I’m part of an internet dating experiment. That lead me to have a date on Friday night.
We had read and commented on each other’s profiles, had exchanged a number of e-mails and decided to meet. He opened doors, offered me his hand, paid for the date etc. (While I don’t need/require this behavior but I like it sometimes.) During the date he (not I) kept making reference to future dates and things we would do etc. The date was three hours of really nice conversation. That was Friday.
He e-mailed Saturday to say that he had a great time and looked forward to seeing me again, but he e-mailed after I had gone to a friend’s birthday party so I didn’t get back to him. Then he called yesterday to ask me to go on a walk and hang out. I got that message about an hour after he left it so I called him back.
We talked for about an hour and a half just about hobbies and stuff and he kept bringing up going on other dates. We set a time for a next date. That’s when he paused and then this happened (this is an abbreviation of the conversation hitting the high points).
Before you read the conversation, you should know that my profile says the following:
“I’m an active, fat, athlete. I suppose I could say I’m voluptuous or pleasantly plump or whatever people say but I think euphemisms tend to give a sense of discomfort and I’m very comfortable and happy with myself and my body just as I am. I also know that my look isn’t attractive to everyone and I think that’s fine, I’m just not the woman for you.”
At the end of the profile I have a list, the title of which says: “If any of the following are true, you should look elsewhere. No hard feelings!
#5 is: If you aren’t attracted to bigger women.
Just in case literacy is not someone’s strong point I also included picture of me hanging out, you know…being fat.
So here is the conversation:
Him: Um, size is a problem for me when it comes to lust.
Me: How so?
Him: I just can’t see ever wanting to tear your clothes off and throw you down.
Me: Well, I’m not willing to date someone who wouldn’t want to tear my clothes off and throw me down so that doesn’t work for me
Him: I guess we’ll just have to hang out with me cursing the fact that you are…. we could do healthy stuff like go for walks until you lose weight…(long pause) are you happy with your body?
Me: Yes I’m very happy with my body.
Him: You don’t look healthy. I don’t think your knees and back will hold out
Me: I hear that a lot from people who aren’t educated about health.
Him: You’re a great person…CURSE YOU FATE! We can still be friends.
Me: I already have plenty of friends, and honestly, I put this in my profile several times specifically to avoid having to have this conversation. I’m really looking to date so I don’t want to hang out with you.
Him: I guess I understand…sorry if this stung.”
FTW? First of all, could I have been more damn clear in my profile? Second, we talked about my dance and training schedule (I exercise about 20 hours per week), if that has me at this size I don’t think taking walks is going to be my path to thinness. Third, why are you cursing fate? This is your body issue that you choose to hang onto. I’m totally ok with your choosing the issue but could you at least own it?
Most of all, it’s not that the rejection stung – as I already freaking mentioned in my profile I’m aware that not everyone is attracted to bigger people and I get that. What I don’t get is why the frick he went out with me in the first place when my profile clearly demonstrates that I’m Fatty McFatterson, Mayor of Fatville, and he knows that he is only attracted to thin women.
If there were a Darwin award for dating, this guy would win it.