The Penguin Principle

First Grade Boy Steals Penguin

That’s what the stand up comedian I’m listening to said the headline was.  “True story” he said,” swear on my mother’s grave”.

As he told it, it would seem that the little boy was on a trip to the zoo with his class.  They were looking at the Penguin exhibit and the boy decided he just had to have one.  So, when nobody was looking, he evacuated all of the superfluous contents of his backpack (because who needs math and history when you’ve got a freaking Penguin!?) put the bag on the ground and opened it up.  And a penguin crawled out of its enclosure and into the bag.

The little boy zipped up the backpack and wore it around all day, all the way home on the bus.  Imagine his Mom’s surprise when she walked in from the kitchen to see a live penguin on her coffee table, staring her precious angel-faced baby boy right in the eye.

Of course she was in shock so we can’t blame her that the first question out of her mouth requested the least useful piece of information under the circumstances: “What is that?”

As small children tend to do, the little boy cut through the confusion and uselessness of his mother’s question and stated the simple truth: “He likes me!”

Now that the penguin is safely back in the zoo (although if he chose a black hole and a first grader over his zoo accommodations I have some questions) all of that is a funny story.  But then the comedian made a point that I’m making the point of this post.

First grade boy did not steal a penguin.  He didn’t scale a fence, swim a moat, and chase a penguin down with a net in an epic struggle of first grader vs. flightless bird.

First grade boy created a NEW OPTION.  He opened his backpack and the penguin ostensibly surveyed his surroundings, looked into the sincere face of a first grade boy and the backpack he was being offered and made a choice to try something different.

I think sometimes those of us who have opted out of the toxic culture of body hate, and come up happier on the other side,  want other people to have that so badly that we push too hard – trying to change other people’s lives or viewpoints; trying to “empower” people by force.  Or we can take ourselves too seriously and think that we are changing people’s lives – that we are empowering people – when the truth is that the only thing that we can ever do create a new option, and give people the chance to change their own lives.

With our day to day living and interactions, our blogs, our work, our personal choices, what we post to social media, we can introduce people to a perspective that they might not have considered before, open a dialog, and give them a choice they didn’t realize they had. To me the core of activism is to live from a perspective that works for you and share that perspective with others authentically and without any obligation.  They can take it or leave it – as long as they know that it’s an option, we’ve done our job.  We can never change someone’s mind – they have to do that, it being their mind and all –  but we may be able to expand it with a new idea, a new perspective, a new option and that is powerful.

EDIT:  Public Service Announcement:  Someone who studied law has pointed out in the comments that the boys actions did indeed constitute theft.  I meant the story as a bit of a parable but in case that wasn’t clear, I’m not endorsing stealing animals from the zoo.  Thanks!

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Anti-Bullying: You’re Doing it Wrong

WTFNine year old Grayson Bryce was being bullied for carrying a My Little Pony back pack.  He told his mom, she told the school counselor.  The school says “we take any allegations of bullying seriously and work diligently in all cases to resolve the issues in the best interest of students. We have programs in place to prevent, report and intervene to keep our students safe and protected.”  So what did the counselor do to intervene and keep Grayson safe and protected?  She told his mom that he should hide his back pack.

According to Grayson’s mom “She said that if you have something like this you’re asking for trouble.”  Later that day the principal called and said that Grayson had to leave the backpack at home.

Most of the fat people I know, including me, have had a similar experience – we’ve pointed out bullying that occurs because of our size and been told that if we don’t like being treated poorly for being fat, we should “do something about it” and become thin.

The idea here is that the problem is with the people being bullied – it’s obviously our fault because bullies wouldn’t target us if we weren’t asking for it by refusing to do or be what they think we should do or be.  So we should just give our bullies what they want and then hope they’ll stop beating us up.  If that doesn’t work we should just keep changing ourselves to suit them.

And that’s totally, completely, and utterly bullshit.

The problem with bullying is bullies, it’s not a nine year old boy with a My Little Pony backpack, it’s not fat people who refuse to self-deprecate, hate ourselves, diet or do whatever else bullies want us to do.   The cure for social stigma is not a new backpack or weight loss, it’s ending social stigma.  Suggesting that bullied people solve bullying by changing ourselves is, in and of itself, a form of bullying.  And it’s never, ever okay.

Activism Opportunity:

Sign the petition to support Grayson and his backpack!

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Congress on Obesity: Ego Over Accessibility

Congress for Obesity Angela Meadows from Never Diet Again UK posted this picture to the Rolls not Trolls community on Facebook.  In case you can’t read it, it says “Dear Guests In conjunction with the 12th International Congress of Obesity the escalators will not be operational from 09:30 to 16:00 hrs.”

This is posted in the Kuala Lampur Convention Centre. The ICO website boasts that Malaysia offers “world-class infrastructure and easy accessibility.” That may be true for Malaysia, but thanks to the ICO we can’t say the same thing about the second floor of the Kuala Lampur Convention Centre.

There is good research that shows that movement can contribute to health (though there are no guarantees and no obligations).  There is absolutely no research that says that the movement has to be stairs.

I’ve already ranted about self-important blowhards who feel the need to suggest that fat people shouldn’t have access to mobility aids. The ICO has taken things a step further and it’s posturing of the worst kind. What the International Congress on Obesity has done is to convince the Kuala Lampur Convention Center to make life more difficult for people with disabilities, limited mobility, balance challenges, injuries, etc. so that the ICO can posture and preen. (I assume there are still elevators – I can’t find where either the convention centre website or the ICO website discuss accessibility – but they’ll require people to travel farther, since they have to get to the escalators to see that they aren’t working, and now there is shame attached to using the elevators.) And they’ve done it for an idea with no basis in research.

I want to be clear and repeat that there is NO evidence that taking away escalators (or taking away escalators from 9:30am-4pm) as an option will lead to long-term weight loss, or increased health (and let’s remember that weight loss and increased health are two different things) either for individuals or the population at large.  The truth is, we have no idea whether more people taking the stairs will lead to better health, weight loss, or just more people falling down the stairs, but it doesn’t actually matter because this doesn’t really have anything to do with health, or stairs, or even weight loss. It’s about ego and posturing.

Note that the sign in the lobby doesn’t say anything about health, or what the ICO hopes taking the stairs will accomplish, they don’t even pretend to offer education because it’s just about the International Conference on Obesity wanting to show off and get their metaphorical fat-free low-carb cookie for their brave work confusing body size with health. If they weren’t so busy posturing they would have probably considered that people can still climb the escalators even if they are operational, so there’s no need to take away options for people with disabilities, limited mobility etc. This is par for the course in a world where the focus is on the ego of the person/people/organizations trying to get their “Save the Fatties Club” membership jacket.

When organizations pull stunts like this, the only thing at which they can possibly succeed is creating an environment that prevents people from, and shames people for, navigating the world in the way that’s best for them and their situation. I think it’s far more important that as many places as possible are as accessible as possible to as many people as possible, than that some people are forced to take some stairs.

Activism Opportunity:

Let them know what you think on Twitter:  @WorldObesity and #ico2014

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Gwen Stefani’s Chubby Picture

Gwen Stefani Chunky PictureGwen Stefani tweeted a picture of herself from about 30 years ago getting an autograph from Sting, commenting “Chunky Me 1983…”  Then the internet exploded with comments like “Please don’t call yourself chunky. Too many girls and women look up to you for you to talk like that.” and “Come on Gwen chunky? Really?!!! Not cool-to many girls look up to you for you to call that a “chunky” pic!”

So I’m wondering, what about chunky girls who look up to Gwen Stefani?  If Gwen calling herself chunky is so absolutely horrific, what are those chunky girls supposed to think about themselves.

I sincerely hope that Gwen was using chunky as a neutral descriptor, in the same way that many of use use the world fat, but that may not be true.   I’m not interested in trying to be a psychic (I’ll leave that to the people who think that they can divine information about our eating, exercise and innermost thoughts from looking at us).

What I do want to suggest is that we be careful with the “don’t call yourself chunky/fat/chubby/etc.”  Whether or not Gwen in this picture meets your personal definition of chubby (we are all allowed to have such a definition, none of us is in charge of having THE definition, so there’s no point in arguing about it) the idea that she shouldn’t call herself chubby is problematic since it suggests that being chubby is a negative thing, which is not likely a point that  actual chunky people are going to miss.

We have to be careful that we aren’t suggesting that we protect thin girls from body hatred at the expense of fat girls. Suggesting that we shouldn’t call ourselves chubby or fat or whatever as a path to body positivity is seriously messed up.  Fat people face a ton of shame, stigma, and oppression – which for thin people often turns into an all consuming fear of being fat – and   I do not think that making fat people into Voldemort is going to help anybody out.  I think we’ll be much better off working to take the stigma away from descriptors than trying to ban them.

This is an especially big deal when we’re talking about kids since:

Researchers who studied the effects of “school based healthy-living programs.”  found that these programs are actually triggering eating disorders in kids.

Research from the University of Minnesota found that “none of the behaviors being used by adolescents for weight-control purposes predicted weight loss…Of greater concern were the negative outcomes associated with dieting and the use of unhealthful weight-control behaviors, including significant weight gain”.

A Canadian study found that eating disorders were far more prevalent than type 2 diabetes in kids.

The American Academy of Pediatrics reported that hospitalizations of children younger than 12 years for eating disorders rose by 119% from 1999 to 2006. (Children UNDER 12) There was a 15% increase in hospitalizations for eating disorders in all ages across the same time period.

The Journal of Pediatrics has identified bullying of overweight/obese children as the #1 type of bullying that takes place.

I think that the best thing that we can do for kids (and ourselves while we’re at it) is to give them access to a wide variety of foods and movement options and encourage them to see their bodies (and everyone else’s) as amazing and worthy, and that includes describing those bodies without fear or shame – skinny, thin, chunky, fat or otherwise.

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Fighting to Speak for Ourselves

Design by Kris Owen
Design by Kris Owen

Documentary filmmaker Alexandra Lescaze’s film “All of Me” about a group of women who have weight loss surgery is going to be shown on PBS’s Independent Lens.  As part of that she had the opportunity to create some documentary shorts, and she chose to do one about me and More Cabaret (an all plus-size cabaret dance company that I created in LA.)

The five minute video tells a bit about my story of becoming a fat activist juxtaposed with More Cabaret’s first show.  I think that she and her team did an amazing job and I’m really excited and grateful to be part of it. (The video is here and also embedded at the bottom of this post.)

One of the things that I think is incredibly important in Size Acceptance activism is the chance to talk about our experiences.  We know that all too often people are happy to substitute their stereotypes and preconceived notions for our actual experiences.

For those who are invested in the oppression of fat people – whether that investment is financial, emotional, because they get their self-esteem from tearing us down, or for some other reason – keeping the status quo is incredibly important.  Hence, when we do get a chance to talk about our lives, they have to jump in and insist that they are a better witness to our experiences than we are.

A perfect example is in a comment made by Duke Nukem which says in part “…it simply makes me sad for her to see how deep in denial she is about her eating disorder…”

A number of people including Alexandra, Deb on camera, Kevin on sound,  the editing team and the folks over at PBS worked very hard to give me the opportunity to speak for myself about my experiences, but apparently we needn’t have bothered, we could have just asked Duke Nukem and saved ourselves the time and effort because he knows better than I do about my life. Or, you know, maybe not.

Often oppression is enforced by replacing actual experiences of marginalized populations with the stories created about them by their oppressors.  But not for the next five minutes.

For the next five minutes I get an opportunity to speak for myself as a proud fat activist.  Obviously I don’t speak for all of fatkind, we are as varied as any group of people who share only one physical characteristic, I can only ever speak for myself as a proud and happy fat woman and activist.  I’m certainly not the only one, there are more of us every day and we will shout so loudly that our voices won’t be able to to silenced or replaced by Mr. Nukem and his ilk.

So feel free to check out the video, and if you’re in the mood to support it you could share it, leave a comment or a thumbs up (and many, many thanks to those who already have!).  No matter what you do, please consider that loving your body not a crime – it’s the world that’s screwed up, you are fine.

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Fat Activist’s Pictures Stolen By Diet Company

Rachele Cateyes is a positive body image blogger and fat activist.  She blogs at www.nearsightedowl.com and last year she posted this fabulous photo of herself in a bikini to “send a powerful message about body positivity.”

Anchors away! I finally have myself a proper high-waisted fatkini. I took my body and put it on a beach and voila! Beach body! Wearing a bikini as a fat woman is an act of rebellion. I felt glorious and glamorous all at the same time. I wore my stretch marks as ribbons of honor and let the sun kiss my lumpy thighs and arms without a care in the world.

Rachele obviously rocks and so does this photo.  So imagine her horror when friends, fans, and even co-workers started reporting to her that they were seeing the photo used in ads for a weight loss product with taglines like “why women should never diet like a man”, or “how to cut down your body fat.”  Not just a couple of ads but, thanks to an affiliate program, the use of the picture was spiraling out of control.  Not just using her picture for profit without permission, but using it in precisely the opposite manner as it was intended.  Some even wondered if she had pulled a Jess Weiner,  giving up her fat activism and body positivity to pursue the profits of the diet world.

Rachele reacted like the rock star she is, going after them like a honey badger.  After posting her story on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram and Twitter other activists started making complaints, and that helped her story get picked up by the media, and then she started to get some action – the leadership of the parent company has become involved with ferreting out the affiliates who are misusing the picture.

There’s still work to do here and you can help. Read the whole story in Rachele’s words here, and check out this video to learn how you can get involved:

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Study Shows Schools Need More Body Positivity

grade on curveHere’s the phrase I want you to remember while we talk about a study that is getting some press:  “Researchers admit there are other influences that they did not measure including the students’ self-esteem, how much school they missed and what kind of school environment they had.”

A study of kids in Britain found that girls classified as “obese” tended to get grades in English, math and science that were the equivalent of a D compared to girls who are considered “healthy weight”  who got the equivalent of a C.

Obviously the concept of “healthy weight” is flawed since there are people with various health issues at various sizes and there is no size that you can attain at which you’ll be immortal unless you get hit by a bus. Still, let’s look deeper at the study.

The study subjects were all from the Bristol area.  They were assigned a body size value at 11, 13 and 16 and their national test grades were analyzed at those ages.

The study took socio-economic class and whether the girls’ mothers smoked in the first three months of pregnancy into account. But then there’s that paragraph: “Researchers admit there are other influences that they did not measure including the students’ self-esteem, how much school they missed and what kind of school environment they had.”

They chose not to take into account how living in an environment that tells girls that a fat body proves they are lazy, weak willed, immoral, and unhealthy might affect academic performance.  They chose to ignore the prevalence of appearance-based bullying and how that might affect girls (like distracting them, or causing them to stay out of school or skip class, or causing them to avoid drawing attention to themselves by doing things like participating in class or asking questions).  They chose to ignore research  that shows:

  • 47 percent of girls in 5th-12th grade reported wanting to lose weight because of magazine pictures
  • 69 percent of girls in 5th-12th grade reported that magazine pictures influenced their idea of a perfect body shape
  • 42 percent of first-to-third grade girls want to be thinner
  • 81 percent of 10 year olds are afraid of being fat

I wonder how many of the girls in the study are on diets and how being undernourished and constantly hungry might affect academic performance?  These seem like the kind of things that might affect grades.  The researchers ignored the fact that fat boys didn’t have the same correlation to lower grades and, instead of looking to a world that makes girls terrified of being or getting fat, they decided to blame the girls’ bodies:

Professor John Reilly of Strathclyde, the lead investigator, concludes: ”Further work is needed to understand why obesity is negatively related to academic attainment, but it is clear that teenagers, parents and policy-makers in education and public health should be aware of the lifelong educational and economic impact of obesity.”

What seems clear to me is that teenagers, parents, and policy-makers in education and public health should be aware of the lifelong educational and economic impact of body shaming, fat phobia, and so-called health campaigns that shame some kids for how they look, thereby support the bullying and stigmatizing of fat kids.

We can have a complete discussion about kids’ health without shaming any of them for how they look. By focusing on developing body confidence,  a life-long love of habits that support health, and a blame free, shame free approach to healthcare, we can support all kids to develop to their full potential and avoid a life of yo yo diets, body hatred, low self-esteem, and the relentless pursuit of a stereotype of beauty masquerading as health with all of the “educational and economic impacts” that come along with that.

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You Are Too Much!

Actual SizeI’m not sure exactly where the phrase “You are too much!” comes from, but for those unfamiliar, it’s usually used when someone goes out of their way to help you, or says something really funny, or does something out of the ordinary.  “You are too much!” is typically a good thing, a compliment.

In our culture fat people hear that we’re too much all the time, but absent the complimentary nature. It’s not just those who describe our bodies as fleshy castles or whatever ridiculous fat bashing BS they’re saying.  It’s ingrained in our language – overweight, extra space, plus size.  The idea being that there are people who deserve to live in a world in which they fit, but at some point (a point which is pretty arbitrarily assigned and different based on who you talk to, or what plane you’re on) we lose that right.

In my blog a couple of days ago I talked about this phenomenon, including the fact that it’s acceptable for hospitals – which were built and stocked by people who know full well that fat people exist – are allowed to simply shrug and tell me that they don’t have beds, or blood pressure cuffs, or equipment, or chairs, or crutches, or wheelchairs, or whatever, that fit me. I saw in a fat hate forum someone say that I said that fat people should have beds that fit us in hospitals and that shows that we want the world to bend over backwards for us.

I’m here to suggest that we do not have to buy into, or feel bad about, this bullshit argument.  The question shouldn’t be “why does that fatty have the audacity to suggest that those who provide medical care to the community should have equipment to treat her?”  The question should be “How come I can go into any hospital and expect that they’ll have equipment to treat me, but fat people can’t?”  A nice follow up question would be “How can I help correct that?”

We are not too much.  The world is not yet enough.

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To the Creeper Who Was Staring at Me Running

Kelrick and I at the finish line with our hard won medals.
Kelrick and I at the finish line with our medals.

I did my first training walk so it turns out the rumors are true, I’m going to do another marathon.  I’ve already contacted Kel, who is going to do it with me because he is the best Best Friend ever, and “Team Never Again” is now team “Just One More.”  Los Angeles Marathon 2015 here we come!  Cross finish line, get medal, that’s still the goal.

One of the things I’ve been thinking about a lot is the idea of support, especially as it applies to the way that strangers say things that they think are supportive to fat people that are actually examples of preconceived notions gone wild. Recently this style of “inspiration” was brought into sharp relief in a Facebook post the someone wrote after watching a fat runner.  The post, like so much of this “inspiration” is based on the writer heaping their preconceived notions on the fat person and then applauding them for rising above preconceived notions that may not, in any way, actually apply to them.

I wrote about it for iVillage, and I want to reiterate that all fat people, whether we run or not, have the right to exist in the world without bullying, stereotyping or stigma. The rights to life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness and basic respect are not size- or habit- dependent. Fat people should not have to “earn” the right to live in the world without condescension, we should not have to run to “earn” basic human respect.  And that’s the major issue here.

I was thinking about this today and specifically the Facebook poster’s assertion that the runner’s gaze drops to their feet “every time we pass” and If you’d only look up from your feet the next time we pass, you’d see my gaze has no condescension in it.”  This person feels really comfortable making the assumption that the runner is not making eye contact because they are scared of condescension. It made me wonder about the Facebook post the runner might have written when she got home, maybe something like this:

Wasn’t feeling well today so I had to take a lot of rests but I made it through my run!   This creepy guy kept starting at me the whole time, I tried not to make eye contact because I didn’t want to encourage it.  Dude, I know I’m hot but it’s not cool to just stare me while I’m trying to get my workout in, pay attention to your own run.  Freaking creeper.

I am aware that expressing the fact that I don’t enjoy being an “inspiration” for rising above someone’s preconceived notions (that have nothing to do with me), and pointing out ways that this is problematic, will lead to people accusing me of being ungrateful, too sensitive, too PC, and suggesting that I should just be happy that they didn’t throw eggs at me. Fuck a bunch of that.

It’s not ok to celebrate being “inspired” by someone we know absolutely nothing about because they are “rising above” our preconceived notions and stereotypes of them. This serves to reinforce the idea that it’s totally fine to stereotype people based on how they look, and it further oppresses those who aren’t somehow “rising above” those stereotypes – which they have absolutely no obligation to do. It adds to appearance-based oppression and that’s not ok. It’s fine if other people aren’t bothered by this, and obviously nobody is obligated to take offense or speak out about this, but to me that doesn’t take away from the fact that it is problematic on more than just an individual level, but at a societal level as well.

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Why Can’t You Just Be Positive?

fight backI got to be on the radio today with the fabulous Substantia Jones (when it’s up, the archive will be here!) One of the callers expressed a sentiment that I hear expressed to civil rights activists a lot “If you’re happy just live your life and don’t worry about what other people think!” Other iterations of this are “If you were really happy with yourself, you wouldn’t have to talk about it all the time” and “Don’t meet hate with anger just be nice and stay positive!”

As always, people are allowed to deal with their oppression and marginalization any way that they want and I’m not suggesting that any of these are inappropriate reactions, I think it’s important to realize that they aren’t obligatory and it’s not ok to tell someone who is dealing with oppression that the “best” response is to just ignore it.

I understand where they are coming from, it can be a bummer to hear about the oppression that happens.  I also think that there is absolutely, positively (see what I did there) a place for the positivity – including celebrating victories and creating our own spaces full of body positivity.

That said, I think it’s important to call out things that are oppressive, especially since it’s so easy for those who aren’t part of a marginalized group to ignore them – not because they are trying to or because their intentions are bad, but because they don’t have to deal with them every day.

I also think that it’s important to look at the balance of power.  The suggestion that if I’m happy I should just live my life and not care about what others say is a nice one, but I don’t think it takes into account the stereotyping, stigma, bullying, marginalization and oppression that fat people face, and the impact that has on our lives.  The government is encouraging people to wage war on me because of my size, people my size get hired less often and paid less than our thin counterparts, things like plane seats, restaurant booths, and waiting room chairs are not built for me and it’s acceptable for people to blame me for this and insist that I should pay more for the same service, bring my own chair, etc.

Doctors are allowed to refuse service to me based on my size, and it’s ok for them not to have equipment that will work for me – beds that won’t hold me, chairs the won’t fit me, instruments that are too small for me.  Until Obamacare it was ok for insurance companies to refuse to provide me health insurance (I now have insurance for the first time in 14 years.)  Medical practices, and other business, almost everywhere in the country are allowed  – and do –  refuse to hire fat people because our bodies “don’t fit with a representational image or specific mental projection of the job” regardless of our actual skills.

People who are dealing with oppression are allowed to ignore it, meet it with constant positivity, and carve out a life around it – there’s absolutely nothing wrong with those choices, sometimes that’s how I react as well, but in general it’s not my style. Engaging in activism – including calling out oppression – helps me to know that I am doing something about the bullshit I have to deal with, and that helps me deal with it.   I think that ignoring bullies allows them to bully in silence without any push back, I want to end bullying and dismantle oppression and I think that starts with pointing it out.

Like my blog?   Here’s more stuff!

My new column for Ms. Fit Magazine is out – I interviewed Virgie Tovar, Hanne Blank, and Rebecca Weinstein for the article “Jiggle is Hot:  Exploring Sex in a Fat Body

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