The “Pirelli Calender” is released each year by the Pirelli Tire company, heretofore featuring nude, partially nude, or nearly nude models chosen for their ability to approximate the current stereotype of beauty as models. This year Pirelli deliberately took a different approach, choosing photographer Annie Leibovitz to photograph women chosen for their achievements across various fields from entertainment, to sports, to philanthropy (though there are definitely still plenty of issues with inclusion and under-representation.) The December picture is of Amy Schumer, mostly nude.
The mere sight of her kicked former Fox News contributor Steven Crowder right in the misogynies, and spurred him to write a truly ridiculous missive on his blog “Louder with Crowder” (spoiler alert: having read the piece I feel that perhaps it’s telling that his name rhymes with “louder” rather than “smarter” or “not a sexist sizeist asshat.”) Let’s take a peek:
Dear Fat Feminists: leave your clothes on, you’re not brave.
Also… leave your clothes on.
Leave our clothes on…or what? I must have missed it when they declared Steve the boss of the fat feminists. Was there a ceremony? Was it nice? Can we get some manner of recall election?
Amy Schumer posed kind of nude for Pirelli calendar in a pose I can only describe as “MY EYES, MY EYES!” Because sorry, men don’t find Amy Schumer sexually attractive. Damn, *RETROACTIVE TRIGGER WARNING*.
The only trigger warning we need is for those who are triggered by people with ridiculously over-exaggerated senses of self-importance. Out of curiosity, does anybody know if Steve was appointed the spokesperson for all men before or after he was appointed boss of the fat feminists? I’m going to ask for the first, but not the last, time at this point – why does Steve think women should care if he – or any other man – finds them sexually attractive? Why would he think that Amy Schumer would take his dick into account when deciding how she wants to be photographed?
The rolls, that facial expression, the coffee cup? Seriously, why the coffee cup? Is that supposed to be ironic? I’m sitting on a stool in my undies and I’m jonesing for a coffee? I don’t get it. Send help and biscotti.
I’m going to go out out on a limb here and guess that not “getting it” is a consistent problem for you, so if you’ll accept a little advice – Google is your friend, Steve “During a press conference, Leibovitz said, “The idea was that she was the only one who had not got the memo about wearing clothes.”
Also, let’s talk about this for a second: Heidi Klum or Cindy Crawford getting naked is not praised as “brave.” Why not? Glad you asked. Both women are smoking hot and look good naked. An athlete like Serena Williams, while she may not be your cup of tea, has also earned her physique. When selling nudie calendars, we generally try to sell them with women who look good nude.
Let me try a “massive jerk” to “not a massive jerk” translation: “I like it when the world is based on patriarchy, where every picture of a woman is taken with my boner as the primary audience.” Suck it Steve, the world, she’s a changing.
On the flip-side, Amy Schumer, Lena Dunham are no more “beautiful” than super-models are “funny.”
But when it comes to Amy Schumer or Lena Dunham or any other feminist who is anything but sexy, they’re labeled “brave.” Brace yourselves for some Crowder-like truth: only ugly, unattractive naked women are called “brave.” Why is it brave for Schumer to be naked? Because she’s unattractive. The conflict is only created because youthrust your naked, gelatinous, amoeba-like body in my face, which conflicts with my desire to not see you naked.
Here’s some Ragen-like truth: Steve is either the most dense person like, ever, or he is aggressively missing the point. The reason that we herald women who aren’t the stereotype of beauty as brave for appearing naked in public forums is that assholes like Steve will write shit like this about them. Also, again, why does he think women should care whether or not he wants to see us naked? When presented with an opportunity for a nude photoshoot does he actually think women should start by asking themselves “Would Steve Crowder want to see this picture?” Dude it’s called reality, feel free to come back to it anytime.
Now listen, I think Amy Schumer can be funny. The thing is, as a man, that enters precisely zero into my sexual attraction for her. Show me the funniest women at the bar, and I’ll show you a lady who’s single.
Holy shitballs Steve – let me offer you the concept a different way because you’re just not getting it. I sincerely hope that Amy Schumer cares less about whether you think she is funny than she cares about whether you want to fuck her (if it’s possible for her to care any less.) Regardless, no thinking, rational person could come to the conclusion that she is being funny for the express purpose of giving you a happy in your pants. EVERYTHINGISNOTABOUTYOURDICKSTEVE!
Women don’t have to be funny, because men want to get naked with you anyway. Unless you look like Lena Dunham. Then, we simply want to end the pain
Besides assuming – against all odds, evidence, logic, and reason – that every single man is attracted to the exact same women that he is, Steve assumes that because the only reason he does anything is to get laid, all women operate that way as well. You see, we’re not interested in using humor as a way to make people laugh, tell our stories, examine our culture, or deal with bullshit misogyny and sexism that comes at us- we’re just hoping that we can tell a joke funny enough that the guy laughs so hard that he falls over, impaling us with his dick. Also, on his blog this sentiment is followed by a remarkably tone deaf juxtaposition of two video clips that make it look like Patrick Stewart is shooting a fat child (Chunk from Goonies) with a machine gun. Keep it classy there Steve.
Lastly, art has become needlessly self-important. It used to be “art” looked good. It was made for the purpose of being beautiful. Art existing and stood on its own. Now, though, art has fallen into the same moral relativism as the rest of our words: meaningless. When “art” becomes self-serving, it is no longer beautiful and shouldn’t be considered “art.”
So, to “boss of the fat feminists” and “spokesman for all men” we can add “art decider.” How does Steve find the time? I guess it’s by knowing actually nothing about art. I mean, it can’t all be Patrick Stewart shooting a child amirite?
The only people buying your nudie calendar will be the butch-cutted, lesbian chain-gang at BuzzFeed. And that’s the way it should be.
Butch-cutted? Lesbian chain gang? What does that even mean? It’s like he was trying to wrap up the piece and then his homphobia just suddenly reared its lesbian-related-words-in-a-blender head. I don’t know what that’s about (though it makes me like BuzzFeed more,) what I do know is that Steve, who I’m going to nickname Steven “Missing the Point” Crowder, doesn’t understand how this calendar works. First of all, nobody can buy it, it’s given to a limited number of VIPs -it’s a really big deal to get one – and it’s generated a ton of positive press. Steve may not find Amy Schumer, or the other women in the calendar, attractive. But luckily, none of them have to care what he thinks, and neither do any of us.
But don’t worry, change is happening (though it seems Steve may be left behind.) In this great piece a woman talks about how Amy Schumer’s picture helped her deal with her personal body issues as well as the way that she was judging other women. Kudos to her for the introspection and for writing about it. Progress is happening and the Steve’s of the world aren’t going to stop it. Thee’ll just be sitting in the company of their highly prized penises, complaining about it.
More Cool Stuff!
The Respect Our Sex Project is in the final push for their fundraiser. They are asking for donations of $5 (yup, just $5) to create access to sex education, resources, and gear for people of all sizes, physical abilities, ages, and anatomies. I think it’s a really cool project.
Like my work? Want to help me keep doing it? Become a Member! For ten bucks a month you can support size diversity activism, help keep the blog ad free, and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you. Click here for details
Book and Dance Class Sale! I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!
Book Me! I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!
I’m training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com
If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.
Dances With Fat 
This absolutely cracked me up – “Why would he think that Amy Schumer would take his dick into account when deciding how she wants to be photographed?” I love you, Ragen!
“You see, we’re not interested in using humor as a way to make people laugh, tell our stories, examine our culture, or deal with bullshit misogyny and sexism that comes at us- we’re just hoping that we can tell a joke funny enough that the guy laughs so hard that he falls over, impaling us with his dick.” I love this so much.
please— please- i DO NOT WANT to be impaled by his dick.
i can think of like eleventymillionbillion other things i’d rather do, and probably almost that many i’d rather be impaled by. this includes my head on a stake. thank you.
Right? This is one of those times when I have to give myself Ragen’s advice, “The world is fucked up. I am fine.”
Let me preface this with, there’s nothing wrong with being fat. I’m fat. Fat is a descriptive word, and for me it’s the same as saying I have brown eyes. It’s taken a lot of work to reach that point, and I still have days where I start in with the self-abuse of body judgment and shame. It’s a process.
And it’s days like this, where I read about a woman who is gorgeous – not that it should matter – and in MY mind not even remotely fat (again, using it as a descriptive word) being called “fat” by some douche canoe jackasshole that I wind up struggling with that self-abuse. Because it’s impossible to look at that picture, read what he said and NOT think “my god, if he thinks that about HER body… what on earth would he say about mine?”
I say this recognizing that a. his opinion of my body is irrelevant and the issue in that thought process is me and my own brain going there, and b. this isn’t even about ME or MY body, since she’s the one being fat shamed here. But that’s part of it. People want to deny fat shaming exists, or say that it’s exaggerated or even claim “oh, you’re not allowed to make fun of fat people,” the latter of which is usually followed by something about being allowed to shame thin people, and is most often a comment made by someone thin who for some reason seems threatened by the acknowledgement that fat shaming exists.
But this asshat’s comments prove that not only does fat shaming exist, it exists to an extent where this woman who – at least from MY perspective – doesn’t qualify as fat (again, using it only as a descriptive word here) is called fat (and in this case, it IS meant as an insult) and judged for her body from the perspective of it being “too fat” to be attractive to want to fuck (which in and of itself is sickening because screw you asshole, guess what? pretty sure most women reading that aren’t gonna wanna fuck you anyway, regardless and we don’t exist to be fodder for your fapping sessions), well… it says a lot about fat shaming. About how it not only exists, but exists to a point where a woman who looks like Amy Schumer is called fat (as a judgment) and unattractive and any other number of disgusting things.
Or frankly, even the people saying things like “she’s brave,” which is patronizing and condescending because this asshole is right for the most part… thin(ner) women than Amy who take off their clothes or pose nearly nude are rarely referred to as “brave” for it. And when they are, there’s usually some other context to it… like some of the commentary when Cindy Crawford recently did that photo shoot that was untouched, and it was “wow, she looks great for her age and for having had babies.” Uhm. Why do we need to qualify it? Frankly, why do we need to judge it at ALL?
Anyway, it’s early and I’m ranting and possibly not making much sense. But the bottom line is, no wonder women of ALL sizes have so much body shame to combat when a woman who is probably smaller than average is called fat by some fuckwad asshate douche canoe jackasshole like Stephen Chowderhead or w/e the fuck his name is.
I totally feel a lot of the same anger you do for many of the same reasons. This guy is an absolute asshat.
Jackasshole is a magnificent piece of profanity – YOINK! Thank you for teaching me a new cuss.
Steve, if you don’t want to see Amy Schumer naked, then don’t look at nude photos of Amy Schumer. Problem solved. I mean I know you wouldn’t be able to write any click-bait cris de butthurt if you don’t… so really, a win for everyone.
But, Sarah, shouldn’t EVERYTHING that comes across Steve’s computer screen be SPECIFICALLY curated for him and his tastes? I mean, he’s made it very clear he’s in charge of fat feminists, “butch-cut lesbians” (because that’s 100% totally the terminology, Steve), ALL men’s sexual desires– I mean, dude’s basically President of the Internet. So, obviously HE shouldn’t have to take responsibility for not looking at things he doesn’t want to look at, the entire world should take steps to make sure he only sees what he wants to see!
LOGIC!
I love his self important talk about “art”… Has this man seen any famous paintings of nude women? Botticelli’s Venus? Or how about Venus and Adonis by Reubens?
He’d better stay out of art museums, is what I’m saying.
http://cdn2.hubspot.net/hub/40667/file-14173717-jpeg/images/rubens-venus-and-adonis-resized-600.jpeg?t=1444851193220
I suppose he would foam at the mouth if he saw the Venus of Willendorf.
LOL!
Aw gee, where is Cynthia Plaster Caster** when you need her, Mr. Crowder?
** look her up. Good for a laugh.
I second Sarah. No one forced this dude (I first typed “dud”, which is more appropriate) to look at Amy Schumer’s picture. His diatribe speaks volumes about who he is and nothing about her.
Poor guy, give him a break. He has 0.00000000000000012% less porn-related material to consume than usual. Life is rough!
So, once again, some dipstick feels appointed to speak on behalf of every member of a given demographic. “Men don’t find Amy Schumer sexually attractive”?
Huh. I still have my male parts, and plan on keeping them until my dying day. Perhaps Mr. Crowder has another criteria he uses to determine whether someone is a man, but last I checked, I have male parts and identify as a male, and am well beyond reaching adulthood, so taking those three traits into account, I should qualify as a man.
Yet, somehow or another I must have been missed when Mr. Crowder sent out his all-inclusive poll asking what we men find sexually attractive.
On an aside, quoting from one of my favorite movies of all time, “How did he get to be king? I didn’t vote for him!”
While at the moment I cannot from memory connect Amy Schumer’s name to a face, let alone to her body, and since I don’t tend to collect nudie calendars (my calendar purchase for 2016 is another Demotivator Calendar from Despair.com), I can’t really comment on the pose or Ms. Schumer’s body. It doesn’t really matter, since I can guarantee she’s not lying awake every night worrying about what I think, nor should she.
What I can say for certain is that there are plenty of us men that aren’t of the exact same mindset as Mr. Crowder concerning what is sexually attractive, and that there are men (more than just a tiny fraction) that find Ms. Schumer’s body type attractive and desirable.
Standing up and cheering for Hoomi2’s comment! I love “somehow or other I must have been missed when Mr. Croweder sent out his all-inclusive poll.”
I’m pushing 60, fat, rapidly thinning hair (it happens to women too, with age), and yet–as bizarre as Crowder might find this–my husband finds me sexually attractive. Huh. The all-inclusive poll must have missed him, too!
As you always do Ragen, you’ve hit the nail square on the head – although it might have been more fun for you to hit ol’ Steve on his little, pointy one.
…and speaking of Steve…has anyone ever asked HIM to pose nude for a calendar? What does he think HE would look like?
Just askin’…
Weird that he thinks the funniest women would be single. I’m funny and doughy as fuck and haven’t been single since 1997.
As another male I totally agree with your statements. i did see a photo of Amy Schumer in the nude and thought she was exceptionally beautiful. I love to see natural looking people in the nude, rather than the phony pictures of ultra thin models. Although i personally like very fat models with many rolls I prefer everything natural to false “idealized” images.
This is fantastic. Classic Ragen rant style, and absolutely right on the money as well. You rock!
Gee, if I didn’t know better I’d think someone strapped this guy to a chair and forced him to look at pictures of Amy Schumer and Lena Dunham in a manner reminiscent of a Clockwork Orange.
Have dudes not heard of, you know, not looking at things you don’t want to look at? Instead of, say, writing nonsensical screeds like this about how not all women everywhere are doing exactly what you and your dick want them to be doing? You’d seem like much less of a man child to accept that the world sometimes contains things you don’t like. I mean, I’m not exactly excited about Steve Crowder’s existence, but I’m not going to write an angry blog post about him and how he’s not doing enough for my libido.
What he will never grasp is that his bullshit is a better argument for feminism than anyone could ever make didactically. Nobody reads his piece and thinks, “Yeah. Women *SHOULD* arrange their lives around the demands of Mr. Crowder’s penis! Absolutely! How dare successful women Steve Crowder doesn’t want to f*&^k exist visually!! The injustice!!!”
Shaking my head….
Oh, guys like this. You gotta wonder if they’ve ever actually MET a woman? Or talked to one? Because he seems pretty convinced that we all spend our days wondering how f***able guys like him find us, when 90% of the time, we’re not thinking about them at all, and 10% of the time, we’re complaining about how we can’t even get to work in the morning without some asshat telling us to smile as if we were only put on the earth to provide the set dressing for his life. I like to interpret this photo as being exactly about how irrelevant the male gaze is to women, precisely because it takes the traditional “nudie” photo which is all about appeal to men, and reverses all the clichés in the expression, the pose, the coffee cup.
Firstly, I find everything this dipstick says incredibly unattractive. I don’t care what he looks like: he could be Adonis and I would still be so nauseated by his attitude that he’d be about as appealing to me as a bucket of beer vomit.
Secondly, Amy Schumer and I apparently move in different spheres, and I had no idea who she was. I looked up her stunning picture expecting to see someone, well–fat, and maybe older. Echoing Jessica above, I don’t mean to imply there’s anything unattractive about any size or any age: I’m in my fifties and in the two hundreds, and I feel sexier than I ever did in my youth (and seem to have captivated one very handsome man for the last fourteen years).
But there is very little I see about Ms. Schumer that *isn’t* conventionally attractive. Her body type was very fashionable in the 1940’s!
Good heavens. This is coming out rather awkwardly, because I do NOT mean to suggest that his rant would be justified is she were fatter or older, just that his rant is obviously more about subjugating women than about pretty much anything else. I think he’s much more offended (threatened) by the idea that some feminists (butch cuts or not) might NOT want to prioritize his sexual gratification over all else in their lives.
What a dipshit.
The funniest part?
He carries on about whether or not they’ll be able to *sell* their calendar, and who will *buy* it.
The piece I read about this pretty much started with the information that they don’t sell this – it’s a giveaway to a chosen few, people they consider movers and shakers who are likely to spend a lot of money on sports cars and expensive tires (or who influence those who do.) Being On the List is a coveted sign of wealth and power.
So what he is really telling us is that in that macho, macho world of sports cars, he is not one of the chosen. (Meanwhile, a part of that macho world has noticed that women buy cars – and tires – and they’re realizing that Crowder is not their target market. Which is, of course, what he’s really complaining about…)
I usually don’t agree with everything you say, but this is spot on! The most intelligent discussion I’ve seen (not of this loser’s writing but of the issue). Although I have to say I feel violated that I even read his writing, but I guess it’s important to know that these “people” exist.
OH MY GOD I MY GOD OH MY GOD OH YM GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD
I cannot BELIEVE the entitlement in his piece, holy crap. Ragen, perfect response as always, but I am just… shocked by this guy’s ignorance. Amy Schumer is laughing all the way to the bank, why would she care what some d-bag thinks????? Aaagh
Why do so many people automatically conflate not-wearing-any-clothes with sex? I mean, I’m not wearing any clothes when I’m in the shower, but that doesn’t mean I’m feeling particularly horny. It just means that I’m not wearing any clothes.
Was it Jeff Foxworthy? Or some other southern comedian? Anyway, the story was that there’s “naked”, which means you’re not wearing any clothes, and there’s “nekkid”, which means you’re “not wearing any clothes and you’re UP to something.”
This calendar is not a “nudie” calendar, which is about nekkid. It’s about people. And for artistic and traditional reasons, they aren’t wearing any (or many) clothes. Because clothes don’t make the man, despite the old adage. Clothes merely decorate the person and hold in body heat. Also, they sometimes provide handy pockets.
And why does he think that lesbians would necessarily want the women that men don’t want? Like, they’re happy to lick up the crumbs that fell of the “What makes penises happy” table? I mean, come on! Plenty of women, lesbians included, are fat-hating jerks, too.
I have no idea who the fuck this guy is. It doesn’t look like I’m missing anything.