The Problem with Fat Civil Rights

Or your narrow chair…

I received an e-mail from a reader today that I think sums up a situation that a lot of fat people face [trigger warning for weight loss talk – you can skip the quote if you don’t want to be triggered]:

 I want to be smaller. I want to be able to sit in any damn chair I want and to not worry that a seatbelt won’t fit. I want to fly economy class, dammit! …But I know that diets do not work the vast majority of the time…What I do not know is how to reconcile my desire to be smaller with my very strong view that there is nothing wrong with being fat … I am absolutely fine with being me I would just like to be a bit smaller. And I do mean a bit – I don’t want to be thin, just comfortable in more situations.

This is a difficult situation and one faced by many oppressed populations – it’s not uncommon to wish that you could change yourself to be in the non-oppressed group, even just a little bit.  This desire can be especially strong in oppressed groups who are told that they can move into the non-oppressed group if they just try hard enough.  Personally,  as a queer woman I’ve been told that if I would just try harder to be straight my life would be easier.  As a fat woman I’ve been told that if I would just try harder to lose weight my life would be easier.  In both situations I am told that I should support the system of social stigma by working to change myself rather than working to change system of social stigma. In both cases I refuse to do that.

I think  the reason we ponder this at all is the illusion that weight loss is possible even though studies show that the vast majority of those who diet will gain back their weight and many will gain back more than they lost. If we were having trouble trouble fitting into the world because we were very tall or very  short, we might curse our fate but we would not be trying to change our bodies. As fat people we are encouraged to believe that the solution to all of our problems is just a diet away.

Even if weight loss was possible this would be an invalid argument. I do not believe that the cure for social stigma and oppression (including not being accommodated at our size) is for us to be required to change our bodies. I think the cure for social stigma is ending social stigma.

That doesn’t mean that you can’t attempt weight loss or that I’ll judge you if you do (and of course you are under absolutely no obligation to care what I think anyway) you are the boss of your underpants and you have the right to try for smaller panties.  All I care about is that everyone has access to all the information, what choices they make for their bodies are up to them and I respect those choices as I want my choices to be respected (and I will never understand people who can’t get that).

I do think the reality is that this attitude impedes the fight for fat civil rights – including the rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness in the bodies we have now without having our government waging war on us for how we look.  If you believe the media, fat people make up almost 70% of the US population.  We control the vote, you’d think we could get some freaking comfortable chairs.

But every time we say “I just want to lose enough weight to fit into a chair/fit into economy class/not be stigmatized anymore” what we are NOT saying is “There is nothing wrong with my body and I demand that you stop stigmatizing me and start accommodating me and I’m willing to fight for that”.

I think  the biggest challenge faced by the Fat Civil Rights Movement at the moment is that so many fat people don’t believe they deserve civil rights and a world that accommodates their bodies.  Of course nobody is obligated to believe that or to become a fat activist, but the truth is that civil rights are historically the result of a critical mass of the oppressed population deciding that they deserve to be treated better, and then demanding that despite the fact that it’s a long, difficult, uncomfortable fight.

The good news is that once we decide that we’ve had about enough of being treated like crap, we have the resources to fight back if we will just re-purpose them.  Imagine if we put as much time, energy and money into fighting for a world without weight stigma, oppression and that accommodates people of all sizes as we have put into dieting.  That, my friends, would be a game changer. That would give us the ability fight back against the government-sponsored  war on fat people, stop saying “I just want to lose enough weight to be treated better” cut out the middle man and simply demand to be treated better.

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30 thoughts on “The Problem with Fat Civil Rights

  1. You know I have been wanting to bring this up for a while since it is bothering me a LOT, but never really saw the right time or place via this Blog.
    There is this lovely dancer that I know. I JUST had her make me some AMAZING Pantaloons in MY size because she is a larger dancer and lemmie tell you something. She is freaking AMAZING! She inspires me, the way she moves, how graceful she is, the ideas she comes up with. She had the troupe dancing to “Born this way” Last year and it made me cry, because it was her and all the other gals in the troupe ALL different shapes and sizes. It was truly beautiful.

    Then I find out that she apparently has been preparing for the Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy (she is starting her all liquid diet already, and I think she goes in for the actual surgery on Thursday)
    When I saw this I felt like my world was CRUSHED. She is SUCH an amazing dancer! She is the studio’s like second in command, she is certified level 1 Fat chance Belly Dance as well as a certified teacher of FCBD ATS style. They performed at the biggest shows…they HOST a gigantic show. She has SOOOOOOOO Much in her life..and now she risks losing that to get her stomach amputated?
    I literally started to cry when I read this.
    an example of the secret longing of even the strongest of us to be small. Even though she seems like the best Fat Role Model, she is actually just a regular unhappy fat person that I guess just can’t see how amazing she is. Though I think she does, but she has chosen this, and I don’t even know what to say to her. I shouldn’t have her explain herself to me. she doesn’t owe me anything, plus it would be kinda rude.
    I Will remember the woman that I idolized though what she made me..special fabulous pantaloons that are made for a short person with a lovely curvy waist.
    She will still be my friend, but I think she may lose some of her fabulousness because she is no longer a bad ass “despite” whatever, being heavy, being different whatever, just another dancer with a great talent. Nothing setting her apart. She will no longer be overcoming adversity and being extraordinary…She can still be an amazing dancer…and will go very far, and of course whit the smaller body that that surgery creates, she may even go all the way to the top…-shrugs- I wouldn’t risk my health just to be smaller.

    Attached is their performance. I won’t say which dancer it is, but I wanted to share this performance, because I think it is the most beautiful. ALL Dancers of shapes and sizes dancing to a song about everyone just being who they are.

    1. Thanks for sharing that video…they all look completely amazing & very sexy. I’m sorry to hear that one of these dancers is undergoing such a risky surgery…but agree that it’s important to respect her decision and be a supportive friend. Now, I kind of want to learn belly dancing…love the beautiful movement and costumes.

      1. Yes they are truly beautiful. This is called American Tribal Style (ATS) Belly Dance. There are 3 major groups in the US that have certifications of the style, the vocabulary and the cues as it is 100% improv. That’s right, that performance was 100% improvised. The style in which they are dancing is the Fat Chance Belly Dance Style (FCBD) it is the Largest ATS group and one of the first. There are a LOT of studios around the country that teach this style. I would be MORE then happy to help you find a dance studio if you wanna give Belly dance a try. I teach at a Studio and I teach this style as well as a few other things. I have NEVER had anyone NOT want to take my class because of my size. It doesn’t even come up 🙂

        And thank you for the supportive comment about my friend. I really was heartbroken to see that she would do something like this when her message of acceptance to and for all is in this piece that she was the creative and artistic director on. She will still inspire me, and I just don’t want to lose her as a friend because I am more comfortable in my body then she…though you wouldn’t know it by the amazing things she does 🙂

    2. Tell the lady that you think she is awesome as is, that you are worried because you’ve heard of less-than-positive results of said surgery, but that you’ll support her in whatever she decides. Likely she’ll get it done anyway, but it might help her to know that if it doesn’t work out, that there was one person at least who cared and wasn’t just part of a mindless cheering chorus.

      1. I don’t see anything wrong with telling her that you think she is just wonderful as a fat dancer who is happy in her skin and how much that motivates and inspires you. Let her think about that for a few minutes. It’s still her underpants; you’re just giving her some information she might be missing.

      2. You know I DID think about saying something because there is a HUGE outpouring of the mindless cheering. SO many people are supporting her in her decision. It isn’t so much “Oh you feel SOO much better when the weight melts off” more of like “Good luck and I hope you recover well!”
        She has obviously been working towards this for a while, and she is NOT a dumb woman, I actually think she works in the medical field. Either way it is obvious to me and the people that are around her and supporting her that everyone wants to support her decision even though they ALL know she is fabulous the way she is. And it just came as a HUGE surprise to me.
        I feel uncomfortable saying anything to her because I have only met her over the last year, and though we have talked I don’t feel like I should be critiquing her choice for smaller underpants. As the rule goes, we are the boss of our own underpants, and obviously she wants her to be a different size. That is her choice. But it would destroy her and the dance community as a whole to lose her if A-the operation were to go wrong in some way, or there were complications afterward B-that her stamina wouldn’t be up to par because of her reduced intake of nutritious food, and the vitemans she would be losing due to this surgery (I had a teacher in college that had it done and while she was happy, she had to take crushed up Flintstones Vitemans in order to give her body the nutrients she was losing by having her intestines attached to her amputated stomach) Dancing is HARD especially this style, and you need a LOT of stamina to dance for hours and hours in these 2-3 hour workshops, weather she is teaching or participating. And since she is the co-director of the Studio troupe that travels and performs..she may bot be up to it anymore, and that would be a HUGE loss
        C- There are going to have to be follow up surgeries, like removing the loose hanging skin and such from the rabid weight loss, so for the next year or so she will probably be in and out of surgery more then she will be dancing.

        Those are a LOT of reasons not to do this, and most of us know about them. But if someone has set their mind to it…I mean yeah I am one person who supports her for being who she is…but is that enough? I used to think it was in my own skin and underpants..but losing SUCH a valued STRONG confident full figured dancer..it;s hard.

    3. What I want to know is why is the camera positioned so that the two larger women keep getting cut off. Is there a reason the camera man couldn’t frame this better? I mean he’s tiltin up and down, why not pan left and right too? Or, for that matter, zoom?

      And yes, I know it could also have beena camera woman…

      1. I can assure you that was NOT intentional. They don’t have a set camera person for the shows, or at least that particular one, and having sat ALL the way in the back this year and taking video on my iPod, it’s not easy. You have to sit in an uncomfortable way in order to get the video…so I can tell you that it was absolutely not intentional. OR it could have been taken by one of the other dancers friends, boyfriends, girlfriends whatever and was trying to focus on them, I honestly don’t know, that is the best copy of the piece they have so they use what they have. I Promise it isn’t fat hate or shaming to try and cut them out. The WHOLE studio is VERY size accepting..which again confused the hell out of me as to why she would undergo this surgery.

    4. UPDATE!
      I have JUST found out that the dancer that is wanting to get the surgery is wanting to become a weight lifter. I know having a surgery like that isn’t the best way to go, but at least I sorta feel better in that she is going to stay true to her larger frame and do something with it that will set her apart because of it. AKA if my BFF who weighs all off 120 lbs tried to be come a weight lifter, she could pack the on muscle, but she’s 5’2 with a VERY petite frame. that is just the way her body is, and she wouldn’t be able to do it. She;s GREAT at home improvement stuff because she is strong and quick and such due to her specific body shape, but she could never be like an Olympic weight lifter.
      I on the other hand, probably could because I have broad shoulders and the strength to so it based on my wider frame. Anyway..not sure if this makes any sense concerning my dancer friend, but I think what she is doing the surgery for is quite the complex issue.

  2. You can’t fight for civil rights and for your own oppression at the same time. You have to choose one or the other.

    Me? I’m choosing to fight for my rights as well as those of others. Diversity is what makes us interesting. I’m for anything that accepts diversity. Women are slightly over half the population, so I’ve never seen why we have to fight to be taken seriously. If the ‘overweight/obese’ are roughly three quarters, then I see no damn reason on earth to sit back and meekly allow myself to be treated like I’m the problem. I’m not. I’m fat, I have a vagina, I’m still a human being. Get the hell over it, people.

    Oh, and I’m not just for the rights of the oppressed majorities. I’m also damn well fighting against queer oppression, even though I’m not queer and against racism even if I am white. It’s about what’s right. I’m a person, you’re a person, and that means we should have basic human rights and civil liberties.

    It’s as simple as that, folks. Human beings deserve human rights. Period.

  3. For the first time I will not be sarcastic in my comments. Why do you think society doesnt tell Tall people to try harder to be short? Why do you think society doesnt tell black people to become white? Or any other physical change to take place. But to tell a gay person to try harder to be straight or a fat person to be thin is acceptable. Why is that? The obvious: tall people are born that way, black people are born that way. Most do not believe that being gay or fat is something we are born with…! I am very serious. I have done studies on both subjects. I know we are born who we are, what we look like etc. Yes, I can die my hair blonde but I still have_________color of hair and it will always grow out that color. I can lose weight but I will always have a fat body. A gay person can fake being straight but will return to their natual self. I hate to use this example, but look at Michael Jackson, he did everything to make his skin white. Did that make him a white man. NO. We have DNA of our very own. We cannot change it, at least for now. As long as society believes it is a choice and not how we are born, we will always have to fight to be who we are. In my experience and with the research I have done, I found I was born fat and that is that. Yes, I put it in a book and now I want to share with the world to leave me alone about my fatness because I was born that way. Some wont of course, but most will if they understand. Just like the analogy with the flat world, it will take time to prove but minds will change. For now we have to fight the war on obesity.

    1. Actually, society DOES tell black people to become white, or at least LIGHTER. Hence the preponderance of hair straighteners, fade creams, weaves, all designed to make black people (especially black women) closer to the “ideal” of beauty which is light with long, straight, hair.

      And blacks who “talk white,” are considered more socially acceptable by the mainstream. So yes, there are some very strong messages to black people to become as white as possible in order to succeed.

      1. Thanks Jill and yes you are right. Still my point is that once society learns in general, like with tall people, that you cannot change something you are born with, maybe, and hopefully, people will be more accepting. I would also agree with straightening ones hair may be just a preferrence or is it to be accepted by whites?. Probably both. But do you believe blacks want white skin too? Maybe some just like some of us want so badly to be thin. It just comes down to how sad it is as a people we cant just accept differences. That would be the easy answer. Until then, my goal is to educate fat people to understand being fat is not a flaw or a fault. Easier said than done.

  4. Can anyone picture the same sort of progress happening for fat people as has for LGBQT? I think the awful things done to the LGBQT community (like beatingsn etc) made a good rallying point, and there were congregating areas like gay bars where the critical mass finally hit and they started demanding their rights.

    I may just be pessimistic, but I feel like fat oppression is so much harder to combat, because it’s “I’m sorry, you’ll have to buy 2 seats” or “No, we don’t have your size here” rather than more physical abuse, and we do have the same legal rights (I think Obamacare is fixing the “fat people can’t get insurance thing, is it not?). And is there any place where fat people congregate? I suppose perhaps an uprising might start at a Weight Watchers meeting or something, but it’s a little different. I don’t feel like fat people have the option of heading to a fat positive place to congregate and talk and start getting angry at the things that happen to us.

    I hope all that made sense; I’m running on 4 hours patchy sleep.

    1. It’s not harder to fight, but you have to FIGHT, and many fat people are still under the impression that they’re not supposed to be the way they are and that they should be working hard to change their bodies. LGBTQ rights didn’t magically take off one day for no reason. Stonewall happened. People decided ENOUGH was ENOUGH, and the struggle began. And forty years after Stonewall, our bars are still being raided, we’re still being beaten, and it’s still legal to fire and evict us in much of the country. Yet, at the same time, we are making strides because we REFUSE to sit down and shut up. And that’s what the fat community needs– a turning point where we all band together and say, ENOUGH.

  5. Until obesity is seen as a state of being and not as a moral failing of some sort, fat people will continue to be judged solely on looks at first glance. That’s the essence of this struggle. Being fat is being a person with a fatal flaw, a moral vacuum, the same way people who commit certain crimes I won’t mention here are seen. We have that stigma thrown up first before anything else can happen.

    It’s also a qualifier. Consider how many obese, revered actors there are, and how they are always described: “Big lady, but incredibly talented (Kathy Bates)”; “larger than life (Cameron Manheim)”, etc. It is the same thing as saying to the public, “Oh, please forgive them for being big because really, they’re just wonderful at what they do, really! Please just excuse this ginormous fault they have…I’m sure they’re on a diet!”

    *gag*

  6. The way to get chairs and seat belts that fit is to make chairs and seat belts that FIT.

    When researching wedding stuff at the beginning of this year, I came across the concept of “Make the dress fit you, don’t make you fit the dress.” Seems obvious, but SO MANY women/brides assume that they have to get a dress that doesn’t quite fit them and then change the shape of their body to fit into that dress. Being shown another route was liberating.

    I got stuck with a chair with arms at my grandparents’ house last week and spent most of lunch with my hips tilted just so I could sit. I was annoyed, but at the chair not fitting me, not me for not fitting in the chair.

    I think we want to be smaller because we assume that’s the easy course (one thing to change instead of half the world). But really it’s not, and the research shows that, again and again. Most of the (western) world is calibrated to a time when the average man was 5’6″ whereas the average American male is now 5’10” so a lot of stuff just doesn’t fit because the human skeleton (generally) gets wider as it gets taller.

    {/ramble}

    1. You are so right. We are bigger. Every generation is bigger, usually. I can fit fine in chairs but not booths. I carry my weight above my hips. I still have problems in airplanes and in chairs stacked next to each other. I always get an end and move the chairs over a few inches. But you are right, the chairs should be made to fit us. I have noticed that there are bigger chairs at hospitals and some doctor offices. That is a good start.

    2. I think this way now too, it actually took me losing some weight and STILL not fitting in chairs properly for me to realize the issue was my hips and that no amount of weight loss was gonna change their natural size.

      I try to avoid chairs with arms just because I know most of the time my hips aren’t gonna fit and I’m gonna be uncomfortable, but I no longer feel guilty for it. I no longer have that inner monologue of self hate, it’s nice to be free of that burden.

  7. When society decided to treat black people as if they were less human than their white counterparts, black people didn’t try and change their skin color – they said “let us free… we are different people but we are still people.”
    When society decided to treat women as if they were less valuable and worthy than men, women didn’t try and change their gender – they said “honor and respect us…we are a different gender of people but we are still people.”
    When society decided to treat gay people as if they were freaks who did unnatural things, gay people did not try to change what was in their hearts (*and those that did were mostly unhappy and unsuccessful*) – they said “leave us alone…we are what we are and we are still people.”

    Think fat isn’t the same thing? It’s a physical characteristic. What if only brunettes could sit in a theater seat – would you dye your hair to see the new Batman movie or would you launch a letter-writing campaign against the movie theater? What if only blue-eyed people could fly comfortably – would you buy contacts or boycott the airline? What if there was a height restriction in restaurants – would you have bones in your legs surgically shortened or would you file a lawsuit on behalf on all tall people?
    ~*~*~*~*
    On a simpler note: When I was 9 yrs old I wanted to buy a skirt at a clothing store and could not find anything in my size. My first thought, (before the media poisoned my mind and damaged my self-esteem) was not that I should be smaller – it was that the store should make bigger clothes! When did we swallow to line that we should go to miserable and unrealistic lengths to change ourselves in order to get *our* needs met? Why aren’t we demanding what we will pay to be supplied with?

    The only argument the airlines have against having bigger seats is $$ – but I bet a LOT of people, not matter what their actual size, would mind spending a little more on tickets if it meant more comfortable seats across the board. Or what about different size seats in the same section of the plane? I would love to know the statistics for how many people can actually fly comfortably with the seat size that exists currently.

    People who bang their heads on doorways aren’t told to get shorter. People who can’t reach things aren’t told to get taller. People who burn in the sun aren’t told to get darker skin.

    If obesity it an epidemic then we are the majority – the world should be adjusted to us, not the other way around!

    1. This is not intended as a personal attack, I just feel the need to point out a few fallacious assumptions:

      “When society decided to treat black people as if they were less human than their white counterparts, black people didn’t try and change their skin color…”
      ~ Actually, many of them tried to act like their white neighbors and there is a whole slew of creams invented to lighten the skin, many still in use in various parts of Asia.

      “When society decided to treat women as if they were less valuable and worthy than men, women didn’t try and change their gender…”
      ~ Women have (and do) dress as men to get around gender restrictions. Look for articles on girls raised as boys in Muslim countries for a modern example.

      “When society decided to treat gay people as if they were freaks who did unnatural things, gay people did not try to change what was in their hearts (*and those that did were mostly unhappy and unsuccessful*)…”
      ~ You brought up your own contradiction there. Just because it didn’t/doesn’t work as intended doesn’t mean it wasn’t used as a coping mechanism; just look at the use of dieting!

      People get despondent because it seems that we (as a group) are so much less motivated to fight for our civil rights than the groups of the last century. In reality, coming to a point of “enough is too much” takes time. Ragen addressed some of this a few blogs ago, where she referenced the Stonewall riots. Those weren’t the first response to oppression, that was a culmination of a LOT of attempts at appeasement of society as a whole.

      Our struggle isn’t less worthy just because we haven’t reached that critical mass point. I think that resources like this blog are helping us reach it much faster than we might have otherwise.

      1. Actually you have made your own assumptions about my assumptions based on your interpretation of my post. I am well aware of the despondency and desperate conformity that occurred among the members of the groups I mentioned and I’m sorry if you thought I was being overly simplistic or historically inaccurate. I knowingly painted history with a broad and hasty brush because I wanted to focus on the more positive and inspiring aspects of the struggle. I chose to focus on the “critical mass points” you mentioned because we do seem to be struggling to get there, or even realize that we have a right to be there. I was speaking optimistically of the journey or struggle you describe, and using other oppressed groups’ eventual “enough is enough” mentality as something to work towards.

        So basically you just made the same point I was trying to. I do not feel attacked but I do choose to feel slightly annoyed and insulted that you assumed I did not mention the efforts to conform under oppression because I was not aware of them, and you then felt the need to “educate” me publicly. So I don’t feel attacked as much as condescended to and frustrated because I wanted people to focus on the spirit of my post and the emotions behind it, without feeling the need to fact check or correct me.

      2. But Pauline, you WERE being overly simplistic when claiming certain groups didn’t try to conform when clearly some of their members did. The issue is not whether you were aware of them, just that you implied that they didn’t happen.
        It is important to point out attempts at appeasement, if only to show that they don’t work well, or work only for a very, very few people.
        Speaking of flashpoints and critical mass, I think an incident like this (many Trigger Warnings here re ill-treatment of dead fat person)(http://www.webpak.net/~cynorita/patricia.htm) should have brought a hoot and holler from fat people everywhere, but it didn’t. I am at a loss to know what WOULD incite people

  8. I am a bit confused here. Are you saying there can be NO reconciliation between a person wanting to be smaller than they are and HAES? I thought the meaning of HAES is in the name – Health At Every Size. So if someone wants to change their size and do it in a healthy way, whether it is gaining muscle mass, losing weight, gaining weight (I know there are thin people who want to be bigger), isnt that their choice of underpants?

    The emailer says they know that diets don’t work, they don’t want to be thin, just a bit smaller, and to be healthy while they are being the person they want to be. I really don’t mean to push any buttons, I am genuinely asking….I am at a loss to see why this is a bad thing? There was no mention of any drastic measures – surgery, liquids diets, restrictive diets, *any* diets. The emailer said they are “absolutely fine being me”, so I take it they are not ashamed/depressed/deeply unhappy, they just want to be the awesome person that they are while changing their physical aspect in a healthy HAES-like way.

    I’d really appreciate some feedback. I’m so pleased this has been brought up – thanks Ragen!

    1. Hi Bridgie,

      I want to be clear that these are my thoughts and based on my reading of the e-mail only and I don’t intend to put words into the original emailer’s mouth.

      Are you saying there can be NO reconciliation between a person wanting to be smaller than they are and HAES? I thought the meaning of HAES is in the name – Health At Every Size. So if someone wants to change their size and do it in a healthy way, whether it is gaining muscle mass, losing weight, gaining weight (I know there are thin people who want to be bigger), isnt that their choice of underpants?

      First, as I said in the blog “That doesn’t mean that [they] can’t attempt weight loss or that I’ll judge [them] if [they] do (and of course [they] are under absolutely no obligation to care what I think anyway) [they] are the boss of [their] underpants and [they] have the right to try for smaller panties.”

      That said, my understanding of Health at Every Size is that it is a health practice in which the focus is put on healthy habits (not weight or weight loss), the body is allowed to settle at whatever size it settles, weight and health are understood to be two separate things, and intentional weight loss is not recommended (for reasons including the fact that there is no evidence basis for its efficacy). So, by that definition, attempting intentional weight loss to be healthier would not fall under the HAES umbrella, nor would losing weight to attempt to change ones social class since that doesn’t have anything to do with health.

      What I understood the commenter to be saying is that they want to lose weight to move out of an oppressed group of people and into a group of people who are less oppressed (because the world is built to fit them). My point was that this is a choice that they are allowed to make, and by making this choice they are buying into a system that says that instead of fighting for the world to accommodate us, we should change ourselves, thereby supporting the systems by which others are oppressed in direct opposition to the principles of the fat civil rights movement, all of which they are absolutely allowed to do.

      The emailer says they know that diets don’t work, they don’t want to be thin, just a bit smaller, and to be healthy while they are being the person they want to be. I really don’t mean to push any buttons, I am genuinely asking….I am at a loss to see why this is a bad thing? There was no mention of any drastic measures – surgery, liquids diets, restrictive diets, *any* diets. The emailer said they are “absolutely fine being me”, so I take it they are not ashamed/depressed/deeply unhappy, they just want to be the awesome person that they are while changing their physical aspect in a healthy HAES-like way.

      The e-mailer is allowed to do whatever they want and I’ll respect their decision. For me, while I absolutely acknowledge someone’s right to attempt weight loss for whatever reason, I don’t believe that there is any such thing as a HAES diet or HAES-friendly weight loss. In fact, one of the main reasons that the term HAES was put under copyright was to avoid people using it inappropriately to describe weight loss methods. I don’t know how the emailer is reconciling “diets don’t work” with “I want to be smaller” but that is totally their deal. The reality of intentional weight loss is that there is an almost certain chance that they will end up being the same size they are now within 2-5 years and, depending on the study you read, a 66%-80% chance that they will actually end up fatter – fitting in even less chairs and being even more uncomfortable on a plane, which doesn’t mean that they aren’t allowed to try.

      It should also be noted that while I hope as many people as possible will choose to fight for fat civil rights, I bear absolutely no ill will toward those who instead attempt to lose weight to change their social class and avoid the difficulties caused by fat oppression, just as I do not bear ill will against those queer people who try to “pass” as straight to avoid difficulties caused by their oppression. Each person gets to do what they want to do.

      I hope that makes sense!

      ~Ragen

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