Sex in a Fat Body

More Cabaret shows that sexy is for every size.
More Cabaret shows that sexy is for every size.

When I first approached Hanne Blank about being interviewed for an article I was doing for Ms. Fit Magazine on “fat sex” her response was “More than happy to talk about fat sex, or, as I like to call it, sex.”  Which re-confirmed two things for me.  One, that Hanne is awesome on a number of levels and two, that often things are “different” for fat people only because we are ignored and oppressed by our culture.  Sex can definitely be one of those things.

An excerpt from the article:

In 2010, blogger Maura Kelly had a piece published on the Marie Claire blog to discuss whether or not fat people should be allowed to show affection in public. Kelly said:

I think I’d be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other…because I’d be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything. To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room—just like I’d find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a heroin addict slumping in a chair.

She followed it up by saying “don’t go getting the wrong impression: I have a few friends who could be called plump. I’m not some size-ist jerk.”

See, some of her best friends are fat—everything is OK. The eagerness of this blogger, and other sizeist jerks, to share their bigotry out loud affects the ability of women of all sizes to take pleasure in sex, influencing us to think that we don’t deserve pleasure, or even that we don’t have the right to ask for what we want, whether it’s a sexual position or a condom. To delve further into this I spoke with three women who literally wrote the book on fat sex…

You can read the rest of the article here!

Regardless, I think it’s important to remember that when we are treated differently as fat people, it’s often not our fat, but our culture that’s the cause.

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9 thoughts on “Sex in a Fat Body

    1. What The Real Cie said.

      And nothing proves it faster than trotting out the old trope of ‘I actually know one or two people almost kinda sorta like the most socially acceptable edge of the kind of people I’m getting my knickers in a twist about and I don’t stab them every time we meet, so clearly I can’t be prejudiced.’

      1. I think we each need to immediately send our height/weight/BMI in to the Kelly Brigade in order to determine who among us is deserving of her esteem and who among us is not.

        Oh, wait. I lied. Who gives a fuck what some shallow, self-absorbed asshole thinks? :p

  1. Awwww no… this whole attitude (that people cannot stand the view of two fat people kissing etc) applies to other seemingly “wrong” people/bodies too… In the city where I went to university, there is a big and very renowned centre for special needs children and grown ups, with several flats where those special needs teens live on their own (with a little support, they are quite able to do that, thank you very much!). And many people in this city got “grossed out” a lot when some of those teens and young grown ups kissed and smooched in the underground (comments like “how disgusting” where quite common). But guess what? They simply didn’t stop! They kept using the underground and kept kissing each other, and by and by, the other people got used to it…. Ta-daaaaa! Nowadays it is a “normal” , a.k.a. everyday sight, and nobody freaks out, for instance some people who see two teens with Down-Syndrome kissing simply smile.

    1. I remember in high school, two girls were kissing in the hallway, and people kept giving them nasty looks and making rude comments. Seriously, if you don’t like what you see, then look somewhere else.

  2. Excellent article. Women, whatever size or shape, really are taught that 1) they are just objects to be viewed and 2) whatever they look like is wrong.

    I like that Rebecca Jane Weinstein included both happy and sad stories in her book. She’s absolutely right that letting people know they are not alone, whatever they experience is very important.

    Also, I really don’t like fat people being compared to a drug addict or a drunk.

    1. Agreed. In part of that really idiotic article that mentions the TV show (“Mike & Molly”) getting complaints, I bet the whining would go WAY down especially if “Molly” was thin.

  3. Wow… Actually comparing the presence of a certain body type to the presence of a person who’s high or intoxicated… My God. Ok, when someone’s under the influence of alcohol or illegal drugs, their behaviour is unpredictable and they potentially pose a safety threat to themselves and/or others. In what way is this comparable to someone being fat?
    If I’m completely honest with myself, are there certain body types I generally prefer viewing? Yes. Would I feel less uncomfortable seeing public displays of affection between people who more closely fit conventional standards of beauty than between those who society generally considers “unattractive”? Probably. Is this ok because I know some people who are fat? No.
    Bigotry and prejudice are learned responses… They are not matter of fact, universal truths. You can’t just say, well, yeah, I’m uncomfortable around x category of people, but that’s normal, right? I’m not part of the problem, I’m not ___ist (racist, sexist, sizeist, classist, whatever), that’s just the way things are.
    We all have the power to change our attitudes and perceptions of our own bodies and other people’s. Is it going to happen overnight? No. It’s a process. The first step is acknowledging the problem. As in completely acknowledging and admitting it. Not sort of admitting it but then finding excuses to make it seem like not a big deal.

  4. If Ms. Kelly is grossed out when my wife and I show public affection, she is welcome to look the other way. We’ve been crazy about each other for 34 years, and part of what helps keep that spark in our relationship is that we’re not afraid to express it. Last time I checked, we didn’t need her approval, or anyone else’s, for that matter, to be happy. I’d also like to point out that we don’t need her permission to find each other sexually attractive and to enjoy a romantic interlude, and if thinking about that grosses her out, too bad. Whether she likes it or not, I don’t find enjoying a terrific sex life with a fantastic woman to be anything for which either of us needs to be ashamed. There is no one, regardless of size, age, weight, etc. that I’d rather be with, in any definition of the term.

    I enjoyed the article over at Ms. Fit, and the perspectives presented in the round-table style interview. Kudos on a terrific article.

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