A Tale of Two Cholesterol Tests

Last Years Cholesterol Test:

Act 1:
Doctor:  Step on the scale.
Me:  Why?
Dr:  To get your weight
Me:  How is that relevant to a cholesterol test?
Dr:  If you’re overweight that can contribute to high cholesterol.
Me:  (laughing hysterically) IF I’m overweight?  Doesn’t this job require that you have decent eyesight?
Dr:  (not amused) Step on the scale.
Me:  No thank you.
Dr: Look…
Me:  Move on.

Act 2
Dr. Takes blood pressure (116/70)
Dr: Take 3 more times
Me:  My blood pressure is typically about 117/70, is there a problem?
Dr:  I doubt these results.
Me:  You took it 4 times, are you typically incompetent at this?
Dr:  Let’s move on.

Act 3:
Dr:  What drugs are you taking.
Me:  None
Dr:  You should consider a Statin Drug
Me:  Shouldn’t we take the test first?
Dr:  If you insist
Me:  In fact I do
Dr. does blood test
Results:  Chol 170 (goal is less than 200), HDL 49 (goal is more than 40), Triglycerides 119 (goal is less than 150)
Me:  According to this chart, my results are "Exceptional" even for a thin person, right?
Dr. I doubt these results.
Me:  I’m leaving now.

Paid over $200.00 for the experience (I’m self-insured)

This Year’s Cholesterol Test
Went to People’s Pharmacy in Austin, they are so completely awesome!!!!!!!!
Olivia greeted me pleasantly, did the test.
Results:  Chol:  169, HDL 51, Triglycerides 118
Olivia:  This is exceptional, you are great!
Me:  Thank you so much for being so pleasant and not give me the "Hey, you’re fat speech" before you did the test.
Olivia:  People have done that?
Me:  Yup! Doctors.
Olivia:  They must have felt silly when they saw the results.
Me:  Nope, they doubted the results.
Olivia:  Huh?

Paid $35.00 for the experience.

The morals of the story:

  • People’s Pharmacy Rocks
  • I’m a morbidly obese (DEATH FAT!!!!) very fit professional athlete with a blood panel that is Exceptional!
  • I’ve only been to the doctor 5 times in the last 5 years (for routine physicals) so I guess my fat ass isn’t too much of a DRAIN on the healthcare system
  • There are probably lots more like me
  • Suck it, Fat Police

10 thoughts on “A Tale of Two Cholesterol Tests

  1. Your second experience is awesome! I’m so glad that you didn’t go back to that asshole doctor (and, even more awesome that it’s less money that way. xD)

  2. I confess that I’ve fallen victim of the “thin=fit” and “fat=unhealthy” societal brainwashing, too. But darn it all! Medical professionals should rely on medical tools!

    My family and I have a long history of bad medical experiences, including:

    * When I was abnormally thin (97 pounds at age 18), they thought I was normal and healthy.
    * When I was abnormally round in the front with the beginning of what would eventually be a life-threatening 12-pound cyst, they said, “Oh you’re just gaining weight because you’re getting older. Exercise more.” And: “Are you sure you’re not pregnant?”

    Morons. I don’t think doctors do any real doctoring anymore. Nurse practitioners, on the other hand, have saved my life twice.

  3. Chalk another one up – I am 5’1″ and 260 and last round of blood work I had done was PERFECT. Everything within normal limits and my doctor said, “Whatever you’re doing, keep it up.” Dr. Hanna has, sadly, retired but I found a pretty cool new one Dr. Smith, and I’ve seen her twice – once for a sinus infection (unrelated to weight so get stuffed insurance police) and once for a regular physical. I have not heard one word from her about DEATHFAT OMGWTFBBQ!!1!

    May life lay many blessings on those folks who get it. Thanks for what you’re doing here – it’s about time people started adopting live and let live attitudes in the realm of weight, and in many other aspects as well, as long as folks who weigh more than ‘average’ are being healthy.

  4. I’m appealed to read that doctors do those kind of things , especially since cholesterol is not only dependant on weight , I have an IMC of 23 (in the “normal” range) and I had bad cholesterol for a time (with that IMC) in my case it’s hereditary my grand-father had it , my mother has it , most of my uncles and some cousins have it on my mother side . And we all eat balanced meals . Those kind of people make me sick especially since doctors have so many other people depending on them being not judging .

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