I caught part of some gameshow and one of the questions was about the name of Trader Joe’s diet food line.  That brand name is “Reduced Guilt.”  And that sucks.

First of all, the fact that these Wheat Crisps are “reduced guilt” indicates that, at least in Trader Joe’s estimation, I should feel guilty about eating some crackers in the first place.  And I’m still not off the hook if I get these crackers – they’re not “guilt free”, just reduced guilt.  So I should apparently still feel guilty, just less so.

I just wish they would have told me how much less guilty I should feel – 5% less, 30% less? And reduced from what original level of guilt?  Are we talking about the guilt I “should” feel eating other wheat crisps?  What if I was planning to have pretzels but then choose these instead?  If I was thinking about having broccoli but went with the crackers should my guilt still be reduced?  Thanks a lot Trader Joe’s – I’m freaking out here, can anyone create an algorithm to let me know how guilty I’m supposed to feel for eating these crackers?

Or, hey what about this –  how about I don’t feel any guilt at all since, while I like Trader Joe’s products, I’m not prepared to put them in charge of my emotions.  I have never seen any study indicate that guilt is good for digestion or health.  Remember when we talked about that ridiculous Truvia ad campaign where a jingle singer used insane, grief, guilt, relief, and love three times discussing an artificial sweetener?  We’ve got “sinfully delicious” cookies.  Some desserts are decadent (the act or process of falling into moral decay): but some are divine (of or pertaining to a god, especially the Supreme Being).

I understand that advertisers will do whatever they can to sell a product, but they’ve got us coming and going.  Feeling rebellious? Have this sinfully delicious cheesecake.  Feeling bad about the cheesecake?  Have our guilt-free brownie mix.  They are allowed to do this, but we don’t have to buy in and, if our goal is a healthy relationship with food, this does seem like the way to go.

Even the idea of healthy foods and unhealthy foods is tricky.  Some eating plans say that potatoes are the devil but others say that you can live on potatoes, milk, and a little bit of oatmeal.  Some say eating lots of meat is healthy.  Some say that not eating any meat is healthy.  Some food plans say that anything cooked is unhealthy. Some people love peanutbutter as a protein source, some people die if they eat it.  For someone dealing with hunger any kind of food may be better than no food. There are issues of access, culture, personal health circumstances, personal values, and personal choice involved.  I think that any public health focus should be on providing access to foods that people would choose to eat and true, unbiased information.

I used to struggled a lot with my relationship with food and I’ve found that my mental health and physical health improve dramatically when I remind myself of, and – as much as possible – remove myself from, our culture’s mixed messages, moralization, and hyperbole around food. It turns out that if I refuse to feel guilty about eating food, then every food is guilt free.

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

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I recently posted an article to my Facebook about an ignorant shop clerk who accused a mother of child abuse for buying her daughter the suit she wanted. The mother responded by walking out without buying anything.  Someone commented on my Facebook to accuse the mother of wasting an opportunity to educate.  Noooooo. No. No. No. No. World of no.  Galaxy of no.  No.

I see this a lot when people discuss a situation where they faced bulling, stigmatizing, shaming etc. and they talk about how they dealt with it.  People are quick to let them know that’s not how they would have done it. Often, as was the case on my Facebook page, it’s done in accusatory tones.

I find this really troubling.  First we are the victim of oppression/stigma/bullying, then people add to our victimization by suggesting that we didn’t handle it “right” and/or that we had some obligation to respond to bullshit behavior in the way they would do it, with the goals that they would have had.

It should be (but sadly isn’t always) obviously that it’s not ok to respond to oppression by oppressing other people (like responding to fat shaming with healthism, or ableism, or an inappropriate comparison to the oppression of another group.) and that is something that is definitely worthy of comment. Outside of that, we have every right to respond to the oppressive bullshit that comes at us in whatever way we choose.

Sometimes people get confused and think that we have some obligation to help our bigots and bullies become better people who are less bigoted and do less bullying.  We have the option to try that, but never the obligation – in fact we don’t have any obligation to choose educating or bridge building or any other goal as the basis for how we deal with oppression.

We might choose educating the person and trying to build a bridge as a goal, or we might choose expressing our anger as a goal.  It’s ok to try to start a dialog, to say something snarky, or to say nothing at all and just walk away.  It’s ok to not address the issue at all. Our choice of reaction might change with each different exchange, based on everything from our current mood, to our relationship with the person committing the oppression, to the balance of power between us and our oppressor, or any other circumstances. And all of that is completely ok.

How about we keep our eye on the ball here:  when someone is being oppressed, the problem is the oppression and the oppressor, not the way that the victim dealt with them.  A really good first step to supporting people who are dealing with oppression is to not make it worse, and avoiding criticism of their reaction because it’s not what you would have done is an excellent step in the right direction.

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Like my work?  Want to help me keep doing it? Become a Member! For ten bucks a month you can support size diversity activism, help keep the blog ad free, and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

Buy the book:  Fat:  The Owner’s Manual  The E-Book is Name Your Own Price! Click here for details

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information on topics, previous engagements and reviews here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

Dance Classes:  Buy the Dance Class DVDs or download individual classes – Every Body Dance Now! Click here for details 

I’m training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com

A movie about my time as a dancer is in active development (casting, finding investors etc.).  Follow the progress on Facebook!

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

My Facebook friend Julie posted today that someone had called her a fat bitch to her face in public.  She said “I think that’s the first time I have been called that to my face… does this qualify me for the Fat Bitches Club?”  Yes it does, and your official club jacket is in the mail!

The Fat Bitches Club is for those who’ve been victims of the sizeism and sexism that occur when people lash out at us with a phrase meant to let us know that we don’t look or act like they want us to. If you’re wondering if you qualify for the FBC, check out the qualifying events below, though please note that this is not an exhaustive list.

Just Because

This is how Julie qualified. She was talking to someone about something completely unrelated to her size. He didn’t like what she said, so he called her a fat bitch.  He is hoping that she buys into the ideas that her worth is determined by her body size, that having a fat body is bad, and that she shouldn’t want to be a bitch, so that he can hurt her with name calling rather than having an adult discussion about the topic that she broached.

Online Troll

At least once a day I open my e-mail to read my new blog comments and someone has “fat bitched” me. Perhaps they’ve been only so creative as to type “fat bitch!” (or more likely “fat bicth!”) or maybe it’s part of a longer ridiculous rant. Either way, this is how these people spend their spare time and almost every fat person I know who has an online presence has experienced this – whether it’s e-mail, Facebook, YouTube, a blog, instagram etc. This is just blatant sizeism committed by people who are obviously not in a great place in their lives because we refuse to hate ourselves like they want us to.

Drive By

This happens when a fat person has the unmitigated nerve to exist outside their home.  This might come from teenagers or, sadly, from grown ass adults – maybe they are walking by, riding a bike, or in a car.  Maybe they just yell, maybe they throw eggs at us. either way, you have a chance to earn your Fat Bitches Club jacket just by walking out your door.

Self Selected

Some people choose to adopt the Fat Bitch label proudly. (Of course other people prefer not to claim the labels of fat and/or bitch and that’s fine too.)

This is about how we survive a world where people use our body size as an epithet, where the government is perpetuating a war on us based on our body size.  Where people actually scream names at us out of their cars.  The world is screwed up, we are fine and celebrating our entry into the Fat Bitch club is one way,out of many options, that some of us choose to show that.we are here, we aren’t ashamed, and we aren’t going anywhere. especially not because some people are still calling us names like it’s the first day of preschool and they don’t have any home training.  Screw that. Fat Bitches Club forever!

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Like my work?  Want to help me keep doing it? Become a Member! For ten bucks a month you can support size diversity activism, help keep the blog ad free, and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

Buy the book:  Fat:  The Owner’s Manual  The E-Book is Name Your Own Price! Click here for details

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information on topics, previous engagements and reviews here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

Dance Classes:  Buy the Dance Class DVDs or download individual classes – Every Body Dance Now! Click here for details 

I’m training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com

A movie about my time as a dancer is in active development (casting, finding investors etc.).  Follow the progress on Facebook!

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

A video by the band “Walk the Moon” has invoked my 100 rule (if 100 people who are not internet trolls ask me to blog about something, I do) and in this case I’m super glad about it.  It’s a video of a really catchy song and a lot of people dancing.

I think that representation is a really big deal – in a world where we choose our actors, singers, dancers based on their ability to approximate a single stereotype of beauty first and their talent second, many of us rarely get to see someone who looks like us in a positive light in the media. I think that this video is a great example of how to do it better.  Here it is, enjoy!

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Like my work?  Want to help me keep doing it? Become a Member! For ten bucks a month you can support size diversity activism, help keep the blog ad free, and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

Buy the book:  Fat:  The Owner’s Manual  The E-Book is Name Your Own Price! Click here for details

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information on topics, previous engagements and reviews here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

Dance Classes:  Buy the Dance Class DVDs or download individual classes – Every Body Dance Now! Click here for details 

I’m training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com

A movie about my time as a dancer is in active development (casting, finding investors etc.).  Follow the progress on Facebook!

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.