Sorry for the missed blogs and thank you so much to everyone who e-mailed to make sure that I was doing ok.  I am, in fact, great! I had the amazing opportunity to be part of an incredible staff, managing a spectacular group of volunteers at a stellar event, and it was more awesome than I could have imagined (Shout out to the Volunteer and Production Teams!!) As these things so often go, the hours were long and so I took a few days off blogging to maximize my sleep time.

I’m about to go catch up on my sleep, but I’ve missed you and so I have an oldie but goodie for you today:

My blog was mentioned in a woman’s forum where they were talking positively about my work, which was really nice.  But then these seemingly kind-hearted, at least open to the ideas of Health at Every Size and Size Acceptance, women went on an absolute rampage about how other women dress.

I see this all the time in any number of guises, from the blatant “can you believe that she’s wearing that” to the “it’s for her own good that’s just not flattering on her” Let’s look at some examples shall we?

If you’re not blueberry or chocolate chip then I don’t want to see your muffin top.

Well, I’m not blueberry or chocolate chip so go ahead and look somewhere else. (And no points for the play on words..it’s just weak game all around.)

You’ve just got to find clothes that hide your flaws.

I don’t just got to do anything and my body doesn’t have any flaws, it’s perfect the way it is (and if it gets heavier or lighter, it will be perfect then too). I am, in fact, a proud member of the Fuck Flattering Club.

I don’t even want to see thin women wearing tight clothing.

Just. Don’t. Look.

I believe in wearing very modest, figure flattering clothes.

Awesome, rock that shit!  Explain again how you think that affects anyone else’s clothing choices?

I just think that big girls should wear dark clothing.

I just think you should bite me.

I’m not hating on fat people but I don’t want to see fat bodies.

You are totally hating on fat people and a disclaimer doesn’t change that.  In the South we use “bless her heart” for this purpose and it doesn’t hold water either.

In short, if someone is looking for their beeswax, they are not going to find it in someone else’s closet.

It doesn’t matter how we do it, or what our intentions are, I would ask the we consider that this type of discussion is nothing more than thinly veiled body hate and that we are better than body snarking. So maybe people should dress in whatever way makes them happy and if other people don’t like it then there are a lot of other things to look at, and a lot of other things to talk about…what do you say?

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

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Dance Classes:  Buy the Dance Class DVDs or download individual classes – Every Body Dance Now! Click here for details 

I’m training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com

A movie about my time as a dancer is in active development (casting, finding investors etc.).  Follow the progress on Facebook!

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

 

The British Television talent show “The X Factor” has reportedly told two contestants that “unless the pair lose weight it will impact their position in the competition and their future career.” When someone laments about the fatphobia inherent in such a pronouncement we are often told that the show is “just being realistic” and that it’s “just how it works.”

And that’s bullshit.  This attitude is perpetuating the idea that we should choose our entertainers for their looks first and their talent second. This is how we end up with software to help so-called singers who cannot manage the most basic of skills (if you’re a singer) – staying on key.  Not to mention the “Susan Boyle Effect” wherein if someone doesn’t meet the Hollywood stereotype of beauty and they are talented we are absolutely shocked – because we’ve been completely brainwashed to believe that we can tell whether or not someone is talented has talent based on how they look. Which is completely, totally, and utterly ridiculous.

So if the X Factor producers decide that, instead of taking a stand against a world where, in a talent show, not being thin enough somehow renders your talent completely irrelevant, they will use their platform to perpetuate that belief, it’s incredibly sad if entirely unsurprising.

One of the ways that talented people who don’t fit the stereotype are fighting back is by using, Youtube, Vimeo, and other social media to get create a stage for ourselves. And every time we do, we give people an opportunity to realize how much amazing talent they are missing out on because we demand that our performers look a certain way first, and care about their actual talent second. So I invite you to put videos of your favorite fat performers in the comments, and to share them on Facebook, Twitter and anywhere else you can!

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Become a Member For ten bucks a month you can support size diversity activism, help keep the blog ad free, and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

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Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information on topics, previous engagements and reviews here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

Dance Classes:  Buy the Dance Class DVDs or download individual classes – Every Body Dance Now! Click here for details 

I’m training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com

A movie about my time as a dancer is in active development (casting, finding investors etc.).  Follow the progress on Facebook!

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

 

I’m working on pacing, and so I’ve done a couple of this week’s runs on the treadmill at my gym.  The treadmills are in an upstairs cardio area that is usually fairly empty.  Tonight there were six people in there which is unusual.  They all also seemed to be part gazelle – they must have been going 50, 60 miles per hour on their treadmills.

Having long ago lost any sense of embarrassment at not being good at running around people who are, I set into my run – five minutes running, two minutes walking, lather rinse repeat.

This was the first time that I had been surrounded by this many fast runners on the dreadmill, so instead of them just coming up, passing me, and then being out of my view in minutes leaving me to my plodding, we were together for over an hour.  They were all done at the same time and everyone slowed down to cool down and then they headed out, except for one girl.

One girl made a beeline for my treadmill.  I braced myself, silently reminding myself not to make assumptions about the interaction that was now imminent. The last time someone approached me when I was on the treadmill (when I was doing short interval speedwork)  it was to say “The reason you’re not losing weight is that you are doing these intervals, don’t worry about speed and just go as long as you can.”  I gave my best confused look and said “Why would I want to lose weight?”  (Some days I have it for the teachable moment, and some days I just don’t.)

So that incident was fresh in my mind as she came over. I paused my ipod, took off my headphones, smiled (which may well look more like a terrifying grimace while I’m running, I’m just not sure) and said “What’s up?”

She said, “If you like running solo that’s totally cool, but if you’re ever interested in joining a group we’re all part of a running club and we’re always looking for new runners!” and then she gave me their website, said “Check it out if you want. Have a good run!” and left.

It shouldn’t be news that someone interacted with a fat person at the gym without stereotyping, assuming, or fat shaming.  But I spend plenty of time talking about the people who get it very, very wrong, so I wanted to make sure to take some time to talk about someone who got it right.  I’m probably not going to join the club, but it was really nice to be asked.

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Become a Member For ten bucks a month you can support size diversity activism, help keep the blog ad free, and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

Buy the book:  Fat:  The Owner’s Manual  The E-Book is Name Your Own Price! Click here for details

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information on topics, previous engagements and reviews here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com

Dance Classes:  Buy the Dance Class DVDs or download individual classes – Every Body Dance Now! Click here for details 

A movie about my time as a dancer is in active development (casting, finding investors etc.).  Follow the progress on Facebook!

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

 

 

In Devon (UK),  people who are classed as “morbidly ob*se” and higher (a BMI of 35+) will be denied any and all routine surgery until they lose 5% of their weight. An amount which experts explain “has no medical rationale.”

The issues with this should be obvious.  First, the use of BMI in healthcare settings is deeply problematic. Also, for many people losing 5% of their weight won’t change their BMI category at all so they will be approved for surgery at a BMI at  which they would be denied the surgery if it was their weight when they walked in. Then of course there’s the fact that they have no evidence that this weight loss can be maintained or that it will improve health (in fact, evidence points to the opposite conclusion.)

But you know what’s even less likely to improve your health than weight loss attempts?  Not getting the surgery you need until you manipulate your body size by some arbitrary amount.  And that doesn’t even take into the extreme and unhealthy things that people are likely to do to “make weight” so that they can access basic healthcare.

Please understand that they consider a medical procedure that fat people’s doctors have deemed necessary, to be a perfectly reasonable “carrot” to dangle in front of fat patients to try to force them to lose weight.

It does not matter how much anyone thinks losing 5% of our body weight will help a fat person, it’s inappropriate to force us to choose between accessing healthcare, and attempting weight loss (for which their is, by the way, no evidence basis.)

Fat is a body size and not a behavior – fat people are as varied in our behaviors, health, and habits as any other group of people who have only a single physical characteristic in common.  But let’s be clear that even if those who would deny healthcare based on body size are so dense as to believe that you can tell someone’s habits, behaviors, and health just by knowing their height and weight, that still doesn’t justify their behavior.

On the surface, they are suggesting that fat people should be denied routine surgery because our body size is considered our fault, and is changeable.  But they aren’t not forcing people with sports injuries to give up sports.  Or people who need routine surgeries because of injuries sustained while they were drunk to quit drinking.  Or people whose need for routine surgery followed the exclamation “Hey y’all, watch this…!” to sign a contract promising to stop hurling their bodies at solid objects, or people who are injured because they were driving cars to quit driving etc. (Nor should they!) That tells us pretty clearly that this is nothing more than appearance based discrimination in healthcare.

But the truth may be even worse. They admitted that this wasn’t actually about fat people’s health. Rather, by blanket denying surgeries to fat patients (as well as smokers, by the way) they could cut costs and decrease procedure wait times for others. Meaning that those who are getting healthcare will be getting it by standing on the the back of those to whom it is being denied because their oppression is seen as socially acceptable.

In response to a Boston Globe article about medical mistakes, the brilliant Lesley Kinzel started the hashtag #diagnosisfat and people took to Twitter to discuss the ways that their doctors’ antifat bias led to substandard care.  What they talk about will not likely be surprising to any fat person who has ever tried to access medical care:

A doctor prescribed weight loss for my sinusitis.

Told doc I was a dance major. He said, “if you were, you wouldn’t be fat.” I went for a tetanus shot.

GP’s withholding pain-management meds ’til I lose weight.

Went to clinic w/ a deep wound on sole of my foot. NP told me it was caused by my “excess weight.” WHAT? It was a rusty nail!

And it goes on and on (as someone who has been prescribed weight loss for a broken toe, separated shoulder, and strep throat, and who has been sent countless stories from my readers of medical mistreatment because of their size I am saddened but not surprised.)  I encourage people to add their stories to the thread.

When it comes to fat patients, the healthcare system is rife with bias and the kind of misinformation and mistreatment that happens when “everybody knows” is considered as good as evidence-based medicine, and when bias, stereotyping, stigmatizing, subhuman treatment and other oppression based on appearance are encouraged by the healthcare establishment and governments that are proudly using fat people’s tax dollars to wage war on us.

I can’t help looking at the juxtaposition of anti-fat healthcare bias with “public health” messaging suggesting that the goal of our society should be eradicated us from the Earth,  and notice how it seems like they are happy to achieve “victory” in the “war on ob*sity”  by making us thin or killing us, and they don’t much care which.

I think that the solution to this is going to have to be large scale activism – fat people recording their doctors, naming names when it comes to fatphobia, refusing to leave the doctor’s office until we get proper treatment, rating doctors on rating sites, perhaps creating our own rating sites, lists of fat friendly doctors,  filing malpractice lawsuits etc. If what they say is true (and I’m not saying it is, but I’m not above using our oppressors own messaging against them) that the majority of people are fat and we have above average healthcare costs, then we have some real leverage to bring to this particular situation.

All of this type of activism comes with risk and some of it will end up hurting the person doing the activism (I already know people who have been blacklisted by doctors in their small town because of their refusal to accept a diagnosis of fat and a prescription of body size manipulation when they have health issues for which people who aren’t fat get actual proven interventions.)

That’s the thing about creating social change, risk is the currency of revolution.  In order to create change a lot of people have to risk a little, some people have to risk a lot, and a few people will risk everything.  We shouldn’t have to do this, this is not our fault but it becomes our problem,  and we each get to choose how to deal with it – nobody is obligated to be involved in activism, but the option to be involved in activism is there.

Regardless, the current discrimination against fat people, and the treatment of body size as a diagnosis and barrier to healthcare are just plain wrong, and the only appropriate health care for people of all sizes is blame free, shame free, and future oriented care.  Until that is the standard, fat people will suffer and some will lose their lives due to anti-fat bias in healthcare.

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

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Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information on topics, previous engagements and reviews here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

Fat people are often subjected to concern trolling.  To me concern trolling is when someone couches their opposition to your ideology and/or their oppressive behavior in concern.

Dealing with concern trolling can be complicated, especially since people have a tendency to insist that we accept this kind of behavior graciously (that’s one of the things that makes the tactic popular.  People can be inappropriate and then shrug and say “What? I was just expressing concern, why are you being so mean to me?” Charming, no?) The truth is that each person who gets concern trolled gets to choose how to deal with it.  I’ve recently had a run-in with a concern troll that made me think a lot about this, and gave me a surprising reminder about compassion along the way.

I’m currently training for an IROMAN triathlon.  (I have a separate blog for that so that I can yammer on about my training with being boring, annoying, or triggering to people who come to this blog for Size Acceptance stuff).  On a recent post, I got a comment from a concern troll:

I find your ethic and ambitions inspiring but concerned puppy needs to consider something else – can you make the 17 hour cutoff? Based on your marathon experience I would say that you cannot. (followed by an exhaustive list of the IM time limits, of which of course I’m already very well aware)

That’s so weird, I don’t remember asking for her, or anyone’s, opinion about this, and in fact I covered all of this in my FAQ section.

Ironman is an expensive proposition so if it isn’t likely you can finish, what’s the point?

I can’t believe they don’t make an inspirational poster with this quote in front of a sailboat or something.

Do you really want to spend a couple thousand dollars to show the world that you are brave enough to step up? Something to consider.

Aaand we have another psychic – she knows why I’m doing this.  And apparently she knows better than I do since I covered my reasons pretty extensively in the FAQ and this wasn’t it.  She could have at least left me some lottery numbers…

I was just dying to know, how does someone become this kind of person, so I sent an e-mail “I’m genuinely curious as to how you stumbled onto my blog, and what made you take the time out of your day to comment with your concerns.”  I received a reply:

I just did Ironman Canada in July and it took me 16:48 – I had a very hard day.  Ironman is hard.

Having eaten my bowl of No Shit Sherlock flakes that morning, I already had a grasp on the fact that swimming, biking, and running 140.6 miles in 17 hours is hard.  While I congratulate her on finishing, I’m not sure why she’s telling me about her time or experience, since neither has anything to do with me.  I could be wrong, but the way that this is phrased makes it seem like she thinks I’ll say “Well, if it was hard for a stranger I know nothing about, I’ll never be able to do it, I quit!” which makes me think that a very exaggerated sense of self-importance may be at work here. But again, I could be wrong.

I hate to see you put out this smack down that’s going to cost you $675 for the race and several hundred dollars for accommodations and some more money to ship the bike and something for travel (I didn’t notice where you live).  I just thought you should consider the cost given how unlikely it is you can finish in under 17 hours.

So I’m to believe that this onslaught of discouragement is actually a benevolent attempt at helping me save money?  (Also, IM Arizona is $725, not $625.  If the money is so important, I would think she would know the correct figure.)

You are setting yourself up for failure and what’s the point in that?

Is creating text for motivational posters a real job, because if it is this woman should consider it as a career! It seems like I’ve seen and heard a lot of motivational quotes, songs, and stories about taking risks, setting big goals, and not being so afraid of failure that you don’t try.  But maybe I just misheard all of them,  and what they were saying was “If you might fail, don’t bother to try.” Hey, there’s another poster right there!

Do an Olympic. Do a Half.  See what happens. If it works out, move up to IM and show me how wrong I am.  I’m okay with that.

Well, isn’t she just the sweetest thing, bless her heart.  She’s “ok” with me reaching my personal goals. (And can a fatty get some reading comprehension?  I mention several times, including an entire post about it, that I’ll do a schedule of races before the IM.)  This is a particularly interesting technique of the concern troll wherein they set themselves up to get credit if the subject of their abuse succeeds. When I cross the finish line I won’t be surprised to get an e-mail that says  “See, by [acting like a complete ass] I inspired you, you should thank me…”

Which makes me wonder, what would she do if I quit based on her comment?  “Dear Diary, Today I got a woman to give up her IRONMAN goal! I’m such a good person. Sometimes people don’t notice that about me, but I really am.”  So. Fucked. Up.

I’m a pragmatist and I’m cheap so that’s why you heard from me.

Yes, I’m sure that’s exactly what this is about.  And we’ll all swear to that, even if they question us separately.

As a person being concern trolled, why someone does it doesn’t change my response.  I get to decide how people treat me and so regardless of whether this person really is an altruistic cheapskate traveling the internet helping people choose the fear of losing money over trying to achieve their dreams, or she’s a fatphobic jerk who gets off on discouraging fat athletes, or somewhere in between, the fact remains that her behavior is grossly out of line and completely unacceptable to me.

While I was waiting for her response, I did some digging and found her public website.  There I found this: “I have profound body image issues in spite of being in phenomenal shape. When I was overweight I was quite certain that everyone hated me simply because I was fat. I’m better now but still have issues and worry way too much about the size of my butt and thighs.”

And that’s when the compassion hit me.  This world is designed to fuck people, especially women, up when it comes to our body image, and self-esteem. And maybe some people get fucked up in a way that makes them take to the internet to try to discourage people from training for an IRONMAN.  Unlike her, I’m not psychic so I’m not pretending to know where this woman is coming from, but her behavior towards me is fucked up and I don’t think it can hurt me to have compassion for how it might have happened.

That said, and I cannot be clear enough about this, that does not make it ok.  I am not obligated to excuse bad behavior directed at me for any reason.  But I can set boundaries and hold compassion at the same time and I think that’s worth doing.  So obviously I’ll not be approving her comment, or taking her perspective into consideration. But I also sincerely hope that, if she wants to rid herself of body image issues, she finds a way to do that, and I also hope that if this type of inappropriate behavior is typical of her, nobody else is harmed by her.

This whole thing has also really helped me to be grateful for my own journey to body love and everything that it’s done for me. If I hadn’t found Fat Acceptance I might be using my time to mete out discouragement to those who have what I once didn’t think I ever could.  The truth is that, when it comes to concern trolling, it’s entirely possible that there but for the grace of Size Acceptance go I.

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Become a Member For ten bucks a month you can support size diversity activism, help keep the blog ad free, and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

Buy the book:  Fat:  The Owner’s Manual  The E-Book is Name Your Own Price! Click here for details

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information on topics, previous engagements and reviews here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

Dance Classes:  Buy the Dance Class DVDs or download individual classes – Every Body Dance Now! Click here for details 

I’m training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com

A movie about my time as a dancer is in active development (casting, finding investors etc.).  Follow the progress on Facebook!

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

 

 

 

I got a question from reader Sarah today that I think is really important.  She asks the question in relation to being a parent of a fat kid, but I think that the question applies to everyone on a journal of self-acceptance:

Hi Ragen. I am struggling with my young son’s self body image. He has never heard this from us, but he calls himself fat as a negative. We practice describing our bodies in lots of different ways and explaining that people comes in call shapes the sizes, but it still comes up. My question is this – you seem to have come to a very strong, self-advocating frame of mind about yourself despite size prejudice. I imaging that wasn’t immediate or easy. Is there something someone could have done or said that would have made that journey easier?

First of all I think that this kid is really lucky to have parents who are supporting him in appreciating his body, and bodies of all sizes, and who really get it when it comes to size acceptance – so rock on Sarah!

I think that this is a multi-layered series of conversations that are based around a central theme.  That theme is:  The world is messed up, you are fine.  This was, not coincidentally, the title of a talk that I gave to 3rd-12th grade girls and their parents at the GenAustin conference a couple weeks ago (a blog about that is forthcoming.)

Here are some of the pieces of that conversation:

The thing that we’re combating here is “everybody knows.” Allowing “everybody knows” thinking has gotten us into plenty of trouble in the past . Galileo was put under house arrest for challenging the idea that “everybody knew” that the sun revolved around the Earth. Doctors used to think that Heroin was a non-addictive substitute for morphine.  Oops.  It’s important to question “everybody knows” thinking  – including when “everybody knows” is appearance based and people insist that they can tell a lot from someone just by how they look (this can also lead into necessary discussions about racism, ableism, transphobia, homophobia, stereotyping and more.)

A lot of people make a lot of money by convincing us that there is something wrong with us and that we should buy their product to fix it.  This works especially well when it’s something that happens normally – diverse body sizes, aging, cellulite etc. are all examples of that.

Because making us hate ourselves makes lots of money, we all get tons of messages trying to make us feel bad about ourselves. Sometimes people react to that by trying to make other people feel bad about themselves in the hopes that it will make them feel better.

Bodies come in all shapes and sizes – fat ones, skinny ones, and everything in between and all bodies are good, beautiful, amazing bodies just as they are.

Currently in our society there is a tremendous amount of stereotyping, and stigmatizing of people with larger bodies.  This is 100% wrong. people deserve to be treated with respect regardless of their body size and stereotyping and appearance-based bullying are always wrong.

Some people will try to justify this bad behavior by suggesting that it’s about health.  Body size and health are not the same thing (there are healthy and unhealthy people of all sizes.)  More importantly, it’s not ok to treat people poorly because of their health, and people’s health is between them and their doctor and is none of our business unless they ask us.

Though this kind of stereotyping and stigmatizing is wrong, if you or your friends have a larger body it will likely happen to you. Some people might suggest that those with larger bodies who don’t want to be mistreated should try to change their bodies.  That’s a really messed up way to view the world – the cure for bullying isn’t for those being bullied to change, it’s for bullies to change and stop bullying.

Your body is amazing – it does millions of things for you every day without you even asking (breathing, blinking heartbeat) and it supports everything else you do – smiling, hugging, walking, rolling your wheelchair, waving etc.  Your body is like a friend and when people are saying mean or negative stuff about your body, you can stick up for it just like you stick up for a friend who was being bullied.

Health isn’t an obligation and there’s no guarantee no matter what you do, it’s also not something that people should use to judge others .  If you want to be healthy than the thing to do to give yourself the best odds, no matter what your size, is to participate in healthy behaviors – things like getting enough rest, drinking water, eating nourishing foods that you enjoy, move your body in ways that are fun for you.  Taking care of your body should never feel like a punishment, and it shouldn’t be about trying to manipulate your size, taking care of your body is a gift you give yourself and how you choose to do it is between you and the people you trust.

Being treated poorly based on your size shouldn’t happen, it’s not fair, it’s not your fault, but it can become your problem. It doesn’t matter how many people participate in it, it’s still wrong.

You get to decide how you get to deal with this.  You might choose to stand up to your bullies, you might choose to ignore them, you might choose to do things that might make them leave you alone.  You might choose different strategies at different times and with different people and all of that is ok.

The most important thing for you to know about this is that you and your body are not the problem – appearance based stereotyping, stigma, and bullying are.  The world is messed up, you are fine.

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Become a Member For ten bucks a month you can support size diversity activism, help keep the blog ad free, and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

Buy the book:  Fat:  The Owner’s Manual  The E-Book is Name Your Own Price! Click here for details

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information on topics, previous engagements and reviews here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

Dance Classes:  Buy the Dance Class DVDs or download individual classes – Every Body Dance Now! Click here for details 

I’m training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com

A movie about my time as a dancer is in active development (casting, finding investors etc.).  Follow the progress on Facebook!

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.