I’ve noticed a lot of mixed messages that are given to fat people when it comes to movement and athletics, most of which shouldn’t be messages at all.  It came to mind today because of some of the responses to the petition to keep The Biggest Loser from having kids on the show – responses that we got specifically because Jeanette and I created the petition on behalf of the Fit Fatties Forum

To give you some background, the forum’s stated purpose is “to be a space where people who are interested in fitness from a Health at Every Size perspective can connect, get support, and make friends.” Apparently some people just can’t get behind this idea.

Nobody is under any obligation to exercise.  Whether or not, or how much, we exercise is nobody’s business.  While fathletes, and those of all sizes who enjoy movement, have every right to talk about our experiences, of course they don’t make us better or worse than anyone else.  As a fat person, I find that I’m constantly barraged with the message that I need to exercise – typically based on the assumption that I don’t exercise at all.  I can’t even count how many times I’ve been told, by everyone from friends, to doctors, to strangers,  to “eat less and exercise more” by people who have no idea what I eat or how much I exercise in the first place.

So people can’t stop yammering about how fat people need to exercise, but when we do then they moo at us, they tell us that we obviously aren’t doing it enough, or we’re not doing it right, they continue to suggest that we need to start, they assume we’re beginners etc. Then today I received e-mails like this:

“I looked at your fat people forum – I think you people need to stop running marathons and start focusing on losing weight.”

“Who cares what you can do if you’re still fat?”

“There’s no such thing as a fat athlete, take down your forum and join a real forum when you’ve lost enough weight to actually be an athlete.  I don’t say this to be mean, I just want you to be healthy.”

Obviously many of these people are trying to fill the moat around their tower of fat bigotry.  Also, has anyone else noticed that “I just want you to be healthy” is the “bless your heart” of fat bigots?  (If you’re not familiar, in the Southern US, the phrase “bless your heart” is often used immediately before or after saying something rude, as a way to suggest that what you just said is actually ok.)  Someone can want me to be healthy all they want, they can even want to help. But I don’t have to care about that and I don’t have to accept their help, nor the premise that I need help to begin with.

These mixed messages and the idea that the only “successful” outcome of movement is thinness not only go against the evidence (which tell us that movement is great at helping people be healthier and horrible at making people thinner), but they also create an environment that is custom made to create resentment of hatred of exercise and movement.  One of the reasons I typically use the word “movement’ on this blog instead of exercise is that I know people who are triggered just by the “E” word.

I wish that instead of spreading mixed messages heavily influenced by fat bigotry, we could focus our attention on making sure that people of all sizes have safe, affordable movement options.  Safe means both physically and psychologically safe – so every person should be able to show up at a swimming pool without even a chance of being shamed or bullied or teased.  Every person should be able to confidently walk into a class appropriate for their level knowing for sure that they will be welcomed and that they will be not experience weight stigma, shaming or bullying. Then each of us can make our own choices or our own reasons and leave everybody else the hell alone.

If you are looking for shame free support for your movement practice at any level, you can check out the Fit Fatties Forum here!  It’s a free forum for people of all sizes and abilities, there are discussions, a photo and video gallery and absolutely no diet or weight loss talk.

also, please consider signing the petition to keep kids off The Biggest Loser!

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Golda Poretsky wrote an amazing post about something truly terrible that’s happening on The Biggest Loser.  This season they are planning to bring kids on the show to be “mentored.”  Apparently they won’t be eligible to win money.  They also won’t participate in weight ins.

That will probably be of little comfort when they are put on a show that former contestants have described as a “dehumanization process…where they start teaching you that because you are overweight you are sub-human.” And where trainers get in your face and yell charmingly motivational things like “I’M BORED WITH YOUR PATHETIC STORY!”  Where trainers insist that contestants ignore the advice of dieticians and doctors so that they can make their bodies as small as possible as fast as possible in order to win money.  Explain to me again what kind of mentoring we’re providing to these kids?

Golda has started a twitter campaign #stopbiggestloser, and she encouraged people to do other things such as start petitions.  Jeanette DePatie suggested that we start a petition as the co-founders of the Fit Fatties Forum and so we did.

You can sign it here and please feel free to pass it on.

Somebody has to stand up for these kids – I can’t imagine the damage that will be done, not just to the three on the show, but to all the other kids who are encouraged to become involved in unhealthy behaviors to become thin by any means necessary.  A rapid weight loss reality show is no place for children.  It’s time to take a stand – please consider signing the petition and passing it on.

Like the blog?  Check this stuff out:

Holiday Sale – Book and DVDs

I’m having a Holiday Sale.  You’ll get 20% off whatever you buy plus an upgrade from media mail to priority shipping in the US.  Support my work, get cool stuff, win-win.  Click here to check it out.

Become a Member (not on sale, but still pretty cool!)

I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  Members are the first to know about new projects, get to see things before they are released, get “Member Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.  Join Now!

 

EDIT:  It has been pointed out by several commenters that my post here could be taken as an attack at the original commenter. That was not my intention.  While I tried to use the comments to frame a general discussion, leaving room for the commenter to be correct while also demonstrating another option, and speaking to a general audience rather than the commenter herself, it seems that I have failed by some readings and for that I deeply apologize.  I’ve sent the commenter an e-mail apologizing.

In a comment on a recent post a reader expressed some thoughts about self-esteem and arrogance in Size Acceptance that I wanted to address here.  While I don’t think it’s intentional, her quotes may be triggering to some so they are in italics, you can skip the italic parts and still understand the blog:

I find a lot of what you say upsetting because I can’t say I’m intelligent, amazing, beautiful, or that I have a great personality, because if I did that I would be shot down for being arrogant… I think in many ways it’s become acceptable for people who aren’t ‘typically’ accepted by society to proclaim that they’re awesome and beautiful all the time, but as a kind of standard person I’d just sound like a t*** if I said that.

First, I have not found that it’s acceptable for me to claim that I’m awesome and beautiful.  I’ve found that when I do so people suggest that I am everything from arrogant, to in denial, to literally mentally ill.  I think the difference is that I refuse to  choose my thoughts based on what other people think of me or say about me.  I believe that my body is amazing and that I’m beautiful and I do not care if other people agree, or what they think of me thinking that. Size Acceptance is about my acceptance, affirmation and love of my body, not about whether or not someone else accepts it – that’s not anybody else’s job.

I also have a sense that the kind of self-esteem your promoting is stupid, since it seems totally unconditional.

Yes!!!!  It is totally unconditional.  I choose to love myself and my body unconditionally.  Even when I make mistakes, even when I get sick, even if I can never do the side splits, no matter what.  It’s self-esteem, it’s not what-other-people-think-of-me-esteem.  We are each the only person who can choose how we feel about ourselves.  We can choose to take the opinions of others into account but that’s still our choice. Thanks to the Underpants Rule, some people can choose to love themselves unconditionally, and others are perfectly within their rights to make their self-esteem conditional and that’s ok.  People can make different choices and in no way invalidate each other – so if someone thinks that loving yourself unconditionally is stupid, they don’t have to do it, but nobody else has to care that they think that, or take that into account while making decisions about their own self-esteem.

Beauty generally is something reserved for the people who are the most attractive to the most people. Not everyone can be beautiful. I think it’s because ‘beautiful’ has come to mean ‘a worthwhile person’ in so many contexts that it’s the natural way for people to affirm their worth as a person, but it lessens the term if you’re going to say everyone is beautiful.

I think that definition of beauty is constructed by society to make us buy expensive wrinkle creams and weight loss pills and any number of things that create billion dollar profits for the beauty and diet industries.  I also think that it’s highly problematic since what “most people” find attractive is often deeply rooted in a society’s bigotry, oppression and injustice.  I think that the ability to perceive beauty is something that we develop, and some people never develop past looking for a superficial, arbitrary social construct either because they don’t think it’s possible, don’t know it’s possible, or simply don’t want to.  That doesn’t make anyone else not beautiful, it just means that most people haven’t developed a strong ability to perceive beauty in different forms.   I believe everyone is beautiful, and I think that the only way that “lessens” the term is if someone is trying to use the idea of beauty to make them feel better than, or superior to, others.

What are the legitimate sources of self esteem?… What gives all of you the confidence to say you’re amazing and beautiful… Half of me feels like it’s a really hollow chant, since it just isn’t really the case that everyone is equally awesome, or that everyone is awesome at all, but the other half of me is just really jealous that everyone on here gets to talk about how great they are all the time while most people don’t get that kind of self esteem despite having a ton of real, objective things they can say are great about themselves….Though I also think this is slightly skewed by the fact that I’m in England, where saying out loud that you have self-esteem is taboo in a lot of circles.

All sources of self-esteem are legitimate if we decide they are – again, it’s called self-esteem –  and I give me the confidence to say that I’m amazing and beautiful, and it’s totally ok if someone else feels that it’s a hollow chant or if they disagree because that has nothing to do with me – that’s their deal.  I won’t speak for everyone here but, for me, it’s not that I “get” to talk positively about myself and my body – as if I’ve received permission…it’s that I choose to celebrate my body despite that fact that I often don’t have the permission or approval of others to do so.

There seems to be a belief that there is only so much self-esteem to go around, and that in order for some people to love themselves, others have to hate themselves.  As if some people should be pushed down to prop up others who can’t develop their self-esteem independently.  I absolutely reject the premise – we can choose to stop competing and we can stop trying to develop love for ourselves by hating others and putting them down.  We  can encourage each other to see how beautiful and amazing and awesome we are, rather than trying to tear down anyone who dares to love themselves without the permission of society.

I spent years self-loathing and self-deprecating and it sucked – I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t healthy.  I spent years hating my body because no matter how much I abused it, including being hospitalized with an eating disorder, it just wouldn’t became what “most people” in my culture find beautiful.  I spent years looking to others to tell me that I was worthy or beautiful.  Then it hit me: For me, all of that self-hatred and self-deprecating was cowardice – I was choosing what to think about myself based on what I thought everybody else wanted to hear. I was miserable just so I wouldn’t upset or offend anyone because the fact that I loved myself might upset them in some way.

No more. In a country where the government encourages the eradication of people who look like me, where little girls say that they would rather lose a parent that look like me, where people spend billions of dollars and millions of hours trying not to look like me,  I stand for my beauty and my inherent amazingness. And anyone who feels that I should give up that painstakingly hard won ground because it upsets them should prepare themselves to learn to live with disappointment. My body, my self-esteem, my life, my rules

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I talk about a lot on this blog about Size Acceptance (a civil rights movement), and Health at Every Size (an optional health practice where the focus is put on healthy habits and not body size).  How these things are or aren’t interrelated can get really confusing sometimes, especially for people new to the concepts.  I’ve had a couple of e-mails and a comment recently asking for clarification.  I replied to the comment and I thought I would go ahead and make it a post for future reference, of course this is just my perspective- there are certainly others.  Here we go:

I believe that Health at Every Size and Size Acceptance are two different things.  I wrote a blog post explaining my perspective on the difference between the two here: https://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/2012/09/28/are-health-at-every-size-and-size-acceptance-the-same/

It includes the passage “I don’t think that we should use HAES as a platform to do size acceptance activism because I think that we should avoid even the intimation that some level of health or healthy habits is required for access to basic human respect and the rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. There is absolutely NO health requirement to demand your civil rights. You don’t owe anybody “health” or “healthy habits” (especially not by their definition, and not by any definition at all.) You do deserve, and have the right to demand, respect and the rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness in the body you have right this minute – whatever your size, health and dis/ability.”

This is a sentiment that I express so frequently  that I often get complaints that I say it too much. I get the same complaints about how often I say that health is multi-dimensional, not entirely within our control and not a barometer for worthiness etc.. If you’re wondering why I say them almost every day, it’s because of people’s tendency to become confused about this, and the fact that someone reading my blog may very well be reading it for the first time and it’s important to me to avoid this confusion.

Now, the fact that civil rights are not contingent on anything does not mean that I think we shouldn’t discuss health, healthcare, science etc at all. I explain my views on that in this blog https://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/2012/10/30/why-talk-about-health-at-all/ which includes the passage

“Health is multi-dimensional and includes things within and outside of our control including genetics, environment, access, and behaviors. Health is not an obligation, nor is it a barometer of worthiness. Nobody owes anybody else “health” or “healthy behavior,” and those who aren’t interested in health are not better or worse people than those who are interested in health. Prioritization of health and the path that someone chooses to get there are intensely personal and not anybody else’s business. The rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness are not health or healthy habit dependent. People who have health issues should be given options for care and accommodation as they wish, not judged or asked to prove that their health issues are not their fault.”

While I do often point out the lack of evidence showing the long-term efficacy of weight loss methods, I try to be very clear that I don’t believe you need anything but a pulse to claim your civil rights.

I talk about the evidence around health, weight, and dieting because it’s not getting covered in the media (in fact the media is telling us the opposite,) people believe that the evidence supporting dieting does exist, and doctors prescribe weight loss despite the fact that it does not meet the requirements of evidence-based medicine. I also discuss it because diet companies make a ton of money taking credit for the short term weight loss that almost everyone experiences and blaming clients for the long term weight regain that almost everyone experiences and therefore many, many people who have failed to lose weight long term blame themselves which is affecting their self-esteem and causing them to go on diet after diet not understanding the likelihood of success based on evidence.

Just to clarify – my discussion of Size Acceptance is a demand for my civil rights which are inalienable – not contingent. My discussion of Health at Every Size is articulation of an option that people can choose for their path to health and wellness including discussions of the evidence on which it is based.

To listen to this blog as a podcast, click here!

Some other posts about this if you’re interested:

https://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/2012/06/06/the-underpants-rule-and-you/

https://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/2012/05/14/yes-its-okay-to-be-fat/

https://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/2012/08/11/the-size-im-supposed-to-be/

https://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/2012/08/08/with-us-or-against-us/

I’ve had a couple interesting interactions with people who are fans of the blog and believe in size acceptance and who are also thin.  In the first instance the person had an opportunity to see first hand how I am treated by dissenters.  In the second the person related to me their realization that “When I read horrible internet comments about fat people on the internet I can just think ‘wow, these commenters are out of control’ but fat people might think ‘oh my god this is about me.’  That must be awful.”

I think it’s important to remember that we aren’t speaking in theory about fat stigma, shame, bullying and oppression – they are ubiquitous and they are happening now, in real time, to fat people.

The way to learn about this is to ask fat people about their experiences, and then believe them – consider fat people the best witnesses to their own experiences.  We can each only speak from our own experiences and they are definitely varied, but I do believe that, though it may be enlightening to the individual doing it, we don’t need anyone to dress up in a fat suit to explain what it’s like to be fat. We just need to listen to fat people. Too often people, especially those who profit from selling “weight loss,” succeed at replacing fat people’s witness to our own experience with their completely fabricated ideas of everything from what it’s like to be fat, to how we feel, what we do, and how we think.   The idea seems to be that our body size is proof that we are somehow not competent to speak about our experiences.

For example, when I point out that I am a combatant in a war waged upon me by the government because I don’t look the way they think I should, people try to tell me that the war isn’t against me -it’s against my fat. The problem, I’m told,  isn’t that the government has a stated goal of eradicating everyone who looks like me, the problem is that I won’t join the party.  I should not consider myself fat, they tell me, I’m should consider myself a thin woman covered in fat and go to war against the body I live in everyday.

In what I consider to be a horrifying example, the America Psychological Association recently put together a panel to discuss the guidelines for the treatment of obesity.  The many, and massive issues with treating a body size as a psychological issue are the subject for another blog – for today’s purposes I’d like to point out that this panel doesn’t have a single person from the fat community.

There is a phrase I first heard used by members of the disability community: “Nothing about us without us.” I absolutely think that should become a battle cry for the fat side in the war on obesity.

Podcast:  So sorry, the service that I use for podcasts is doing a big change-over.  I’ll be back with the podcasts as soon as I can.

Holiday Sale – January or Bust!

I do Size Acceptance activism full time, and part of how I support myself is book and DVD sales. So I’m having a January or Bust Sale.  You’ll get 20% off whatever you buy plus an upgrade from media mail to priority shipping in the US.  Support my work, get cool stuff, win-win.  Click here to check it out.

Become a Member (not on sale, but still pretty cool!)

I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  Members are the first to know about new projects, get to see things before they are released, get “Member Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.  Join Now!

This morning we had a three hour rehearsal for More Cabaret. We rehearsed, of course, but we also chatted about various things going on in our lives, size acceptance etc.  I went from that to an action meeting of the Size Diversity Task Force.  We had dinner, hung out, and then discussed our committees and the work that we are doing and want to do.  Then I met with my friend Jeanette about some new stuff the Fit Fatties Forum is going to be offering in January.

After a very full day of size acceptance community of various kinds, it occurred to me how important these “In Real Life” interactions are to me.  I read a lot of blogs and spending a lot of time talking about these things on the internet but SA community in real life is a precious thing to me. Even with the Size Diversity Task Force we have people who live in other cities and states who Skype in – but for me there’s still something really cool about face to face interactions.

I think part of the difference for me is that Size Acceptance is about my body, and on the internet I’m not as embodied – I exist in avatars and pictures but it’s very difficult to do my amazing body justice on the internet, and I think there is a different connection when it’s in person.

For one, you get to commit all kinds of PDFs (Public Displays of Fatness)  Also,  I often find myself with people of all sizes who are actively engaged in weight loss, do a lot of negative body talk, are steeped in a culture of “fat bad, thin good”.  There is nothing wrong with any of these people but in my experience there is something really cool about spending time with people where there isn’t negative body talk, diet talk, weight loss talk etc.

So if you’re looking for something more in your SA practice, you might consider finding ways to hang out in size acceptance community in real life – search for meet-ups and organizations in your area.  If there isn’t anything near you, you might consider throwing up your own meet-up and seeing what cool people you can meet.

Holiday Sale – January or Bust!

I do Size Acceptance activism full time, and part of how I support myself is book and DVD sales. So I’m having a January or Bust Sale.  You’ll get 20% off whatever you buy plus an upgrade from media mail to priority shipping in the US.  Support my work, get cool stuff, win-win.  Click here to check it out.

Become a Member (not on sale, but still pretty cool!)

I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  Members are the first to know about new projects, get to see things before they are released, get “Member Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.  Join Now!

My blog about ending body bashing got re-posted by one of my Facebook friends. One of her friends, Diane, responded “I’m sorry..that woman on that blog pisses me the hell off. I know she’s trying to bolster the self-esteem of fat people/women, but to say that if you are fat, you are also healthy is LUDICROUS! I just want to slap her.”

This is not an uncommon reaction to my work, though sometimes people replace “I just want to slap her” with “punch her in her fat stomach” or “I’m going to be at your talk at the Reitz Union at 6:30pm and I’m going to shoot you in the head.”  Diane is but a small example of what you can find it all over the internet – people talking about how the very idea that fat people could like themselves or claim health makes them want to commit physical violence against fat people – especially involved in Size Acceptance or Health at Every Size, and it often comes with a gross mischaracterization of the work.  If you do activism around Size Acceptance and/or HAES it’s possible that you’ll deal with it, so let’s look a little deeper.

When it comes to people who claim to want to hurt me in some way (credible or not) I’m generally equally upset at the threats as I am at the fact that people don’t understand my work despite my best efforts to explain things clearly.   Obviously I never said that if you are fat you are also healthy, just like I would never say that if you are thin you are also healthy. I have said many, many times that weight and health are two different things, that there are healthy and unhealthy people of all sizes. Of course there are those who truly disagree, those who truly misunderstand, and those who misunderstand for profit, but that’s not all that is at work here.

I think there are people who are so absolutely steeped in our culture of “everybody knows that being fat is the same as being unhealthy, that they simply cannot look at the situation objectively.  I imagine this is how lots of people felt when they first came across the idea that the Earth revolves around the sun – they were so certain of what they believed that they just couldn’t conceptualize any other option.  There are some people who can be upset enough about that to become angry.

In my experience, though, the greatest anger reaction comes from those who have put all their self-esteem eggs in the thin-is-better basket.  People whose identity is based on the idea that they are healthier/more attractive/better than those who are larger than they are.  So when fat people refuse to be complicit in our own stigmatization, stereotyping and bullying – when we stand up for ourselves – these people’s self-esteem hangs in a precarious balance.  So they lash out.

While I think it’s important to realize that these things drive part of the conversation around weight and health, I am in no way suggesting that they apply to everyone, or that any of us can guess someone else’s reasons for the way they act or react.  It’s not our fault but it becomes our problem, so I think it’s worth it to have some strategies to deal with it.

When I’m dealing with this it helps me to remember that the rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are inalienable, not contingent.  They are not based on size, health, habits, or the approval of others.  I don’t need to prove anything to anybody in order to claim these rights for myself.  They are absolutely mine and nobody has the right to take them away. Those rights include the right to live in the body I have now without shame, stigma, bullying, oppression or people threatening to do violence against me because I claim them.  The fight for fat civil rights is not about asking someone to confer them upon us – they aren’t anyone else’s to confer –  it’s about demanding that people stop trying to keep these rights from us through an inappropriate use of power.

It also helps that when it comes to the science, health, and medicine aspects I’m basing my case on evidence, which doesn’t automatically make me right, but does allow me to shrug off ALL CAPS FREAKING OUT EVERYBODY KNOWS arguments, whether or not the person making them wants to slap me.

To listen to this blog as a podcast, click here!

Holiday Sale – January or Bust!

I do Size Acceptance activism full time, and at this time of year I get the most requests for help and support, and the least paid talks, book signings, business consulting etc.  So I’m having a January or Bust Sale.  You’ll get 20% off whatever you buy plus an upgrade from media mail to priority shipping in the US.  Support my work, get cool stuff, win-win.

Click here to check it out.

Become a Member (not on sale, but still pretty cool!)

I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  Members are the first to know about new projects, get to see things before they are released, get “Member Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.  Join Now!

I got over 300 e-mails/Facebook messages etc. about a project called “I’m learning to apologize for my metabolism” It exists on Kickstarter and the gist is that a woman is trying to raise $20,000 to fund a book that will be a “Collection of images of women standing up against a society that protects fat culture while bastardizing thin and athletic women.”  Many of the messages I received asked if it was a joke.  I looked into it and from what I can find it’s not a joke, and it’s not funny as far as I’m concerned.

My first thought was that maybe she lives in another country where the standard of beauty is different.  Nope, she lives in Las Vegas and she believes that “Its undeniable that when we stand a skinny, athletic or even average sized female next to a larger (even if less healthy, overweight or obese) female, that unless we live outside of this stigma, we as Americans will assume that the heavier person is funnier, smarter, nicer, and less sexually promiscuous, all because she is not as thin or physically fit than the girl next to her.”

I think that she has a right to feel this way and I’m not going to try to say that I know better than her what her personal experience is, but I do think “undeniable” is the wrong word to use.  I know that thin bashing does exist and I have written several times about why thin bashing is unjustifiable.

I do have problems with this project, not the least of which include the use of the following euphemisms for thin:

• Athletic
• Fit
• Likes to run
• Eats healthy
• Take care of your body
• Be in better shape

We just discussed why that’s wrong, wrong, wrongity, wrong, wrong.

She says “The premise of the book is not to bash or assault any single body type, quite the opposite.”

This I’m having trouble believing.  See, I think that if you’re not trying to bash or assault a body type you scrupulously avoid using phrases like “I’m sorry if the butt I work for isn’t as good as the one you ate for.”  I think you avoid making sweeping assumptions like, for example, that only people with one body type are athletic, fit, like to run, eat healthy, take care of themselves etc.   But that’s just my opinion.

I can’t say enough that a culture of body hate hurts people of every size.  I also can’t say enough that I seriously doubt that the road to high self-esteem and size acceptance is paved with blatant hypocrisy.  So even if it’s absolutely true that “Americans will assume that the heavier person is funnier, smarter, nicer, and less sexually promiscuous”  the solution to that is probably not to encourage people to assume that the heavier person is less fit, doesn’t eat healthy, and doesn’t take care of themselves.  If assumptions based on body size are bad, and I agree that they are, then they are bad for people of all sizes.  We can end body bashing and size discrimination, but we can’t do it by doing exactly to other bodies what we don’t want done to ours.

We can simply stop body bashing, body snarking, and making assumptions based on body size.  No more “she needs to eat a sandwich” no more “fat pig”, no more “Real women have curves,”  no more “Lazy fatty”, no more “she can’t be healthy at that weight, ” no more “she looks anorexic,”  no more making ourselves feel better by saying something negative about someone else’s body.  No more.  If we truly want to end body bashing, we have to stop body bashing.

If you are reading this, then you can make the choice, right now, to stop participating in all body bashing. But will you?  The choice is yours.

To listen to this blog as a podcast, click here!

Holiday Sale – January or Bust!

I do Size Acceptance activism full time, and at this time of year I get the most requests for help and support, and the least paid talks, book signings, business consulting etc.  So I’m having a January or Bust Sale.  You’ll get 20% off whatever you buy plus an upgrade from media mail to priority shipping in the US.  Support my work, get cool stuff, win-win.

Click here to check it out.

Become a Member (not on sale, but still pretty cool!)

I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  Members are the first to know about new projects, get to see things before they are released, get “Member Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.  Join Now!

My first activist project was in kindergarten when I had had enough of coloring and playing house and I organized my class to boycott our naptime and chant “We Wanna Learn, We Wanna Learn” while rhythmically pounding our little fists on our desks.  Since then I’ve been involved in all kinds of activism and one common threads I find is that whenever anyone points out an inequality, bigotry, or issue to work on, there’s always someone who wants to tell them that they shouldn’t do anything about it because there is a “good reason” for how things are now.

I talked about asking Barney’s and Disney not to make Minnie Mouse into a 5’11 size 0 to walk an imaginary runway and I got all kinds of e-mail telling me that the fashion world is all about tall and thin and there’s not point trying to change it.

I talked about fat phobia in the dance world and I got tons of e-mails telling me that I needed to understand that a thin body is what works professionally, and that’s just how it is.

I talked about asking stores to carry larger sizes and I got all kinds of e-mails telling me that it isn’t easy for designers to make bigger sizes and that there are expenses involved, so I shouldn’t expect any change.

Reader Holly mentioned in a comment that it’s important to understand why things are the way they are and I agree with that – I’m not trying to suggest that we not understand the things that we are trying to change.  What I am suggesting is that activism is often, if not almost always, about asking people and organizations to change behaviors and practices for which they currently have what they consider to be a “good reason” that justifies the status quo.

Yes the fashion world is about tall and thin.  Yes, the professional dance world is almost entirely about one body type.  Yes, stores are currently set up to do a specific size range.  Yes, anything that we take on as activists will have reasons for being the way they are, acting the way they do,  and having the policies they have. Those are the reasons FOR the activism, not the reason not to do the activism.

It’s about declaring that that we deserve the same things that other people have, even if that means that things and people and policies have to change.  Try chanting: “What do we want?  Equality!  When do we want it? Only when it doesn’t require anything or anyone to change!” It just doesn’t have that ring to it, you know? For example, if thin people can walk into a mall and find clothes in a multitude of stores, styles, colors and price points, but fat people have to go to specialty stores where they find a small selection in limited styles, colors and price points then there’s an inequality there that we can work to fix even though there are all kinds of reasons given to us as to why the current situation is what it is.  We can try to change the status quo, replace it and make what used to exist irrelevant, or all kinds of other options as activists.

Whether or not you choose to engage in activism is completely your decision,  but if you see an inequality or bigotry that you want to change, let me suggest that you not be dissuaded by the argument that there is a “good reason” that it works that way. Let’s suggest that equality is worth some ingenuity.

To listen to this as a podcast, click here.

Like the blog?  Check this stuff out:

The Book:  Fat:  The Owner’s Manual The E-Book is Name Your Own Price! Click here to order

The Dance Class DVDs:  Fun classes for all levels! Click here to order

Become a Member, Support My Work,  and Get Special Deals from Size Positive Businesses

I do size acceptance activism full time.  A lot what I do, like answering over 4,000 e-mails from readers each month, giving talks to groups who can’t afford to pay, and running projects like the Georgia Billboard Campaign etc. is unpaid, so I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  To make that even cooler, I’ve now added a component called “DancesWithFat Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.

Speaking Schedule 2013 – I am now working on my speaking schedule for next year.  If you would like me to give a talk at your university, job/company, or organization just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org and we’ll talk about the options to make it work for your situation and budget.

I blogged on Tuesday about my experience dealing with Lane Bryant Customer Service over my anger that their new high-end runway-inspired line was only going to size 24 – especially when LB typically goes to 26/28.  You can read the entire blog here.  The gist is that they thank me for taking the time to contact them repeatedly and also say:

• “I do apologize, at the current time the size availability for the Lane Collection are not intended to change” Sheri A.

• “Please know that we received word that, at this time, there are no plans to offer the 26/28 option for this particular line, I sincerely apologize.”  Shawn C

When I repeatedly asked for an explanation I was told that “Unfortunately, the reasoning was not included in the response we received and are unable to determine why this merchandise is not offered.”

Finally I was told “Please know that the decision is subject the change at any time and that your comments have been forwarded to our Merchandising department.”

So I sent this message:

Hi Shawn,

It’s unfortunate that you can’t get your own company to answer your questions on behalf of your customers.  Just wanted to let you know that I blogged about this today to my 5,680 subscribers.  In less than 24 hours there are over 106 comments, most of which are offering suggestions for how to avoid shopping at Lane Bryant.  I could not be more disappointed in Lane Bryant as a company or more happy to have so many options to avoid spending money with you.

https://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/2012/11/27/lane-bryant-letdown/

~Ragen

Today I received an e-mail from Lou-Ann Bett, Chief Merchandising Officer at Lane Bryant. It said

Hi  Ragen,

Your blog dated November 27, 2012 regarding the sizing of the new Lane Collection was brought to my attention today and I would like to share with you some exciting news.  Starting in Spring 2013, the Lane Collection will be offered in size 26/28!

In our excitement to deliver the collection before Christmas, we were unable to perfect the fit of all of our traditional sizes and thus could not execute the 26/28 in time.  Perhaps we should have waited, but I assure you we remain committed to serving all of our customers and look forward to showcasing our spring and summer Collections for 2013 up to sizes 26 and 28.

I sincerely apologize for any miscommunication we may have provided and hope that you will take the opportunity to try the exciting new pieces we’ll be offering and sharing this news with your blogging community and readers.  And, if you are ever in Columbus, we invite you to contact us, so we could meet you in person and show you some of our new collections.

Sincerely,

Lou Ann Bett

SVP, Chief Merchandising Officer

Victory!  Butt shaking happy victory dance!

Was this really the plan all along?  Who knows.  It’s the plan now and that’s what is important to me.  I know that a lot of you sent e-mails to Lane Bryant and left the comments that I was able to forward to them and this victory is yours – thank you so much for rocking so hard.  Now, I know as soon as I publish this, someone will point out that there are still problems with LB – that they aren’t perfect.  There are, and they aren’t – but “never enough” activism is just not my style.  One thing that helps me is to celebrate the victories big and small.  This work can be difficult and unforgiving and sometimes it can feel like we’re Sisyphus pushing the rock up the hill.  But our hard work is paying off.  We are gaining ground.  We deserve to celebrate the battles that we win even as we keep fighting the war.  Activism works, and butt shaking happy dances are sometimes their own reward.

To listen to this blog as a podcast, click here.

Like the blog?  Check this stuff out:

The Book:  Fat:  The Owner’s Manual The E-Book is Name Your Own Price! Click here to order

The Dance Class DVDs:  Fun classes for all levels! Click here to order

Become a Member and Get Special Deals from Size Positive Businesses

I do size acceptance activism full time.  A lot what I do, like answering over 4,000 e-mails from readers each month, giving talks to groups who can’t afford to pay, and running projects like the Georgia Billboard Campaign etc. is unpaid, so I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and want to  support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month  To make that even cooler, I’ve now added a component called “DancesWithFat Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.

Speaking Schedule 2013 – I am now working on my speaking schedule for next year.  If you would like me to give a talk at your university, job/company, or organization just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org and we’ll talk about the options to make it work for your situation and budget.