I was asked to have a “one-on-one” which is a common networking meeting where each person spends about 15 minutes talking about themselves and their business.  There is no attempt to sell- the object is just to get to know each other.  The woman who asked me for the meeting works for an insurance company but has a passion for gourmet cooking (she is French).  When we sat down for the meeting she said to me “I’ve been nervous about having a one on one with you because, if it goes well and we become friends, I’m going to be on you about your eating until you lose weight”.

Wait… what?  Am I being Punked?

So I smiled and said “Well, I would never be friends with someone who behaved that way so you don’t have to worry about it”.

What.   The.  F.  Someone had a big bowl of Crazy Flakes the morning…

My studio is bringing in a dance instructor named Ronnie DeBenedetta.  He is a master’s level dancer which means that he and his partner are the best of the best.  For the past three years, their routine has been him coming out and talking about how he met  a girl online who said that she was tall and blond and a great dancer.  Then his partner comes out in a fat suit behind him.  When he turns around and sees her he is obviously distressed.  She proceeds to dance poorly and slowly and get stuck etc.  Then, she goes backstage and changed out of the fat suit and suddenly she is beautiful and a fabulous dancer.  Now, I understand how some people think that it’s funny but at the end of the day, these are the best of the best in our art- the people who create a standing room only crowd, and they choose to use that forum to make fun of fat people for a cheap laugh instead of being a couple that people can look up to, I’m a little angry but I’m mostly disappointed.

AUSTIN, TX – The International Size Acceptance Association (ISAA) opposes and condemns Mississippi House Bill 282, proposed by Representative W. T. Mayhall, Jr. of District 40, which is "an act to prohibit certain food establishments from serving food to any person who is obese." In the unlikely possibility that this legislation actually passes, it would allow restaurants to refuse service to anyone with a Body Mass Index (BMI) of 30 or more. The bill does not specify how restaurants should check for BMI but it does state that "the State Department of Health shall monitor the food establishments to which this section applies for compliance with the provisions of this section, and may revoke the permit of any food establishment that repeatedly violates the provisions of this section."

The bill was killed, but what kind of society do we live in that it could even be suggested that restaurants be prohibited from serving obese people by STATE LAW at the risk of having their restaurant shut down.  What’s next – grocery stores can’t sell us food either?  Nationally required "fat camps" until we all look like the stereotype?

For the record, when I was hospitalized FOR AN EATING DISORDER, my BMI was 27.4, still classified as "overweight"  and less than three points away from not being allowed to eat in a restaurant if this bill passed (I was 5’1 and weighed 145 lbs with 9% body fat – dangerously low for a woman.)

For those not in the know, BMI is simply a measurement of weight in relationship to height which has been shown to have some serious issues with actually understanding the level of your health.  At the most basic level, it does not take into account body frame, musculature, bone density etc. so many professional atheletes have BMIs that are "obese", Arnold being the classic example.

For more interesting information you can check out this article:
http://features.us.reuters.com/wellbeing/news/ECD646C8-7DA9-11DC-8F19-62106240.html

And check out The BMI project where pictures are related to BMI – just click on the picture to find out if the person is classified as underweight, overweight or obese – you might be surprised.  I definitely was. 

http://flickr.com/photos/77367764@N00/sets/72157602199008819/

What the fuck people?

I have become addicted to the TED talks.  In one on education and creativity, I heard the following two stories:

The speakers son was in a nativity play when he was 4 years old.  He was playing Joseph and the three wise men came in out of order. 
The first one said:  I bring you Gold.
The second one said:  I bring you Myhr.
The third one said:  Frank sent this.

A little girl who normally did not pay attention in class was suddenly extremely attentive to a drawing lesson.  The teacher, intrigued, walked up to her and said "What are you drawing?"
The little girl said "I’m drawing god".
The teacher said "But, nobody knows what god looks like…"
Without looking up the girl said "They will in a minute."

His point was that children aren’t afraid to give something a go, even if they have no idea what they are doing – they aren’t afraid to be wrong.  He punctuated this by saying "If you’re not willing to be wrong, you will never create anything original".

Fascinating and true…no?

You are a bit of a Tiger, um…. bulldog…no well take what ever animal comparison you would like…you’re a dancer, maybe a gazelle if you imagine your gazelle to be tenacious and won’t take no for an answer then be that gazelle, you know the one who convinces the lions that the wildebeests are looking really good today. THAT GAZELLE.

Saturday Night: 

Went dancing.  Felt fine.

Went to bed. Felt fine.

Sunday:

Woke up.  Couldn’t put pressure on my foot without a lot of pain (that’s a lot of pain by Woman-Raised-By-A-Marine standards, not by normal wussy standards).

Decided to gut it out, that it would probably get better in a day.

Monday:

Woke up and couldn’t put pressure on my foot without tears involuntarily springing to my eyes.  Called acupuncturist.  Saw acupuncturist.  Could stand on it again.  Got crutches on his advice.  Spent evening alternating ice, heat, and super-smelly Tonic thing from acupuncturist.

Tuesday:

Spent day swearing at crutches.

I knew that I was in trouble when we started the squat track. I put on 50lbs. (That’s not a super heavy squat until you realize that we can do over 100 reps with little to no rest). FT racked up 30lbs. I could actually see his genitalia shrinking when he looked over and saw my weight. A word about me and squating: I have been doing squats for over 15 years. I am good at them. My form is beyond reproach. Not so for FT who had bad form and a hard time towards the end of the song. No sweat, everyone is at a different level. Except he keeps looking over at me. So I keep smiling back in a “I’m tolerating you, you creepy jackass” kind of way. As soon as the track is over while I’m trying to rack my weight for the chest track FT walks over and says:

“You have to be careful when you’re just starting a workout program, you might think that you can lift that much weight but you’re going to be sore tomorrow.”
Nope, didn’t kick him in the nads. Wanted to, but didn’t. I smiled, e-v-e-r so tolerantly and said “I’ve got it, thanks”.

Short story long, I continued to lift more than him, he continued to give me advice about being a beginner exerciser. Then came the lunge track. I rack 40lbs. He racks 50. FIFTY!!!! What was he thinking? If he can barely squat 30 with both legs how in the  HELL is he going to lunge 50 with one leg. Whatever. He struggles, almost falls over a couple of times and then lowers his weight. HA! I say again HA!!!!

At the end of the class we do the shoulder workout, the end of which is push ups. Guess which one of us does them on their knees. Oh, that would be FT.

I’m not judging you or the shape your in, I am pretty irritated that you are incapable of wrapping your head around the fact that I am fit and fat.  Deal with it.  On your own time.

Do you have to think specific positive thoughts about your body in order for your body to be the way you want it to be? No. But you have to not think the specific negative thoughts. If you could never again think about your body and, instead, just think pleasant thoughts — your body would reclaim its place of Well-being.

The key is to just get on the bike, and the key to getting on the bike…is to stop thinking about ‘there are a bunch of reasons i might fall off’ and just hop on and peddle the damned thing. You can pick up a map, a tire pump, and better footwear along the way."

– Dick Costolo – Founder of Feedburner.com

…Youngsters who report teasing, rejection, bullying and other types of abuse because of their weight are two to three times more likely to report suicidal thoughts as well as to suffer from other health issues such as high blood pressure and eating disorders, researchers said.

"The stigmatization directed at obese children by their peers, parents, educators and others is pervasive and often unrelenting," researchers with Yale University and the University of Hawaii at Manatoa wrote in the July issue of Psychological Bulletin.

Several studies showed that overweight girls got less college financial support from their parents than average weight girls. Other studies showed teasing by parents was common.  "It is possible that parents may take out their frustration, anger and guilt on their overweight child by adopting stigmatizing attitudes and behavior, such as making critical and negative comments toward their child," the authors wrote, suggesting further research is needed.

"An alarming finding of this research was that obese children had (quality of life) scores comparable with those of children with cancer," the researchers reported.

McAfee, who now works for the Council on Size and Weight Discrimination, said her childhood experiences even made her reluctant to see a doctor when she needed one. She recalled one doctor who said she looked like a gorilla and another who gave her painkillers and diet pills for what turned out to be mononucleosis.

Read the full article:

http://health.yahoo.com/news/177292

A reprint of one letter from this week’s Savage Love column:

I’m a 29-year-old married man. My wife and I are both active people (rock climbing, cycling, and kayaking) and our sex life is good. However, since high school, I’ve been turned on by thick, big-butt, big-tit, ugly, trashy girls. In my 20s, I would secretly go to bars in the suburbs to pick up these thick, ugly girls. But I’ve only ever been in relationships with fit, attractive, intellectual girls. I’m married to one and I’m madly in love with her. I’ve been able to repress my desires for the past three years, hoping that I’d become sexually attracted to my wife. Unfortunately, it’s now clear that fat, ugly, hick girls are what turn my crank—but I could never be in a relationship with one of these girls. Quite frankly, these girls are of no interest to me outside of my sexual desires. What should I do?

Big And Trashy Lover

Sometimes I don’t even know where to begin.

But, fuck, might as well start with the truth: Do you know why you dismiss the girls you find attractive—girls who are not, by your dick’s definition, unattractive in the least—as "ugly, trashy girls," "thick, ugly girls," "fat, ugly, hick girls," etc.? For the same reason, BATL, that you’ve ruled out the possibility of ever having a relationship with a fat girl: You’re a cowardly, hateful piece of shit.

That’s unkind, of course, just like describing all fat girls as "ugly" or suggesting that women can be intelligent or heavy but never both. So here’s a kindler, gentler take: A long, long time ago, you internalized our culture’s anti-fat prejudice. We all do, of course, to greater or lesser extents. But when you hit puberty, BATL, your sexual tastes brought you into conflict with those anti-fat prejudices. At that moment, BATL, you had an obligation to yourself and to your future sex partners to overcome your prejudices. Instead, disgusted by your desires, you projected your disgust and anger onto the women you want to fuck. Terrified of the shame and judgment that would come your way if you had a relationship with a big woman, you convinced yourself that all big women are thick, stupid trash. A big woman might be worth fucking, you concluded, but she could never be worthy of love.

So what do you do now, BATL? Well, you either stay with the skinny woman you married—a woman who will never satisfy you sexually—or you divorce her and find yourself a big girl, a woman who’s active and intelligent, a woman you could love madly and wanna fuck, er, badly. But you know what? That woman deserves better than you.