One of the most frequent questions I get from people who celebrate holidays during this time of year is about how to deal with family and friends who are behaving badly. For me the secret is boundaries. I wrote a more expanded piece about it here, but to serve as a musical reminder, last year I re-wrote the lyrics to “Oh Christmas Tree” to be an ode to boundary setting. Now it’s a danceswithfat holiday tradition.
Below you’ll find lyrics and videos from two blog readers actually singing the song, if the holiday spirit moves you feel free to record yourself singing and send the me the link (ragen at danceswithfat dot or) or leave it in the comments and it will become part of the holiday fun.
Note: In order for this to work, you have to pronounce boundaries as a three syllable word (BOUND-ah-rees) If this is an affront to your sense of poetic license I completely understand, I’ll be back tomorrow with a blog sans song….
Without further ado here is my fat holiday song:
Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries!
You help me deal with family.
Don’t talk about my weight or food.
Why can’t you see it’s hella rude
Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries!
You help me deal with family.
You know I love my family
But I will leave if you fat-shame me.
Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries!
You help me deal with family.
My body’s fine, I don’t need your rants
You’re not the boss of my underpants
Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries!
You help me deal with family.
Don’t say a word to my fat kid
Or I’ll leave so fast, my tires will skid
Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries!
You help me deal with family.
Yes I do “need” that second plate
It’s not your business what I ate
Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries!
You help me deal with family.
Quit saying someday I’ll get sick
Last time I checked you were not psychic
Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries!
You help me deal with family.
The holidays are great family time
If you don’t shame, food-police or whine
Oh Boundaries! Oh Boundaries!
You help me deal with family.
Two Readers (so far – hint, hint) have taken up the challenge of recording this piece, enjoy!
Jeanette DePatie (aka The Fat Chick) gave us an amazing opera/jazz rendition:
and Nadja killed it a capella in the middle of the night in her PJs:
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Dances With Fat 
I adore this and the singers, too. Wow what beautiful voices. Happy Holidays everyone.
LOVE THIS! I’ll be humming this at the table! If things get bad, I may even stand up & do my version of this number! FYI last year’s blog was also fantastic. I happen to read it shortly before sitting down with the food police. It helped me get through dinner.
Merry Christmas & a happy New year filled with joy & love!
Fantastic! (Oh, and Jeanette, I adore your blouse!)
Season’s greetings, and may your holidays be merry and bright. 🙂
Nadja!!!! Your video pix totally blew me away. I have that EXACT wall deco candle holder and for a quick moment.. .I thought I’d recorded me and sent it in… and somehow in my exhaustion/memory/fatigue/senior moment.. forgotten I had done it. Thanks for the chuckle.
I’m hoping to convince my daughter to do harmony with me on this lil project.
I love this! And I love The Fat Chick too! You’re awesome, Ragen!
Cool Beans. Very.
Amazing! I love this! I could use this all the time about so many things in life! I think boundaries and sticking up for me should be my 2014 new year’s resolution… or I could just try to get better at setting and maintaining boundaries 😉 I’m not generally a resolution person 😉
A Special Thank You to Jeanette and Nadja – hearing you sing that song made it a bit more real for me. This is what popped into my head after listening to each woman sing.
“…Has given my heart
A change of mood
And saved some part
Of a day I had rued. ”
(a section of A Dust of Snow by Robert Frost)
I love these two ladies who sang for us!
Boundaries are tough. So glad I will be at friends this year. There never seems to be a right way to eat at my parent’s house. You shouldn’t have lunch on the day of a holiday dinner. You should eat more at dinner. You should eat the leftovers even though you really want something else. You still drink tea instead of coffee? We eat this for breakfast? Do you want any?
Not exactly fat-shaming, but not stress-free eating either. Which is a shame, because my mom is a fantastic cook. I can never fully relax at their house, though.
Just writing that stressed me out.
Thank you, Linda Strout, for making me feel a little less alone this holiday season. There’s never a right way to eat at my parents’ house either, and for years (decades, actually), I always thought it was my fault. My mother, well intentioned though she may be, still believes it’s her duty to supervise and critique everything that goes into her grown middle aged children’s mouths.
Thanks to your work, Ragen, and this amazing online community, I’ve finally had the courage to set some boundaries, and mom’s backed off a little. Your song will be playing in the background of my mind when I call home this Christmas, which I will be spending in the safety of MY OWN HOME with my husband, son and cats, none of whom give a rat’s tuchus what or how much I eat.
Happy Holidays to all!
Laura, your cats don’t care what you eat? Mine do. They usually want some. 😉
Hope you (and everyone who reads this) has a wonderful holiday season.
Linda, actually I have one that will sometimes stick his face in my plate for a bite of whatever protein I happen to be eating (the thinnest of my 6 cats, of course). But he has never once told me to drop the cookie and pick up a celery stick!
Which is why I love animals!
Yep, they’re more sensible than most people!
By the way, the cat who mooches off my plate is the skinny one. His buddy, who has always refused to eat anything but premium kitty health food in tiny amounts, weighs almost 30 pounds. More proof for the Food Police that you can’t pass judgment on a critter’s eating habits by just looking at him.
Nope. My 20 pound cat is a moocher, but I don’t give him more than a bite. Both cats eat what they want, but the big one is also long and and can stretch up to tap the counter top with his paws. The smaller one seems to turn everything he eats into fur for shedding.
Awesome! Beautiful voices and brilliant lyrics! Also, I hella approve of the use of the Bay Area slang “hella.”
Great words, and great videos!