5 Ways to Improve Your Online Fat Hating

Keep CalmThose who have the audacity to suggest that fat people are human beings who deserve to be treated with basic human respect tend to be the recipients of  plenty o’ hatemail.  I don’t know about the rest of you, but I often feel like my haters aren’t reaching their full potential, so I thought I’d help out.  Here are 5 quick and basic tips to improve your online fat hating:

1.  Lose and Loose – learn the difference.  Lose is a verb that means to suffer the loss of.  Loose is an adjective that means the opposite of tight or constrained.  They are not interchangeable.   Here’s a sentence to help you out:  If one more person e-mails to tell me I need to loose weight, I’m going to seriously lose my temper.

2.  Speaking of spelling, cunt is spelled C-U-N-T.  The number of times I’ve been called a fat cnut is absolutely staggering. Apparently I’m not the only one, Clever Pie covered this issue in their fabulous song ‘Thank You Hater.”  I’m just saying that if you’re going to use your precious, limited time on earth to send me an e-mail calling me names, at least take the extra three seconds to spell check that shit.

For the record I don’t feel any need to apply my grammar/spelling criticism consistently. I make plenty of grammar and spelling errors myself. If someone is trying to engage in actual conversation then I don’t care at all about their grammar and spelling.  If someone is writing me for the purpose of spreading hate or attempting to make me hate myself, then I reserve the right to be offended that they didn’t at least take the time to use the spelling and grammar check.

3.  Calling me a landwhale.  I don’t mind this per se, I’ve even seen some pretty decent photo shop combinations with my body and a whale’s head, I am always impressed that someone took that kind of time on me.  The thing is, there are fat animals that live on land and I feel like they’re not getting their due.   There is just no need to make up animals when you could call me an elephant, hippo, or rhino.  Or, go the extra mile and do some research (I mean, do you want to be just an adequate hater or do you want to really excel?)  Did you know that the Formicium giganteum was an ant that was HUGE by ant standards – larger than a hummingbird. So you could call me Formicium giganteum or, since we know that spelling isn’t your strong suit, just call me Formi!

4.  If you are going to make an impassioned and/or indignant assertion that you are just doing this to help me (incidentally I think that I’ll know when you’re being helpful because I’ll actually feel helped, but that’s a blog for another day), if you want to try to make the claim that you are somehow doing this for my own good, you might want to take a pass on mocking me for doing the very things you say I need to do – find a way to keep yourself from photo shopping a whale’s head onto a picture of me exercising, somehow find the restraint not to post videos of me dancing and then mock them.  I’m only telling you this for your own good, since otherwise people are going to assume that you are a massive jackass.

5.  Finally, the way that you are able to e-mail me and say “Ragen, You are a fat landwhale cnut who needs to loose weight,” attaching that picture you spent so much time photo shopping, is because I put my e-mail, picture, and name on this blog.  Even knowing that I’m going to suffer abuse from bigots, I put my name on what I write.  So if you’re going to sign that e-mail swolebro or whatever anonymous thing you use, then you are a coward.  You can fuck right the hell off, at the very least until you locate your guts.

So there it is, a little dose of fat hater community service from danceswithfat.  Those of you with your own haters know that there are many more areas for hater improvement, but I thought we’d start with the basics today and leave the rest for another time.

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75 thoughts on “5 Ways to Improve Your Online Fat Hating

  1. Yay, that! Anybody who misses the difference between “loose” and “lose” should be banned from using the Internet and sent to repeat grade school.

    1. It’s a weird thing to rag on though when a lot of the commenters here (as in, not haters, people who get approved) make that, and other, grammar mistakes often. If you’re going to be a grammar snob at least apply it consistently. Either half your commenters are stupid, too, or actually judging people for their grammar is petty, classist, and just generally a bit prickish. And I say that as someone who spent many years insulting people for their grammar before I realised that I was essentially boasting that my education was better than theirs, which is a profoundly assholish, privileged thing to do.

      I only find it acceptable to point out errors in the comments of people correcting other people’s grammar. Then they’re just asking for it.

      1. Hi Heather,

        Thanks for commenting and sharing your personal experience with me. I won’t speak for Natasha, (whose comment you commented on.) For me, I reject your premise. I don’t feel any need to apply my grammar snobbery consistently, that’s precisely the point. I make plenty of grammar and spelling errors myself. If someone is trying to engage in actual conversation then I don’t care at all about their grammar and spelling. If someone is writing me for the purpose of spreading hate or attempting to make me hate myself, then I reserve the right to be offended that they didn’t at least take the time to use the spelling and grammar check.


        1. Agreed. I’m rather nit-picky about spelling and grammar when it comes to my own writing, but I won’t be a cnut about it with other people. Unless they’re being douches, in which case I reserve the right to be a total cnut grammar Nazi.

      2. I agree with Ragen’s main point, which is that if you’re going to take time out of your life to stalk and insult someone, you could at least do it with a certain degree of panache. Otherwise said hater is just a cnut.

        1. Proofreading is not all that time consuming. If I’m trying to make a point, I try to at least make sure i spelled everything correctly. I’m a write/editor by trade and there are still words I have trouble with. What do I do? I look them up. I make sure I’ve got my shit straight before I post. I don’t think it is too much to ask haters to do the same. It has nothing to do with privilege. They can Google it just like anyone else. Seriously, if you are going to go out of your way to put someone down, why would you want to come across as a moron? It kind of negates what you were hoping to accomplish.;)

          1. Exactly. Plus, to the point of applying the grammar standard consistently: people who are not fat haters would not need to use the word combination “lose weight” in the first place, so they would not run into the possibility of misspelling, and thus, we can still apply the standard consistently. Further, I agree with the commenter who said that a hate emailer should at least pay some attention to what he or she spews. Yet further, attention to detail in writing is not necessarily a privilege of people who have had good formal education – it is just that, “attention and care to detail in writing”.

      3. Do you know whose grammar I enjoy making fun of? People putting lots of effort into upper-middle-class pretentiousness who give themselves away by being unable to make their subjects and verbs agree. I grew up working-class, had working-class jobs (now disabled), did not go to college, yet, lo and behold, I have a fairly decent command of the English language!

        And I have noticed that this blog and comments on this blog are pretty darn well written. It is perfectly right and good to make fun of the language usage of people who are vicious to other people. I always figure they’re the same people who say schools should just get back to teaching the three R’s.

        1. One of the reasons my husband and I so enjoy watching Perry Mason is that the grammar is always perfect. It’s such a pleasure. There are no confusions between fewer and less, between between and among, or between who and whom. That’s for starters.

              1. We have MeTV here (Memorabilia TV, I think) and they play loads of old stuff. We also have Antenna TV, a station that plays REALLY old stuff (Hazel, etc.). Love those old, fun shows.

                1. We have ME (Memorable entertainment) tv too. Note that most of their commercials cater to the problems of aging. But they sell diets and dieting, too.

      4. I have a few complaints about this. By saying it’s classist, you’re implying that poor people are the ones with bad grammar because of their lack of education or lack of a good education. That’s not at all true, and itself kind of a classist assumption. Bad grammar and spelling can and do happen across economic lines. Can it be a dickish thing to do? Yeah it most definitely can. However, if you are writing a letter with the sole intention of being hateful, overly critical, and putting others down in order to make yourself feel superior, how are they not asking for some of that back (the same way you point out grammar errors in those pointing out the grammar errors of others)?

        1. Not only that. Fat people might be more exuberant and less polished – it is harder to pull off a classic small black dress or a classic Chanel suit if you wear a bigger size. Not impossible, but harder. Apparently, based on your blog entry about nail polish, haters deny bigger people even the privilege of being polished – in the case of the nail polish, meant literally. So they imply that you have to jump through certain hoops and fit into a certain small enough size to obtain the privilege of having polished nails.

          Wel… grammar and spelling are polish, too. They are polish on our use of language. A person who wants to produce polished verbal output pauses to look before she pushes the “send” or “post” button.

          By noticing the notorious “loose-lose”, “fewer-less”, etc., we notice that some people who send hate mail are, well, not polished, and we remind them that the right to be polished is theirs – we do not take it away… as opposed to their trying to take away the right of a fat girl to have her nails polished.

  2. Ragen, you had me rolling on the floor laughing with this one. You are just terrific! As for Heather’s comment about your comment, she’s right about everything, too, but Heather, we can’t all be perfect as I am sure you are, so how about letting this one go. Or can’t you understand the powerful emotional depth in Ragen’s column today? The layers of anger and pain and laughter and contempt and disgust and amusement and irony and satire and parody. It’s brilliant writing! Some of these columns must be turned into a one-woman theater piece. And this has to be part of the show.

    1. Hi Susan,

      It’s entirely possible that there is a show in the works, but don’t tell anyone since it’s still a secret 🙂 In the meantime, thank you so much for understanding the piece and I’m really glad that you liked it.


  3. This is fantastic! Troll school by madam Ragen! heheh Awesome! I guess you get enough of them you would probably be considered an expert! Asshats. Bleh.

    I have a request, and I don’t know if you know of anyone, but do you know of an advice columnist or blogger who helps give advice to people on weight related issues? You know the kind of person who has been a fat activist for long enough to know how to give good “size positive” advice? Someone you can go to on advice on how to deal with stuff like – having a new boyfriend who is exposed for the first time to being with a partner who deals with fat hatred on a regular basis. How to help the new boyfriend deal with it or what to say to help them? Things of that nature? I think what we need is a Fat Dear Abby. lol

    Do you know of a blogger who does that kind of thing?

    1. Captain Awkward is your woman. http://captainawkward.com/ She identifies as fat. A great strength of hers is boundary setting and scripts to deal with people. She is at “Hold your questions” right now, but just reading in her site is amazingly helpful.

      1. Excellent! Thank you. 🙂 I’ll read through her past posts, perhaps she’s already addressed the issue that I wanted to ask about. If not, hopefully she’ll open up questions again soon.

        Thanks for the link, Vegetative! 🙂

      1. hahah I love it! I think there is definitely a need for a Fat Activist as an advice columnist. Getting advice from thin people about fat issues is probably not the best way to go.

  4. What a great read to start the day – you had me laughing (literally) out loud. 🙂 Although I’m also a little traumatized over the idea of an ant larger than a hummingbird.

  5. Brilliant! Absolutely loved reading this! You know what’s truly sad though is that the people it’s directed at really won’t GET it–they never do.
    And by the way, thank you for finally addressing the lose vs. loose issue! Why do so many people make that mistake?
    Kudos! Mer

  6. Well – “Loose” is *also* a verb. It means to release or set free something that has been constrained. (As in “loose the horses.”)

    Perhaps they resent that you, personally, are selfishly constraining so much glorious fat, and want you to set it free, winging through the air to share with the rest of us!

    1. And, technically, “loose” is the correct term for archery. I lose more tooth enamel to people “firing” arrows and “missing.” There’s no fire involved, damn it! If you want fire, go loose some bullets! Just don’t sin, for Elvis’s sake!

  7. Bwahaha! Every time I see “loose weight,” I imagine someone cutting open their belly to spill out little adipose creatures, shouting “Fly! Fly, my pretties!” It makes reading the Internet easier. I wish Hyperbole and a Half would do the same for “loose weight” that she did for the alot monster.

        1. OMG Thank you so much for that link. It took me on such an amazing roller coaster ride of emotions and I think I FINALLY understand a little about what it’s like for people with depression. I’ve never suffered it to that extent, never got to the point where I wanted to stop existing, but by reading that Hyperbole and a Half blog post I think I can understand a little bit better what people experiences that level of depression are going through. THANK YOU for the link!

          1. You’re so welcome, Stacy! I had almost the same reaction as you did. I hope she realizes what a service she has done for many people.

        2. Yes I did, but I get the feeling it’s still going to be a while until she has some more. She’s on the road to recovery and I’m so glad for that. Just hope she’ll be back at 100% soon.

  8. Oh Ragen, does your unselfishness know no bounds? Bless you for your efforts to help the poor, benighted trolls! Now perhaps their efforts will be more effective… nah, they’d have to take advice from a landwhale cnut who needs to loose weight to be worthy of their respect!

    Still, brava for the effort, and thanks for the belly laugh. It shook like a bowlful of jelly and terrified several trolls hiding under my kitchen table. It was fun watching them scatter to the four winds.

  9. Ragen, I just discovered your blog a couple of days ago and I think it is WONDERFUL! I have never really understood the haters in this world, particularly the ones who go out of their way to spread it around. Thank you for helping everyone else see them in a true light and I look forward to continuing to follow your writing! Cheers!

  10. The real reason someone calls you a cnut is actually not stupid related. They are using work email that has some kind of filter that will not allow the wotd cunt. That’s my theory and I am sticking to it.

      1. best comment of the day. I live in MN and I thought something similar!
        And FWIW, I frequently misspell “the” yep. My fingers do not like typing that word correctly.

  11. This was freakin’ hilarious. “I mean, do you want to be just an adequate hater or do you want to really excel?” That made me snort.

    Great way to start off the morning. ❤

  12. This was a great start to my day

    The loose/lose thing drives me absolutely crazy, They are not even pronounced the same so I do not understand why SO many people cannot spell the word lose.

    I don’t correct others grammar/spelling though,since I’ve been a victim of auto correct many times myself. Trolls are a different matter. I ignore them,but good for you for going all sarcastic on their sorry asses. Not that they probably recognize sarcasm…

  13. So…I took my son to see the movie “The Croods” and would you believe, there on the screen before me, was an actual depiction of a LANDWHALE (a whale, with little stumpy legs, plodding around on terra firma)?! I laughed so hard remembering how you’ve aptly pointed out in the past, Ragen, that people persist in insulting you by comparing you to a ridiculous, fictional animal. Well, apparently in the ancient (fictional) world of The Croods the elusive landwhale did, in fact, exist. And maybe, just maybe, the people who persist in using the internet to spew hate at you have not evolved beyond the intellect of prehistoric man.

  14. Ragan, you are wonderful. Someday I will learn not to hate myself and you will be on the “With thanks to…” list (along with my husband, who is unbelievable.) This last post is brilliant! I have to say, your humor is remarkably gentle, considering the hatred you are dealing with. Supposedly, fat people use humor to hide behind (and who HASN’T heard that one?) but you use it because you’re smart and funny. Thank you!

  15. Brilliant! When you can no longer have a civil discourse with someone, sometimes you gotta pull out the ridicule card so perhaps they (or more likely someone in the vicinity) will see how ridiculous what they are saying truly is. Mock their grammar faux pas, point out how unoriginal they are and let them know they don’t have anything to say that can actually hurt you.

    I was reminded of this group that stood up to the KKK with nothing but clown costumes and utter silliness. http://www.neatorama.com/2007/09/03/clowns-kicked-kkk-asses/

  16. We loose weight all the time when us cnuts ban trolls from blogs! Just look at those numbers get smaller and smaller every day!

  17. So many giggles! Thank you for using your energy to turn something ugly into fuel for something downright adorable 🙂

  18. Ragen, this one has to go into the Best Of box along with your Underpants. Please recycle it regularly.

  19. I’d really lose it if some troll told you to “loose wait, you landwhale cnut”. Talk about letting somebody’s pet monkey get in and start banging on the keyboard!

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