This week in my short comedy videos I talked about how kids are weird, my adventures learning to cook, the hardest class in music school, how one day at the ocean ended my desire to learn to surf, and in my second week of ukelele playing I wrote a song inspired by recent press briefings.

You can play them all below (they’ll play back-to-back)
If you want to pick and choose you can see the playlist here

If you don’t want to miss a laugh, you can subscribe to my YouTube channel

If you appreciate the work that I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time tip or by becoming a member. (Members get special deals on fat-positive stuff, a monthly e-mail keeping them up to date on the work their membership supports, and the ability to ask me questions that I answer in a members-only monthly Q&A Video!)

Like this blog?  Here’s more stuff you might like:

Body Love Obstacle Course

This e-course that includes coaching videos, a study guide, and an ebook with the tools you need to create a rock-solid relationship with your body. Our relationships with our bodies don’t happen in a vacuum, so just learning to see our beauty isn’t going to cut it. The world throws obstacles in our way – obstacles that aren’t our fault, but become our problem. Over the course of this program, Ragen Chastain, Jeanette DePatie, and six incredible guest coaches will teach you practical, realistic, proven strategies to go above, around, and through the obstacles that the world puts in front of you when it comes to living an amazing life in the body you have now.
Price: $99.00 Click here to register
($79.00 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Love It! 234 Inspirations And Activities to Help You Love Your Body
This is filled with thoughtful advice from the authors Jeanette DePatie, Ragen Chastain, and Pia Sciavo-Campo as well as dozens of other notable names from the body love movement, the book is lovingly illustrated with diverse drawings from size-positive artist Toni Tails.
Price: $9.99 softcover, $7.99 Kindle, ($6.95 + free shipping for DancesWithFat Members)

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization (and I can do it remotely!) You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m (still!) training for an Iron-distance triathlon! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com .

There’s a lot of talk going on about a certain songstress’s body size manipulation. This happens a lot so I wanted to talk about it in a more general way, rather than discussing the particulars of this specific incident.

First of all, yes, everyone has a right to do what they want with their bodies/lives. But those decisions do not happen in a vacuum. Part of being a celebrity with the privilege and platform that come along with that is being responsible for what you promote through your words and actions. You can’t support intentional weight loss without supporting fatphobia, because the idea that a thin(ner) body would be in some way better is at the root of fat oppression.

When celebrities uncritically accept the positive attention they get for (at least temporarily) manipulating their bodies to be smaller, it can feel like a betrayal to those in Size Acceptance community because when these stars are fat(ter), they use our community, our work, our language as a shield against the fatphobia they experience – talking about how they love their bodies, how they don’t want to look like some photoshopped picture in a magazine, how all bodies are beautiful, how health and weight are two different things etc. And they lean on our support as fans – to appreciate their work, promote them, defend them.

So of course we can feel a major betrayal when they (at least temporarily) become smaller and suddenly can’t seem to prove fast enough that they were just using us until they could move themselves out of the marginalized group and become one of the marginalizers, waxing poetic with the same diet-culture language that had been weaponized against them, basking in the approval from the same people who were fat-shaming them before they became thin, and will fat-shame them again when they regain the weight.

And if, like almost everyone, they do regain their weight, history shows they’ll likely come running back to us – our support, our  (limited) resources, our work, our language. For those who choose to continue to attempt intentional weight loss this can end up becoming a cycle – or they may try to remake Size Acceptance in their own image as something that can include their desire for, and celebration of, weight loss (maybe co-opting the originally fat activist term of “Body Positivity” and watering it down even more.)

Often they complicate the situation by claiming they lost weight for their health. Again, they are allowed to conflate weight and health, but the reality is that it can also make things more difficult for those of us who understand that weight and health are two separate things and that intentional weight loss does not meet the criteria for an ethical, evidence-based health practice. While people are allowed to buy into a weight-loss paradigm, their choice to do that publicly from a big platform makes life harder for those who are trying to get ethical, competent healthcare in fat bodies. Or they may claim that they did it to avoid health issues or disability (despite the fact that people of all sizes deal with those issues.) Adding healthism and ableism to fatphobia does not improve the situation.

Paradigm straddling (wanting to be part of Size Acceptance and be supported in intentional weight loss, for example) is a really common thing  in oppressed communities. Being oppressed sucks and it’s normal to fantasize about how things could be different.  I think something to think about is whether we fantasize about an “ideal world” that accommodates us (and everyone,) and pursue that, or if we fantasize about shrinking ourselves into something less to have our “ideal body” (often built not just on sizeism but also healthism and ableism) and pursue that.

To reiterate, while people – including celebrities – can do whatever they want with their bodies, their choices have meaning and consequences. And choosing to participate in intentional weight loss, or to celebrate weight loss of any kind, supports weight stigma and perpetuates eating disorders by promoting the idea that a thin(ner) body is a better/more attractive/healthier body, which is at the root of fatphobia.

If you want to read more about the Adele situation, I recommend this piece by Da’Shaun Harrison for Wear Your Voice.

Did you find this helpful? If you appreciate the work that I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time tip or by becoming a member. (Members get special deals on fat-positive stuff, a monthly e-mail keeping them up to date on the work their membership supports, and the ability to ask me questions that I answer in a members-only monthly Q&A Video!)

Like this blog?  Here’s more stuff you might like:

Body Love Obstacle Course

This e-course that includes coaching videos, a study guide, and an ebook with the tools you need to create a rock-solid relationship with your body. Our relationships with our bodies don’t happen in a vacuum, so just learning to see our beauty isn’t going to cut it. The world throws obstacles in our way – obstacles that aren’t our fault, but become our problem. Over the course of this program, Ragen Chastain, Jeanette DePatie, and six incredible guest coaches will teach you practical, realistic, proven strategies to go above, around, and through the obstacles that the world puts in front of you when it comes to living an amazing life in the body you have now.
Price: $99.00 Click here to register
($79.00 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Love It! 234 Inspirations And Activities to Help You Love Your Body
This is filled with thoughtful advice from the authors Jeanette DePatie, Ragen Chastain, and Pia Sciavo-Campo as well as dozens of other notable names from the body love movement, the book is lovingly illustrated with diverse drawings from size-positive artist Toni Tails.
Price: $9.99 softcover, $7.99 Kindle, ($6.95 + free shipping for DancesWithFat Members)

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization (and I can do it remotely!) You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m (still!) training for an Iron-distance triathlon! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com .

 

 

 

Happy International No Diet Day! Whenever I talk about my choice to permanently get off the diet roller coaster, some concern trolls insist (with no evidence to back it up, of course) that all fat people can – and should – become thin if we just [insert thing we’ve all heard a million times but doesn’t actually work] – lose weight slower, use a specific diet, call dieting a “lifestyle change”, etc. along with the usual “just because it hardly ever works doesn’t mean you shouldn’t keep trying” crap.

Here’s the thing.  Been there. Done that.  Got the rebound weight gain and larger size t-shirt. Before I did the research to understand weight and health, I made the same mistakes that these people are making now – I believed it was a matter of willpower, I believed that it had been proven that long term significant weight loss was possible,  I believed that weight loss had been proven to make fat people healthier. Just like these misguided folks, I bought into this hook, line, and meal replacement shake.  I tried incredibly hard to be thin.  I spent a tremendous amount of my time, energy, and money trying to be thin – I did everything these people are suggesting that I do and more.

And here’s what I learned.

Fuck. That. Shit.  I shudder to think of the life I could have had if I hadn’t discovered Size Acceptance and Health at Every Size. The thought of giving up the amazing life I’ve lived and am living to have instead spent all this time  – and all the time in the future – chasing thinness, weight cycling, hating my body, waiting for that mystical thin body to show up so that my life could “really start,” is horrifying  – what an absolute waste of my life that would have been.

I hear from readers all the time whose moms, grandmothers, aunts, and friends are on their deathbeds realizing that they never fully lived because they put their lives on hold until they were thin, and spent their lives trapped in a cycle of yo-yo dieting, body hatred, and self loathing, and they died fat with so many regrets.  Every single time someone tells me a story like this I think how much I hope that person is resting in peace, and I realize that could have so easily been me.

I had the exact same experience that almost everyone who tries to lose weight has – I would lose weight short term, and then no matter what I did I would gain it back long term – often gaining back more than I lost.  Then, in a tribute to doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, I would try again. And I would have the same result.

So these people who tell me that I should keep trying to lose weight can take a flying leap into a vat of fat-free pudding. This discussion is hypothetical to them, but it’s everything to me. Health at Every Size and Size Acceptance gave me my life back, and even if I’m wrong about the research (though I don’t think I am) and even if I have a shorter life than I would have if I had continue to pursue dieting (though I don’t think I will) I would still make the same choices. I get to live free from dieting, free from constant body hatred, free from obsessive thoughts and behaviors around food, exercise, and weight, I get to spend my time, energy, and money pursuing things that make me happy,  I can approach my health and healthcare in a way that is rational and evidence-based.

I live every day with the security of knowing that I will not be on my deathbed with the horrible realization that I put my life on hold trying to get thin, and it never happened, and now it’s over. I used to be one of those people who hated my body, and dieted constantly because I didn’t know that I had other options. Now I know – I can have a healthy relationship with food and movement, I can love my body, and I never have to diet again. That’s so much better than the life I could have had.

Did you find this helpful? If you appreciate the work that I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time tip or by becoming a member. (Members get special deals on fat-positive stuff, a monthly e-mail keeping them up to date on the work their membership supports, and the ability to ask me questions that I answer in a members-only monthly Q&A Video!)

Like this blog?  Here’s more stuff you might like:

Body Love Obstacle Course

This e-course that includes coaching videos, a study guide, and an ebook with the tools you need to create a rock-solid relationship with your body. Our relationships with our bodies don’t happen in a vacuum, so just learning to see our beauty isn’t going to cut it. The world throws obstacles in our way – obstacles that aren’t our fault, but become our problem. Over the course of this program, Ragen Chastain, Jeanette DePatie, and six incredible guest coaches will teach you practical, realistic, proven strategies to go above, around, and through the obstacles that the world puts in front of you when it comes to living an amazing life in the body you have now.
Price: $99.00 Click here to register
($79.00 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Love It! 234 Inspirations And Activities to Help You Love Your Body
This is filled with thoughtful advice from the authors Jeanette DePatie, Ragen Chastain, and Pia Sciavo-Campo as well as dozens of other notable names from the body love movement, the book is lovingly illustrated with diverse drawings from size-positive artist Toni Tails.
Price: $9.99 softcover, $7.99 Kindle, ($6.95 + free shipping for DancesWithFat Members)

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization (and I can do it remotely!) You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m (still!) training for an Iron-distance triathlon! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com .

I posted a comedy video last week about being a moderator for Fat-Positive groups on Facebook. One of the things I talked about was people who break the “no weight loss talk” rule by starting their post “I know there’s no weight loss talk in this group, but…” and then just barrel into some weight loss talk.

I got an e-mail saying

“I guess I don’t understand why, if it’s a group for fat people, why can’t fat people who want to lose weight can’t talk about it?”

This is a common question, and it’s an important one.

The simple answer is because talking about weight loss talk is against the rules. The people who created the space get to make the rules. Being part of the space is a privilege that you get to keep by following the rules.

But the deeper answer is a bit more complex. The thing that gets misunderstood here is that it’s not a group for fat people. It’s a group for people (sometimes just for fat people, sometimes people of all sizes depending on the group’s rules) who are choosing to liberate themselves from diet culture. It’s a fat-positive group. Part of that is not engaging in weight loss or dieting, because the idea that fat bodies are wrong and that they should/can be changed is at the root of our oppression (including beliefs around weight and health.)

There are people who have chosen to do the difficult and painful work of liberating themselves from diet culture – to not risk their lives and quality of life with dangerous surgeries and diets. The Size Acceptance community is a social justice community that has limited resources with which to fight the crushing oppression of global weight stigma. As such, we can and should have spaces absolutely free of weight loss talk, that do not offer support or resources to those attempting weight loss

So the idea that someone wants to use the limited resources of a social justice  community for comfort/safety/better treatment while they try to move/keep themselves out of the oppressed group AND break the rules to discuss their plan/progress for doing that, is out-of-control offensive and wrong.  To me as a queer woman, I would compare this to someone coming into a queer-positive group and insisting that it is their right to discuss and get support for their “conversion therapy” while also using the group’s work and resources until they don’t need them anymore.  Hell no. GTFO with that.

Again, if people want to talk about weight loss there’s this place called “Basically the Entire World Except For These Fat-Positive Groups” where they can do that. And if they find that they can’t be treated well in that place as a fat person – despite trying desperately to gain its acceptance – well maybe that’s a clue about the issues with that place. But that’s not my decision to make.

If someone is going to avail themselves of a fat-positive group’s work and resources, then the very absolute least they can do is not commit anti-fat oppression while they are there.

Did you find this helpful? If you appreciate the work that I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time tip or by becoming a member. (Members get special deals on fat-positive stuff, a monthly e-mail keeping them up to date on the work their membership supports, and the ability to ask me questions that I answer in a members-only monthly Q&A Video!)

Like this blog?  Here’s more stuff you might like:

Body Love Obstacle Course

This e-course that includes coaching videos, a study guide, and an ebook with the tools you need to create a rock-solid relationship with your body. Our relationships with our bodies don’t happen in a vacuum, so just learning to see our beauty isn’t going to cut it. The world throws obstacles in our way – obstacles that aren’t our fault, but become our problem. Over the course of this program, Ragen Chastain, Jeanette DePatie, and six incredible guest coaches will teach you practical, realistic, proven strategies to go above, around, and through the obstacles that the world puts in front of you when it comes to living an amazing life in the body you have now.
Price: $99.00 Click here to register
($79.00 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Love It! 234 Inspirations And Activities to Help You Love Your Body
This is filled with thoughtful advice from the authors Jeanette DePatie, Ragen Chastain, and Pia Sciavo-Campo as well as dozens of other notable names from the body love movement, the book is lovingly illustrated with diverse drawings from size-positive artist Toni Tails.
Price: $9.99 softcover, $7.99 Kindle, ($6.95 + free shipping for DancesWithFat Members)

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization (and I can do it remotely!) You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m (still!) training for an Iron-distance triathlon! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com .

This week in my short one-woman-open-mic comedy vids I talked about growing up with possibly the world’s worst last name, moderating fat-positive Facebook groups, the new endurance sport I invented in quarantine, and after a week of learning to play the ukulele, I wrote a song about learning the Ukulele.

You can play them all below (they’ll play back-to-back)
If you want to pick and choose you can see the playlist here

If you don’t want to miss a laugh, you can subscribe to my YouTube channel

 

If you appreciate the work that I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time tip or by becoming a member. (Members get special deals on fat-positive stuff, a monthly e-mail keeping them up to date on the work their membership supports, and the ability to ask me questions that I answer in a members-only monthly Q&A Video!)

Like this blog?  Here’s more stuff you might like:

Body Love Obstacle Course

This e-course that includes coaching videos, a study guide, and an ebook with the tools you need to create a rock-solid relationship with your body. Our relationships with our bodies don’t happen in a vacuum, so just learning to see our beauty isn’t going to cut it. The world throws obstacles in our way – obstacles that aren’t our fault, but become our problem. Over the course of this program, Ragen Chastain, Jeanette DePatie, and six incredible guest coaches will teach you practical, realistic, proven strategies to go above, around, and through the obstacles that the world puts in front of you when it comes to living an amazing life in the body you have now.
Price: $99.00 Click here to register
($79.00 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Love It! 234 Inspirations And Activities to Help You Love Your Body
This is filled with thoughtful advice from the authors Jeanette DePatie, Ragen Chastain, and Pia Sciavo-Campo as well as dozens of other notable names from the body love movement, the book is lovingly illustrated with diverse drawings from size-positive artist Toni Tails.
Price: $9.99 softcover, $7.99 Kindle, ($6.95 + free shipping for DancesWithFat Members)

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization (and I can do it remotely!) You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m (still!) training for an Iron-distance triathlon! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com .

Living in a fatphobic society means that liberating ourselves isn’t a one-time deal. We have to keep fighting back against the negative messages that we receive, and we have to dig deep to find the things that we’ve been sold by diet culture that we are still hanging on to, and then we have to work to let them go.

Complimenting Weight Loss 

If we compliment people on their weight loss we do a couple things to support diet culture:

1. We confirm the mistaken and harmful belief that a thin(ner) body is better than a fat(ter)
2. We set up someone for a bigger fall. When (as almost everyone does) they gain their weight back, they’ll have the memory of all the people (including us) who told them that they looked better thinner, which is likely to set them up for more weight cycling.

It can be rough when someone who is still fully entrenched in diet culture is looking at us expectantly for our congrats. There are weight-neutral ways to respond to weight loss, I blogged about some options here.

Supporting Inequality

We can become conditioned to the idea that fat people shouldn’t expect the same things/experiences/treatment that thin people get. Whether that means supporting the idea that fat people should pay twice as much for the same plane trip, or more for clothing, or spa services, or healthcare, or that we shouldn’t expect seats or rides to accommodate us etc.

You’ll see this sometimes in discussions when someone says “I’m fat and I think that I should have to pay for two seats on the plane.” Assuming that they aren’t a troll pretending to be a fat person and are, in fact fat, I’m willing to protect that person’s option to pay twice as much – and I’m sure that the airline will accept their extra money – but I won’t support their desire to contribute to the oppression of fat people. Internalized fatphobia sucks and my goal is to help people get out from under it, but if they are weaponizing their internalized fatphobia than my focus has to be on their victims first.

Our Size But No Bigger 

Sometimes we can become ok with the size we are, but still hold onto stereotypes and bigotry about those bigger than us. Often this becomes sheer hypocrisy – like if we believe that we should have access to, say, a blood pressure cuff that actually fits us, but we don’t think it’s “reasonable” for someone however-many-pounds heavier than us to have access to the same thing. Or if we are still promoting weightloss (including and especially dangerous drugs and surgeries) for people who are larger than us. This, again, amounts to weaponizing our internalized fatphobia. If we’re not here for the fattest and most marginalized bodies, then we’re not here at all, and we have personal work to do.

Blaming Fat Bodies

Fat people are told that being fat is to blame for…well…basically everything in our lives. Whether we’re unhappily single, struggling to make it in the job we love, or have a severed limb, we are told to blame our fat. In fact, the problem was fatphobia all along. And fatphobia is not our fault, even if it becomes our problem. (Sometimes we can have let go of this for ourselves, but still be holding onto it for bodies larger than ours.) Fat bodies are never, ever, ever the problem – the problem is a world that doesn’t accept,  affirm, and accomodate bodies of all sizes. We can get better at this by practicing putting the problem where it belongs.

Hanging Onto Healthism/Ableism

Even as we leave our own fatphobia behind, we can still hold onto healthism. This can sound like “It’s ok to be fat as long as… you’re healthy/meet some idea of able-bodiedness etc. or it can sound like “I’m fat but not, like unhealthily fat…” etc. Anytime we suggest that health is an obligation, barometer of worthiness, or a requirement to be allowed to exist without shame/stigma/bullying/oppression, we are making a mistake.

We live in a society that is full of fatphobia, built on a scaffolding of weight stigma so if we are dealing with some, or all, of these issues that’s not exactly a galloping shock. The idea here isn’t to become stuck in guilt, it’s to recognize the issues so that we can fix them for the good of us, and everyone else.

Was This Helpful?  If you appreciate the work that I do, you can support my ability to do more of it with a one-time tip or by becoming a member. (Members get special deals on fat-positive stuff, a monthly e-mail keeping them up to date on the work their membership supports, and the ability to ask me questions that I answer in a members-only monthly Q&A Video!)

Like this blog?  Here’s more stuff you might like:

Body Love Obstacle Course

This e-course that includes coaching videos, a study guide, and an ebook with the tools you need to create a rock-solid relationship with your body. Our relationships with our bodies don’t happen in a vacuum, so just learning to see our beauty isn’t going to cut it. The world throws obstacles in our way – obstacles that aren’t our fault, but become our problem. Over the course of this program, Ragen Chastain, Jeanette DePatie, and six incredible guest coaches will teach you practical, realistic, proven strategies to go above, around, and through the obstacles that the world puts in front of you when it comes to living an amazing life in the body you have now.
Price: $99.00 Click here to register
($79.00 for DancesWithFat members – register on the member page)

Love It! 234 Inspirations And Activities to Help You Love Your Body
This is filled with thoughtful advice from the authors Jeanette DePatie, Ragen Chastain, and Pia Sciavo-Campo as well as dozens of other notable names from the body love movement, the book is lovingly illustrated with diverse drawings from size-positive artist Toni Tails.
Price: $9.99 softcover, $7.99 Kindle, ($6.95 + free shipping for DancesWithFat Members)

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization (and I can do it remotely!) You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m (still!) training for an Iron-distance triathlon! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com .