Not the Darkness, but Happily the Boogieman


I am listening to random music and Ani DiFranco just came on. One of my favorite lyrics ever:

Tell me who’s your boogie man
and that’s who I will be
You don’t have to like me for who I am
But we’ll see what you’re made of by what you make of me.

2 thoughts on “Not the Darkness, but Happily the Boogieman

  1. Ok, so now I find myself in your archives. Awesome stuff! Quite a bit more personal and random, but cool none the less.

    I love that Ani DiFranco quote (why did I stop listening to her? lol). It reminds me of my first “light bulb” moment when it came to myself, my weight, and the way the world sees me. I was in a theater, walking down the isle, the lights were still on as it was early, a group of people my age (this was back in my mid teens, and I was already nearly twice the weight of an average adult woman) where sitting together. As I came into view one of the boys (who had his arm around and was cuddling with whom I assume was his girlfriend) looks at me and says “ewwwwwww”, then elbows his friend, points to me and says “There’s YOUR girl, John”. To which the guy made a gaging sound and they both started laughing. The girl he had just been cuddling with turned around and looked at me and then looked at right at HIM with this look of total horror and disgust on her face, like she was Really Seeing Him for the first time and really didn’t like what she saw. She pulled his arm off of her and moved to a different seat. I think she must have realized for the first time what kind of an asshole she was dating.

    That was the first time I had a positive moment when it came to my body image. Instead of feeling like dirt or being humiliated a thought came to my head: “Those guys are ASSHOLES!” Normally my thoughts would be along the lines of “I’m so fat, no wonder those guys hate me”. But for that moment I realized, for the first time, that they had no right to hate me or humiliate me like that simply because of my looks. And if I had been thin, I might have been one of those girls with them and had wasted my time getting to know and dating one of those assholes, not knowing that they were really slime balls on the inside. In that moment it was clear to me for the first time – I have a built in “asshole director”. Simply by observing the way people react to me based simply on my appearance, I can help weed out the people people with darkness, bigotry, and hatred in side. In short, the people I wouldn’t want to waste any of my time on.

    “You don’t have to like me for who I am
    But we’ll see what you’re made of by what you make of me.”

    YES! Absolutely on point! 🙂

    …I adore my body for all that it does for me, and one of the bonuses of it’s size – it’s a built in asshole director. Hahah

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