Bad Fatty’s Not-Lament

Sometimes, I just get in the mood to write silly poetry that would break the “Pritchard Scale” (plus 20 awesome points if you get the movie reference).  Enjoy:

There she is, across the floor
Eating salad and nothing more

Just some lemon to dress
You see I’m trying to eat less

Please don’t shame me, I’m being a good fatty

She says she’s embarrassed
Shakes her head, I’m a slob

I eat too much, don’t exercise
I’m just a big lazy blob

But I’m in the gym at eight
You see, I’m trying to lose the weight

Please believe me, I’m being a good fatty

Across the restaurant I sit
Enjoying salsa and some chips

Enduring the waitresses raised brow
Her expression screaming God, what a cow

Then she says there on page two
Are salads, they’ll be good for you

I know, I know… I’m obviously a bad fatty

I see frustration through strained civility
Why won’t I take responsibility

I’m obviously a drain on healthcare
I take up too much space and it’s unfair

Everyone knows I must be sick
Because my middle is just too thick

See that girl with the salad… now THAT’S a good fatty

I’m a bad fatty, I’ll admit it
I don’t have time for all this bullshit

Won’t hate myself and live in constant shame
Won’t play your crazy yo-yo diet game

Won’t buy your shakes and soups and bars
Won’t let you leave emotional scars

I think I’ll like myself, and you can call me Bad Fatty

In perfect health my doctors say
I thank my body every day

I love body and how it’s built
So you can keep your good fatty guilt

Health at Every Size is my cry
The root word of diet is DIE

You say I should hate myself but why
The good fatty price is just too high

So back on up, I’m proud to be a Bad Fatty

Want some poetry that doesn’t suck? Check this out, from the fabulous Pearlsong Press (no affiliation, I just happen to like it!)