Yesterday we talked about the ridiculous notion that fat people shouldn’t be role models, appreciated for their talent, or seen as attractive. Today we’re going to talk about those who say that maybe it’s ok for fat people to be appreciated for their talent, but only if they do certain things to make people who are uncomfortable with fat people more comfortable.
Singer/Songwriter Elly Kellner contacted More of Me to Love to get the word out about a song and video that she had written in response to dealing with this kind of asshole. They told me about it, and now I’m telling you because I’m completely inspired by her story, her song, and her video. Let me be perfectly clear that this sort of thing SHOULD NOT HAPPEN, she should not have to deal with it. But it did and she did and she’s asked that her story be told and I want to do help with that, so here is her story in her own words:
My name is Elly Kellner, singer-songwriter and creative human being. After a recent concert I received feedback from a man and woman about my choice of clothing. I usually get feedback about my music, my lyrics and how people are touched by my songs but this time it was all about my looks. First I listened to what they wanted to tell me but in the end I just stood there crying…
Two strangers told me they were very distracted by my dress, was the back of the dress longer than the front!? And what sort of a legging was that!? And those shoes!? They assured me they only bothered to tell me all this because they thought my music was really good. But if only I wore a small heel, spike heels weren’t necessary, but a small heel and a sleeve then I would have been so much bigger in music already. The way I was dressed now distracted them too much from my music. I could take Ella Fitzgerald as an example. She was a big lady too and she wore beautiful garments!
I am and I will remain just a girl. I am overweight, I suffer from chronic pains, I exercise, I eat healthy, I eat unhealthy, I go from black-white to grey and all the colours of the rainbow, I love wearing dresses in my own way, I sometimes wear make-up and sometimes I don’t. I’m totally allowed to be here. And I’m all for positive body image! 🙂
The negative words that I heard after the performance kept ringing in my head like a negative mantra. Then I wrote a song about it… Then I wanted my friends to join me in dance… Then it was suddenly called ‘Ellybellyrep’… Then I wanted to make a video for it, so that’s what I did… Then I wanted to send it out into the world and this is how I came to your facebookpage. I made English subtitles to the Dutch song ‘Deugdelijk’ (Decent). I approached it with humor but my message is clear: “This is my body, I am thankful that I have one and I am the one that decides what clothes I put on it. Everybody gets to be themselves!”
PS: I am also wearing the outfit that started all of this, in the cow scene. Although I didn’t wear rubber boots on stage 😉
Like this blog? Here’s more cool stuff:
Become a Member For ten bucks a month you can support size diversity activism, help keep the blog ad free, and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you. Click here for details
Buy the book: Fat: The Owner’s Manual The E-Book is Name Your Own Price! Click here for details
Book Me! I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information on topics, previous engagements and reviews here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!
Dance Classes: Buy the Dance Class DVDs or download individual classes – Every Body Dance Now! Click here for details
I’m training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com
A movie about my time as a dancer is in active development (casting, finding investors etc.). Follow the progress on Facebook!
If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.
Dances With Fat 
“Oh where to look. When you want to SEE with your EYES that my songs sound gorgeous.”
That’s awesome.
I love this SO HARD!
I absolutely LOVE THIS!!!!
It’s not even my preferred style of music, and I like it.
From reading this blog, I’ve become much more conscious of my attitudes concerning what other people wear. It’s also made me far less tolerant of the Facebook posts linking back to pages like “People of Walmart” that hold up total strangers for ridicule based on their appearance and attire. It’s not acceptable, and regardless of how much people want to rationalize and couch it in lofty sounding rhetoric, it’s bullying, plain and simple.
I’m sure the people telling Elly about her outfit *thought* they were being “helpful,” but the reality is that it’s more bullying and beneficial. They may not be strong-arming her for lunch money, but they’re trying to take something from her nonetheless.
*edit* that should be “more bullying THAN beneficial,” not “and”.
A classy response to an unacceptable event. I think I’m developing a small crush (or possibly a large one) on Elly Kellner.
Not my style and not my language, but that was really fun and sounded good.
Looks like she and her friends had fun.
I’m not seeing anything wrong with the outfits worn in the video. I even like the video- and that’s saying something as I’m not much for music videos.
Sounds like the two fashion critics were headed to Paris Fashion Week and ended up at Elly’s performance instead. No wonder they were confused and commented on her clothes instead of enjoying the performance. Suggest they get better directions next time.
To anyone who dislikes my fashion sense- just be glad I’m even wearing clothes-bwahahaha!
🙂 ❤
Goed gedaan!
I had someone at a vocal competition do this to me once. The reason he broke down my attire was because there was just NOTHING he could pick on about my voice or my music or showmanship. I was fabulous and I knew it, but he had to try to break me down anyway, the ass. Anyhow, one of the other judges crawled up his ass about it, which made me feel so much better. There are some jackasses in this world, true, but for every jackass there’s a beautiful person trying to improve this world. I’m gonna concentrate on those.
That was fabulous. Thank you for sharing!
LOVE THIS! She’s got herself a new fan here….
Reblogged this on Jessica A Bruno (waybeyondfedup).
So much awesomeness. I love her courage & that her friends supported her to turn the shame into blame.
I think she looks fly. And now I want to learn Dutch.
Too fucking AWESOME!
hahah This was soooo good! I love it! I’m thankful for the subs, as I wouldn’t understand it otherwise. I would love if they could record it in English as well (I’d blast it from my radio the next time I get concern trolled on how I “don’t dress appropriately for a plus size girl” lol). Though I suppose it wouldn’t have the same rhyme and rhythm if it was recorded in English.
Awesome story and really good song. I hope she goes far in her career! 😀
i watched the video, i have to say she is sooo cute! i would totally rock that body if it was mine, i don’t see her as big at all. i am much much bigger and your blog is helping me accept that i am ok, better than ok and to stand up for my choices.
thank you for sharing her story. That rude couple should be told about Karma.
Susan Hudson Avon Ind. Sales Rep. Freelance Writer/Blogger http://www.youravon.com/susanhudson http://mysticheartblog.wordpress.com
There is no darkness that can not be overcome by the light of a single candle – anonymous.
I had this happen in my high school dance classes. We were to wear these beautiful outfits and I was pulled out because it “Wouldn’t look appropriate!” aka they didn’t want a fat girl wearing something so reveling because you know we have to protect people from seeing that!
I was only in one dance in the whole show and was shoved in the back with no lighting so no one could see me well, and the people who came to see me were the ones that suffered. After the show I got asked where I was, because none of them could see me. I told them I was in the back row with the no lighting. Needless to say, they were shocked.
I can completely understand her heartbreak over what those people said to her. I am happy she didn’t allow it to tear into her, but took it to her safe place instead, her music. Cute video. 🙂
Ugh. Tell me if I’ve got a creeping run in my tights. Tell me if I lost a button and my bra is now on display. Tell me if my skirt is stuffed into my underwear. Otherwise, SHUT UP.
THIS.
Wat Mooi!
I love this song (and the dress, too!)!