodies and that includes attempting to manipulate their size and shape because they think it will improve their health, or that it will stop bullying and stigmatization, or for whatever reason.

People are also allowed to choose NOT to try to lose weight for whatever reason we want – whether it’s because we believe that the research shows behavior, not body size, give us the best chance for health (knowing that health is not an obligation, barometer of worthiness, or entirely within our control), or because we believe that bullying and social stigma should be solved by ending bullying and social stigma, not by giving the bullies our lunch money, or because we believe the evidence about the near-complete futility of intentional weight loss. But this time of year that group doesn’t find much support.

I get a lot of e-mails for people this time of year asking “If I’m not making a weight loss resolution, what resolution can I make?”

I’m glad you asked!

Instead of a New Years Resolution, we can make a New Year’s Revolution.  There is no doubt that we live in a culture that was created around the idea that there is there is only one standard of beauty, and that it requires digital retouching and photo illustration to achieve it.  There is so much pressure to buy into this culture where the beauty and diet industries make billions by convincing us that we are not good enough, and probably never will be, that just waking up and not hating ourselves is an act of revolution, and that’s a pretty good place to start!

With that in mind, here are some ideas to create your own New Year’s Revolution (as always, these are just suggestions,  your mileage may vary and feel free to change any of these to make them work for you.)

• Resolve to make your first thought of every day one of gratitude for your body, maybe put a note on your ceiling that reminds you to start each day saying something like “You’re a great body and I really appreciate you” (if you need a little help finding the love, this might help.)

• Create a little mantra to say to yourself (or, hey, out loud if you want to) every time you hear a message that’s meant to make you feel bad about yourself so that you buy a product.  My personal mantra is “Hey, that’s BULLSHIT!” but you create one that works for you (and feel free to share it in the comments if you’d like.)

• Resolve to stop participating in negative body talk – about other people and your own body.  Start with what comes out of your own brain/mouth (when you start to have a negative thought or utterance, replace it with something positive), and then consider the conversations that you are part of. Maybe when others start body snarking you just walk away, or maybe you say “I wish we could live in a world where we saw the beauty in everyone and didn’t try to tear other people down,” or maybe you say “I made a New Year’s Revolution to stop negative body talk, I’m just not interested in being part of a toxic culture any more.”

• Resolve to do one piece of activism every week (or day, or month, or whatever) it could be something as simple as posting something body positive to your social media, or interrupting negative body talk, or writing an e-mail to a company that is using the creation of self-loathing as a marketing tactic, or sending a thank you letter to someone who supports you on your journey to size acceptance, or posting a body positive comment to a body negative space online.

• Resolve to reach out and join/create community – join/create a body positive club at your school or work, join/create a body positive meet-up or Facebook group, subscribe to blogs/tumblrs/instagrams etc. that support your goals

• If you are choosing health goals, consider making them about behaviors, consider making them additive (an extra glass of water, or serving of vegetables, or hour of sleep a night) rather than choosing “never to do/eat/be [whatever] again”.

• Resolve to cut yourself some slack if you aren’t able to do these goals 100% of the time. We’re pushing back against a tremendous amount of time, money, and energy that is invested in convincing us to buy into a culture where self-loathing is the norm, and where we see buying diet and beauty products as our only way out. So if we slip back into this mentality it’s not a big shock – I think that the best thing we can do when it happens is to recognize it and move on.

The diet and beauty industry machine that oppresses us runs on our time, energy, and money.  When we take the fuel away, the machine ceases to run.  That’s going to happen, but it’s going to take some time.  For now we can help change the whole world by changing our world, and staging a personal New Year’s Revolution.

Did you like this post? If you appreciate the work I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time contribution or by becoming a member.

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

The New Year Sale is on! – Give the gift of body love and/or get your own year off to a Size Acceptance and Health at Every Size start with discounts on books, online programs, and DVDs to get your year (or the year of the people you’re gifting them to) off to a great start, and save you some money! (Dances With Fat Members get even bigger discounts, so make sure to use your link on the member page.)

Wellness for All Bodies Program: A simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight-neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Non-Members click here for all the details and to register!

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m (still!) training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com or on Instagram.

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

The vast majority of people who attempt intentional weight loss end up gaining the weight back in a few years, with many gaining back more than they lost. So if we know this, why is weight loss still being sold by everyone from doctors to the government to that annoying person in every Facebook group pushing shakes or whatever? It can often come down to very poorly drawn “scientific” conclusions, and the complete lack of ethics in the diet industry.

The fact is that most people are able to lose some weight over a short amount of time. The problem is the two conclusions that are drawn from that, which then form the foundation for diet culture.

The first is that if it’s possible to lose a little weight, then it must be possible to lose any amount of weight. The second is that if short-term weight loss is possible for almost everyone, then maintaining weight loss must be possible for almost everyone.

These conclusions are total crap. They simply cannot be logically drawn from the facts. They are hypotheses that are disproven by the evidence. It’s embarrassing that so many doctors are still peddling this BS. They, too have been duped by (and/or are profiting from) weight loss and diet culture, very profitably perpetuated by the diet industry, currently worth $66 Billion a year, up from $55 Billion in 2007. (If their product actually worked, their profits would go down over a decade of people getting and staying thin, so the constant increase in profits is a good sign that this is a scam on a massive scale.)

The diet industry has also made a habit of funding studies that only last for two years. A common outcome is that people who stay in the study lose 10 pounds in the first year, they gain back 5 of those pounds in the second year.

The study then stops, they make no attempt to figure out what happened to the people who quit (could it be that they weren’t losing weight?) and the diet industry claims that the majority of participants (meaning the majority of people who didn’t quit the study) ended below their starting weight after two years, which they often call “long-term success.” Of course two years isn’t really long-term anything, and they are conveniently ignoring the fact that the research that goes beyond 2 years finds that the trajectory of weight gain continues, and that most people gain it all back within about 5 years, with many gaining back more than they lost.

For a visual interpretation:

Once again, what the research shows is that almost everyone can lose some weight short term. Almost everyone gains the weight back in 2-5 years. Knowing this, the diet industry claims “well, they go back to their old habits…” which is true only to the extent that they go back to not giving their body less calories than it needs to survive in the hopes that it will consume itself and become smaller. When people are talking about an intentional weight loss attempt and they say “it’s not a diet, it’s a lifestyle change” what they mean is “It’s a change to a lifestyle where you diet all the time.” Starvation is not sustainable.

There is nothing wrong with being fat, but even if someone thinks a large body is a problem, an intentional weight loss attempt is the absolute worst thing that they could do (and worst advice we could give them,) since it results in weight gain the majority of the time. For the research around this, I highly recommend Lindo Bacon and Lucy Aprhramor’s Weight Science: Evaluating the Evidence for a Paradigm Shift.

We have to start telling the truth about weight and health or we risk coming to the end of our lives to find that we were so busy in the near impossible pursuit of a thin body (and lining the pockets of the diet industry in the process,) that we never took the time to truly live. I don’t know about you, but I wasted years trying to manipulate my body based on stereotypes of beauty and lies about health. No more. I live a full life in the body that I have. Getting off the diet roller coaster is always an option.

Did you like this post? If you appreciate the work I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time contribution or by becoming a member.

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

The End of Year Sale is on! – Give the gift of body love and/or get your own year off to a Size Acceptance and Health at Every Size start with discounts on books, online programs, and DVDs to get your year (or the year of the people you’re gifting them to) off to a great start, and save you some money! (Dances With Fat Members get even bigger discounts, so make sure to use your link on the member page.)

Wellness for All Bodies Program: A simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight-neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Non-Members click here for all the details and to register!

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m (still!) training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com or on Instagram.

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

Ah The Diet Industry. It promised you the world. And it was always good to you in the beginning, but over time it just couldn’t keep its promises, and you would break up. Then it would lure you back, convincing you it was responsible for everything good in your life, you would try again and then have to kick it out of your apartment when it went back to its old failing ways.

You would think you were done for good, but it would come back,  convincing you that you were to blame for the failed relationship and that you just needed to try harder – and you would give it another chance, only to have your heart broken again.

Then you started talking to the Diet Industry’s other exes and you learned that this was the pattern with almost every single one of them. Finally, you dumped the Diet Industry for good.

But the New Year is approaching and here’s the Diet Industry drunk and crying, calling, texting, e-mailing, sliding into your DMs, trying to convince you that it has changed (Now it’s going by its initials instead of its name! It’s a whole new person!) and it can give you everything you ever wanted if you just come back baby, please, just one more chance.

But the Diet Industry is lying – just like it always has – and, deep down, you know it. So remember that you can ignore that call, delete that text, block your shitty ex and keep living the amazing life that you can only live when the Diet Industry isn’t a part of it.

Did you like this post? If you appreciate the work I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time contribution or by becoming a member.

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

The End of Year Sale is on! – Give the gift of body love and/or get your own year off to a Size Acceptance and Health at Every Size start with discounts on books, online programs, and DVDs to get your year (or the year of the people you’re gifting them to) off to a great start, and save you some money! (Dances With Fat Members get even bigger discounts, so make sure to use your link on the member page.)

Wellness for All Bodies Program: A simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight-neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Non-Members click here for all the details and to register!

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m (still!) training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com or on Instagram.

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

Every year, Christmas Eve is one of my biggest e-mail days – when I receive the most e-mails asking for help or support dealing with fatphobia during the holidays – from those who are celebrating and those who aren’t.  For some people, the holidays are filled with fun family get-togethers and happy memories and festivities. For many people, it’s very much not.

People for whom “the holidays” aren’t so happy often don’t feel like they can talk about it (or are discouraged from talking about it), which makes it extra suck.  So I just wanted to take a moment to acknowledge that and let you know that this is a safe space, and to re-post some resources, if you have additional resources please feel free to post them in the comments!

Dealing with family and friends food police

Combating holiday weight shame

The Holiday Boundary Song

Dealing with people who can’t handle you setting boundaries

This article was written for Queer people, and has good tips for everyone.

There is a past discussion thread about this over on Shakesville that has some really great ideas and discussion.

Did you like this post? If you appreciate the work I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time contribution or by becoming amember.

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

The End of Year Sale is on! – Give the gift of body love and/or get your own year off to a Size Acceptance and Health at Every Size start with discounts on books, online programs, and DVDs to get your year (or the year of the people you’re gifting them to) off to a great start, and save you some money! (Dances With Fat Members get even bigger discounts, so make sure to use your link on the member page.)

Wellness for All Bodies Program: A simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight-neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Non-Members click here for all the details and to register!

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m (still!) training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com or on Instagram.

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

One of the most frequent questions I get during the holidays is about how to deal with people – especially family – who are behaving badly: food policing, fat shaming, diet and weight loss talking and more.

For me the secret is boundaries. I think it’s best to start by deciding what constitutes behavior that you will put up with. If it’s anything other than “anything goes” then I would consider setting some boundaries with consequences that you can follow through with. So, for example “It is not ok to talk about my weight or eating. If anyone says one more thing about my weight or eating I’m going to leave and we’ll try this again next year.” and then, if they fail to respect your boundaries, it’s time to invoke the consequences.

I’ve done this, and I’ve heard from a number of people who have done this and the common thread seems to be that we only had to do it one time and then our families started respecting their boundaries. Of course your mileage may vary. I’ve written about dealing with the Family and Friends Food Police and Combating Holiday Weight Shame, but in another danceswithfat annual tradition, today we’re going to do this in song.

I’ve re-written the lyrics to “Oh Christmas Tree” to be an ode to boundary setting.

Note 1: In order for this to work, it helps to pronounce boundaries as a three syllable word (BOUND-ah-rees) I also play with the rhythms within the phrases (I had what felt like 27 semesters of music theory in college, this is what I’m doing with it.) If this is an affront to your sense of poetic license I completely understand, I’ll be back soon with a post sans song.

Note 2: At the bottom you’ll find two amazing renditions of this song by Jeanette DePatie and Nadja. Please also feel free to add your own verses in the comments, and/or post a video with your own rendition and it will become a part of this annual tradition.

And with that I give you:

Oh Boundaries (to the tune of Oh Christmas Tree)

Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries! You help me deal with family.

Don’t talk about my weight or food.
Why can’t you see it’s hella rude?

Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries! You help me deal with family.

You know I love my family
But I will leave if you fat-shame me.

Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries! You help me deal with family.

My body’s fine, I don’t need your rants
You’re not the boss of my underpants

Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries! You help me deal with family.

Don’t say a word to my fat kid
Or I’ll leave so fast, my tires will skid

Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries! You help me deal with family.

Yes I do “need” that second plate
It’s not your business what I ate

Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries! You help me deal with family.

Quit saying someday I’ll get sick
Last time I checked you were not psychic

Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries! You help me deal with family.

The holidays are great family time
If you don’t shame, food-police or whine

Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries! You help me deal with family.

Two Readers (so far – hint, hint) have taken up the challenge of recording this piece, enjoy!

Jeanette DePatie gave us an amazing opera/jazz rendition:

and Nadja killed it a capella in the middle of the night in her PJs: