I was five miles into a nine mile training walk for my upcoming marathon when your car pulled up beside me, I didn’t think much of it until I heard you yell “HEY FAT BITCH!” I stopped and turned to look at you and you took that opportunity to throw 2 eggs and, somewhat inexplicably, an empty egg carton, at me. (Picture at the bottom of this blog)
To recap – adult males threw the eggs and carton at me for daring to exist outside my house in a fat body. Of course they are utter cowards who sped away immediately, leaving me with so many questions:
- First of all, how did you come to have 2 eggs and an egg carton in your car? Did you throw the first ten at other fatties, or are you now dealing with 10 eggs and no carton in your car?
- Were these fatty-specific eggs that you had planned to throw, or are you guys eating cereal for breakfast until somebody can get to the store?
- How do you miss a 300 pound woman who is three feet away from you? I mean, I’m happy that I didn’t have to walk 5 miles covered in egg, but let’s work on that follow through son, you never know when a softball game might break out.
- Finally, what the hell kind of person throws eggs at strangers from their car?
It also set up a second interaction around mile seven wherein someone yelled “YO FAT BITCH!” and I yelled back “DO YOU HAVE EGGS?” The looks on their faces were priceless as they asked “What?” and I said “The last people who harassed me today threw eggs, if you don’t have eggs then you’re behind the fat bashing curve tonight.” The guy who had yelled in the first place ducked his head and said “Wow, that’s crazy. I’m sorry ma’am.”
I’m laughing about this and making jokes, and I’m allowed to do that because it happened to me, but let’s be clear that assault isn’t actually hilarious. The purpose of fat bashing is to intimidate, to terrorize; to make fat people afraid – afraid to chase our dreams, afraid to leave our houses, afraid that every stranger will be a fat basher, afraid of our bodies, hating ourselves.
So let’s just get some things clear:
You will not intimidate me. This is my neighborhood and I will not be scared to walk around it. I refuse to be scared to leave my house, I refuse to be worried that every car that slows down is going to be filled with jackasses who throw eggs at people. You will not make me forget the amazingly supportive people who exist, you will not make me lose faith in humanity, just in you.
Lest, as others have, you attempt to make the absolutely ridiculous argument that your bullying will “motivate” me to exercise, complete my marathon etc. and is therefore done for my own good, let me be clear that what you did was assault – not motivation.
What motivates me to blog, to dance, to walk a marathon, to go after my dreams, to be an activist, is the fact that there are fat people who hate themselves because they don’t know that there is another option. That there are fat people who are scared to follow their dreams because it might mean that grown ass men will literally throw eggs at them in the street.
I choose the life of an activist but let me be clear that I do not intend to suggest that my way is any better or worse than any other way fat people deal with oppression, bullying, harassment etc. To those who choose to avoid this kind of crap using whatever means works for you, you have all my respect. This is not something that should happen, you should not ever have to deal with it, or overcome it in any way. Nobody is under any obligation to take on the people who behave this way. People who throw eggs at you are seriously screwed up, you are absolutely fine. This isn’t our fault but it becomes our problem and we each get to choose how to deal with it.
In a world where prejudice, stigma, bullying, and oppression are heaped on us just,getting out of bed and not hating ourselves is a revolutionary act. And every day more and more fat people get out of bed and refuse to hate themselves, refuse to be intimidated, refuse to be held down, refuse to give up on our dreams because of fat bashing bigots. And every day there are more fat people demanding to be treated with respect, going after our dreams, and challenging fat bigotry, bullying and oppression.
And you’re still just some guys chucking eggs.
Want to support my work?
Become a member: For just ten bucks a month you can keep this blog ad-free, support the activism work I do, and get deals from cool businesses Click here for details
Interviews with Amazing Activists!! Help Activists tell our movement’s history in their own words. Support In Our Own Words: A Fat Activist History Project!
The Book: Fat: The Owner’s Manual The E-Book is Name Your Own Price! Click here for details
Dance Classes: Buy the Dance Class DVDs or download individual classes – Every Body Dance Now! Click here for details
Dances With Fat 
This sickens me. The amount of hatred spewed towards fat women never ceases to amaze me. I’ve never had anything thrown at me other than insults. I’m glad he didn’t actually hit you, but I’m so sorry you were targeted by this asshole. Your response here is so awesome and in-your-face, it inspires me.
I’ve had full beer cans thrown at me. 😦
They didn’t land on me though, about 50 m up the walkway.
Unbelievable. I truly do not understand people with that much hatred.
If they were closed then you just scored yourself a free beer!
You: +1 beer.
Fat-bashers: -1 beer.
Sorry to hear that this happened though, I’ve only ever had verbal thrown at me.
This did happen to me with a closed can (admittedly for looking queer rather than fat), and I did pick it up, open it and take a swig, thanking my assaulters for the free drink.
I mean, it was really crappy lowest-denominator lager that I wouldn’t ordinarily touch with a bargepole, but hey, it was free and delivered directly to me…
BRILL!
Go you! 😀
You have the best sense of humor, please never loose it.
I had a full can of beer thrown at me once. It did miss, which is fortunate, since I was on a bicycle going a fairly brisk speed at the time, so I could easily have crashed and been injured.
Wow, I am so sorry that this happened to you, Ragen. I am sick to my stomach thinking of you having to deal with these asshats. Still, thank you for sharing the experience with us and for handling it with aplomb–not that you owe anyone that! You are a rock star.
Jeez. Ragen, I’m so sorry. This really shocked me and made me think a lot about having thin privilege. I’m glad you’re okay.
Unbelievable……and horrible…
Sent from my iPhone
They threw eggs? What kind of a sick world is this?
It seems that I don’t read anything but bad news today and this got me really emotional.
I’m really sorry that you had to experience this, Ragen. I’m glad you’re handling it well, but like you said: this should never happen!
…who the hell DOES that?!
Assholes.
Full of simultaneous rage and joy: rage at the douchecanoes who did this to you and joy at the amazing way you handled the second round of douchecanoes and put them in their place. Regardless, no one should have to experience this and it’s dreadful that this happened to you. Bravo to you for having the courage to fight back.
I kind of wonder, though. Sounds like that second guy might have been shocked enough (to see where his behavior could lead) to make him beach his douchecanoe and step out of it onto the shores of respect. I can hope so, anyway.
I was pretty amazed at his response as well.
Yes, somehow the thing I loved the most about this whole thing was the second guy’s response when Ragen told him she’d already had eggs thrown at her. And dichroic, I *love* the image of him beaching his douchecanoe and stepping onto the shores of respect!
I hear you, Ragen. It brought back memories of the time a carload of guys threw a half-eaten hot dog at me as i was jogging in a park. I complained to park offices, which did no good, but made me feel better. (these guys missed, too).
That is horrible and terrifying too! A group of strangers, unprovoked, make aggressive gesture as you are jogging. Obviously it is rude and hurtful, and shows them to be idiots. But as a woman I would be nervous if I encounter aggression, what if it escalates? I just want to give you a hug!
You’re handling this well – I would have snapped utterly batshit. I mean rocks and anything throwable. You go do whatever you want, and eggs…eggs wash off.
Sending a cyber hug and a great big smile of approval. What a way to handle this.
You should do school anti-bullying. I would have loved loved LOVED to have you go back in time and give a presentation when I was in junior high. –Jen
I second that!
“You should do school anti-bullying.”
This, so much!
“Do you have eggs?” PRICELESS!!!
Man, oh man – at least if they would have chucked eggs at ME, my dogs would have licked the residue off the sidewalk 😉
Seriously, though, Ragen – if you don’t have a dog I would consider it.
How amazing, that someone harassing you at the start of your walk later turned into an attitude turnaround from another harasser. You are fantastic.
My sentiments exactly. Victory is sweet. That “Ma’am,” was more than deserved. Respect is commanded, never demanded, and you got it. Great kudos, Ragen.
you took the creepiest, nastiest, lowest level of puerile violent harassment—walked through it w/ yr head held high & as if it were nothing, only to turn it into a decent, unexpected teaching moment [of all things] just a few minutes down the line.
this, in its small way, is what the people of the civil rights movement did. they were strong & brave enough to w/stand the horrors of our horrific culture—& to keep walking in pure & reverent righteousness. this is one of the most important tactics they used in getting the freedoms they have now, which were almost unimaginable then.
when people say they admire you, myself included: we mean it.
this most stupidest of all visually-based prejudice has long, long, long, long, long needed to end. lets end it now.
—
i will only throw out a couple more, smaller things:
1/ the reason the jackasses w/ the eggs only tossed two eggs & an empty carton yr way is cos you—lucky you—were delivered their last two eggs. i dont know the number of dozens w/ which they began, but they expended their miserable energy throwing them at all sorts of other people—whoever didnt conform to their own ideas of conformity. i can go on forever re: the hypocrisies, implicit & ex-, native to social conscience based on impersonal language & equally dispassionate cheering sections, but it can wait. you looked wrong to them, they felt justified in treating you violently because of it. this, btw, is identical to the impetus behind so many incidents that created the civil rights movement.
2/ if you are ever again faced w/ this: if you need to, look for a glass bottle. break it, hold up the jagged end. people who yell & throw are cowards. they cant take up close & personal. as per: jags=immediately exeunt throwers & yellers. i know this, btw, from old [&, yes, personal experience]. looking wrong has been my purposeful personal province since i was a child.
but this is not at all my day, so about me i am done. please look at all the kudos you have been given hereupon & think it magnified many times. remember: for all the people who comment—kindly, i mean—there are probably at least a dozen who dont. dozens, most likely. again, i dont know how many. but you certainly have many more followers & compatriots than jerks in cars have eggs.
[yr weary sometimes correspondent of the many names, edi]
This reminds me of the three young men who yelled at me incoherently as I walked shirtless in the Houston heat, and the looks of fear on their faces as they were trapped at a light a block away. LOL
I am also loving this. As horrible, horrible, horrible the egg tossing wankers were, I am at least heartened that the next fat basher’s attitude did a 180 upon hearing of your earlier incident.
You are wonderful and your responses wonderful. Thank you for what you do. Here’s hoping that we’ll see the day when people do not throw eggs and anyone.
I imagine it did a 180 because he then had to think about her as human. When people do asshat things like call out windows of moving cars, they are not thinking of their subjects as human beings with feeling so much as prey or animals.
That the kinda person that I wish something temporary but bad would happen to. Just enough that they learn how to be a bit more human.
O.M.G. – As wickedbelle said above “rage and joy”. Couldn’t have nailed down my emotions at reading this post any better. You are amazing Ragen. I want to hug you and high-five you!
Just in case this happens to me, I think I’m going to carry an omelet pan on my next long walk. What? I might get a good meal out of it, at any rate!
But the best part of the story is definitely how you stood up to the second carload of douchenozzles… and how they reacted. Maybe next time they’ll actually think before they start yelling at random people that they’re actual, you know, people.
It is assault. It isn’t funny. It’s a crime.
At the same time, I’m laughing because sometimes you have to find the funny just to find the strength to roll out of bed in the morning after all.
Twis, I love SO MUCH your take on the world. *hugs* An omelet pan, indeed.
In fact, I loved it SO much, I made you a meme. I’ll try to post it here.
Welp. That didn’t work. Here’s the link:
Helena, I love you!
In fact, I love you even more than I detest mushrooms! You. Rock.
WHEEEEEE!! I love mushrooms, so that is HIGH praise!! 😀
That is completely dope, Helena!!! You rock!
Helena, that’s priceless!!!!! ❤
And salsa. And possibly some bacon. Also, you rock!
Thank you. I needed that right now.
Fantastic! 😀
Ragen, you are an inspiration, this is one of the most powerful posts I’ve read in a long time. I will share it on my website and FB because I’m sure it will help to motivate/inspire others. I’d like to share an experience with you and your readers…after an accident over 12 years ago and a subsequent huge, rapid, weight gain of about 120 lbs, the activity I longed for so much that it made me cry (often) was cycling because it had been an integral part of my life previously and nothing makes me feel more free. I weighed over 350lbs and one day I mustered up enough courage to try it, I received 3 fat shaming comments within the span of 45 minutes. 2 from groups of university students and 1 unexplicably from a middle aged male/female couple stopped at a light in their BMW SUV whose comment stuck with me…”Good for you blimp, at least you’re doing something about that disgusting fat ass; way to go!” Umm…thanks. I wish they could see how red my eyes were from crying for 2 days and how that one comment in particular helped me gain even more weight because it kept me at home, isolated and inactive for over a year until I could gather the confidence to be active in public again. At that time, My fat had obliterated my confidence. I didn’t have the courage to fight back or the confidence to continue. Since, I’ve lost about 140 lbs, and 3 years ago when I bought a new bike and rode for the first time in 10 years, I felt catharsis and freedom. Even at a more ‘average’ size 18, I was visibly shaking and had a mini panic attack before getting on the bike. Would the wheels sink too much, would I get comments? Neither happened and now I ride 30km frequently, still a size 18. That was the exact moment my life changed and I too decided to become a fat activist…of sorts. I’ve received 2 fat comments while riding my bike in the past 3 years, but I have the confidence now that it doesn’t bother me…at all…really. In fact, I feel empathy for the people who would stoop so low. How sad their lives must be. I now have a wonderful, happy, active life and my business helps others become more active, happy and healthy. In a large way, the fat shaming comments from the people I mentioned and all the others along the way, made me so fed up that I started FitZonePLUS. We provide Yoga, Zumba and Group Personal Training classes for anyone who is intimidated by or just plain fed up with typical yoga and gym environments. Thanks ignorant people, you helped me change my life first and now I have the great priviledge and opportunity to help others.
Can i ask how you found the confidence to go outside and exercise, the reason I ask is I’m extremely overweight but due to social phobia cause by in part comments from strangers I hide away.
I saw a BBC travel show called “Fat Man in France” years ago. It was about an overweight Brit cycling in France. I looked him up and he has done a bunch of these:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Vernon
I know he is a man and had a crew with him, but I enjoyed the show and the idea. I thought you might too.
You ROCK!
Reblogged this on Plus Size Yoga Toronto and commented:
This is a powerful, powerful piece about fat shaming and how one brave, kick ass, witty and wonderful and inspring person dealt with it. I’m doing my best to help become viral – everyone NEEDS to read this.
I snorted my drink at ‘Do you have eggs?’
You are amazing…
I’m crying, both from anger and from joy. Anger that you should have had to endure an assault just for being, and joy that someone else might have gotten it just a tad. And that he called you Ma’am. Like I said up there, you command respect, Ragen. Thank you for showcasing your strength so that you can strengthen us. *hugs*
In high school, some boys threw hockey pucks & pennies at me. I’m now super grateful it wasn’t eggs, because they had better aim than your harassers.
I’m taking my hat off to you — I don’t think I couldn’t handle this as well. I probably would’ve changed into some raging idiot cussing away or crying away…. not sure which.
see I was so upset for you I can’t spell — could have instead of couldn’t. 🙂
I’m really really sorry that this happened to you, but this line made me literally laugh out loud.
“How do you miss a 300 pound woman who is three feet away from you? I mean, I’m happy that I didn’t have to walk 5 miles covered in egg, but let’s work on that follow through son, you never know when a softball game might break out.”
Now, back to the horribleness of this. What terrible gigantic assholes. How could anyone think this is okay? I’d ask if they were raised by wolves, but I don’t want to insult the wolves.
I love your attitude, Ragen, especially with the second set of assholes.
I bet they threw the other eggs at cyclists. It happens a lot. Egg throwers are arseholes.
OOOOOOHHHH, NOW I UNDERSTAND. I was wondering why I kept coming across egg cartons in the bike lane…
I’m with the others on this; you are full of awesome. Those other people? They suck. It’s not about you, ’cause, what with the awesome and all, but rather their poor socialization and manners. You go and get ’em! (Did you file a report?)
You are so fucking splendid. What juvenile nincompoops, but the “DO YOU HAVE EGGS?” interaction will have me grinning all day.
I almost choked on my lunch (not eggs) when I read that line. I love how you can laugh at this stuff, but it is horrible that this happens to us when we attempt to move our fat bodies through the world.
If it had happened to me, I would have called the police. That IS assault and they should be punished. I’m so thankful all they had was eggs and no gun like the Oklahoma shooting/murder of the jogger the other day, that was done “just for fun”. I’m so glad you are okay, Ragen…I admire you so much.
This. So much this. Even if their aim sucked, that’s assault, and the law should get involved. I’m sorry it happened at all, but glad that Ragen can’t be beaten down with a few eggs.
Wow. I wish I could say I was surprised. You know, it amazes me the number of people who see larger people out exercising and think for some reason being indoors and not exercising is the answer.
I encounter this a couple of times a month. Once while out clothes shopping a couple of frat boy looking guys stood there a few feet away from me and made aweful comments about my weight. I felt like yelling at them I was fat, not deaf. I admire your ability to have a quick quip for the next guy who tried to harass you. I don’t have the presence of mind to do that. You have shown me it is possible to deal with this situation with dignity and aplomb. Thank you!
I just found your blog via a Twitter post from John Scalzi (@scalzi). I am glad I followed his link. You have a new enthusiastic reader. 🙂
“You know, it amazes me the number of people who see larger people out exercising and think for some reason being indoors and not exercising is the answer.”
Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. The classic no-win scenario.
I think I frickin’ LOVE YOU, lady! “Do you have eggs?” bwahahahaha! A friend posted this on my fat-positive facebook page, The Protractor of Fatness (https://www.facebook.com/pages/Protractor-of-Fatness/418158331609269?id=418158331609269&sk=info), which I started in response to a very similar incident involving a schoolbus and a broken half of a protractor… Thank you so much for sharing this story, and all your others.
I have hired a personal trainer at the University gym. We do workouts in the pool sometimes. I’m over 100lbs overweight but pretty strong and getting better every day. This summer there was a kids’ camp doing swimming lessons on the end of the pool near the doors to go in and out of the gym. I had just finished my training session in the pool and we were walking back to the locker room when we passed a small set of seats for parents to watch their kids swim. A woman said “Some people need to keep their clothes on.” as I walked by.
I pretended not to hear and started talking about my gradschool plans to my trainer within earshot of the nasty woman. I suppose I’ve learned to defend myself against idiocy with intelligence.
I won’t let one ill-bred idiot trophy wife keep me out of the pool!
“Some people need to keep their clothes on.”
And some people need to keep their mouths shut.
What a jerk.
I would have sat my dripping self down right next to her and introduced myself! Ick.
You are one strong girl. Once again, thanks for being so open and caring to share. You are an inpiring force of change.
My ever growing respect to you!
You’re my hero, Ragen. As screwed up as that was, I can’t think of a better response than yours. I just about fell out of my chair when I read it. I think “Do you have eggs??” is my new HAES mantra!
So sorry this happened. And, I am still puzzled about how they came about having a carton of eggs. It does look like they carried them around just to harrass people. And, you were the last one, so they threw the carton too. You are so quick on the recovery! I am also learning from the comments the many ways to describe the douchebags. Douchecanoe? Douchenozzles? Asshat? Your crew is very creative. Sorry we need this arsenal of descriptions, but they made me chuckle.
Years ago I was walking out on Halloween and someone threw eggs at me. Man when they break on your arm they hurt. Just keep running. You get pride from your accomplishment and all they’re left with is a receipt and 2 less dollars.
I love this whole post. I’m angry at the absolute ass-hattery of the jerks who assaulted you, but your attitude, your moxie… you ROCK!
I agree that it is not a laughing matter that you were assaulted, but your ability to make reading about it funny is an awesome talent. Your response to the 2nd fat basher was perfect–I love that you were able to take the earlier issue and turn it into a teachable moment with that jerk. You may well have opened that guys eyes to just how terrible fat bashing is. I have hope that he will never again bash fat people. You helped him see you as a person.
I had a small win of my own the other day. A former military friend of mine whom I have not seen since I was a size 10 is generally funny, but at times his inner doucheweasel emerges. I shared the LGBT pic of a headless fattie at Chic-fil-a on my personal FB page. I had drummed up some good discourse with some friends, then he wrote something he certainly thought was funny, but quite offensive. ***Trigger Warning*** I don’t remember exact words, but it was to the effect that we only want to watch thin lesbians make out on TV. I responded that I did not appreciate his comment and shortly thereafter he deleted it. I then thanked him. I didn’t get an apology, buy I do hope that it made him think.
Thank you, Ragen, for helping me love the body I have and slowly helping me become a Fat Activist!
BTW, I doubt highly that I can reach that guy from a sexist perspective. He is pretty close to being removed as a friend. The issue is it will not remove him from my life. I was in a very small group in the military, and we have get-togethers from time to time. I can’t make myself miss otherwise enjoyable get-togethers just to keep from seeing him. Ugh. He can be so funny, and then so quickly not-so-much.
You go, girl!!
GOT EGGS? that should be on a t-shirt. it must have been the moon or something; yesterday, while no one threw eggs i went into a corner store and these 20 somethings (who looked like stereotypical fraternity members) in spandex jogging wear were outside. one girlstared at me upon my approach. then i came out the one pointed and they both laughed. As i crossed the street i thought – hey i do not have to put up withthis crap anymore. so i turned around at the corner, looked straight into the eyes of girl #2 who was still stairing and mouthed.. really????? (to mean are you really that childish, grow up you bore me.) she looked embarassed beyond belief. It started to pour and i got out my umbrella and they got stuck in the rain… cue the simpsons kid… HA HA
When you posted about this on FB, I actually had to read it twice to get in my head that someone would do something like this. I never really imagined that grown men would throw eggs at someone just for being fat and dare to walk around.
I admire you so much for not letting it stop you, and even responding to the next group of idiots that tried to shame you. My usual response to fat shaming is to ignore it and keep on with my life, but you certainly deserve an ovation for your response. And a crown and a cape, as someone said on FB.
You are my hero.
Mine too! I aspire to be this awesome.
I’ve had this happen to me, only they didn’t miss. Your strength in walking on, and especially in your quick comeback to the next abuser, is inspiring to me.
This terrifies me. I recently bought a bike and I love riding it… it makes me happy and makes me feel free in a way I never felt before. But in the month I have had my bike I have had multiple people scream fat insults at me, one person even getting EXTRENELY close in their car and trying to knock me off my bike while screaming fat insults at me.
They could have *killed you*. Car vs. bike = bad news for bike.
Jesus.
a friend of mine who bikes carries washers in his pocket for cars that try to hit him. How sad is it that you can’t be safe doing normal things.
You guys gotta quit putting down douches and parts of douches like this. 😉
I think “douche” is a perfect name for a guy who does things like that. Think about it – gynecologists have told us for years that douching is very bad for the vagina and can cause yeast infections and other problems. So – a douche is something that should in no way ever be allowed near a woman’s lady-bits… get it?
Exactly, it’s useless 🙂
OMG. Maybe it’s just my headspace today, but that post has me floored. Aside from the second interaction (which is oddly cathartic to read) the whole thing has me completely over-sensitized. Partly because I’ve grown to really like you, partly because nobody deserves assault (if they connected would that make it battery?) and partly because I’m feeling very protective of fat women as a demographic, this is a big tsunami of emotional-sticky-messy-turmoil. I’m really so very sorry that happened to you and I wish it never would again, but know better.
Thank you for sharing this story. As has been said many times, you are an inspiration. I’m sure I would not have been so quick witted with the second car full of brokedicks. I’m in awe of your many strengths.
Throwing eggs at a fat woman who is exercising in public. Yeah, because it’s all about health, don’tcha know? Health, my arse. it’s about the maintenance of thin privilege by making the public realm genuinely unsafe for fat people. Which is seriously fucked up.
And yeah, not to put a damper on things but like Valerie above I do wonder whether one of these days one of these cretins is going to do more than just throw eggs at fat people. There’s a lot of really scary, intense hatred out there. Take care of yourself – we need your voice in this world.
Ragen, I’m so sorry that happened to you. I love your fierce response, but I also know (from experience) how scary it is to be attacked. I send you virtual {{{HUGS}}} and hope you know how much many of us care about you.
You are amazing!!!!! I never had to deal with such awfulness from anyone, but when I was fat I was still embarrassed to be seen. I never wanted to go anywhere.
I’m so sorry this happened to you; on the other hand, congrats on your triumph over the second fat-shamer– maybe seeing who he was being grouped with (i.e., idiot douchebags who throw eggs) will change him. One can hope. You, lady, are one hell of a woman, and I salute you for your strength of spirit.
It’s people like them that drive others into severe depression, self-hate, and self-destruction. Thank you for showing the rest of us the best road to take is the high road and I sincerely hope that Karma comes back and bites them in the but.
This is assault. We can all applaud your bravery – and I do – but this is assault, plain and simple. Bastards. Next time, raise your phone and snap their license plate and take it to the police.
Mind you, I say that as though I’d have the presence of mind to snap their license plate. In fact, I wouldn’t. I’d just be standing there as they sped off, my jaw dropping from shock.
Sadly, the cops might’ve taken one look at her and not really cared.
lolololol WE NEED THIS T-SHIRT!
mine is on order. we should start a movment.. the got eggs movement of empowerment. tee hee. i’m only half kidding.
It’s beyond contemptible that you were assaulted and I’m so very sorry that you had that happen to you. It truly is a radical act of bravery, as a fat woman, to be visible in our fat-hating culture. I’m glad you’re okay and I stand in solidarity, witness and support to your lived experience of assault and harassment.
Also, in the mist of that, to respond to another attacker/harasser and your honest words to give him pause—I hope he takes the lesson and learns from it because it came at the expense of you having to brave his verbal assault.
You ROCK! They suck.
I’m liking this for the words of the blogger. Cheers to her. It puts things into perspective for me. I have been both fit and fat, and I am currently fat at this stage in my life. I make fun of my fatness at times and I laugh hard about it. So far, I haven’t been made fun of to my face by anyone. I’m over 250, so I don’t see any reason why random mean people haven’t targeted me yet. Reading this blog entry made me realize that perhaps no one does because I’ve beat them to the punch so to speak. I think I just might be my own bully, throwing eggs at myself. Thank you for sharing this story. It is totally NOT okay what those guys did, and neither is making fun of myself the way I do. I think it might send the wrong message to others, and inviting them to join in on the joke with me or other overweight people would make me feel like an enabling ass now that I think about it. Anyhoo, I’m rambling and I hope the marathon is a success!
I am a man and I feel I must apologize for these two poor examples of my kind!!! I am appalled at what they did to you!!! I am 6′ 2″ about 185 lbs. but I am married to a beautiful woman that is 5′ 4″ and weighs about 260 lbs. I am sorry this happened to you but I like your response to this action and the other guy that called you names!!! Keep up the positive work you are doing!!!
When I read “Do you have eggs?” I heard it in the style of Eddie Izzard saying “Do you have a flag?”
The situation absolutely sucked and, per your usual, you handled it with style.
That is exactly the tone I read it in, too! I want to counter every fat-flame/shout with “Do you have eggs?” from now on.
So it never fails that my dog poops in the middle of his walk, I always figured if some one tried that with me I would at least have some amo. I love your response to the second (really? seriously people) person.
Typo quibble: “Did you throw the first ten at other fatties, or do you now dealing with 10 eggs and no carton in your car?”
I think you probably meant “are you now” instead of “do you now”. I do that same sort of thing all the time when writing fast and passionately, because I’m editing as I go and change my phrasing mid-sentence. 🙂
Fixed, thanks!
~Ragen
________________________________
You rock. End of story.
I am sending you so much love right this second.
Ragen, this is so terrible, and I’m so sorry that it happened to you twice in a night. I love how you respond to it though, with humor and poise. It sounds like the guy in the second interaction may have learned a lesson too. Cheers to you for taking this on in such a strong and wonderful manner. You’re always an inspiration.
See if someone got their license plate and get them nailed for assault and littering…
Littering probably wouldn’t stick, since eggs and shells are biodegradable.
Sorry!
But perhaps the carton…
This makes me really sad. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Fuck those bullies!!
Yes, people throwing you stuff on the street is plain old assault a criminal activity. the second guy was just an asshole and you owned him. wow. some people are really barking mad.
I WANT/MUST HAVE a t-shirt with a superb pic of Ragen (walking, dancing, whatever) on it and “DO YOU HAVE EGGS?” . You print; I’ll buy!!! I would wear it with pride and wear it for courage.
One for me too!
I can relate. I am well above average in size. Several years ago, while browsing in a bookstore, I encountered three boys (8-12 years old) reading aloud to each other. That would’ve been perfectly fine, but they were reading from a book of fat jokes — at the top of their lungs, across the aisles. Not surprisingly, I didn’t see the humour in it. I finally cornered the boys and put on my best Sunday-school-teacher voice as I explained to the miscreants why the jokes weren’t funny. I told the ringleader, “How would you feel if people made fun if you because you were too tall, or too short, or because you have dark hair or blue eyes, or aren’t good at soccer, or whatever? People can’t always help how they look. Making fun of others is wrong.” To his credit, the smallest of the three seemed contrite. For all I know, they may still think of me as the crabby old fat lady at the bookstore; still, if this exchange made one of them think, even for a minute, then it was worth it.
Oh indeed, Ragen, it’s assault. And I can imagine how the police would handle it if you reported it…
One time I was walking across the street from the football field. A bunch of 40 year old guys were yapping, getting ready to throw a ball around, and they saw the women walking in front of me – thin, shapely, pretty in dresses women. They whistled and called at the first one. They whistled and called at the second. I could see her smile and perk herself up at the attention. Ick. Then they saw me – 50 years old and 250 pounds – and hesitated – and then sarcastically whistled and called WOO-HOO – and then burst out laughing. I “ignored” them, but I was bristling; fighting embarrassment and knowing they’re just pathetic. I considered crossing the street and confronting them with some biting wit, but I kept going. That was 5 years ago. But then again, I’ve been treated much worse by customers at work who have sworn at me, called me a fat ugly b*tch who never gets laid, told to lose weight, given brochures for their weight-loss schemes, you name it. I mean, seriously.
How brave, funny & intelligent you are. And what a way with words & what sad assholes the bullies are. I wish I could articulate my feelings as well as you have so eloquently done in your blog. Good luck with the marathon.
What the fuck is this.
Liking this post because of your resilience in the face of complete douchebaggery. Also…eggs? What?
Hi Ragen,
I’m really sad to read your post, people are so cruel and insensitive. The irony is that there is no “standard” we are all unique and should all be treated as equals.
Joanna
I haven’t had eggs thrown at me yet, but I have had the abuse, as a result I have developed social phobia, mainly due to my size and peoples reacting by throwing abuse. This has meant I his indoors and put more weight on, but I am now going out again, and I hope next time I get abuse I can think well at least it wasn’t eggs.
Brava. Just… you handled it with far more grace and humor than I would have. (And this from a woman who’s 5’8″ and about 325lbs – I don’t quite look it, but still…) And cheers for turning the second group’s catcalls on their heads. Brava.
Victory is sweet, isn’t it?
I had some teenage twerps throw firecrackers at me as I was walking to work years ago. They rolled away slowly so as to give me a good view of them pointing and laughing and flipping the finger. Also a good view of the license plate. So I turned around, walked the five whole minutes to the police station, and explained the situation to the nice person behind the counter.
On the way back from the police station, I heard a siren yelp in the near distance.
I was slightly closer to work than I had been in the first place when the same car rolled by, windows up, three sulky boys inside it glaring fit to bust. Oh. Poor bebehs.
Bonus: It wasn’t the kind of car a teenage boy can own. So somebody got to explain it to Mom or Dad.
Double bonus: At least one of them was actually pouting.
Awesome!
I am super impressed the cops followed up, even if it was probably more about illegal fireworks than abusing a fellow citizen.
Ha ha! 😀
Unfuckingbelievable. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. But it sounds like your response to asshole #2 made him realize, “Oh shit! She’s a human being, just like me! Oops!!”
Although not nearly as odious, this reminds me of when I was walking my dog years ago. Some teenagers in a white truck (I know, shocking) screamed at me as they drove by so I let out a blood-curdling shriek in return. They drove by again, staring…and completely silent. I felt good 🙂
Reblogged this on shadesofgay and commented:
Brilliant.
Wow. What assholes. It really is unbelievable that our society encourages this stinking behavior. It’s even more amazing that the second harrasser apologized to you after hearing your egg story. What an amazing example of how egregious the egg-throwing was. Thanks for being a beacon of hope for all of us who are fat, and keep up the good work!
Consider one of those “amazingly supportive” people fighting the good fight in my corner of the world. You are so beautiful!
I’m a daily bike commuter and have been–on and off–for over 30 years.
While riding down the road in suburban NY one day I was hit on the leg with a hard-boiled egg that had been thrown from a car.
And I thought, “Who the hell drives around with a hard-boiled egg just ready to throw at people?”
Likely the egg was thrown by a teenager who got the eggs from his parents’ refrigerator. Parents probably had some hard boiled eggs on hand for cooking, lunching or snacking and the idiot boy just happened to grab a hard boiled egg instead of a raw one.
As horrible as this is, and notwithstanding how awesome you are, I’m inclined to cite some Stand Your Ground laws here. You must now jog while packing some retaliatory eggs. 😀
Also, the asshats that did this have never, nor will they ever, run a marathon themselves. You SO win. Rock on.
You are a strong woman and I can’t understand how come I person can be this evil .So sorry that happened . I hope every bullied person can be as strong as you
The level of cruelty people can have for perfect strangers minding their own business continues to astound me. So sorry this happened to you, but I hope the individuals in the second car learned a lesson from it. Maybe they’ll be kinder to the next stranger who crosses their path. Thank you for sharing this. *hugs*
I don’t know if you need this the way I would if someone physically assaulted me. From me to you: Love, validation, kindness, admiration, empathy, hugs, hugs, hugs, hugs, hugs, and more hugs.
all of this. Ragen you rock in ways you totally should not have to. But you do it well.
I am livid and shaking right now. I can’t believe this, yet I can. When I was pregnant, someone pulled over to call me a fatass. I was freaking pregnant. Why is ‘fat’ the one thing that a person can be where it’s socially acceptible to mock them? And fucking good for you, not stopping your jogging. You’re laughing and angry at the same time, I imagine. But thanks for sharing this. We are all behind you. Wow.
Years ago, a pregnant colleague of mine walked past a building site near our offices, and was treated to “Oy! You! Lay off the doughnuts!”. For some bizarre reason, she thought this was funny, but no one else did. I’m not sure I understand why anyone feels they have the right to assault someone else, verbally or physically, for any reason at all.
I laughed long at your “Do you have eggs?” retort, Ragen – wonderful!
This happened to me, and in a very nice neighborhood. The guys, high schoolers, didn’t know they were going down a dead end street. When they were forced to come back, I was ready and got their drivers license, and called the police. You can bet their dad was really pissed and took away their car rights. I told the police be ause they were young the point was to scare the crap out if them. It worked, they never came around again.
Jill
Good for you. As Ragen points out, this is assault and it should be reported if possible.
You are one tough lady and I love how you followed up with your second reaction to the second guy in the story. I was thin, then fat, now I am middle. I know what it’s like to have ppl scream out of cars. The world treats you differently when you are fat. Good post.
Wow that’s horrible! I’m glad you’re not letting that stop you. And I’m glad you made the person after stop and think about what he was doing. You’re a strong woman.
Ragen,
I love your sense of humor about the situation, but how fricking horrible. It’s awful that there is so much bullying because “people” say that you should be “thin” or that you should hate yourself into not wanting to exist anymore.
Keep fighting the good fight girl. So glad that I stumbled upon your blog!
Thank you for sharing this Ashley I needed a good laugh. I can’t believe how quickly the 2nd guy backed down with her “Got eggs” quip. People have really lost their minds…
And you said you weren’t the douchenozzle-whisperer! I beg to differ, Ma’am! This post deserves to go viral!
That is so so so terrible. Please stay strong, know that you are strong! Some of the ‘larger’ people in my life have had the most important impact on me. Theyve been great role models and size never ever mattered. Do you. Always.
Firstly I want to say I’m sorry. Nobody deserves to be treated in such a way. How dare they treat anyone in such a cruel manner? Mean people suck.
But wow. I admire you so much. I’m a person who may not be larger, but after years of that kind of crap is scared to go outside, to be seen by people, and who always wonders who the next jerk will be. Sadly with me the bulliesand jerks got the effect they wanted to have in my life and I always admire people like you who can overcome.
Man, people suck, but you had me laughing SO hard at “DO YOU HAVE EGGS”! I think that should be the default response to any verbal harassment anywhere from now. It would befuddle the harasser, thus totally making them look like a moron and giving the harassee the upper hand!
I did a thing: http://www.zazzle.com/do_you_have_eggs-235780593795173006
I hope you don’t mind.
That shirt is great on another level too – I know some feminists who use that term as a substitute for balls/stones (“That really took eggs!”) I don’t personally but it makes me smile.
I was utterly horrified by humanity by reading the first paragraph but heartened by reading your response. I had to read them out loud to my honey, who then burst out laughing and said, “WAIT? They MISSED? They’re hateful AND stupid?!” But yeah, sorry that this happened to you, sorry that these losers exist. How horrible is throwing eggs when even the second fat bigot was like, “What? Eggs? Uh, so sorry.”
Reblogged this on Whole Foods, Whole Person and commented:
This sort of thing really does happen with all too much frequency.
Ragen, you are a national treasure.
I’m totally lost for words. So sorry this happened to you, and so full of admiration for the way you handled it. It’s so very very important to speak out in public!
*all.-the-hugs*
While I was in Clitheroe, on a 1200 mile bike ride from Cornwall to Orkney in the UK, someone hurled abuse and threw a full beer can at my head from a van. A full can. Tragic waste. I braced for impact and it was all fine – helmets save lives and all that.
I’ve thought about this, one of three similar occasions but thankfully the only one featuring projectiles, a lot. I think when (some) people see a heavy person on a run, or a bike tour, or on some other active pursuit, it hits their own bodily insecurities head on. Like, “That fat fucker is cycling up this hill, and I could never do that, he must be much fitter than me. Oh my god fitness doesn’t entirely correlate with body shape. who knew?!” – queue existential crisis – respond with anger.
The truth is, if I can, they probably can too. But that would require the hater to show a little love to themselves and work on themselves, and I doubt their ability to do that.
Aw, sorry you have to deal with this shit, man. My friends and I used to get stones thrown at us on our way from school for daring to wear black nail varnish and spiked bracelets. Anything different, I guess.
I’ve had some teenagers yell the “fat bitch” at me while out walking with my husband. To say the least it really hurt my feelings, while pissing me off at the same time. Had they been on foot I believe my little pistol of a husband would have died beating the poop out of them. That is a huge reason I workout in a gym now. You should take mace I think you could’ve reached them from that distance. Self defense. I hope my self image will be strong enough one day to not let fat shaming effect me.
Wow! I’m shocked that this behaviour exists! This is beyond rude, and actually an assault! Thank you for sharing. And is this your first marathon? When is it?
Absolutely loved your response to the next group of ignorant people. I’m sure they will think twice before insulting someone again.
You sound like a truly awesome person.
Thanks for the awesome post, which is now circulating around my facebook friends raising awareness. I wonder if I have the courage to also add that this happened to me on my 21st birthday as I was heading out to a dance club. Except they didn’t miss. I had a large bruise on my leg for weeks and I remember just feeling really sad and confused whenever I looked at it, and then just trying to forget the whole thing.
I’m an activist, too – for force free dog training. I get bashed a lot, but have managed to avoid being a target for eggs. I, too, refuse to stop living the life I’ve chosen to lead, and I refuse to be afraid to stand up for the humane treatment of dogs. I will do it until I’m so old I can’t remember to do it. Get rid of the chokers, the prongs, and the shock collars, and get rid of the eggs! We activists have a point that might just be educational if you stop throwing things and just listen…
What you did here, is topic derailment – coming into spaces where we are talking about fat people’s issues and you talk about something else entirely. And saying “I get bashed a lot TOO for being a force free dog training activist” on an article about fat people getting harassed, bullied, shamed, and attacked is pretty gross. I’m sure you probably do get harassment, but please don’t try to compare it to the way fat people are treated in this country. I’m sure you didn’t mean anything by it, but I just thought I’d let you that it’s usually pretty frowned upon, in most areas where activism is going on for human equality, to come in with this kind of topic derailment.
paws, I have no problem with your post. No matter what our issue, it is important to hear people standing up for their right to be on the street training, caring for animals, whatever it may be.
I agree, although it’s Ragen’s blog. I think fighting bullying in any context is important.
Human pack behavior never ceases to horrify me. They attacked you because you’re fat, but it could have been someone else because they were dressed differently, perceived to be gay, or riding a bicycle instead of driving a car. It’s the “other” and the anonymity inherent in attacking a stranger perceived to be weak or just different. Disgusting cowards usually raised by same. (Or, more simply, perhaps they were just modeling Jillian Michaels’ behavior…)
Reblogged this on ccdenham and commented:
I’ve never reblogged anything before, but I’m doing it now. This is a disgusting vs. awesome display of humanity, and you should read it.
You handled this with dignity and bravery. I am so happy you shared your experience. Thank you!!! You are such an inspiration. I will walk into the gym today with my chin held high!!!
You’re amazing, and after perusing your website/blog, you are my new person-inspiration. The thin-expectations we put on women in particular in our society are just awful. How much longer am I going to avoid doing great things “until I lose this weight” – ? Especially when I’ve been fat most of my life? In the storm of warped misinformation and Dr. Oz b.s., people like you serve as a beacon. Thank you. /off to get some active time in, for the sake of my health, not my looks, damnit.
Walking back to my hotel in Lodi, CA. after a high school drama competition in 1988, I was passed by a truck headed the other direction. It was late. There were no other cars on the road. I knew, somehow, that the truck meant bad news. When I heard it start turning around about a half-mile behind me, my fear increased. I realized I was experiencing, as a white male, what women and non-white males experience quite often, and it opened my eyes. As the truck approached, I decided not to run, for good or ill. As it reached my location, I turned my head to look. At that moment (and far too late for the law of inertia) an Alhambra water bottle — yes, the 10-gallon kind — came launching out of the passenger side window. How they did that, I don’t know — some sort of contraption of which they were probably quite proud. However, they didn’t study enough physics. The bottle hit an embankment about 30 feet in front of me because it was still traveling 30 miles an hour when it left the car. The bottle exploded and water fountained all over the place. The truck sped off. I stopped. I looked at the water stains, the bottle rolling back and forth on the pavement, and that’s when I started running. I ran all the way back to the other hotel I was visiting (another high school used it for their students) and breathlessly asked to be let in and stay in one of their rooms.
Years later, I heard “Lodi” by Creedence Clearwater Revival, I realized I knew exactly what those dudes were singing about.
That sounds like some awful scary sh!t.
Thank you for sharing this.You are strong and amazing too.I am so sensitive about my weight.Someone very close to me says things about my weight… that hurts soo much. Someone who loves me too. It doesn’t help either..I just get worse and eat more. 😦 In school I was teased so much every day..so whenever someone comments..it triggers my childhood.Thank you again.God bless you always!
Seems this is a dangerous hobby of some assholes …
see
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Egging
A nurse was blinded in one eye when an egg was thrown at her from a passing car in March 2008 in Dublin. A boy in Long Island also lost sight in one eye after teens from a local high school threw eggs out of a passing car on Halloween 2005.
Victims of egging may be entitled to compensation commensurate with the cost of repairs to mend damaged property due to the egging, common charges involved with eggings are damage to property, vandalism and may be liable to nuisance. In some more serious cases where injuries due to egging is presented, perpetrators may be charged with assault and fined.
If it makes you feel any better ( it probably won’t ) it doesn’t just happen to fat people and cyclist my friend was walking home and got a slurpy thrown on him he is like a hundred and something pounds , they sadly did not miss . Some people just really suck like a lot , I don’t know what possess them to think how can I make this persons day truly awful . I am so happy you turned this into a learning experience for the second person 🙂 you’re a hero amongst men & women .
Too true. I once, while riding by myself had the comment “Nice @ss, I’d like to f*ck it.” For serious. I was, yes on a bike, and the adult male who yelled this was not, but I was actually scared. Who says things like that? I just pedalled faster and got out of there. My shock left me without a reply.
That is truly awful I am sorry that someone did that to you .
Thank you Brittany.
I must admit, this has happened to me. I got loads of eggs thrown at me, I was covered top to toe then the arseholes turned the car around and had another go. I was covered in eggs and bruises as those suckers hurt when they hit. I was in the open there was no where to hide. I think what got me was the look of utter hatred on the young person’s face who was throwing the eggs at me. I don’t know why he hated me, I am fat but have done nothing to deserve his anger. It destroyed my confidence and I can’t go out after dark on my bike or walking, I now always take the car. Where did this happen you might ask? An inner city? A tough neighbourhood? No, this happened in a lovely English village. Fat haters are everywhere. I am sorry this happened to you Regan
*hugs* This is disgusting behaviour! I’m sorry that anyone was treated this way! Unacceptable! And even if you are a person disinclined to be accepting of fat people, surely there are MUCH worse things, say being mean and stupid!!!Arg. Sometimes I want off this planet.
Elizabeth, maybe I’m reading you incorrectly, but I feel like you’re lumping people into categories of deserving or undeserving of rights. The thing about rights is that they belong to ALL people, not excepting stupid people or mean people.
That’s horrible. I’m so sorry they did that to you.
Ragen, you are an inspiration as always and I only wish we all had as much confidence and self belief as you do, in the way people treat us for not being thin&other reasons. I will say that at age 52, I have got much better&tougher at dealing with it all. Never really surprises me how awful&judgmental people are, yet I can’t get used to how people behave the way they did to you&why? But I guess we could long be dead, before working that out!!
I have been meaning to come on here to share the latest diet/crazy food talk that passes for “journalism”/whatever, here in the UK, that I’ve come across recently. There is an awful “newspaper”(I call it a rag)here called the “Daily Mail”, mostly right wing, obsessed&bowing down to anyone remotely Royal , writes the most awful stuff generally. They have a section one day of the week, under the banner of “Good Health”, which is mostly all about dieting, losing weight, celebrities diets/food habits etc. I was buying this paper in the last week as they were giving away free Lego toys and I wanted to get them for my Grandson, I swear, this was my reason, but being me, I can’t help reading/looking at any kind of written word.
The first article in this Good Health was “From your lips to your hips in just 3 hours”, this covered 2 pages. This was followed soon after by, “The op to stop gastric bypass patients piling on the pounds again”, with a personal story this time of an older woman, doing her, “Me and my operation, gastric bypass surgery for obesity”. The 3rd piece is an “Under the Microscope” short questionnaire of a well know person(usually female)and is under the guise of a health quiz. An actress is asked, how does she keep fit, does she watch her weight, does she get her 5 a day&does she have any vices(meaning “bad food” of course)The last one I found(may have missed some, but lost will to live!)”Can sugary cereal and a chocolate drink really lower your cholesterol?” Thank goodness I didn’t manage to get out to get this paper on the Thursday(you had to buy it from a particular chain of shops to get the Lego)as that’s their “Femail” day, when they have an all women related section, but guess how much of that will be food/dieting etc.?
We still have this really messed up relationship&obsession with food/dieting, have lost track of how many foods I buy all seem to have over top “messages” on them about calories&eating healthily&taking exercise. It seems to be everywhere in the media, 24 hour rolling news etc., yet Sky News will have adverts about “Diet-chef” programme, followed by starving kids in Africa!!!
Take care, Marion, UK
A few of us, myself included, flat out refuse to give the Daily Fail any form of e-traffic whatsoever. I will not dignify their pathetic attempts to woo my readership by pretending they are anything more than obstreperous, contentious, sensationalistic yellow tabloid “journalism.”
I had a car full of late teen/early 20s d-bags last week do the same. I was out walking/jogging at around 11pm in my neighborhood. I had my headphones on, but I barely heard the car slowing down, and some guy yell something, (which I assume was some fat shaming insult) just before a Big Gulp cup came whizzing by me and exploded beverage all over the parking lot I was walking along.
They also missed by a mile. I yelled some expletives at them, and about 50 feet ahead, they were slowing for a red light, I started running towards them and the cowards sped off, running the red light.
Guess they’re only tough guys when in their little red Honda when the people they’re victimizing don’t fight back. I was actually only trying to get the license plate. I was able to give a description and partial plate to the cops a few blocks down that had someone else pulled over. I was going to call it in when I got home, but that worked too.
Either way. This goes along with the dumbass women who were laughing at me on my bike a few weeks ago too as I was riding around while they were stuck in the McDonalds Drive-Through line.
Not sure at what point in my decision to work out and get into better shape, did I deserve to be shamed and attacked on the streets by the scum of society. But I too will not be afraid to roam my streets at night by these losers.
It is what it is, I guess. You can’t undo years of terrible parenting that led these people to be horrible humans. So, we just have to let it slide off our backs and keep at it.
No body deserves to be abused, especially not anyone trying to be a little bit better than yesterday. And I refer to the positive impacts of exercise on your body. Keep up the good work! You rock!
You know what? I don’t care if someone is trying to be “a little bit better than yesterday” or not. Better than what? Better how? This is in no way about trying to be “better” than anyone or anything, and someone who is trying to better him- or herself is no less than the person who is not. This is about civil rights, period. Every single person has the civil right to walk or bike through a park unassaulted. If we start moralizing these rights or doling them out in greater or lesser portion by perceived status as deserving or undeserving, we are no better than the egg chuckers who have already determined that someone is undeserving of those rights.
Hi there.
I guess I didn’t articulate myself clearly. My apologies. For the “better than” comment, that is in reference to oneself, I personally try to improve on myself daily. I fully agree you ought not to compare people, and that is not what I meant to imply. Improvement can come in many aspects of your life, I was referring to improving your physical health. And those impacts may not be visible, just to be clear. There are physical changes that are good for our bodies that only take place when we move our bodies. That is what I’m referring to.And yes that is definitely everyone’s right! Being out in the world is not a privilege. Enjoy the sunshine.
Cool beans. 🙂
Oops. Meant to say that someone trying to better him- or herself is no “better” than the person who is not. But I’m guessing you figured that out.
This is one of your best blogs, IMO! I love the way you make your points and the way you see those who are abusive in any way towards people who don’t fit ‘their’ image! Thanks Regan and keep up the great writing. I fall more and more in love with me every day! Carol M.
I’m mind-boggled at the number of folks reporting such foul incidents. What is WRONG with people???
I know! Right?! I’m shocked too.
Helena, they grew up in homes where their parents said cruel things to them and cruel things about other people. The things that people say to the people they supposedly “love” absolutely stagger me — name-calling, shaming, putdowns. Not everyone who grows up being treated cruelly behaves as the people detailed above do, but this behavior tells you everything about the way the perpetrators were raised. I’ve thought about painting a T-shirt with the message “When you open your mouth, you’re telling me everything about your mom and dad.” That includes racist trash talk, declaring that “those people” don’t deserve benefits, etc.
As a social worker in training, I can tell you that parenting is only one facet of these folks’ lives. You’re making assumptions about their parents that simply may not be true. I know kids who came from good homes who turned out really screwed up. I also know kids who came from rotten homes who turned out magnificently well. It’s not always the parents’ fault.
I shall quote a friend’s reply when I said to her, “Your parents seem really nice.” She said: “What do you know about my parents?” What did I know about her parents? Absolutely nothing except the pleasant face they showed on social occasions. I have never known anyone with truly caring, nurturing parents who turned out “really screwed up.” But this is a belief that helps neglectful or abusive or not-quite-good-enough parents feel much better about themselves.
I’m not saying it’s all folks. I’m just saying that I think it’s not wise to extrapolate a person’s beliefs or behavior from their kids. My mother surely tried to instill good habits in me that I didn’t internalize. At some point, people are just who they are.
I’ll give you a very personal example. My oldest sister is mentally ill, my middle sister is alcoholic, and then there is me. What separates us? Well, I was my mother’s special child and my sisters (6 and 10 years older) showered me with attention when I was little. I fully recognize what I got that they didn’t: my oldest sister identified with my authoritarian father and my middle sister felt rejected by my mother who was depressed when she was small. Interestingly, none of us are the sort of people who are racist or warmongers or people who want to deprive others of a decent life, and we don’t call people names on the street. But then my parents were left-wing radicals who instilled at least some sense of ethics.
I think you can tell just about everything about someone’s family life if you look closely. The key is looking closely and thinking. Thich Nhat Hanh, the Zen master, says he can tell you all about a person by looking at their photo. I have no doubt of this. But one must stop accepting the superficial as real and look deeply. My goal is to be able to see hateful people as the little children aching for love and acceptance they are.
You are one classy beautiful brilliant lady!
You’re an inspiration and what you wrote touched me deeply. I wish I had that much courage.
It hurts my heart that people behave so hatefully. However. You are absolutely brilliant.
Reblogged this on Penspen's Blog and commented:
RIGHT ON!!
I’m with you on who the hell was two eggs and a carton just chilling in their car.
Also, I just can’t understand exerting the energy and time to make someone feel bad about existing in their body size. Like how sad of a human being do you have to be for this action to make you feel good?
“I’m with you on who the hell was two eggs and a carton just chilling in their car.”
Someone who’d already thrown the other ten eggs at someone else/other people. And maybe even more… they only had two left and the carton, after all.
You have my respect and admiration for the way you see yourself and your place in the world as expressed through your reaction to these cowardly acts.
I truly love you for your existence and the powerfully beautiful woman/person you are! Thank you for your expression and candor!!! Much love and never concede to being anyone but yourself!!! Smile
You made me laugh in delight at an absolutely horrifying experience! How do you make this magic happen?? I wish I’d been with you, with a chicken to throw back at them – I’ve got a wicked arm 🙂
I know Ragen’s is a clear case of fat-bashing, but people do stupid shit like this for the hell of it.
Years ago when I was in college, I was sitting in the living room of my brother’s frat talking to someone. We were in front of a window that was pretty high off the ground. I happened to glance out and notice two guys, one of whom was getting ready to throw something. I turned my head (thank goodness) because the egg they threw happened to break the glass and my hair stopped the chunk that would have cut my face.
Also, I’ve occasionally seen reports of idiots dropping rocks on cars from overpasses. Maybe the idiots thought it was funny to break windshields, but somebody could have been seriously hurt.
Then their was the time I took my niece to the park and a couple kids were throwing rocks at each other as a game.
There are seriously days when I wonder how the human race has survived this long.
Egg Cartons have poor aerodynamics, for sure! And I also feel sad for the lovely hens who spent a whole day creating the beautiful eggs that the destructive demons used as projectiles. Next time, have some real fun and just throw empty egg cartons, you skinny dumb boys!! Who knows, you might end up famous after that…
I am not from your country, but I’ve been reading your blog for a while now. You really help people find their self esteems which is why I relate strongly to your posts.
I’m not sure if these incidences happen here in Malaysia, but I feel so shocked and so so very sad that people would do that to other people. It’s as if they have nothing better to do with their time, and eggs for that matter. I cannot understand why anyone would be so full of hatred and for no good reason.
😦
I posted your blog on my Facebook page after a friend had posted it on hers. I LOVE the way you write. Your sense of humor, your assertiveness, and your unflinching honesty . I also want to add something that I mentioned on Facebook when I posted your piece, which I feel is important information about U.S. culture that is often overlooked, and is related to how men learn to view and treat women here (my observation may also clear up some of the confusion that the previous commenter from Malaysia expresses in his/her comment): “….[your blog] reminded me, once again, of female experience in America, and the ways in which it differs from male experience. Women do not generally verbally attack men with rape-and-or-threat-of-violence language; nor for their physical type (i.e. heavy, thin, whatever); nor for thier sexual-orientation (or imagined sexual-orientation), but males in this culture frequently do this to women.”
In fact, I read this piece just a few months after I posted one of my own about a recent incident (of a kind that frequently happens to me and/or many of my women friends) where men in a truck started yelling “Sit on my face, baby!” and other obscenities at me and my woman friend. This kind of behavior is always about dominating and terrorizing, even though, just like the violent act of rape, it is disguised as being about sex.
However, in the cell-phone age, these poor idiots had their truck and license-plate number photographed, and I also immediately dialed 911 and reported them as driving drunk (one of them did in fact sound drunk). As soon as they saw the cell phone, they stopped the bullshit and got the heck out of there.
Have you considered taking cell phone pics or video of the men who accost you?
And telling them that hate-speech is against the law? It’s amazing how quickly men change their hateful tune when they think their behavior is being recorded and/or reported! 🙂
Ragen, once again you are brilliant, fabulous, classy, sassy and so fucking brave. Once again, you’re my hero and my girlcrush. 🙂
You know, you are such an inspiration and a role model for me. Because, you have endured so much fat-phobic bullshit, but yet you keep going. You keep training, you keep dancing, you keep living out loud. No matter what kind of twisted abuse gets hurled at you, you refuse to be silenced, and you keep fighting. And, as a fat person and a budding fat activist, I draw so much strength from that. It’s amazing.
Thank you so much for being you, and for everything you do.
Massive hugs,
ERIN
pleasantyfat.wordpress.com.
Late to the party as usual.
I bet I know why they had only two eggs and an egg carton: They were out on a mission to throw eggs at people. Fat people, bikers (as another commenter suggested), whatever. They’re egg-throwing assholes.
What sad little lives they must have.
I love this so much!! Not the stupid situation but the awesome reply! Now when someone starts talking stupid about weight I can say “DO YOU HAVE EGGS?” and if that doesn’t stop them I and follow up with “AN EGG CARTON PERHAPS”? Hopefully all conversation will stop because I’m seriously tired of the bullshit.
Ragen – you rock! I want to scream at them, “Next time, bring bacon!!!”
I always say people who say things like that or even throw things at you have bigger issues than you do. Only once I have had the misfortune of someone yelling “fat ass” to me. I admire you for not bringing you down because if someone threw something at me I would have cried ( I am a very sensitive person in my defense)
These “men” ( if you can call them that) have major self-esteem issues to do such a filthy act like that.
You’re so strong and your reaction was awesome, thank you for sharing this. I translated part of the post in italian and put the link on mi blog for yours, I think you’re special
This is the most ABSURD stpry I have ever heard. i’m so done with society and their reckless fat shaming. It’s also a shame that adult males CANNOT grow the hell up. No woman should have to experience such humiliation. Back in my high school days people would throw random paper balls at me and when I turned arpund I’d never know who it is. People are such a**holes
dear Raven, I am sorry that happened to you, but thankful you blogged about it. Two days ago, someone threw an egg at my fit husband after his run, but he was not a lucky and was hit in his ribs and now has a large bruise. He got a partial plate, make and model. found a match a block.away, so last night we went to talk to the parents. Before, my husband finished one sentence the father was verbally abusing us and threatining to beat up my husband. Took the police 2 hours to respond .I called them because I was afraid, but they basically just said to go home and not to worry. They were so intent on following us home to find our address that we had to walk around for a good 15 minutes. I hardly slept last night and feel awful today from worrying so much. I am sure they will find our address sooner or later. But your example and those of the many who have commented make me feel a little braver. I am sad to know that so much abuse by strangers is going on out there, but I am glad to know that so many of you are brave enough to just keep on with your lives. keep blogging and keep keeping on, otherwise the jerks of the world win (in the short run- I believe they will get what is due them in the end.). God bless you.
I’m praying for good things to come of this for you and your community. Keep good documentation of anything that might happen and don’t be afraid to call the police if these folks escalate (which I hope doesn’t happen).
I was walking by a woman who spewed some fat hating shit about another woman passing in front of them.to her child. I walked up, stared at them and said “really ? really” in my teacher voice. It’s amazing how people act embarrassed when you call them on their bullshit.
I had someone miss me with Silly String. I just shook my head like, “what idiots!” and hope they saw me do that in the rear view mirror.
Thank you for your thoughtful and intelligent insight into this appalling problem. For so many, evolution into kind, empathetic beings is slow in coming. I recently went through all my clothes and decided to donate anything that was too small, too tight, or simply unflattering. I think I have maybe five outfits left in my closet. I’ve gained weight, partly due to menopause, but mostly because I do love food. However, I am happy with me and decided to stop trying to squeeze into clothing that no longer fits and telling myself the big lie, “I’ll lose weight, no need to buy bigger clothes.” Maybe I will one day wear a smaller size, but right here, right now, this very second, I am going to look fabulous in the new clothes I intend to buy! Because darlings, life is too short to hate on yourself or hate on anyone else.
I’m a 16 year old obese person whose been egged. Thank god none of it spilled on my gray shirt. I was just walking around my neighborhood until, a person egged me when I wasn’t looking
This moved me to tears. THANK YOU, Ragen. I encountered your blog today, completely by chance, and I have just ordered your e-book. I’m 30 now, I’ve been battling with how I feel about my body for 25 years – ever since I realized I was “different” from my little friends. I’ve been very very high on the scales, then pretty low (and it didn’t last long). I’ve always felt I should feel ashamed of my body, and in those little moments in which I happy with myself, and I appreciate my body for what it is -my body, the only one I have- I always find a way to remind myself that I should not love it, but hate it. I will be reading your blog closely – I know I am not alone.
i just came back from a run and two punks drove by throwing eggs (which came nowhere near hitting me. I’m 6’2″ 220lbs. After I called them a couple of little @#$@ts and challenged them to get out of their car they sped off like a couple of little cowards.