We live in a world where creating body dissatisfaction among women funds several billion dollar industries. The beauty and diet industries create messaging that is designed to (as my friend CJ Legare says) steal our self-esteem, cheapen it, and sell it back to us at a profit. Whether they are making completely natural things (cellulite, aging, body diversity) into “problems” that can be solved by buying their products, or creating a world where there is only one standard of beauty and it requires digital retouching and photo illustration to achieve, we are drowning in a sea of messages carefully curated to create a big enough lack of positive body image to convince us to part with our money as well as our self-esteem.
One of the places where this can hit hardest is when we’re naked. The fashion industry spends billions of dollars in marketing to convince us that our bodies are all “flawed” (boobs too big, boobs too small, too many hips, not enough hips, long waist, short waist, too tall, too short, too curvy not curvy enough blah blah blah) and that we all need to buy and wear clothes that “flatter” us, where “flatter” means to bring us as close as possible (which for many of us is still miles away) to the digitally re-touched pore-free standard of beauty, by manipulating the way that our bodies look and/or getting our tops under control.
My membership in the F*ck Flattering Club is not just about the clothes that I wear, but also about when I’m wearing no clothes at all. Since I don’t use clothing to try to change the way my body looks, it’s an easier transition from clothed to naked.
Let me suggest the following as food for thought:
We have all been force-fed a single idea of what a beautiful naked body is and that idea is a complete and total lie, and we don’t have to continue to believe it.
There will be people who, for whatever reason, cannot appreciate your unique beauty – be you clothed or naked. That is their issue, not yours. It doesn’t make you any less beautiful, it just makes them unworthy of you.
One of the best ways to create armor to protect yourself is to get naked. Stand in front of a mirror with nothing on and find things that are beautiful about you – if you’re not ready to find yourself beautiful, stand in front of the mirror naked and thank your body for all of the things that it does for you – smiling, waving, rolling your wheelchair, walking around, breathing, blinking, etc.
You already look amazing naked. You always have, you always will.
Like this blog? Here’s more cool stuff:
Become a Member For ten bucks a month you can support size diversity activism, help keep the blog ad free, and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you. Click here for details
Buy the book: Fat: The Owner’s Manual The E-Book is Name Your Own Price! Click here for details
Book Me! I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information on topics, previous engagements and reviews here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!
Dance Classes: Buy the Dance Class DVDs or download individual classes – Every Body Dance Now! Click here for details
I’m training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com
A movie about my time as a dancer is in active development (casting, finding investors etc.). Follow the progress on Facebook!
If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.
Dances With Fat 
Awesome post!!!
The “look good naked” is one thing I hate so, so, soooo fucking much among folks in fitness. So many people talk about working out “to look good naked” and it bugs me sooo fucking much assuming there is only one way to look good naked (which is looking like a fitness model). I’ve seen some absolutely beautiful women who I think look great naked or would like to see naked ( 😉 ) who are not thin. I also actually (usually) like my own fat body, naked even!
It took me awhile to get there of course. Learning to be ok with my body with clothes on took awhile but was still easier to like how I looked when I was able to cover flaws and dress in a flattering way. It’s harder when everything is uncovered and just how it is.
I think your advice is great! I think one of the things too that led me to like how I look naked has a lot to do with the mirrors all over my house. I have a wardrobe in my room with mirror doors that takes up almost a whole wall across from my bed, along with full length mirrors in other rooms. So I see my reflection naked all the time. And eventually I started liking what I saw more often.
While not nearly as large an industry, they also use the same marketing tactics on men. Gym memberships, nutritional supplements, pharmaceuticals, etc. are all sold with the message of making us more appealing. When the penis enlargement surgery was the fad, most of the men who had the surgery performed did so because they felt insecure at the gym, and not because their SO expressed dissatisfaction over the size of their organ.
Low self-esteem is big money for people trying to sell us a solution, regardless of our gender identity.
It’s the fitness and diet industry that wants us to think we look bad naked. At one time we thought fat girls were really attractive. That’s why there are so many old paintings of naked fat ladies.
They have to generate a desire for their product. So of course they will use some standard of beauty that is very narrow and hard for most of us to achieve. That makes us all potential customers. Even if you look like the current standard of beauty, you’re supposed to be constantly wanting to look even more beautiful.
As long as we are constantly wanting something there is no chance we can have, we will keep buying the promises. Even if we know there is no chance we could ever look like the models shilling the products. Often the models selling the products look like someone who has never been obese. I know even if I got thin I couldn’t look like them. I would get to start paying for skin removal surgery and buying lots of random creams for the stretch marks and scars.
And don’t forget that the images we see in advertisements look nothing like the actual models who are depicted in them. The images have been photoshopped to portray a standard of thinness and “beauty” that even the models couldn’t achieve naturally.
Yes. I remember hearing Cindy Crawford say years ago that her mother had seen some of her modeling pictures & did not recognize her own daughter. When your own mother cannot recognize you when she comes across you in a magazine, you have been photoshopped beyond all reason.
If you spend your days trying to ‘fix’ how your body looks in clothes, of course you won’t like how it looks naked. All the ‘flaws’ are uncovered for everyone to see.
But how boring is something utterly flawless? How dull is uniformity? Why look at something with no intriguing oddities or unexpected lines?
Many people think of scars as horrible flaws to be covered up and hushed up, but I happen to find Mr. Twistie’s scar from his bypass surgery the single most beautiful thing on him. Why? Because that scar is what has kept him here with me for another fourteen years and counting.
And I know that when he sees my fat, short, short-waisted, cellulite-assed body naked, he finds it beautiful. Why? Because it contains me. That helps me find it beautiful, too.
Twistie, this made me cry! I love my husband’s lack of thumb because that’s where the melanoma which would certainly have killed him was. Now if I can just believe that he loves the body I’m in because it contains me, I’d be golden. Oh well, baby steps!
My husband says he finds my pacemaker scar beautiful and sexy — same reason as Twistie and preacherjean love their husbands’ scars. If it weren’t for that scar, I’d be dead. He loves me, so therefore …
I live in a place where this a women’s only spa–meaning you get naked to in the hot tubs and in the sauna etc. I am constantly amazed at how much beauty there is in diversity and I think if we could all get over our inhibitions and go to places like this, we’d really see how beautiful bodies are off all sizes and shapes and ages too.
I remember thinking–wow! Wouldn’t it be great if visiting a place like this was part of a treatment plan for eating disorders so that women could really see the variety of body types, some with scars, some missing breasts, some with wrinkled skin. Some with smooth skin. Some had fat on their bellies and others were like me with fat on our hips and thighs and there was everything in between.
Amen. .I want to be happy with my body clothed or naked. It’s mine so why should I care what others think.
I just love this post. That is all.
Sorry if this is a double response, I mistyped Simon K instead of J and the first one didn’t get auto moderated. Sorry about that. ..
I can read your words and see all your fantastic and inspirational comments but this one is so hard for me. I don’t know if I will ever be able to look in the mirror and love my own body, especially naked. I think this body loathing is why I have essentially sworn off ever finding love again. I try to make up for it by living life to the fullest in other areas I guess.
This doesn’t happen overnight, Simon, and it’s not easy. Don’t beat yourself up over this. Maybe start by looking for reasons to appreciate your physical functions. Your lungs draw in breath, your eyes blink and see, your hands can enjoy the feel of pleasant things, your nose can smell flowers or freshly baked bread. When the negative thoughts start crowding it, focus on one thing your body does that you like.
Maybe you can’t reprogram your mind all at once in huge chunks. But if you start small and keep at it, it’s very possible to make a big difference over time.
If nothing else, remember that we don’t give a damn what your body looks like. There are a lot of people here who think you’re a pretty terrific person, no matter what.
I think that nakedness is a really touchy issue. I’ve had a really interesting ride with it. My best friend growing up was a nudist, so I was often at the resort with her completely naked. It didn’t bother me there. I saw a lot of body diversity and really didn’t care what mine looked like while I swam, played and sat in the hot tub. It was wonderful, but then I became a teenager and the eating disorders kicked in, and I hated being naked again. I would stuff myself into awful, small shower stalls and bathroom stalls after working out or swimming. I would do an artful little dance to get my bra and underwear on under a towel without showing any skin. I would try to pull on a tight swimsuit in a small stall before swim practice without banging my elbow on an edge. My heart would start pumping when I heard someone enter my empty locker room. I would blush as I tried to make a too small towel cover up as much of me as possible.
And then I found body acceptance and everything changed. I found the glory of the large, group shower and was giddy with excitement that I could shave and wash my hair without being a contortionist. I could proudly display my fat ass in the middle of the locker room while I pulled on my swimsuit (extra points for being waaaay easier and faster). I can get dressed outside of stall and spread my shit alllll over the benches and floor because I have so much, glorious space. By accepting that I take up space, and that others can just deal or look away I discovered all the space of the locker room. I’ve also met some very nice ladies in the shower. Initially, I feared judgement, but these lovely ladies just chit chat. Rather than looks and comments, I have had lovely conversations about how to keep chlorine out of hair, the best times to come to lap swim and have received various compliments for my various array of swim crap. I love my naked fat ass, and I love that I found the courage to show it off.