BMI or body mass index is a number that is generated by dividing someone’s weight in pounds by their height squared and multiplying the result by 703.  This simple ratio of weight and height is now used as a measure of health.  And that’s a problem.

Belgian polymath Adolphe Quetelet devised the BMI equation in 1832.  He created the formula to be used as a statistical tool across large populations, he never intended for the number to be used as a measure of individual health.  When people say that BMI is a poor measure of health, that’s not accurate.  The truth is that BMI is not a measure of health at all.

The idea that there is an “ideal bmi” is called into question by the fact that in 1998 the “ideal/healthy BMI” was changed.   Three members of the committee responsible for making the recommendation had direct ties to pharmaceuticals that manufactured diet pills for profit.  A fourth member was the lead scientist for the program advisory committee of Weight Watchers International.  This committee advocated dieting for everyone who had a BMI more than 24.  They shaved 15-20 lbs off the definition of “ideal/healthy weight” which made about 29 million Americans “overweight, ” and thus “unhealthy,” overnight.  It also gave those making the recommendations 29 million new potential clients.  Now there is talk of lowering the BMI again. So it’s difficult to defend the idea that, even if there was an “ideal height/weight ratio”, we have any idea what it is.

Beyond that, the research linking a higher BMI with diseases is correlational, meaning that they happen at the same time.  That doesn’t mean that you can assume that BMI causes the diseases or that you can assume that decreasing BMI will cure or prevent those diseases.  Often in August the most ice cream is eaten and the most murders take place, but we can’t assume that taking ice cream off the shelves will decrease the murder rate.  Correlation never implies causation because it’s possible that the two things are unrelated or that a third thing causes both issues (in this case maybe heat increases the propensity for murder and the chances that people eat ice cream?)

People often ask me how I can “ignore” all of the correlational evidence that having a high BMI is unhealthy.  I’m not ignoring it, I’m simply putting it to the scientific rigor that it deserves.  It turns out that the same diseases that are correlated with high BMI are also correlated with being under a high degree of stress over a long period of time.  Like, perhaps, the stress of living in a society where the government wages war on you for the way you look?  Either way, this issue is absolutely not as cut and dried as we are lead to believe.

The use of BMI is cheap, lazy, bad medicine.  We don’t need BMI to be a middleman between us and our health, because we can measure metabolic health, we can measure strength, stamina, and flexibility and we can work on those things if we want to without trying to change our body size or shape.

Like the blog?  Here’s more of my stuff:

Interviews with Amazing Activists!!  Help Activists tell our movement’s history in their own words.  Support In Our Own Words:  A Fat Activist History Project!

Become a member: For just ten bucks a month you can keep this blog ad-free, support the activism work I do, and get deals from cool businesses Click here for details

The Book:  Fat:  The Owner’s Manual  The E-Book is Name Your Own Price! Click here for details

Dance Classes:  Buy the Dance Class DVDs or download individual classes – Every Body Dance Now! Click here for details

I saw a t-shirt that said “F*ck Flattering” and it got me thinking.  We all know that if beauty was a mountain the summit would be nearly unattainable.  Our stereotype of beauty is incredibly narrow and often involves digital assistance and so the idea of “flattering” generally means dressing so that we look closer to that stereotype.  Fat women are told early and often that beauty is not attainable for us, but we are still encouraged to always try for “flattering” – to look thinner than we are, more of an hourglass – bigger boobs, smaller waist, dark colors that hide our rolls, shot with “Fat Girl Angles” with the camera positioned high and our necks positioned strategically to hide our double chins. Ye Olde Fat Girl Clothing Store sells pants with something called “Tighter Tummy Technology” that promises to smash our stomachs into some different and inexplicably “better” shape.  Photographers guarantee that they will make us look “10 years younger and 10 pounds lighter”.

I’ve heard a fashion commenter criticize a fat actress who wore a beautiful light colored dress saying that she “doesn’t like to see big girls in anything but black or navy” because it’s “just not flattering.”  I’ve heard a fat actress admonish fat women to wear shapewear to “put our curves where they should be”. As a dancer I’ve been encouraged to prioritize a stomach that appears to be roll free over breathing.  I have heard fat women say that they “don’t want to see bare fat [insert body part]” as if the solution to that wasn’t just for them to look away.  When I was photographed for a magazine and said that I didn’t want the pictures to be re-touched the editor said “But don’t you want to look your best?”  When I said that my best does not include digital retouching she said, completely perplexed “I don’t understand.”

They’ll never allow us to reach the summit you see, but they want us to keep climbing anyway.

Look, you get to dress how you want for whatever reason you choose.  You can pick clothes because you like them, because you think they will gain you social approval, because they highlight your shape, because they disguise your shape, because your significant other likes them, because your mom hates them, because you think they are flattering, because you think they are unflattering, or for any other reason.  It’s your body and they are your clothes and you are the boss of your underpants and also the boss of your regular pants.

We do have the option to stand at the base of the mountain of beauty, throw off our jacket, and give flattering the finger with our arm fat waving unrestricted in our tank tops, our breasts comfortable in a bra that neither lifts nor separates, our skirt showing every roll of our stomachs, and our leggings showing every dimple of cellulite on our thighs.  That is a completely and totally valid option and those who do not like it are welcome to practice the ancient art of looking at something else or, you know, getting the hell over themselves.  We get to choose how we dress our bodies and why, and we do not owe the world flattering.

Like my blog?  Here’s more of my stuff!

Become a member: For just ten bucks a month you can keep this blog ad-free, support the activism work I do, and get deals from cool businesses Click here for details

Interviews with Amazing Activists!!  Help Activists tell our movement’s history in their own words.  Support In Our Own Words:  A Fat Activist History Project!

The Book:  Fat:  The Owner’s Manual  The E-Book is Name Your Own Price! Click here for details

Dance Classes:  Buy the Dance Class DVDs or download individual classes – Every Body Dance Now! Click here for details 

If my selling things on the blog makes you uncomfortable, you might want to check out this post.  Thanks for reading! ~Ragen

I get so very, very tired of hearing all kinds of things about my fat body and my health from people who think the phrase “everybody knows”  is actually the same as “it’s been scientifically proven beyond a doubt.” To be clear, I’m talking today about statements regarding weight and health, which is a separate discussion from the fact that people deserve to live free from oppression, stigma, and bullying and that is not size, health, or habit dependent.

I often talk about how Health at Every Size (the assertion that people of all sizes can pursue health through healthy habits and without pursuing weigh loss)  is a “Galileo issue” because “everybody knows” that fat=unhealthy and thin=healthy and that weight loss is just a matter of “eating less and exercising more” and is possible for almost everyone.  Except that’s not what the evidence says at all.  But try to have an intelligent, evidence-based conversation and you’ll soon find yourself buried under a mountain of “everybody knows” arguments.  I thought I’d take this opportunity to point out some of the things that “everybody knew” at one time or another:

• The sun revolves around the Earth
• Heroin is non addictive substitute for morphine and a fantastic cough suppressant
• Plowing the land will cause it to rain
• Lysol is a great douche for that “not so fresh feeling”
• Germs don’t cause disease so there is no reason for doctors to wash their hands
• Heavy objects fall faster than light ones
• Thalidomide is a good choice to deal with morning sickness

Remember that in their time “everybody” – including medical professionals and world leaders- defended these ideas as absolutely true, completely obvious, and beyond reproach.  And they were dead wrong.  That’s what I think is happening right now with the rampant anti-fat sentiment.  People want to shout “Fat is bad” with the same zeal that they would have shouted “The sun revolves around the Earth” just a few years ago  and pretend that it’s not possible that they’ve got it completely wrong.  But history and the evidence points in another direction:

Habits, not weight, are the best determinant of health.

Fat people are not the cause for the rise in healthcare costs.

Intentional weight loss almost never works in the long term.

You can absolutely be fit and fat.

Those who espouse Size Acceptance and Health at Every Size are just the new Galileo on the block.  It wasn’t easy for him either but the fact that he was put under house arrest and told to sit down and shut up didn’t change the fact that what he was saying was true.  It’s up to us to keep reminding people that “Everybody” very rarely knows anything and that if your arguments are based on what “everybody knows” then it’s time to check your sources.  In the meantime, we can employ strategies to deal with this emotionally and decide that if they want a war on obesity, we’ll give them one!

Like the blog?  Check Out the Book.  The E-Book is “Name Your Own Price”!

I wanted everyone to be able to afford Fat: The Owner’s Manual – Surviving a Thin-Obsessed World with your Health, Happiness, and Sense of Humor Intact  so it  is now available in soft cover and e-book which is “name your own price

Get Special Deals from Size Positive Businesses

I do size acceptance activism full time.  A lot what I do, like answering over 5,000 e-mails from readers each month, giving talks to groups who can’t afford to pay, and running projects like the Georgia Billboard Campaign etc. is unpaid, so I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and/or want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  To make that even cooler, I’ve now added a component called “DancesWithFat Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.

So if you find value in my work, want to support it, and you can afford it, I would ask that you consider  becoming a member or supporting my work with a  one-time contribution.

The regular e-mail blog subscription (available at the top right hand side of this page) is always completely free. If you’re curious or uncomfortable about any of this, you might want to check out this post.  Thanks for reading! ~Ragen

My blog received a comment on Facebook that addressed something that I’ve been wanting to talk about for a while – whether or not Size Acceptance is exclusionary or unfriendly to thin people and whether or not it should be.  The original question said:

She has deals for “Size Positive Businesses” if you join her membership. If she is truly an advocate of health at EVERY size why do only the bigger girls get price breaks? That right there made it feel like an exclusionary movement. Maybe I don’t get it. Isn’t this a movement to get society to change their views AND to get ALL women to concentrate more on their health than their weight? Does she only expect large women to read her blog? If so…FAIL.

First, to me the Size Acceptance movement is about creating a world where people of all sizes are respected and live lives free from stigma, shame, bullying and oppression, and the Health at Every Size movement is about recognizing that health an be pursued through healthy habits by people of every size without pursuing a specific body size or shape.

Second, I’m confused that to this person “Size Positive” means only “bigger girls”.  The deals to which she is referring include clothing that is specific to plus-sized women but also things that would work for people of all sizes and genders.  And that’s where I think some of the confusion about “exclusion” comes in:

There are some ways in which exclusion is really not ok to me.  Saying that we are for size acceptance and then putting down thin women or saying that fat bodies are better than thin ones is, in my opinion, never, ever ok for any reason.  Sayings like “Real women have curves” “Skinny bitch,” “Eat a sandwich” “Nobody wants a bone when they can have the meat” etc. are not okay to me. First because size acceptance means all sizes.  Second because the path to civil rights and self esteem is probably not paved with hypocrisy so doing to others the exact thing that you want them to stop doing to you doesn’t really make a lot of sense to me.

However, there are some things that could be considered exclusionary that I think are totally ok:

Businesses, for example plus size clothing companies, that produce products strictly for fat people are, in my opinion, ok and do not make the size acceptance community exclusionary.  The entire world is set up for people who are not fat. Seats, public transportation, hallways, aisles in stores, clothes etc – almost everything is set up for people who are not fat. One of the benefits that “straight sized” women have is that if the airport loses their luggage they can go into any store that sells women’s clothing and find clothes in their size. That’s not the experience of fat people.  I have been in massive malls where there is not a single piece of clothing would fit me.  Businesses that cater to fat people are targeting to an under-served market where there is a need and less competition and that’s a completely legitimate business choice. Every business does not have to cater to every person.

I also think it’s totally ok for there to be spaces where there is no pro diet talk or weight loss talk allowed.  I think that people are allowed to choose weight loss just like I’m allowed to choose Health at Every Size, but just like it’s not ok for me to go to an Atkins Diet support group with a piece of cake and a soda, it’s not ok for people to talk about their weight loss practice in a Health at Every Size Space. We each get to make our personal choices and every discussion that exists does not have to accommodate each of us and our beliefs.  The fact that every discussion doesn’t involve the beliefs of every person does not make the Size Acceptance community exclusive, it makes some discussions exclusive and that’s ok.

Fat people are an oppressed group of people who are fighting for our civil rights which means that, while we need and truly appreciate allies, we also need the ability to create spaces that are safe for us, creates products that serve us, and advocate for ourselves; and doing that means that not everyone is included in everything and I think that our true allies understand that and support it.

Like the blog?  Check Out the Book.  The E-Book is “Name Your Own Price”!

I wanted everyone to be able to afford Fat: The Owner’s Manual – Surviving a Thin-Obsessed World with your Health, Happiness, and Sense of Humor Intact  so it  is now available in soft cover and e-book which is “name your own price

Get Special Deals from Size Positive Businesses

I do size acceptance activism full time.  A lot what I do, like answering over 5,000 e-mails from readers each month and giving talks to groups who can’t afford to pay, and running projects like the Georgia Billboard Campaign etc. is unpaid, so I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and/or who just want to  support the work that I do can become members for ten bucks a month  To make that even cooler, I’ve now added a component called “DancesWithFat Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them and your contact info always stays completely private.  (If you are a size positive merchant who wants to do a member deal just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org and we’ll get it set up)

So if you find value in my work, want to support it, and you can afford it, I would ask that you consider  becoming a member or supporting my work with a  one-time contribution.

The regular e-mail blog subscription (available at the top right hand side of this page) is always completely free. If you’re curious or uncomfortable about any of this, you might want to check out this post.  Thanks for reading! ~Ragen

I got a question from reader Iroshi asking how to discuss the transition from a weight centered approach to health to a Weight Neutral approach.  I’ll absolutely give my opinion about that but first let’s take it all the way back and discuss why someone might want to do that in the first place.

In a weight centered approach body size is used as a proxy for health – assuming that a thinner body will be a healthier body and so if someone is above what is considered a “healthy” weight, weight loss is advised to increase health.  There are several issues with this:

• Weight is correlated with some diseases, but weight is not causally related.  Thin people get the same health issues as fat people and so using weight as a proxy for health instead of using the simple tests for actual health means that people are either misdiagnosed or undiagnosed.  I once had a doctor try to prescribe blood pressure medication before taking my blood pressure (which happened to be normal).  I have a friend who was begging to be tested for Type 2 Diabetes (which it turns out that she has) but her doctor told her that it was impossible for a thin person to get T2D.
• It gives fat people the incorrect message that their health supporting behaviors won’t make them healthy unless they make them thin.  That is not what the evidence like Matheson et. al, Wei et. al. and The Cooper Institute studies tell us.  In Matheson et. al. for example, fat people who practiced healthy habits had the same hazard ratio as thin people who practiced healthy habits and a dramatically better hazard ratio than thin people who didn’t practice healthy habits.
• There is no study that shows that people who lose weight have better long term health outcomes that those who stay fat but practice healthy habits, or those who were never fat.
• Even if there was proof that weight loss makes us healthier, there is not a single study that shows that weight loss is possible for most people long term. The vast majority of people regain their weight within five years and many gain back more than they lost, even if they keep up their diet habits.  (Increasingly the evidence shows that the body has a multitude of mechanisms that are designed to regain and maintain weight that is lost.)   Weight loss fails the vast majority of the time and often has the exact opposite of the intended effect, and there is no proof that it will make us healthier even if it does work.  Weight loss simply does not meet the criteria for evidence-based medicine.

A prescription of weight loss suggests that we do something that nobody has proven is possible for a reason that nobody has proven is valid, and for which failure is a near statistical certainty.

Weight-neutral health a paradigm that acknowledges that health is not an obligation, barometer of worthiness, or entirely within our control, that the focus should be on systemic change including increasing access and decreasing barriers to health (including experiencing oppression, and that, for individual health, the focus is on supporting health and not manipulating body size, and that health-supporting behaviors  are a much better determinant of health than body size. (Weight-neutral health is not to be confused with Size Acceptance, which is a civil rights movement that asserts that people of every size deserve to be treated with respect and live free from shame, stigma, oppression, and bullying due to their size).  Weight-neutral health acknowledges that health is multidimensional, some aspects of which are within our control and some aspects beyond our control. Health includes genetics, effects of past behaviors, current behaviors, and access to things like healthy foods, safe movement options and affordable evidence-based healthcare.  With Weight-Neutral health the individual focus is on practicing healthy habits and allowing your body to settle at whatever weight it settles.

The transition from a weight-centered health practice to a health-centered health practice can be difficult.  The problem that I most often hear from people initially is how to set goals.  In a weight centered practice the scale is our judge and jury.  All eating and movement activities are centered around changing the size and shape of the body.  In WNH our activities are focused around nurturing our bodies and giving them their best chance for health. That might include goals for things like sleep, social connection, stress management, movement, and nourishment. It can help to create goals that add rather than restrict (ie: I want to get more/better quality sleep, have more social connection, engage in more movement, drink more water etc.

It should be noted that Weight-Neutral Health is an option, not an obligation, and that health is a very personal thing and so people get to choose how highly to prioritize their health and what path to take to get there and it’s absolutely none of anybody else’s business.

So there are lots of nuts and bolts to work out, and you may want to find a weight-neutral health professional to help with them, but for me the biggest step was deciding to stop hating my body for not approximating a toxic stereotype of beauty,  and start appreciating it for everything it is and does.  This simple activity  did more for my journey to health, happiness and body love than anything else that I’ve done. Once you make the decision to focus on your health and let your weight fall where it may, you’ve taken a huge step toward a weight-neutral approach.  After that I think it’s all about trying things. Years ago I was talking to a business consultant friend of mine about how he gets “unstuck” when he’s working with a client and he’s not sure which path to take and he said (quoting someone else, I’m pretty sure:) Try something, anything.  If things get better then do more of that, if they get worse try something else.

So on your health journey you’ll try stuff – some things will be spectacular successes (like that time I took up dancing) and some may be spectacular failures (like that time I tried to overcome the fact that I despise distance running) and that’s ok. This is a lifelong journey and there is no right or wrong , there are just experiences and what you’re going to try next.

Updated 2/3/2023

Like the blog?  Check Out the Book.  The E-Book is “Name Your Own Price”!

I wanted everyone to be able to afford Fat: The Owner’s Manual – Surviving a Thin-Obsessed World with your Health, Happiness, and Sense of Humor Intact  so it  is now available in e-book which is “name your own price

Become a member

I do this work full time and a lot what I do, like answering emails, giving talks to groups who can’t afford to pay, etc. is unpaid, so I created a membership program so that people who like my work and feel they get value out of it and/or who just want to  support the work that I do can become members for ten bucks a month  Membership includes free attendance at my monthly online workshops, a paid-level subscription to my Weight and Healthcare newsletter and more. Learn more here!

So if you find value in my work, want to support it, and you can afford it, I would ask that you consider  becoming a member or supporting my work with a  one-time contribution.

The regular e-mail blog subscription (available at the top right hand side of this page) is always completely free. If you’re curious or uncomfortable about any of this, you might want to check out this post.  Thanks for reading! ~Ragen

As size acceptance activists we often get asked the same questions over and over.  Typically, in my experience, they are asked respectfully by people who are new to the movement and trying to wrap their heads around what we are about.  I thought I would take a stab at  creating some answers to frequently asked questions.  To be clear I am not speaking for the movement, or for anyone but myself with my answers.  I got us started with a few that I hear a lot, if you have ideas about questions that aren’t here leave them in the comments and I’ll add them to the post. If you have answers other than what I’ve given feel free to leave those in the comments as well:

Isn’t fat unhealthy?

No. Weight and health are two separate things – there are healthy and unhealthy fat people and healthy and unhealthy thin people. The confusion of weight and health does a disservice to fat people because people (often including doctors) think that they can look at us and determine our health, it also does a disservice to thin people who are told that they are healthy simply because of their weight and that isn’t what the evidence shows. In fact, the evidence shows that people’s habits are a much better determinant of health than their size is.  Body size is not a diagnosis.  I call this a Galileo issue – “everybody knew” that the sun revolved around the Earth and so Galileo’s statement that the evidence showed that the Earth revolved around the sun was considered heresy.  Now “everybody knows” that fat is unhealthy and so statements to the contrary, even though they are fully supported by evidence, are considered heresy. That doesn’t make them any less true.

Isn’t Health at Every Size just giving up?

Health at Every Size is a choice to focus on healthy habits as a way to improve health rather than focusing on body size as a way to improve health.  Studies on long term dieting show that the vast majority of people regain their weight after 5 years, many regaining more weight than they lost – dieting does not meet the criteria for evidence based healthcare.  Health at Every Size is about opting out of a social construct, perpetuated by a 60 Billion dollar a year diet industry, that takes our money to solve a problem that nobody has proven is valid with a solution that nobody has proven is effective or even possible for most people.  Health at Every Size does involve giving up on some things, including the hope of getting the societal approval that comes with being thin.  But the cure for social stigma isn’t weight loss, the cure for social stigma is ending social stigma.  Health is a very personal thing – each person gets to choose how highly they want to prioritize their health and the path that they take to get there.  For me it’s about the best I can do with the amazing and unique body I have which just happens to be a fat body.

How is it fair that my tax dollars pay for the healthcare of fat people?

While people may not realize it, this argument is thinly veiled bigotry.  Tax dollars pay for all kinds of things and unless someone has a list of everything that their tax dollars pay for broken down by what they do and do not want to pay for, then this is just about prejudice against fat people.  This is a very slippery slope – should those of us who don’t drink get to opt out of our tax dollars paying for any alcohol-related health problems? Should vegans get to opt out of their tax dollars paying for the healthcare of non-vegans?  There are some military projects that I’m not thrilled to pay for.  This whole argument collapes under scrutiny.  Also, just to bring some facts to the table, the Congressional Budget Office, and anyone who has actually looked at the numbers has concluded that fat people are barely a blip on the healthcare cost radar.

How can you say it’s ok to be fat?

Because nobody needs anyone else’s permission or approval to live in, and be happy with, their body.  Fat people have the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness and that includes the right to live life in the bodies we have without our government waging war on us or having other people tell us that we need to do what they think we should do until we look the way they think we should look. It is absolutely, positively, completely ok to be fat.

Remember if you have questions that you would like me to answer, you can leave them in the comments!

Get Special Deals from Size Positive Businesses

I do size acceptance activism full time.  A lot what I do, like answering over 5,000 e-mails from readers each month and giving talks to groups who can’t afford to pay, and running projects like the Georgia Billboard Campaign etc. is unpaid, so I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and/or who just want to  support the work that I do can become members for ten bucks a month  To make that even cooler, I’ve now added a component called “DancesWithFat Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them and your contact info always stays completely private.  (If you are a size positive merchant who wants to do a member deal just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org and we’ll get it set up)

So if you find value in my work, want to support it, and you can afford it, I would ask that you consider  becoming a member or supporting my work with a  one-time contribution.

The regular e-mail blog subscription (available at the top right hand side of this page) is always completely free. If you’re curious or uncomfortable about any of this, you might want to check out this post.  Thanks for reading! ~Ragen

Like the blog?  Check Out the Book.  The E-Book is “Name Your Own Price”!

I wanted everyone to be able to afford Fat: The Owner’s Manual – Surviving a Thin-Obsessed World with your Health, Happiness, and Sense of Humor Intact  so it  is now available in soft cover and e-book which is “name your own price

I received the following comment on my post “The Truth About Diabesity“:

Today my mom emailed me the link to that abc article because omgdeathfat is upon me (or some such nonsense) and in-turn I emailed her the link to this blog post. She responded with “well obviously this girl read the ada site wrong and is just tired of being picked on for being fat. If she would just try harder she wouldn’t have that problem.” My head met my desk briefly then I told her to read your “about” section which was met with the usual VFHT and the “fact” that all overweight people are unhealthy. How do you explain to someone so obviously thick-headded that they are wrong?!

It’s a really good question, and one I get asked a lot.

First let me clarify some stuff:

ADA quote:  the quote that she is referring to is from the American Diabetes Association,  “Myth:  If you are overweight or obese, you will eventually develop type 2 diabetes…  Most overweight people never develop type 2 diabetes, and many people with type 2 diabetes are at a normal weight or only moderately overweight.”  It’s directly from their website, you can find it here. You have to appreciate the dedication that would lead someone to suggest that I misread that.  That’s a special kind of stubborn.

VFHT:  Vague Future Health Threat.  This is what happens when you say you are fat and healthy and people come back with some form of “you’re healthy now, but it will catch up with you”.  It’s the idea that no amount of being fat and healthy is proof that you can be fat and healthy – because someday you will not be healthy and it will be because of your fat.  I blogged about this one here.

Back to the question at hand “How do you explain to someone so obviously thick-headded that they are wrong?!”

The short answer for me is that you probably don’t. It can be extremely frustrating when other people don’t respect our decisions about our personal health.

Other people have a right to their opinions just as we have a right to ours. I like dialog, but it’s very difficult to have a discussion with someone who has stuck their fingers in their ears and is yelling LA LA LA LA LA. So I think that it comes down to our right to decide how people treat us.  Choosing to opt out of the diet culture can illicit a strong reaction for one of several reasons:

Good Cop:  People are genuinely concerned

We are exposed to thousands and thousands of thin=healthy messages everyday.  Many of us, upon a thorough review of the evidence, have concluded that this information is erroneous.  Other people haven’t done the research, or they looked at the evidence and drew a different conclusion.They are genuinely worried about our health.

Bad Cop:  Jealousy/Envy/Threat/Immaturity

Unfortunately for some people, their bodies made it out of Junior High School but their brains were left behind. Some have bought into the diet culture wholesale, and the fact that you don’t bothers them.  Some people need to convince other people that they are right in order to feel good about their own decisions.  Some people feel the need to feel superior.  Some people can only feel good about themselves when they are putting someone else down.

Regardless of why they are acting like this, you can choose how you are treated.  I heard the lyric “I’m way too up to back down” in a song and it captured exactly how I feel.  When I was dieting, trying desperately to be thin so that I could be healthy, I ended up being anything but healthy – physically or mentally.  Now I enjoy good mental and physical health without obsessing about food and exercise. I’m way too up to back down on this issue. Unless someone has some serious evidence to present then I’m not interested.  So what do you say to people who are giving you an “everybody knows…” answer:

Discussion

If the person is important to you, then consider a conversation.  Decide ahead of time what you want.  Are you open to a discussion?  If so what are the ground rules?  You get to decide.  Maybe this is something that you and this person just don’t talk about.  If they’re unwilling to comply with your wishes, you need to know what you’re going to do.  Are you prepared to walk away?  Listen to these things in the future and take what they have with a grain of salt?

You might use this time to mention other things that “every body (including doctors) knows” – scientific “facts” like the sun revolves around the Earth, heroin is a great cough suppressant, thalidomide is the perfect choice for morning sickness, and blood letting will clear your asthma right up.

Disconnection

Typically I’m a fan of dialog but I’ve come to realize that sometimes the person in question just isn’t worth it.  If that’s the case, then you might want to consider disconnecting from them and moving on.  You can still be pleasant, just pull away quietly. Do it with class but consider the idea that you have a finite amount of time and attention to give, you get to choose who you give it to, and some people do not deserve your time and energy.

Confrontation

You can certainly go with the yelling, screaming approach.  In my experience – and I don’t think this is fair, it’s just been my experience – becoming emotional often makes the argument seem weak and makes me feel powerless in the situation.  Your mileage may vary so if it feels good to get it out, then by all means do what you want.

Regardless of what you do, I highly recommend building a network of people who will support you.  If you can’t do it in person, then start looking online but finding a group who you can trust and being there for each other is incredibly helpful.

Like the blog?  Check Out the Book.  The E-Book is “Name Your Own Price”!

I wanted everyone to be able to afford Fat: The Owner’s Manual – Surviving a Thin-Obsessed World with your Health, Happiness, and Sense of Humor Intact  so it  is now available in soft cover and e-book which is “name your own price

I’ve been thinking about something a lot lately – I receive a lot of criticism for my “underpants rule” policy, especially when it comes to people’s right to make different choices about their bodies and health than I would make.  I think that my right to choose Health at Every Size is dependent upon someone else’s right to choose weight loss.  The most important thing to me is that people know that HAES and Size Acceptance are options that they can choose and that they have access to true information.

One thing I see sometimes is an attitude that “If they’re not with us, they are against us, so screw ’em.”  In this scenario, “with us” typically means that they are already where we are on their size acceptance journey, that they aren’t asking questions that we’ve heard a thousand times, that they aren’t still thinking that they might want to change their size and shape, or that you have to be thin to be healthy etc.

I sometimes see fat activists get frustrated with people who are at the beginning of their journey, asking questions that we’ve answered a thousand times.  I can absolutely understand the frustration, but I wonder if perhaps we’re forgetting that the first time we heard many of those questions was when we first asked them.   I think sometimes in our zeal we can forget that this is a process – that the world is constantly inundating people with the opposite message and that everyone may not have whatever confluence of events, circumstances and personality quirks allowed us to get to this place.

My philosophy for my activism and this blog (which is certainly not the only valid philosophy) is that “If they aren’t actively against me, maybe they’re with me.”  Based on where we are as a civil rights movement I do not think that Fat Activism has to be about everyone choosing the same things that I do. for their bodies.  I think it’s more about everyone believing in choice and respect.  So if someone believes that people of every size should be treated with respect, should be allowed to prioritize their health however they want and choose their own path to health; if they believe in ending size stigma, oppression and weight bullying then I think there’s a place for them in size acceptance.  Even if they make different choices about their bodies than I would not make.

Rather than telling people who are curious about HAES and SA but still want to try to change the size and shape of their body to go to hell, what if we  provided access to information, patiently answered their respectful questions, modeled options, respected their choices, and in turn demanded respect for ours.  If people are interested in helping to dismantle size stigma and bullying, then I think that there is space for them, even if they don’t choose to accept their own size at this time, and I think that being involved in the movement gives them plenty of opportunities to consider their options.

That does not mean that people who choose weight loss have to be given an opportunity to talk about weight loss in every forum.  It is absolutely ok for there to be spaces that are weight neutral, Health at Every Size and Size Acceptance  based etc.   The Fit Fatties Forum, for example (which the amazing Jeanette DePatie and I founded with the help of Jayne Williams), has very specific rules against pro-diet or pro weight loss talk and I don’t apologize for that –  there are plenty of places to talk about those things and it is absolutely possible to respect people’s personal choices about weight loss and still create boundaries for your space/forum/blog etc.

I think it’s important to remember that we are up against a massive and devastatingly effective propaganda campaign perpetuated by big businesses with big profit motives for maintaining the status quo.  Many of the people who find the fatosphere and contact us with questions  are still attempting to lose weight because they truly believe that it is likely to work and will improve their health.  They are following the orders of their doctor – a medical professional who they assume they can trust to give them good information.  There are people who hate themselves because they literally don’t know that there is another choice. People face astronomical pressure to lose weight from nearly every facet of society and they receive a tremendous social reward for whatever time they are able to maintain their weight loss.

I know that health and weight are two different things, I know that you can pursue health and happiness in the body you have now because many things and people came together in my life to allow that to happen. I want to pass that along and try to help people who are where I used to be.  Yes indeedy, I wasn’t always the body loving, size positive woman who is writing this today – I took part in Biggest Loser contests – taking pictures of myself in bike shorts and a sports bra, I did every diet you’ve ever heard of and probably some that you haven’t.  Even when I learned to love my body I still believed that I could never be healthy until I was thin.

I’ve been where these people are and so when they come to me at the start of the journey – confused, questioning and in disbelief about Size Acceptance and Health at Every Size, I work hard to summon the same compassion that people gave me (or more compassion than many were able to muster…). It doesn’t matter if it’s the fifteen millionth time I’ve heard the question – it’s the first time that they’ve mustered the courage to ask it and that’s a big deal.  If they are asking questions respectfully then they aren’t against me so maybe they are with me and, from my experience, how I handle that will be part of determining whether they become an ally, an activist, or an enemy.

Like the blog?  Check Out the Book.  The E-Book is “Name Your Own Price”!

I wanted everyone to be able to afford Fat: The Owner’s Manual – Surviving a Thin-Obsessed World with your Health, Happiness, and Sense of Humor Intact  so it  is now available in soft cover and e-book which is “name your own price

I know that with all of “war on obesity” stuff you hear it’s hard to believe, but stick with me here for a minute.  First let’s clarify who the War on Obesity is actually against. It would seem to be against obese people, but that’s not quite true.  “Obesity” as currently defined is the result of a mathematical formula involving a ratio of weight and height called “BMI”  We’ve discussed before why the BMI is BS.  Part of the reason is that there are so many exceptions to the rule. When people talk about eliminating obesity they don’t typically mean that world class athletes should drop muscle mass so that their ratio comes into line, or that very tall people should be underweight so that they have an “acceptable” ratio of weight and height.

When people talk about eliminating obesity, they typically mean eliminating people who are visibly fat.  The war is not against a ratio of weight and height that’s greater than 30, it’s against people who don’t fit the stereotype of beauty.  And the front lines of this war are everywhere we look and listen – magazine covers, billboards, commercials, infomercials, ads on the internet, random strangers on the street, health care and wellness professionals, talk show hosts etc.

Knowing that, today I’m going to ignore the mountain of scientific evidence that says that  intentional weight loss doesn’t work.  I’m going to ignore all of the evidence that Health at Every Size does work.  I’m going to ignore the many healthy fat people and unhealthy thin people who exist and disprove the efficacy of conflating weight and health.  My question today is: Even if we would all be healthier if we were thin, is the War on Obesity a good idea?

Have you ever had something that you hated: a purse, some shoes, a knick-knack that was a gift from someone?  Did you take good care if it?  Were you inspired to dust it and polish it and keep it beautiful.

Me neither.

The war on obesity has branched out to cover not just the appearance of bodies, but also their health, intelligence and worthiness. The War tells us that if our bodies are fat then they are unhealthy, ugly, unattractive and not worthy of love. We are told that we are not thin because we are lazy, don’t make healthy choices, and lack will power.  We are told that thin is the same as healthy and that we can’t have health without attaining a “healthy weight”.

The vast majority of dieters gain back all of their weight plus more within five years. Yet if we are part of this vast, vast  majority, we are shamed and called weak failures.

The war on obesity tells us to hate ourselves.  Then it says that we have to take good care of ourselves.  Then it says that it doesn’t matter if we take good care of ourselves, we have to lose weight or we should keep hating ourselves until we hate ourselves enough to take good enough care of ourselves to lose weight.

It’s ridiculous.  It’s a system that sets us up to fail, actively participates in our failure, then makes us feel horrible for failing, all the while profiting the diet industry to the tune of almost $60,000,000,000 (yup, that’s sixty billion dollars) a year.

So back to my original question:  Even if we would all be healthier if we were thin (and I don’t think we would be), is the War on Obesity a good idea?

I think that the answer is a resounding no. There are absolutely no circumstances in which a war on all people who look a certain way is a good idea.  Here’s are some steps to fight back…

1. Notice how often these dangerous messages happen  Tomorrow notice how many messages you get about obesity – from television, the radio, the internet (how many diet ads are on the pages you look at) etc.  Notice how many of those messages are created by someone who either wants you to buy their product or has something to gain by maintaining the status quo (ie: they derive their self-esteem from being “better” than fat people)
2. Appreciate your body! Your body is amazing – think of all of the stuff that it is doing for you right now:  you are breathing, your heart is beating, you are blinking, the list goes on and on.  Your body deserves to be loved and appreciated.  Just as it is.  Right now.  Right this minute.
3. Do things that make you and your body feel good.
4. Stop judging others by their weight. Stop assuming that very thin women have eating disorders.  Stop assuming that fat people are lazy or unhealthy.  Strike words like “skinny bitch”, “fat pig” etc. from your vocabulary
5. Don’t push your idea of health onto other people.  Make choices for yourself and stop telling other people how they should live unless they are asking directly for your thoughts or advice.  Your experience is just that – YOUR experience.  You get to make decisions for you based on your experience but nobody else is required to take your experience into account in their decisions.  Don’t confuse your experience for everyone’s experience.
6. Speak out when you see other people partaking in these negative behaviors.  Every time someone says something like this they are reinforcing to someone else that they are unhealthy, unattractive and unworthy.  The idea of making someone hate themselves healthy is ludicrous.
7. Tell your story.  A lot of people don’t even know that Health at Ever Size is an option for them.  That’s the entire point of my blog. I don’t want to tell people how to live, I just want them to know that there are options for happiness and health with the body they have now.

Like the blog?  Check Out the Book.  The E-Book is “Name Your Own Price”!

I wanted everyone to be able to afford Fat: The Owner’s Manual – Surviving a Thin-Obsessed World with your Health, Happiness, and Sense of Humor Intact  so it  is now available in soft cover and e-book which is “name your own price

I was on a blogging panel yesterday and one of the audience members asked us if we ever shy away from topics because we are afraid that we’ll upset our readers.

I said that I say what I think needs to be said whether or not I think it will be popular – and that’s true.  But I’ve been thinking about it a lot today and there are more layers than that and I want to be honest about it.  I often write something controversial and then wait a few days to publish it (usually I lead the blog with that information)  I do it because it does feel kind of scary for me to write something that I feel is going to be unpopular or cause people not to want to read the blog, or to attack me personally.   But that’s just how it goes.  Risk is the currency of revolution.  And I want revolution.

It also occurs to me that my being honest behind my computer and across the internet is certainly much easier than what so many fat people face every day to talk to their families and friends; to stand up to an often hostile world; to consider that we and our bodies might just be ok; to state that we deserve our right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness and that includes the right to live in our bodies without attack or being combatants in a war perpetrated against us by our government because of how we look.

So let me suggest, with no obligation, that it’s very often worth it to take the risk.  Say what is true for you.  Say what you feel.  Speak truth to power.  Say things that you truly believe will make things better, and then let it ride.  I bet you’ll be better for it, and I’ll bet the world will be better for it. Viva la Fatty Revolution!

Like the blog?  Check Out the Book.  The E-Book is “Name Your Own Price”!

I wanted everyone to be able to afford Fat: The Owner’s Manual – Surviving a Thin-Obsessed World with your Health, Happiness, and Sense of Humor Intact  so it  is now available in soft cover and e-book which is “name your own price