Live to Comment Another Day

If you have been around the Fat-o-Sphere for long, you’ve probably heard the advice “Don’t read the comments”.  This is in reference to the fact that there are people who actually choose to spend their free time fat bashing on the internet, and that these people have a certain knack for making any article into a fat bashing fest.

I think that spreading a positive Size Acceptance message around the internet is a valuable exercise, but I’m not willing to give up my sanity to do it. So I ninja comment (get in, don’t read the comments, leave a comment, get out, never go back).  I started a Facebook group called Rolls not Trolls based on the suggestions of people around the blog.  The goal of the group is to share links in internet discussions that could use a little body positivity.  Today someone on the group asked for coaching on how to leave these comments, so here we are.

Here are my best tips for spreading some love around the internet with your sanity intact, of course you can take them or leave them and feel free to suggest your own!

You do not have to read the other comments.  I rarely read the other comments.  If the link is from RNT I typically already know what’s going on from the post.  Otherwise, as soon as I read one negative comment I stop.

I  don’t go in to change anyone’s mind.  I’m leaving my comment for the person who is reading the comment thread and might be helped in some way by reading something written from a Size Acceptance point of view.

I don’t reply specifically to anyone, even though it’s tempting.  The reason is that if I respond to someone specifically it’s more difficult for me to avoid going back.  I’m not looking for a conversation here – I’ve found it takes too much of my mental energy for not enough benefit and there are other things that I would prefer to use that energy for.

Remember who you are dealing with.  These are the kind of people who think that it’s a good use of their time to fat bash on the internet, and that should tell you everything that you need to know about them. They are entitled to their opinion but I don’t have to care what it is.

If you want to back up what you’re saying with fact, some of the people on RNT have started a very cool document with links to various studies, papers and facts.  Once you’re a member of the group you can click on 1 document at the top.  Any group member can add to the document as well so feel free to jump in.

Here are some sample comments that I often use:

In response to general fat bashing

It seems fairly obvious that you can’t hate someone healthy.  It’s a shame that people’s idea of blowing off steam is to hop on the internet and treat people disrespectfully because of the way they look – I would hope that we would be past that by now.

In response to a “fat people are so expensive/tax dollars” argument

This strikes me as a thinly veiled excuse to fat bash and here’s why:  our tax dollars pay for all kinds of things that we don’t like and that’s just the way it goes. That doesn’t make it someone else’s right to say what size I should be any more than it makes it my right to tell people that they aren’t allowed to drink because my tax dollars will pay for their cirrhosis (even though I don’t drink), or that they can’t drive anymore because they don’t use their turn signals and my tax dollars pay for the stoplights that are damaged in the crash (even though I use my turn signals), or that thin people who eat poorly and are sedentary have to change their diet and start working out because my tax dollars will pay for their future diseases (even though I eat a healthy diet and exercise).   The fact that, out of everything someone’s tax dollars pay for, they have singled out fat people seems to me to basically say “I like to fat bash, and this excuse is flimsy but seems plausible enough to let me do it.”

When every commenter thinks that they are a medical genius

There is a mountain of research (Gaesser, Bacon, Wei et.al., Blair etc.) that shows that healthy habits are our best chance for a healthy body.  The use of weight as a proxy for health hurts everyone, since it misleads fat people into thinking that healthy habits don’t make us healthier unless they also make us thinner, and gives thin people the dangerous misconception that their weight makes them healthy regardless of their habits.  Health is multi-dimensional and not entirely within our control but the best thing that we can do for our health is practice healthy habits and let our body size take care of itself, and not be stigmatized by the people around us.

When people are commenting on a article about someone who challenges their stereotypes:

It’s always interesting to watch people desperately try to hold onto their prejudices, even in the face of direct evidence to the contrary. Thank you [person from the article] for giving people the opportunity to rethink their stereotypes and bigotry.  You are strong and beautiful and appreciated!

Of course you are under no obligation to join the fray, I didn’t for a long time and some days I just don’t feel like it and that’s totally fine. If you feel like doing some activism this is just one option!

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