Weight Loss Surgery Makes Chewing Painful

Yup, you read that correctly.  Today’s news from the What the F&$* File:

Dr. Nikolas Chugay invented a little something he calls The Chugay Tongue Patch.  It is implanted on the tongue surgically and is being billed by Dr. Chugay as an alternative to gastric bypass and lapband surgeries.  The patch makes chewing “very difficult and painful”, forcing the person wearing it to rely on a liquid diet.  It can be worn for up to 30 days.  (Be serious, you know I’m not linking to that from here, right?).

Dr. Nikolas Chugay calls it a “miracle patch” and says that “60+” people have undergone treatment.

I kinda can’t believe that I’m taking the time to even point these out, but let’s do this for posterity:

• I can’t find any clinical trial information
• While billing himself as an “Cosmetic Plastic Surgeon” and an “Acknowledged Specialist” I looked him up and he is not listed as a Board Certified Plastic Surgeon
• He’s focused purely on aesthetics here, and doesn’t seem to care about health consequences inasmuch as he doesn’t mention anything about health on his website
• The only side affect reported on the website is a swelling of the tongue for 24-48 hours that “may” cause speech issues which “typically” return to baseline after 48 hours
• A little bit of research found that it wathnt jutht the tongue thwelling…Not only did people find chewing painful, but they also reported finding activities like brushing their teeth, talking, and swallowing painful with a postage stamp sized piece of mesh surgically attached to their tongue.  I am shocked, shocked I tell you!

Even other doctors are taking shots at this guy.  Dr. Yoni Freedhoff, said  “I’d say the Chugay tongue patch is a daily reminder of how just because your physician has an MD behind their name it doesn’t mean they’re bright.”  Big flaming sack of duh.

Based on a ton of research, I believe that the best shot that I have at health is to consistently engage in healthy behaviors rather than trying to achieve a specific shape or size.  Even if you don’t believe that, can we not draw a line at surgical implants that render us incapable of chewing?  Seriously, I don’t care what health problems someone might have, does anyone think that they can be solved by not being able to chew?  Just to be clear,  liquid diets have an abysmally low success rate over the long term (around .0017 people out of 100).

As usual, I’m not telling anybody how to live.  If you want to attempt to change the size and shape of your body by making chewing difficult and painful, that is your right and I respect your rights to do what you want with your body, just as I want my rights respected.

I am asking people to consider stopping and asking themselves a question though, and in this particular case that question is:

“Is the thing I’m about to do completely and totally batshit crazy?”

If, after some retrospection, they find that the answer is yes, then maybe rethink the impending surgery?