There are some reports coming out now that claim to prove that fat people die sooner.  The studies that I’ve seen are deplorable science and maybe I’ll break that down here eventually but that’s not what I want to talk about today. Today I want to talk about what happens if I’m wrong and they are right.

In science, we always have to leave the possibility that we might be wrong.  There were times in our history when the best of science “proved” that the Earth was flat, that giving pregnant women thalidomide was a good idea, and that small objects fall more slowly than large objects.

Speaking of large objects….  I’ve examined a lot of scientific evidence about weight and health, and I’ve decided that a preponderance of the evidence points to a health at every size approach.  The fact that no study on weight loss has ever been successful, the fact that over 95% of everyone who diets fails, Linda Bacon’s work on Health at Every Size and a host of other information has lead me to what I believe is a sound scientific decision that healthy behaviors are more likely to lead to a healthy body than the lifelong pursuit of a specific height to weight ratio.

But just like I believe all of those people pushing the idea the thin = healthy are wrong, I know that I might be wrong as well.  It’s possible that I would live a longer life if I just kept trying diet after diet in the hopes that I would find one for which I am in the magical 5% who can achieve weight loss.

I also realize that even if I’m not wrong,  thanks to the drivel that passes for science these days, almost everything that you can die from has been correlationally related to being fat at some point, by someone.  (Including swine flu, no seriously…swine flu.)  I’m pretty sure that if I died because a giant flock of geese dropped a piano on my head, the report from the coroner would probably say that I died of fatness.

I digress.  I saw a great interview with Will Smith, of whom I have long been a fan,  in which he said “You have to say…this is what I believe, and I’m willing to die for it.  Period.  It’s that simple… You have to be willing to die for the truth.”  I agree with him 100%.

Here is what I think is true:

• While many things have been correlated to ob*sity (with some really questionable science), almost nothing has been successfully causally related (despite numerous attempts)
• Even if they could prove that being fat caused health problems, there is not a single thing that has been proven to actually succeed at creating long term weight loss (despite even more numerous attempts) so there is no “cure”.
• The cycle (yo-yo) dieting that occurs when the vast majority of people fail at one diet and then move on to the next is being shown to be more harmful than (the questionable research conclusions claim) just being fat is
• Health is not a barometer of worthiness, never guaranteed, and never completely within our control.

But what if I’m wrong?

There is a 100% chance that I’m going to die so I don’t think it’s about that.   I think it’s about how I lived.  I spent almost all of my childhood, all of my teens and a decent chunk of my 20s  buying to the diet industries’ version of truth and I was sick and miserable and still fat.  I know people who are in their 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and older still living a life of guilt, shame and weight obsession, constantly negatively impacted by their low self-esteem because they choose to buy into the diet culture and believe that they aren’t worthy until they are thin.   I live a life of health and joy, people tell me that I help them, and if I die immediately after pressing “Publish” on this blog, I will be happy with the life I gave.  I seriously doubt that I’m going to die of fatness, but if I’m wrong then my truth is that when I was trying to be thin my life was miserable and I wouldn’t want three or five extra years of that. If I am wrong then I choose to live a joyful, short life. But I think I’ll stick around to see if they are still VFHT-ing me when I’m 102.

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I received the following comment on my post “The Truth About Diabesity“:

Today my mom emailed me the link to that abc article because omgdeathfat is upon me (or some such nonsense) and in-turn I emailed her the link to this blog post. She responded with “well obviously this girl read the ada site wrong and is just tired of being picked on for being fat. If she would just try harder she wouldn’t have that problem.” My head met my desk briefly then I told her to read your “about” section which was met with the usual VFHT and the “fact” that all overweight people are unhealthy. How do you explain to someone so obviously thick-headded that they are wrong?!

It’s a really good question, and one I get asked a lot.

First let me clarify some stuff:

ADA quote:  the quote that she is referring to is from the American Diabetes Association,  “Myth:  If you are overweight or obese, you will eventually develop type 2 diabetes…  Most overweight people never develop type 2 diabetes, and many people with type 2 diabetes are at a normal weight or only moderately overweight.”  It’s directly from their website, you can find it here. You have to appreciate the dedication that would lead someone to suggest that I misread that.  That’s a special kind of stubborn.

VFHT:  Vague Future Health Threat.  This is what happens when you say you are fat and healthy and people come back with some form of “you’re healthy now, but it will catch up with you”.  It’s the idea that no amount of being fat and healthy is proof that you can be fat and healthy – because someday you will not be healthy and it will be because of your fat.  I blogged about this one here.

Back to the question at hand “How do you explain to someone so obviously thick-headded that they are wrong?!”

The short answer for me is that you probably don’t. It can be extremely frustrating when other people don’t respect our decisions about our personal health.

Other people have a right to their opinions just as we have a right to ours. I like dialog, but it’s very difficult to have a discussion with someone who has stuck their fingers in their ears and is yelling LA LA LA LA LA. So I think that it comes down to our right to decide how people treat us.  Choosing to opt out of the diet culture can illicit a strong reaction for one of several reasons:

Good Cop:  People are genuinely concerned

We are exposed to thousands and thousands of thin=healthy messages everyday.  Many of us, upon a thorough review of the evidence, have concluded that this information is erroneous.  Other people haven’t done the research, or they looked at the evidence and drew a different conclusion.They are genuinely worried about our health.

Bad Cop:  Jealousy/Envy/Threat/Immaturity

Unfortunately for some people, their bodies made it out of Junior High School but their brains were left behind. Some have bought into the diet culture wholesale, and the fact that you don’t bothers them.  Some people need to convince other people that they are right in order to feel good about their own decisions.  Some people feel the need to feel superior.  Some people can only feel good about themselves when they are putting someone else down.

Regardless of why they are acting like this, you can choose how you are treated.  I heard the lyric “way too up to back down” today and it captured exactly how I feel.  When I was dieting, trying desperately to be thin so that I could be healthy, I ended up being anything but healthy – physically or mentally.  Now I enjoy perfect health without obsessing about food and exercise. I’m way too up to back down on this issue. Unless someone has some serious evidence to present then I’m not interested.  So what do you say to people who are giving you an “everybody knows…” answer:

Discussion

If the person is important to you, then consider a conversation.  Decide ahead of time what you want.  Are you open to a discussion?  If so what are the ground rules?  You get to decide.  Maybe this is something that you and this person just don’t talk about.  If they’re unwilling to comply with your wishes, you need to know what you’re going to do.  Are you prepared to walk away?  Listen to these things in the future and take what they have with a grain of salt?

Disconnection

Typically I’m a fan of dialog but I’ve come to realize that sometimes the person in question just isn’t worth it.  If that’s the case, then you might want to consider disconnecting from them and moving on.  You can still be pleasant, just pull away quietly. Do it with class but consider the idea that you have a finite amount of time and attention to give, you get to choose who you give it to, and some people do not deserve your time and energy.

Confrontation

You can certainly go with the yelling, screaming approach.  In my experience – and I don’t think this is fair, it’s just been my experience – becoming emotional often makes the argument seem week and makes me feel powerless in the situation.  Your mileage may vary so if it feels good to get it out, then by all means do what you want.

Regardless of what you do, I highly recommend building a network of people who will support you.  If you can’t do it in person, then start looking online but finding a group who you can trust and being there for each other is incredibly helpful.

First they did their “Save the Whales” campaign:

In a press release their Vice President, Tracy Reiman, said “Trying to hide your thunder thighs and balloon belly is no day at the beach…”

She made a funny. Isn’t she clever?

Then their President, Ingrid Newkirk, actually put the following two phrases in the same blog talking about the billboard campaign (which they eventually took down due to public outcry)

“…our children, many of whom are now so fat themselves that “teeter-totter” has come to describe their wobbly gait…:

“PETA’s billboard was fueled by a healthy respect… for our own species’s potential to be kind and healthy.”

Apparently Ingrid thinks that living up to her potential to be kind includes shaming children.

Today I saw their latest ad:

Here I was wrestling with questions about whether or not the body scans are a human rights violation, and if they can cause cancer.  Thanks to PETA I now know that what I really should be concerned about is whether or not I am stereotypically hot enough in my body scan.  I guess it’s the pat down for me.  In other news, apparently going vegan gives you giant boobs.

Happily the ad was turned down by major airports and Southwest Airlines.

Look, I like animals a lot but I don’t think that in order to be for animals you need to also be for body shaming. In fact, it seems almost diametrically opposed.  Why would you want to protect animals but treat people like crap?  Although she has said it, I do not believe that Ingrid thinks this kind of thing is just the “tough love” us fatties need.  I think that she said – Oh look, the diet industry makes $60 Billion a year using shame, guilt and fear, how can we get some of that action?”

There are plenty of local and National groups that manage to have compassion for animals and people at the same time. It’s not that hard.  If PETA can’t get that done then I don’t know what they hell is wrong with them but I hope they go the way of the Dodo.

An ABC news online report today lead with the line “Half of all American adults are destined to develop diabetes or pre-diabetes by 2020 if they don’t slim down….” It goes on to talk about the “diabesity epidemic”

While I applaud the portmanteau, I have to come down against horrible, irresponsible, unprofessional reporting.

Being fat doesn’t cause diabetes. I know that because the American Diabetes Association says on their website:

Myth: If you are [fat] you will eventually develop type 2 diabetes.

Fact:  Being [fat] is a risk factor for developing this disease, but other risk factors such as family history, ethnicity and age also play a role. Unfortunately, too many people disregard the other risk factors for diabetes and think that weight is the only risk factor for type 2 diabetes.  Most [fat] people never develop type 2 diabetes, and many people with type 2 diabetes are at a normal weight [emphasis is mine]

Being fat is not a disease.  It’s not a diagnosis.  “Ob*sity” as we currently define it is simply a ratio of weight and height.  By this definition almost the entire NFL is headed toward diabetes. The only thing that you can tell based on a ratio of someone’s weight and height is the ratio of someone’s weight and height. Being fat has no consistent behavior.  There are healthy fat people, there are unhealthy thin people.

Their “cure” doesn’t exist.  “Slimming down” as suggested by ABC news is problematic at best.  Nobody can prove that any method of weight loss works.  95% of people who attempt weight loss fail.  We blame them and stop there.  That’s like if Viagara only worked 5% of the time and doctors kept prescribing it and them blamed the rest of the guys for just not trying hard enough.  In medicine, if a prescription doesn’t work 95% of the time, we work to develop a new solution.

Correlation is not causation. The fact that two things happen at the same time doesn’t mean that they cause each other.  It’s quite possible that both things are caused by a third factor, or that they are unrelated.  For example studies are starting to show that, in countries where there is no stigma on fatness, there aren’t negative health outcomes of fatness. We also have to consider the possible roles of weight cycling, weight stigma, and healthcare inequalities on fat people’s health..  

I’m for people not facing barriers to healthcare, or access to the foods they want to eat or the movement they want to participate in. (Understanding that health is not an obligation, barometer of worthiness, or entirely within our control.) .  What we don’t need is a culture of guilt, shame and blame. If weight loss fails 95% of the time then why not be honest that even if it would solve these health problems (and we don’t know if it would) we don’t know how to get it done.

Then we could start spending all of this omigoddeathfatiscomingforus money creating access.  We could pull our health out of the wallets of the diet industry, and put the 60 billion dollars that we pay to them every year into something that actually supports us. 

[Edited 10/17/21]

Cause and Effect.  It’s one of the most basic principles of our Universe and the first thing that I learned in first grade science.

We fat people spend a lot of time being accused of being an effect. People tell us that the size of our bodies is the effect of uncontrolled eating, not enough exercise, sloth, a fast food culture, capitalism, greed, too much wealth and on and on.  People make all kinds of guesses as to what we are the effect of.  Being the effect feels terrible because there is no choice in being an effect.  There is no power.  If you are the effect then you are a baseball sitting on a tee until some kid with a little hand eye coordination steps up to the plate. You end up wherever you end up with no part in the process, subject to the whims of tiny tot tee ball players who are as likely to be picking flowers as throwing you to first.   Lucky for us, it doesn’t have to be this way. They can tell us all day and night how we’re the effect of things, but it never has to stick.  Nobody can make us an effect,we have to choose to believe it – choose to buy into those people’s ideas. But we can choose something else.

When we stand up, speak up, and refuse to buy into the current culture of self-hatred, fat-induced panic, and thin obsession we stop being the effect and we start being the cause.  Being the cause is about being the choice, the power, the reason:

• The reason that people see us as humans instead of the headless fatties pictured in almost every  article and new report about obesity
• The reason that  people realize that we are far too complex and different to be shoved all together and called an epidemic
• The reason that people to start questioning the forces and money behind the messages about weight and health that get served to us on a platter 386,170 times a year
• The reason that people start to wonder how it is possible for the diet industry to make so much more money every year if their product actually works
• The reason that people start to question the statistics that they see about weight and health
• The reason that a fat 12 year old on her 14th diet, being teased and bullied by other kids, her parents, and the First Lady of the United States, realizes that she might be okay and that life might be worth living (that’s from an actual e-mail that I received last week)
• The reason that someone might choose to stop doing unhealthy things to lose weight and start doing healthy things that actually promote health

An acquaintance sent me an e-mail yesterday after reading my blog.  He said that he believed in what I do but that I was wasting my “time, life, and a first rate mind”.  He said that this battle is unwinnable and that I should spend my time doing something else because the diet industry is so big and the beliefs are so prevalent that it “doesn’t matter what is true”.

Bullshit.

I don’t care how many people are shouting a lie, it ALWAYS matters what is true.   There are people out there, right now hating themselves, starving themselves, not aware that the diet industry that is lying to them about their chances of “success”.  People who believe what they have been told –  that they can never be healthy, happy, loved, or successful until they are thin, and some of them will die trying to get it done.  I’m not wasting my time, life, or mind because it’s not about what effect I have on the diet industry or the views of the majority.

When we stand up to the diet establishment and thin-obsessed culture just by telling our truth, we can be the reason,  the catalyst, that sparks some people to consider other points of view, start asking a lot of questions about the status quo, and consider an option where they actually love themselves and make their goal health instead of thinness. Whether or not that ever happens, we reinforce our self-esteem, body image and good health in the process.  It’s not about changing the world, it’s that I believe that when it’s time to fight back, you fight back. To quote Aaron Sorkin from The American President – we fight the fights that need fighting.. More and more fat people are deciding that they’d like to look back on their lives and say that they weren’t an effect, they were the Cause, and I’m proud to be one of them.

I read the headline “Ob*sity’s Hidden Job Costs –  73 Billion”. As someone with a background in research methods (and who is both ginormous and really productive) my first thought was “How did they come upon that number?”  I looked up a bunch of different articles online to make sure that they were all reporting the same basic thing, and they were.

So I went to the Journal of Occupational and Environmental Medicine and paid $20 for the article, which was titled “The Costs of Obesity in the Workplace.”

Allow me to attempt to elucidate, it won’t be easy because this study is kind of a cluster F&$#.  I’ll start with some basics, and include the longer more detailed nerdy explanation (that I love so much) at the end.

The study looked at three factors:  Medical Cost, Absenteeism (not showing up to work) and Presenteeism (being at work but being unproductive).  According to my spell check, presenteeism isn’t a word but we’re going to go with it for now.

According to the articles that I read online, the study was out of Duke University.  That’s true – the lead author is Eric Finkelstein, an associate professor at Duke-National University of Singapore.

Under “acknowledgments” it says “This study was supported by Allergan, Inc.”  It lists that as an acknowledgment, and that’s a problem for me because it should be listed as a conflict of interest. Why?

“Supported” here has the meaning of “funded by”.

Allergan is a pharmaceutical company.  They produce Botox, Latisse (it will grow your eyelashes and don’t worry, that eye discoloration is probably temporary) and…wait for it…the LapBand.  The item used to constrict your stomach as a weight loss surgery option.

Allergan is currently using this study from the good people of Duke Singapore to convince health insurance companies to encourage and pay for lap band surgery because it’s “cheaper than the loss productivity”.  Astonishingly [sarcasm meter is a 9 out of 10] according to this study, the cost of obesity per person was more than the cost of lap band procedures.  Let me muster up some shock…  Sorry – I’ve got nothing.

The study used two sources:

The 2006 Medical Expenditure Panel Survey where BMI data is self-reported, and the 2008 National Health and Wellness Survey which is a series of self-administered internet-based questions fielded by 63,000 members of an internet based consumer panel.  Every piece of information is self-reported and unverified. The $73 billion is an estimated projection based upon statistics that were created by doing computations with statistics and estimates, and statistics of other statistics. There are issues in the collection of data, the control of variables, the use of data (the study authors feel that the words “obesity” and “health problems” are scientifically interchangeable, that fat people’s health problems may be assumed to be caused by fatness, and utilizes BMI which has any number of problems as a statistic in and of itself which I talk about more here), and the conclusions that they drew.

The fact that news agencies reported this information as true without bringing up the limitations and issues is deplorable.  Studies are suggesting  that obese people already make less than their peers and are turned down for jobs based on prejudices about weight.  Now companies may think that they have scientific proof to back up their bias. How many of them are going to pay $20 to read and understand a complicated study?

As always, may I suggest that you DO NOT  need to believe everything that you are told is science, and DO NOT need to take this personally or allow it to affect how you feel about yourself, your health, or your productivity in any way.

Here come the details:

Medical Expenses

The calculation of this is statistically complicated because of the data.  To speak in the vernacular of the peasantry, the data sucks. Basically they used a two part estimate that created four categories of overweightness (hey, if they can make up words so can I) based on the self reported weight.  “Normal weight” were the omitted reference group    They controlled for race, household income, education, insurance coverage, marital status and smoking. They subtracted the average predicted medical expenditures for “ob*se” individuals in each category from the average predicted expenditures for those of “normal” weight.  Then they multiplied that estimated number times the number of people in each category and added them up and extrapolated based on the estimate of the total number of ob*se Americans.

Problems:

First of all, notice the number of times that the words estimate, average, and predicted appear in that explanation.  If I had more free time I would be doing a word count to give you an exact percentage of the number of words that are used in this study that essentially mean “um, maybe…”, there are many.

They also didn’t control for any genetic health issues, or health issues that aren’t even correlated to weight. They didn’t control for, or even mention weight stigma, weight cycling, and healthcare inequalities, all of which studies show can have a profound influence on fat people’s health. They appear to have assumed that any medical problems that obese people had over and above what normal weight people had were due to fatness.  They appear to have assumed that normal weight people’s health issues weren’t related to the same things that cause weight problems in overweight and obese people.  That’s just embarrassingly bad science.

Absenteeism and Presenteeism
This is my “favorite” (and by “favorite” of course I mean most rage inducing.)  These were measured based on a question that asked people “During the last seven days, how many hours did you miss from work because of your health problems?” and “During the past seven days, how much did your health problems affect your productivity while you were working?”  Participants indicated their level of work impairment via a rating scale ranging from 0 to 10.  Each response was assumed to represent a percentage reduction in productive work.  Then they annualized and monetized the predictions using age and gender specific wage data from the bureau of labor and statistics.

Problems

Respondents weren’t talking about  how much work they missed or productivity they lost due to their weight, they were answering about their health problems.  What they can reasonably conclude here is that people with health problems have more absenteeism and presenteeism than do people without health problems.  The study’s authors are basically substituting “ob*sity” (and by that they actually mean high BMI)  for “health problems” .  You can do that I guess, but you probably shouldn’t do it while calling yourself a scientist and your freshman research methods teacher would fail you on the assignment.

Then, they computed statistics using statistics, and statistics of statistics. Dude. They used a 7 day sample to calculate a year’s worth of data.   Once again, they assumed that any absenteeism or presenteeism over and above what “normal weight” people had was due to fatness.  Except that “overweight” men reported less presenteeism than “normal” weight men.  That was not reported in any news outlet that I could find  EXCEPT the study itself and they  gloss over it.

If I had turned this work in for my very first  intro level freshman research methods class I would probably have failed the assignment and possibly been asked to leave the program because of specific incompetence and general stupidity.  You don’t have to feel bad about yourself or your productivity- you are fine.  Feel embarrassed for the scientists who put their name on this.  I hope that they are the laughing stock of Singapore.

Thanks to awesome reader Jeanine Adinaro for this submission, just in time for the holidays.  I knew I had to write about it because just the thought of being asked that made my skin crawl.

This is such a loaded question. What do you mean by “need”? Are you asking if my glycogen stores are depleted? If I am near starvation?  If my body at this moment requires the precise nutrients that are delivered by cornbread stuffing covered in gravy? Or do you feel that fostering a relationship with food that is based on guilt and shame is in my best interest?

This question is custom-made to make someone feel ashamed.  I think it’s asked for one of about three reasons:

Judgment

The person asking the question has decided that it is their job to pass judgment on your activities.  Being too cowardly to directly state their opinion, they use this question as a mode of passive aggression to “make you admit it to yourself”.  This is one of those situations where they would probably claim to be mistreating you for your own good, also known around this blog as “Pulling a Jillian“.

If the person asking this question truly cared about you and your health (however misguided they might be), they would talk to you about it in person, alone, at an appropriate time, and they would ask a question that invited dialog, not try to embarrass you in front of people while you’re eating what is supposed to be a celebratory meal. That right there is some bullshit.

Power/Superiority

Remember that some people never got past Junior High and nothing makes them feel so powerful as judging someone else and then making them feel like crap. Maybe because they are drowning in…

Insecurity

The person asking the question perhaps struggles with their weight, their guilt about eating etc. and since they feel guilty for enjoying the food, they think that you should feel guilty about it too, or they want to deflect attention from their behavior to yours.

The degree of difficulty on discerning someone’s intent in this sort of thing can range from “no duh” to “who the hell knows”. Here’s the thing though, from my perspective it doesn’t matter why they are asking it:  I am not ok with being asked, and I get to choose how I am treated (as least when it’s done to my face).

So you’re at a holiday meal, you take seconds on mashed potatoes and someone asks the dreaded question:  “Do you need to eat that?” It seems like the table falls silent, waiting for your reply.  What do you say?

First, quell your rage and resist the urge to put them down (Yes, I do need these mashed potatoes.  Did you need to marry that jerk?)

Second, as with so many situations where people lash out at you, remember that this is about their issues and has nothing to do with you.   If emotions well up, consider that you may be feeling embarrassed and/or sorry for them, and not ashamed of your own actions.

Now find your happy (or at least your non-homicidal) place, and try one of these:

Quick and Simple (said with finality)

• Yes (and then eat it)
• No (and then eat it)

Answer with a Question (I find it really effective to ask these without malice, with a tone of pure curiosity.  If you’re not in the mood to have a dialog about this, skip these.)

• Why do you think that’s your business?
• What made you think that I want you to police my food intake?
• I thought that you were an accountant, are you also a dietitian?

Pointed Response (be ready with a consequence if the behavior continues)

• I find that inappropriate and offensive
• What I eat is none of your business, and your commenting on it is unacceptable to me
• I have absolutely no interest in discussing my food intake with you

Cathartic (but probably not that useful if you want to create an opportunity for honest dialog)

• Yes, because dealing with your rudeness is depleting my glycogen stores at an alarming rate
• If I want to talk to the food police, I’ll call 911
• Thanks for trying to give me your insecurities, but I was really hoping to get a Wii this year
• No, but using my fork to eat helps to keep me from stabbing you with it

Guilt is not good for your health. So I hope that if you choose to eat it, you also choose to enjoy it.

Ah, my second favorite F word.

My blog is called danceswithfat.  I describe myself as fat on this blog on a regular basis.   Let me say a few words about fat.

For me it a reclaiming term.  That is to say that it was a word used against me by bullies of every stripe to make me feel bad about myself.  My use of the word fat as a self-descriptor is my personal way of saying that those bullies cannot have my lunch money any more.

This is a personal decision for me – I have no desire to convince others to use it.  I honestly don’t care if anyone else uses it to describe themselves.  I do.   That being said, my feeling about reclaiming terms is that I can’t use a term unless I am willing to have others outside of my community use that term.  The caveat to that is that they must use the term with the same connotation and intent.

So if you want to call me fat – meaning that I have a lot of adipose tissue, I’m fine with that.  Just like you could say that I have long hair because I have a lot of hair.  If you want to call me fat in a way that is derisive- trying to make me feel bad and asserting assumptions that by my size you can tell my health, fitness, or anything about me other than my size, then you and I are going to have a problem. And buddy, you might as well stop eyeing my lunch money because there’s no way you’re getting it.

When I’m meeting someone in a coffee shop for a business meeting and I tell them to look for the “short, fat, brunette with her hair up in a bun”  they will often say “Oh, don’t call yourself fat”.  Not even once has someone said  “Oh, don’t call yourself brunette”.

In our culture, fat has become shorthand for any number of negative descriptors including:  unhealthy, lazy, unattractive, unfit, un-athletic etc.  People dread the idea of appearing fat and go to incredibly lengths of discomfort (from being wrapped in essentially plastic wrap and heated to being encased in so many restrictive undergarments that you can feel like some sort of shallow breathing sausage) in an effort for their bodies to appear to be a different size or shape… or just to look a little less fat. I weigh 284 pounds and they make swimsuits in my size that say “Look 10 pounds slimmer!”  Really?  What precisely could I be trying to accomplish by looking  274lbs instead of 284lbs?   But despite the fact that trying to get into one feels like an audition for Cirque du Soleil (I had to see what the hype was about), the woman in the fat girl store said that they can’t keep them on the shelves.  Of course people have every right to do whatever they want with their bodies and I have absolutely no issue with those choices, I’m just suggesting that we examine a culture in which making your body appear smaller can reasonably be considered a higher priority than say, breathing.

For me “fat” is a neutral descriptor.  In truth, it doesn’t accurately describe my predominant body composition since percentage-wise I’m not comprised mostly of  fat, but since I’m squishy and lumpy on the outside  “fat” seems to fit me.

I don’t think that “fat” is a negative descriptor any more than I think “brunette” is negative.  I also don’t think that “fat” is positive.  When I say that I’m part of the fat pride movement, I don’t mean that I’m proud to be fat anymore than I’m proud to be a brunette.  I mean that I am proud to be a successful woman with high self-esteem in a world where I get 386,170 negative messages about my body a year.  I’m proud to live fully outside the cultural standard of beauty and yet be sure of my beauty and sexiness, even in a world where Psychology Today prints an article that asserts: “To understand what it takes to be beautiful, we need to be very clear about what being beautiful means—being sexually appealing to men.”    I’m proud to have made the conscious decision not to diet because my vast research shows that it’s a scientifically unhealthy choice.  I’m proud to be able to say “no” to all of the things that the $60,000,000,000 dollar a year diet industry tries to sell me with absolutely no proof of efficacy. I’m proud of  this blog and incredibly grateful for every person who has ever said it had a positive impact on them.

Those are things to celebrate – those of thing of which I am very proud.

As for being fat?

I am fat.  And that is that.

“Does this [article of clothing] make me look fat?”

I’ve heard it from friends, relatives, girlfriends; on commercials, sitcoms, and movies.

I’m sure that there are some out there, but I’ve never met anyone who wanted to be on the receiving end of this inquiry.

Allow me to make a case for just striking this question from all of human speech based on my contention that it has never helped anyone ever:

First of all, unless you’re wearing the Harry Potter Invisibility Cloak or you’re a Predator, you can generally assume that you will look fat or not based upon whether or not you are fat. This is information to which you should have been privy prior to getting dressed.

Considering the above, how many times are you going to change your outfit if the answer is  a consistent yes? Does it have any relation whatsoever to the time at which you are supposed to arrive at wherever you are dressed to go?  Specifically, how “not fat” do you have to look before we can leave for the damn movie?

If getting where we are going on time is more important to me than whether or not that baby doll dress makes your tummy look poochy, (it probably does, that’s what they do) is it acceptable to lie?

If I think that you look both fat and attractive, will this create some sort of [false] paradox in your brain that will cause it to explode.  If a bunch of people think that other people look fat and attractive would it create some sort of Vortex of [False] Paradoxical Doom?

What is the definition of fat?  Absent some kind of clarification, the person to whom you have addressed this question is set up to fail from the start.   Are you asking if that bubble skirt makes your hips look bigger than they are in real life? (Yes it does, by design.) or do you want to know if the clothes make you look like you have a specific body fat percentage or BMI (if that’s the case, then I highly recommend Kate Harding’s BMI Project over on Shapely Prose to show you the futility of that exercise.)

So, I rest my case.

I humbly suggest that your body is amazing.  Just as it is.  The way that I can tell that is that you are alive – breathing, heartbeat, eyes blinking, reading or listening to this etc.  Even if you want to change the size and shape of it, it’s still the body that you are living in now, 100% of the time. I respectfully submit that spending time asking other people if it looks fat probably won’t help with anything.

I’m not made of stone – I understand that this will be a difficult transition for some.  So I’m not asking people to go cold turkey – I’m just suggesting a substitution.  Instead of asking if something makes you look fat, try this instead:    “Does this outfit make me look like someone who asks dumb questions?”