How I Behaved Like a Dumbass and Felt Like a Super Hero

I had a dance lesson on Saturday at 3:00. I rushed out of my house and as the door closed behind me I realized that I had locked the keys inside. I called NotHusband but he was VERY far away. I remembered that  Kel (my best friend)<!–[if gte vml 1]>

<![endif]–> had broken in once when we accidentally locked the screen door. So, I went around to my back bedroom window. I removed the screen and opened the window. As I did I heard that crash that was the huge three panel wrought iron candle holding screen that I have in front of my window. Unable to see inside due to the height of the window I climbed onto the air conditioner. It wasn’t as close or as high as I thought so I had to put one foot up on the window sill and jump with the other foot to be straddling the window sill with one leg in and one leg out. The windows in my house are long and skinny and I am not. This was one part of a larger problem. First, my landing space on the floor was now covered with the fallen wrought iron screen and glass. The screen was resting with the top part of my bed and the bottom part of the floor so jumping on it would cause it to pop up and hit me in the face. Not good. Also, small thin bars of wrought iron do not make for a comfy landing, especially not from 5 feet off the ground. Because of the height and the angle of the window if I just pulled the other leg in I would have fallen off the window because there was nothing to grab. Not Good. I tried to go to the left and lean on the wall but the wall was farther than I anticipated and I almost fell headlong off the window sill. Not good again. I finally realized that I could lay on the windowsill (to my right) snake the leg that was in the house down the wall to the left (and away from the screen). The only problem with this was that in order to get my other leg through the window I would have to almost do the splits. It was at this point that I realized the sheer stupidity of risking breaking something on my body in order to get to a dance lesson but it was too late. Because the air conditioner was so far away there was no way to get back. So I made an itsy bitsy request to the universe for help and went to it. I watched in stunned amazement as the leg on the outside straightened and stretched until it pulled through the window and I was safe on the ground. At that point the adrenaline hit me and I instantly felt like a superhero or at least cool spy chick in a movie who stealthily breaks into the house. Still, despite all the coolness, I can definitely say that I don’t want that to happen again.

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