Laura Cacdac got a letter from her daughter Charley’s school, letting her know that her daughter’s BMI was “high” and that “From the results of this test, it is suggested that your child’s health be examined by a physician, particularly as it relates to the problem suggested by the screening. A problem such as this that goes uncorrected or untreated can severely affect both the health and academic performance of your child.”

The school delivered the letter in such a way that Charley, all 4’2 and 60 pounds of her, was able to read it, prompting her to ask her mom “Do they think I’m fat? Is there something wrong with me?’ and then to say “If I was fat it would make me kind of sad and kind of feel bad, like I’m kind of different from everybody else.” So good news, this girl has already internalized fat hatred and body shame, and she’s only six. Way to go Palm Beach School System for becoming part of the group of  “brave organizations” to body shame young children.

A study recently came out that found that 1 out of 4 children had dieted prior to turning 7, and that 80% of American girls aged 10 have been on diets. One-third of boys and the majority of girls ages 6 to 8 wish their bodies were thinner. So 25% of kids under 7 and 80% of 10 year old girls have been, or are currently, trying to feed their bodies less food than they need to survive in the hopes that their bodies will consume themselves and become smaller. And it seems like the Palm Beach School System wants to see if they can do a little better than 25% for the under 7 set.

For those of you currently wringing your hands and asking “Won’t somebody think of the children” and gearing up to tell me about how important it is that we focus on the weight of children as a path to their health, please be assured that I am thinking of the children, I would just like to think of them, and “health” interventions foisted upon them, from an evidence-based, empathy-driven approach that considers their physical and mental health and doesn’t fuck them up.

There is literally no evidence that these programs lead to healthier or thinner kids (two different things by the way, there are healthy and unhealthy kids of all sizes.) These programs were put into place based on the current hysteria-led idea that if a thin person thinks something will make people thin, it gets treated like an evidence-based health intervention (Thanks Michelle Obama!)

When people started doing the research, it turns out that not only don’t they work, but they have serious adverse effects.

Research from the University of Minnesota found that: None of the behaviors being used by adolescents for weight-control purposes predicted weight loss…Of greater concern were the negative outcomes associated with dieting and the use of unhealthful weight-control behaviors, including significant weight gain.

A Canadian study found that eating disorders were more prevalent than type 2 diabetes in kids.

The American Academy of Pediatrics reported that hospitalizations of children younger than 12 years for eating disorders rose by 119% from 1999 to 2006. (Children UNDER 12) There was a 15% increase in hospitalizations for eating disorders in all ages across the same time period.

Another study found that “school based healthy-living programs”  had some pretty big problems.  It turns out that these were and are being instituted in lots of schools, despite the fact that there is almost no research on the effectiveness of these programs or any inadvertent harmful effects on children’s mental health. This study found that these programs are actually triggering eating disorders in kids.  Dr. Leora Pinhas said “The programs present this idea that weight loss is good, that only thin is healthy…We live in a culture that stigmatizes fat people, and we’ve turned it into this kind of moralistic health thing.”

I also can’t find any research that discusses the impact that these programs have on the reality of kids and growth spurts – they gain weight, then grow, gain weight, then grow. At 6 years old, it’s pretty likely that Charley has some growing to do. If her school’s Public Weigh In and Body Shame Day falls during weight gain for a growth spurt, and everyone freaks out and tries to get her to lose weight, what does that mean for her growth?

There is no reason to expose kids to these risks because there is absolutely nothing that can be accomplished by singling out and shaming supposedly “fat” kids that couldn’t be accomplished by a program focused on health for kids of all sizes. Not just school lunches that are delicious, but cooking skills, PE classes with lots of options so that they are fun for kids even if they don’t enjoy having balls hurled at them or hoping that the popular athletic kid doesn’t pick them last for a sport they don’t enjoy playing. And since there’s no evidence that suggests that making kids hate or be ashamed of their bodies increases the likelihood that they’ll take care of them, how about teaching kids to respect and appreciate bodies of all shapes and sizes, including their own? How about not making exercise something that is either punishment or preventative for having a body that is “too big” and instead is something that kids can have a chance to actually enjoy? And how about taking all the OMGDEATHFATKIDS childhood obesity money and putting it towards removing barriers to health like oppression and poverty. That would truly be brave.

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Become a Member For ten bucks a month you can support size diversity activism, help keep the blog ad free, and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

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Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information on topics, previous engagements and reviews here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

Dance Classes:  Buy the Dance Class DVDs or download individual classes – Every Body Dance Now! Click here for details 

I’m training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com

A movie about my time as a dancer is in active development (casting, finding investors etc.).  Follow the progress on Facebook!

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

 

Fat people are failing to thrive.  That’s the message that many people in society try to say to, and about, fat people – we are “failing to thrive” unless we are thin, unless we have a body that fits the social beauty norm.   Nothing we do will ever be enough to “make up” for our fatness – You’re an amazing teacher, but are you thin? You’re a great mom, but are you thin?  You cured cancer, but are you thin? We couldn’t possibly be truly happy living outside the cultural beauty norm.  We can’t possibly be comfortable at our size and if we say we’re happy and comfortable with our bodies then we’re obviously lying.  The solution to all of this is obviously for fat people to change ourselves and couldn’t possibly be to end the stigma, bullying and oppression that fat people face for how we look.

Where does this heaping helping of horseshit come from? Some of it is guessing, some is projection, some is lies spread by the diet industry (that makes $60 billion a year selling a product that is such a disaster that they are legally required to say it doesn’t work every single time it’s advertised,) some is bullying, some is just BS.  The truth is that people come in lots of sizes for lots of reasons and we don’t now how to make people smaller for more than a short time, and the government declared and funded  “War on Obesity” has casualties. If we want people to thrive then having a society which – often by government decree –  bullies, shames, stigmatizes and oppresses them is the exact opposite of anything that is likely to work.

We will never know just how much of an effect stigma and oppression (not to mention dieting which is a whole other blog post) have on fat people’s physical and mental health – and ability to thrive – until we stop stigmatizing and oppressing them.  We don’t know how to make fat people thin but we do know how to stop stigmatizing and oppressing them, so how about we give that the old college try.  Being fat is not better or worse, it’s just one of many ways to have a body and every way is amazing. People of all sizes deserve a world that treats them with respect – instead of shaming, bullying, stigmatizing and oppression – and gives them the best chance to, by whatever their personal definition is, thrive.

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Become a Member For ten bucks a month you can support size diversity activism, help keep the blog ad free, and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

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Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information on topics, previous engagements and reviews here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

Dance Classes:  Buy the Dance Class DVDs or download individual classes – Every Body Dance Now! Click here for details 

I’m training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com

A movie about my time as a dancer is in active development (casting, finding investors etc.).  Follow the progress on Facebook!

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

 

Whether it’s in internet articles, comments on internet articles, or e-mails that I get, I see “obesity”/being fat used in comparisons that don’t actually make any sense.   Let’s clear up some of this confusion.

Obesity is not heroin addiction. 

Almost every day I get a couple of people, who think they are geniuses, who leave comments asking if I’m going to start a heroin acceptance movement since it’s the same as size acceptance. These are not comparable because heroin use is a single, specific behavior – everyone heroin addict does heroin.  “Obesity” is the end result of a math equation (weight in pounds time 703 divided by height in inches squared is greater than or equal to 30, a group that includes actors, professional athletes, and me.)  Obese/fat people cannot be identified by a single or even a group of common activities that are different from people who fall into different weight categories. Whatever your beliefs about heroin addiction and “obesity”, this comparison does not make any damn sense.

Obesity is not an eating disorder, nor is it the opposite of anorexia. 

An eating disorder is an illness with mental and physical components, and though sometimes it can affect body size, body size is not a definitive diagnosis of an eating disorder. People with active eating disorders participate in disordered behaviors around eating.  Eating disorders are serious, dangerous, and can be fatal.  Using anorexia and obesity as opposite sides of the same coin is a completely faulty comparison that ends up hurting fat people by suggesting that their body size is a definitive diagnosis of the need for a medial intervention, and for people with anorexia who have enough difficulty getting access to treatment without having a potentially fatal mental illness treated as the same thing as having a fat body.

The idea that someone can’t get “that fat” (for varying, subjective and completely random definitions of “that fat”) without having an eating disorder is a myth. Many fat people have very healthy relationships with food, and there are some fat people with eating disorders. It should be noted that while some fat people have Binge Eating Disorder, there are also fat people with anorexia and bulimia and other restrictive EDs and often family, friends, even doctors make the dangerous mistake of encouraging disordered eating behavior/full blown eating disorders in a fat person that they would correctly diagnose as dangerous in a thin person

Obesity is not a cost that can be calculated

Obesity is a body size, there are healthy and unhealthy fat people just like there are healthy and unhealthy thin people.  The current state of oppression, stigma and shame around obesity means that any calculation of the cost of obesity is impossible to separate from the cost of that oppression, stigma and shame.

Obesity is correlated to a number of diseases so it is considered a “risk factor” although the term is used loosely since there is no proof of causality of risk, it’s as if they found out that short people get a certain disease more often but they have no idea why so they say that shortness is a “risk factor”.  So naming “obesity” as a risk factor does not prove that it causes the health issue, nor does it prove that making someone thinner would change the risk factor (certain types of male baldness correlate very highly with an increased risk factor for heart attacks, but getting bald men to grow hair does not lower that risk.) Correlation does not imply causation. The calculations that are commonly used to show the “cost of obesity” are often based on the assumption that every “obese” person will get every disease for which they have a risk factor, and/or that every health issue they get is caused by their fat.   It’s just crap research that would get a college freshman failed in Research Methods 101.

Besides which, attempting to take a group of people who share a single physical characteristic and make an attempt to calculate their “cost to society” in order to promote the eradication of that population because the world would be cheaper if they didn’t exist is clearly dangerous and wrong.

Obesity is not a Metaphor

Using a fat person to represent greed, over-consumption, a negative view of capitalism etc. is stereotyping and bigotry, pure and simple.  It’s wrong on every level.  We are not yours for the metaphoring.

While we’re at it, let’s talk about Size Acceptance.

Size Acceptance is not the opposite of “Thinspiration”.

Thinspiration exists to reinforce a stereotype of beauty, and in many cases is used to reinforce disordered eating/eating disorders.

Size Acceptance is a civil rights concept that reminds us that everyone has the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness in the body they have now, and that other people’s bodies are not our business.  It is not about telling people who size body they should have, nor is it about the mythical, ridiculous notions of “promoting obesity” or “my tax dollars“.

Obesity is not your business, unless we are talking about your obesity, in which case it’s nobody else’s business unless you want to make it their business.  Other than that nobody has any business making comments, assumptions, metaphors, cost calculations or comparisons about someone else’s body.

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Become a Member For ten bucks a month you can support size diversity activism, help keep the blog ad free, and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

Buy the book:  Fat:  The Owner’s Manual  The E-Book is Name Your Own Price! Click here for details

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information on topics, previous engagements and reviews here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

Dance Classes:  Buy the Dance Class DVDs or download individual classes – Every Body Dance Now! Click here for details 

I’m training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com

A movie about my time as a dancer is in active development (casting, finding investors etc.).  Follow the progress on Facebook!

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

One of the things that happens when you are fat in a fatphobic society is that people who are under the mistaken impression that their beeswax is located on our bodies, plates, shopping carts etc., make inappropriate comments about our bodies, food choices, shopping carts etc.

One of the options that I often suggest to counter this is replying with a personal inquiry of your own.  For example, if someone says “Do you really need to eat two of those?”  I might respond with “How are your bowel movements?” and when they look at me surprised I say “I’m sorry, I thought we were asking each other inappropriate personal questions.” Today one of my readers (who asked to remain anonymous but gave permission to share her story) wrote me to say that she used the technique successfully:

I was just at my local grocery store, buying groceries and the cashier spent a lot of time looking at my items, ringing them up, rolling her eyes, and then announced rather loudly. “What … umm… interesting food choices you seem to be making today.” (I am not telling you what I was buying, because what I am buying shouldn’t matter to anyone who isn’t paying for it, right?) I didn’t miss a beat and replied “I think you’d do better with a little less eyeliner.” She looked shocked and I smiled and replied, “I’m sorry, I though we were exchanging inappropriate personal comments.”

So awesome, I tip my hat to you reader!

There are a couple of things to remember about this technique.  First I try to pick something that people are going to think is too personal, but I am careful not to engage in body shaming  – I think it important not to do to someone else exactly what I don’t want done to me.  Also, I’m prepared for them to answer – if they say “My poop is great, thanks for asking!”  I say “Thanks for sharing that with me, it’s good to know that your bowel movements are an ok topic of conversation for us. My food choices are not, please respect that.”

Obviously it’s not right for every situation, but I think it’s a good tool for my “Dealing with Fatphobic Bullshit” toolbox. Have your own examples? Leave them in the comments!

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Become a Member For ten bucks a month you can support size diversity activism, help keep the blog ad free, and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

Buy the book:  Fat:  The Owner’s Manual  The E-Book is Name Your Own Price! Click here for details

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information on topics, previous engagements and reviews here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

Dance Classes:  Buy the Dance Class DVDs or download individual classes – Every Body Dance Now! Click here for details 

I’m training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com

A movie about my time as a dancer is in active development (casting, finding investors etc.).  Follow the progress on Facebook!

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

It’s “Say Something Sunday,” a day dedicated, at least on this blog, to personal Size Diversity activism. I’ve got some suggestions below and/or of course you can do your own thing and feel free to leave a comment about it. If you have ideas of things to do for Say Something Sunday I’d also love for you to share those.

I did the math and if everyone who views the blog each week did one piece of Size Diversity Activism a week, it would add up to over 1.5 million body positive messages put out into the world this year.  Multiply that times the number of people who might see each of those messages and things start to increase exponentially. To be very clear, nobody is obligated to do activism so if this doesn’t appeal to you that’s totally cool, I’ll be back tomorrow with your regularly scheduled blog post!

My ideas for this week are around gratitude (these are just suggestions, feel free to change them to make them work for you, and if they don’t appeal to you feel free to do your own thing!)

• Write a letter to your body thanking it for everything that it does for you (breathing, blinking, hugging whatever).  Tell you body that you appreciate it, even if there are some issues that you need to work out. Publish the letter in a blog, on social media etc.

• Thank someone who has helped you on your journey – send them an e-mail, post it to social media, leave a comment etc.

• When you see a publication (digital or print) that posts an article on body positivity/Size Acceptance etc. leave a positive comment and write an e-mail to the author thanking them for covering these issues.

If you want to do more of this kind of thing, consider joining the Rolls Not Trolls group on Facebook, it’s a group created for the specific purpose of putting body positive things in body negative spaces on the internet and supporting each other while we do that.  It’s a secret group so if you want to join just message me on facebook (I’m Ragen Chastain)

Have a great Say Something Sunday!

Bring Me to Your Organization

I’m booking talks for Spring and Fall of this year.  If you want me to come to your school, business, or organization (even if you’re not sure how to get it done), just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org and we’ll talk about the options.  If you want to bring me to your community but don’t have funding or an organizational affiliation, I can help you with that too – e-mail me and we can talk about the possibilities.  See you soon!

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Become a Member For ten bucks a month you can support size diversity activism, help keep the blog ad free, and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

Buy the book:  Fat:  The Owner’s Manual  The E-Book is Name Your Own Price! Click here for details

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information on topics, previous engagements and reviews here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

Dance Classes:  Buy the Dance Class DVDs or download individual classes – Every Body Dance Now! Click here for details 

I’m training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com

A movie about my time as a dancer is in active development (casting, finding investors etc.).  Follow the progress on Facebook!

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

Recently readers have been asking me to talk about  Tess Munster getting a modeling contract at a size 22 (and holding it down for us short people at 5’5 as well) on the strength of her instagram, despite being absolutely deluged by abuse from the kind of sad internet trolls we know all too well.  The people who contacted me seem to be split – some think that it’s a great thing and that it will empower a lot of fat women and change a lot of people’s minds, and others think it’s problematic because it buys into ideas that fat women still have to be traditionally “beautiful” in order to get respect, and that it reinforces a paradigm in which women are expected to spend time and money on make-up and hair and fashion in order to be treated well.

To me the truth is that both of these perspectives are true to an extent, and that’s ok.  We are fighting a very big war on a lot of fronts and so I think a lot of approaches can help.  I’m personally a member of the f*ck flattering club, but I recognize that for some fat people fatshion is a path to empowerment, and for others fatshion provides an entry point for some belief changes about fat people that ultimately can help us in our fight against fatphobia.

I’m for a world where everyone sees themselves represented in the media – including modeling – and not just white, cis-gendered, currently able-bodied, typically thin people with stereotypically “beautiful” faces. Where we all have access to the kinds of clothes that we want to wear.  Where we all get to make decisions about clothes and make-up based on what we actually want to do and not social pressures, or in the hopes that it might just maybe get people to treat us with a tiny bit of basic human respect. I’m for a world where nobody would try to create pretension around fashion as a way to feel better about themselves by trying to find a way to be superior to others.

Tess Munster is doing what she loves which I think is awesome.  Any suggestion that we should all have to do what Tess does is less awesome.  The suggestion that we owe the world “flattering” by whatever definition, or that we should all have to buy into the social constructs of wearing the “right” clothes, the “right” hair, make-up, the “right shoes”  etc., or we deserve poor treatment, is straight up bullshit.  And we can be critical of all those problematic things and still celebrate Tess’s achievements.

Reader Annie Murray recently told me about her short film “Finding Your Beautiful”.  Annie is a photographer and she decided to create a short film about four women who, through a photoshoot with her including hair, make-up, and wardrobe, were able to start to change their self-perception.

Beauty is a social construct and can be very complicated and problematic in the same way that fashion can.  There are lots of different ways in which people can choose to fight the way that the construct of beauty oppresses us.  Some choose to work to destroy the concept of beauty, some minimize its importance, some choose to expand it until it covers them, or until it covers everyone. I want to share this video because it is an example of one way that women have managed to improve their self-concept in a world that makes that very difficult.

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Become a Member For ten bucks a month you can support size diversity activism, help keep the blog ad free, and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

Buy the book:  Fat:  The Owner’s Manual  The E-Book is Name Your Own Price! Click here for details

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information on topics, previous engagements and reviews here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

Dance Classes:  Buy the Dance Class DVDs or download individual classes – Every Body Dance Now! Click here for details 

I’m training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com

A movie about my time as a dancer is in active development (casting, finding investors etc.).  Follow the progress on Facebook!

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

When I discuss the concept of health on this blog I include some version of the following:

Health is not an obligation, barometer of worthiness, completely within our control, or guaranteed under any circumstance.

Recently reader Deborah asked me to talk more about this so I thought I would do that today, taking it piece by piece

Health is not an obligation

Health is a complicated concept, it can be a moving target and different people have different definitions.  When I say that health is not an obligation, I’m saying that nobody owes anybody else “health” or “healthy” behaviors by any definition. People are allowed to make choices that not only don’t prioritize their “health” based on whatever definition, but that actively put their health, up to and including their lives, in danger.

People are allowed to play sports even though they lead to sports injuries in the short term and can lead to chronic issues. People are allowed to go mountain climbing even though only people who climb mountains fall off of them and get injured or die. People are allowed to spend tons of time outside even though it vastly increases the risk of skin cancer.  People are allowed to be sedentary and eat fast food.   People are allowed to participate in extreme sports with huge risk. People are allowed to be cast members of Jackass. People are allowed to be rockstars and not get any sleep. People are allowed to be professional football players and put their bodies at tremendous risk.  People of all sizes get to make choices about their bodies and health, and there are no obligations as to what those choices have to be. (Those who want to make a “but my tax dollars!” argument can check out this post.)

Otherwise it becomes a slippery slope – if there is evidence that eating a raw foods diet and practicing hot yoga are “healthier” than other choices do we all have to do that?  Do we all have to eat cashew cheez between downward dog in 120 degree studios?  If there’s evidence that going paleo and long distance running is”healthier” do we all have to eat a ton of meat while ultra marathons?  Do we end sports because there are activities people can do that have the same health benefits but are less risky?

People use this idea of “fat people not prioritizing our health” as a justification for their bigotry and poor treatment of us while being completely fine with thin people who behave in the same ways that they believe fat people do.  In order to refrain from sizeism and healthism, we need to stop acting like other people’s bodies and choices are our business. So unless the people discussing other people’s behaviors and health are excited about being told what they are allowed to do by the newly elected Overlord of Health, it’s time to stop making this argument.

Health is not a barometer of worthiness

It is completely, totally, wildly, inappropriate to use health as a way to judge people.   People who have health issues should be given accessible treatment options that have their decisions respected.  They should not be judged or asked to prove that their health issue is not somehow “their fault” because that is absolutely horrifying.  This is another area where sizeism and healthism intersect

It does not matter what size someone is, or the reason for their health status, or what their habits are, everyone deserves to be treated with basic human respect, and to have care options based on their own values and choices.  The only appropriate healthcare treatment is blame free, shame free, and future-oriented. There is no health issue, personal health choice, or health status that should cause someone to lose the rights to basic human respect and life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

Health is not completely within our control

Health is multifaceted and includes genetics, environment, stress level, access to healthcare, behaviors (food, movement, sleep, etc.) Nobody is completely in control of all of these factors, and increasingly experts suggest that we are overestimating the amount of control we have over our health outcomes.  The number factors that each of us has control over varies depending on factors like socioeconomic status, ability to access care, social oppression like racism, ageism, transphobia, homophobia, fatphobia etc., effects of things that happened in our past and more.  The job of public health should be to remove barriers to health and fight the things that get into the way of health, the current model of public health wherein people try to make the individual’s health the public’s business is ineffectual and just plain lazy.

Health is not guaranteed under any circumstance

An extension of the fact that health is not completely within our control – no behaviors guarantee a specific health outcome, people get all kinds of illnesses regardless of their behaviors or body size. Thin people get all the same diseases that are correlated with being fat, so being thin cannot be a sure preventative or a sure cure.

When it comes to discussions of health and fat people I think it’s very important to make a distinction between the civil rights movement of Size Acceptance, and the healthcare paradigm of Health at Every Size.  I also think it’s important to speak out against the bullshit Good Fatty/Bad Fatty dichotomy, and to discuss the ways that healthism and ableism are used as tools to oppress fat people.

And I think it’s important to remember that health is not an obligation, barometer of worthiness, completely within our control, or guaranteed under any circumstance.

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Become a Member For ten bucks a month you can support size diversity activism, help keep the blog ad free, and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

Buy the book:  Fat:  The Owner’s Manual  The E-Book is Name Your Own Price! Click here for details

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information on topics, previous engagements and reviews here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

Dance Classes:  Buy the Dance Class DVDs or download individual classes – Every Body Dance Now! Click here for details 

I’m training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com

A movie about my time as a dancer is in active development (casting, finding investors etc.).  Follow the progress on Facebook!

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

 

A common question I get from readers, including fat people and thin people who want to work in solidarity with fat people is how to intervene when they see fat shaming, or food shaming (or really any kind of shaming) happen.  Recently a reader asked about this situation:

I was wondering if you had any advice about what to do if you see someone else being shamed in that way, particularly children, who cannot easily stick up for themselves. As an example (and definitely not an isolated incident in my fat-phobic family): Several months ago, I was at a gathering with family and friends, and my SIL said to a child (not her own, a family friend), “Do you really need two of those?” (I think they were sliders or something like that.) The girl replied, “I always have two.” And my SIL said in an exasperated tone, “Alright, if you’re gonna do it, do it.” My heart sank for her, but I just froze and said nothing, and in the months since have kicked myself repeatedly for not supporting this preteen girl. But I just couldn’t think of anything to say that wouldn’t further embarrass her. What would you have said and done?

There are several options and which option you choose depends on how you feel on any given day, your relationship with the people involved, and what you are comfortable with:

Immediate and Direct

Say something immediately in the situation – you can be serious or try a little humor.

• Wow, that’s seriously messed up.  I’m sure if she wants help with her food choices she’ll asked someone she trusts.

• If we want the food police we’ll call 911.  Let’s keep our attention on our own plates.

Talk About It Later

When you say something in the moment there is the risk of further embarrassing/drawing attention to the victim of the shaming, or giving them support that they don’t want. I suggest that you not use that tactic unless you are very sure that the person will be comfortable with you standing up for them. If not, then addressing it later might be a better choice.  For this you wait until later and then approach the two people separately.

You might share with the person who got shamed that you saw what happened and that you are sorry that they were treated so pooerly  You can share your own story of how you realized that the problem wasn’t you but the people who think that their beeswax is located on your plate (or body.)  You  might share some tools that you use to deal with it.

Then you might talk to the shamer, let them know that what they did was dangerous, that talking like that can lead to kids having disordered relationships with food and their bodies that can cause them to develop eating disorders, or see their bodies as bad and unworthy of care. Maybe tell them that even though you know they meant well, that you are really uncomfortable with them commenting on other people’s food choices.

Global Statement

In this option you follow up a shaming statement with a non-specific global statement, it can be a little more immediate but without putting any more focus on the victim of shaming.

• I wish we lived in a world where people didn’t make comments about other food choices.

• I wish we lived in a world where bodies of all sizes were celebrated.

Distract/Change the Subject

If you are going to go with the “Talk about it later” option, or if you aren’t planning to address it for whatever reason (a totally valid option) you can try to give the person being shamed some relief by distracting the shamer/changing the topic:

• How about that recent/upcoming sportsball game and the local and/or college sportsballing team?

• How are your bowel movements? (and if they look surprised you can say “I’m sorry, I thought we are asking each other inappropriate personal questions.”)

• I need to get this recipe from you – who knew that you could get this much stuff to float in jello! (This may only work in the South…)

To me the most important thing about understanding shaming is that the problem is the shamer’s bad behavior and not whatever their victim is doing. I’ve found it to be helpful to suggest that if someone who is being shamed is feeling embarrassment, they consider that they aren’t embarrassed for themselves, but for the shamer who is making a complete and total ass of themselves.

Have other ideas?  Please feel free to leave them in the comments!

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

I’m one of 35+ speakers at the Brave Body Love Conference offering tools to help women of all sizes who want to improve their relationships with their bodies!

Become a Member For ten bucks a month you can support size diversity activism, help keep the blog ad free, and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

Buy the book:  Fat:  The Owner’s Manual  The E-Book is Name Your Own Price! Click here for details

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information on topics, previous engagements and reviews here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

Dance Classes:  Buy the Dance Class DVDs or download individual classes – Every Body Dance Now! Click here for details 

I’m training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com

A movie about my time as a dancer is in active development (casting, finding investors etc.).  Follow the progress on Facebook!

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

 

 

 

 

Today a reader e-mailed to tell me about her experience in dealing with a fat shamer.  I was so inspired by the story that I want to share it in its entirely (with permission, of course), and then we’ll talk about it a little:

Here’s what happened.  Last year I started working on a project for production this spring.  It’s a play with 4 characters – 2 women in their 60s, one woman in her 40s and a guy of undetermined age, but probably middle aged.  My part was the woman in her 40s (for which I am very suitable).  The actor playing the guy character is a great actor and is very large.  We got a director and I thought he understood that the cast came ready made – the parts were already cast.  Two weeks ago he told me that he saw my character as a much younger and thinner woman – someone who could also persuade the audience that she can ride a bike (show mentions bike) – and someone who could represent a love interest. Effectively he didn’t want to cast me in my own show.  He said he saw the guy part as someone also much younger and thinner, with a toned and muscular body (play calls for taking off shirt).  He thought the audience would be uncomfortable with the guy’s fat.  I explained that the discomfort was part of the play and should be there, and that the actor playing that part had already been cast, and I wasn’t going to uncast him..

At this point I had a choice.  The old me (pre-Ragen) would have taken it all, and would have thought that he was right.  I probably would have let him give my part to someone else who was younger, thinner and prettier.  I would have been left feeling really bad and with zero self-esteem and wondering how my show had been hijacked.  But I fought back.

What I said was that the cast was non-negotiable, as was my vision of the play (I mean, I am the producer, right?).  If he could work with it, that would be great, and if not, then maybe we would work together some other time.  He decided that he could not compromise his own artistic vision in order to accommodate mine.  I said okay – I understood.  Now my artistic director and I are looking for another director.  Huzzah!!

I still don’t quite believe I managed to stand up for myself and didn’t succumb to the fat shaming.  As someone with very low self-esteem, it was really hard.  I was initially shocked and horrified that he wanted to do this months after the initial reading. It was really hard to stand my ground, and I could feel myself shaking when I was talking to him, but somehow I found the strength to do it.

There may be repercussions from the other cast members because the fat shaming director is a big shot in this theatre community.  I decided that if they want to leave, I’m not going to try to stop them.  We will just recast and move on.  I could not have done it without all of your help and the conviction that you bring to your work.  I’m very proud of myself that I didn’t let the fat shamer win.

First of all, I think that when the director said that he couldn’t “compromise his own artistic vision” what he was really saying was that he refused to examine or work on his prejudices about fat people  Then he tried to convince her that she should also give in to his prejudice because it’s likely that the audience will hold the same prejudice and wouldn’t she rather just perpetuate prejudice than challenge it?  This is the kind of bullshit that keeps bigotry in place and I’m so inspired by the way that she stood up to it.

Let’s be clear that at the idea of a fat woman riding a bike or being loved – things that lots and lots of fat women do – he feels the need to stick his fingers in his ears and yell “LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU LA LA LA THAT’S INCONCEIVABLE!!!” then work as hard as possible to perpetuate bigotry and stereotypes, and take his ball and go home if others won’t cooperate. Trying to sell this as “artistic vision” doesn’t make it any less an act of bigotry.  Of course fat people are not the only group to be subjected to this – this same bullshit is used to justify a lack of representation for people of color, women, disabled people/people with disabilities, queer and trans people, and people of various ages – especially older people, especially older women.

What this reader did is exactly what it takes to create change in a messed up world. Bigotry shouldn’t happen, the world shouldn’t be like this, we shouldn’t have to fight or debate for our right to exist or to be represented in the media. It’s not our fault, but it can become our problem. Risk is the currency of revolution. If we want to create social change (and nobody is obligated to do so) there will be risk involved. To create social change a lot of people will risk a little, some people will risk a lot, and a few people will  risk everything.  Each of us gets to choose what, if anything we want to risk, and when, and how, and there should be no shame or judgment for any of those decisions.

Interactions like the one above are how change happens.  When one of us decides No. Not this time. When one of us stands up, not because it’s the easy or safe thing to do, not because we are sure that other people will stand up with us, but because it’s time to stand up.

Years ago a friend gave me a custom mousepad with an Og Mandino quote on it.  I still use the mousepad and and read the quote everyday for inspiration. The last line is:

This is the time.  This is the place.  I am the person.

Damn right it is. Damn right we are.

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

I’m one of 35+ speakers at the Brave Body Love Conference offering tools to help women of all sizes who want to improve their relationships with their bodies!

Become a Member For ten bucks a month you can support size diversity activism, help keep the blog ad free, and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

Buy the book:  Fat:  The Owner’s Manual  The E-Book is Name Your Own Price! Click here for details

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information on topics, previous engagements and reviews here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

Dance Classes:  Buy the Dance Class DVDs or download individual classes – Every Body Dance Now! Click here for details 

I’m training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com

A movie about my time as a dancer is in active development (casting, finding investors etc.).  Follow the progress on Facebook!

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

One of the ridiculous reasons given for refusing to represent fat people in the media as happy or successful at anything other that weight loss is that fat people aren’t prioritizing our health and are therefore bad examples who must be kept out of the media.  For today I’m setting aside the fact that this is both completely untrue and that it even if it was true it would still be extremely messed up, to discuss the almost unbelievable hypocrisy that is committed whenever this argument is made.

Perhaps you’ve heard of a little game called Football (or American Football if you’re outside of the US.)

If we really believe that we should not give positive representation in the media to people who don’t “prioritize their health” then I’m pretty confused by some things when it comes our massive media promotion of those who choose to play football:

First is this incredibly long list of injuries for last season.

And what about the massive impact of concussions on players future lives (and the NFL cover-up thereof.)

Or the fact that the massive rate of bankruptcy means that most of them can’t likely afford the future healthcare they’ll need.

Not to mention that many of the players are “obese” based on their BMI.

Football players are given massive media exposure despite the fact that they are clearly not prioritizing their own health.  The NFL makes more money than any other sport and its commissioner has predicted that they will achieve $25 billion in annual revenue by 2027.  (That will still be less than half the current revenue of the diet industry but that’s a whole other blog post.)

So if we think that people who don’t “prioritize their health” are poor role models and shouldn’t be represented positively in the media, what was that whole Superbowl thing about yesterday?  Where is the hand-wringing that football players aren’t good role models because they aren’t prioritizing their health.  Where are the calculations about how expensive football players (at every level) will be – not just with sports injuries while they play, but with the fallout from concussions, and the constant pounding their joints take?

Where are the calculations of how much money could be saved if instead of playing football those who participate just walked 30 minutes a day 5 days a week?  Where’s the government-sponsored “War Against Football”? And all of that despite the fact that body size is complicated and not entirely within our control and we don’t have a single study where more than a tiny fraction of people were able to change their body size, but playing (and quitting) football is absolutely a choice.

The truth is that this whole “It’s because of fat people’s health” thing is just a crappy justification for size-based discrimination, and it’s long past time to stop using healthism to justify sizeism, and to end both of them instead.

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Become a Member For ten bucks a month you can support size diversity activism, help keep the blog ad free, and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

Buy the book:  Fat:  The Owner’s Manual  The E-Book is Name Your Own Price! Click here for details

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information on topics, previous engagements and reviews here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

Dance Classes:  Buy the Dance Class DVDs or download individual classes – Every Body Dance Now! Click here for details 

I’m training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com

A movie about my time as a dancer is in active development (casting, finding investors etc.).  Follow the progress on Facebook!

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.